But it’s nice to know, if those burdens become too great, that we have someplace to go, someone who’ll listen to our whispers in their ears and take our secrets to their graves.
“I COULD GET USED TO this, babe. What do you think?”
“Finding a man who can cook is definitely easier than having to learn yourself,” Bonnie agrees.
Tommy is making us an Italian dinner. The meat sauce has my mouth watering, and the smell of homemade garlic bread wafts through the house.
“My mom made me learn,” he calls from the kitchen. “She said cooking for a woman is a fast way to impress her.”
“Smart mom,” I say.
“Yes, she is.”
“When are we going to be meeting her?” Bonnie asks.
I glance at Tommy.
“Why do you ask, honey?”
She rolls her eyes at me. “You must really think I’m retarded, Momma-Smoky. You guys are moving in together, right?”
I scowl. “Who told? Callie? Kirby?”
She smiles. “Give me some credit, guys.”
I chew on my thumbnail, nervous. Tommy remains silent.
“Sorry, babe. We were going to tell you soon. How do you feel about that?”
This has been my final concern, the last worry. Bonnie may love Tommy, but it’s been just her and me for two years now. We’ve built our life together. We’ve needed each other. I’ve worried how she’d feel about this change.
She walks back over to me and takes my hand. Her smile says everything I need to know.
“I think it’s great. Really, really great. Besides—he can cook.”
LATE AT NIGHT AND TOMMY sleeps beside me. Through that window I can see the moon again, that ageless, ancient moon. People have danced under it, fucked under it, killed under it, loved under it, died under it. The moon keeps shining; life goes on.
I’m thinking about my mom. I wonder why helping her die was less of a burden to me than the abortion. It’s the one secret I’d never told, not even to Matt. Now I’ve told it to a monster, which seems to fit my life. It’s never weighed on me that much. It is something that happened, that I don’t think about often.
Was it wrong?
I look for the answer, and find the only one I’ve ever found:
I don’t care.
She stopped suffering. That’s all that really mattered to me, in the end.
I cried at her funeral. I haven’t cried for her since. I don’t cry now either, but I let myself feel her absence, just a little.
I miss you, Mom. Dad was a great dad, but I was always my mother’s daughter.
Tommy stirs next to me. I smile.
He’s a good man, Mom. Different from Matt. Not better or worse. Just different.
My life is messy. I realize I’ve been trying to put everyone away, to stuff them into their little boxes and cover them with earth. What a waste. The ghosts are there, they’ll always be there, and they’ll show themselves when they feel like it.
The trick is to continue without the pain of enduring. Like the moon.
It continues to shine and I tell the ghosts to go to sleep now. I turn into Tommy and let myself fall into his warmth.
Welcome back, traveler, someone whispers.
“Mom?” I mumble once before tumbling into a dreamless sleep.
The moon shines on.
One Final Thing:
THE SINS
of
KIRBY MITCHELL
NEWS ITEM, LOS ANGELES:
Michael and Frances Murphy were found dead in their prison cells this morning, apparent suicides. The twin killers became infamous for their recent postings of video clips on the popular user-tube website, detailing the last moments and intimate confessions of more than 140 women.
Michael Murphy was the spokesman for the duo. He claimed religious motives were behind the killings. His actions, though supported briefly by a radical minority, were widely rejected by the Christian community worldwide.
They died within a few hours of each other. The lack of suicide notes, along with the fact that the Murphys were Catholic and thus presumably against suicide, has some speculating that something more sinister occurred. This is not a theory currently being pursued by law enforcement.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
CODY McFADYEN lives in California. He is the author of Shadow Man and The Face of Death. His website is www.codymcfadyen.com.
Also by Cody McFadyen
SHADOW MAN
THE FACE OF DEATH
THE DARKER SIDE
A Bantam Book / October 2008
Published by Bantam Dell
A Division of Random House, Inc.
New York, New York
This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents either are the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.
All rights reserved
Copyright © 2008 by Cody McFadyen
Bantam Books is a registered trademark of Random House, Inc., and the colophon is a trademark of Random House, Inc.
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
McFadyen, Cody.
The darker side / Cody McFadyen.
p. cm.
1. Government investigators—Fiction. 2. Women detectives—Fiction. 3. Serial murderers—Fiction. I. Title.
PS3613.C438D37 2008
813'.6—dc22 2008028095
www.bantamdell.com
eISBN: 978-0-553-90567-0
v3.0
The Darker Side Page 35