“I, um, I’m not… um. I mean, I’m just looking around,” Zoe said, wishing she was a better liar.
The teen looked confounded. “Really? Sounded pretty serious to me. If you are seeing that ginger Dragon’s Den woman on Saturday to look at jobs.”
There was a heartbeat of silence before Darren slammed his phone down on the counter.
“Even if I had a million jobs, you wouldn’t be getting any of them, mate. Get out of my shop and go home and ask your mum how to apply for work. She’ll open your eyes for ya. Get going,” Darren muttered.
He wasn’t looking at the kid when he spoke to him, though. His eyes were locked on Zoe. As she saw the teenager saunter out of the shop with a confused look on his face, she felt her heart pound and her palms start to sweat. She hated confrontations like these, they reminded her of her last talk with her parents. She tried not to panic.
As soon as the door closed behind the kid, Darren growled, “Right. Do you want to start explaining what you are doing with Rebecca Clare and why it includes looking for jobs? Or should I just assume the worst?”
It wasn’t clear to Zoe if he was most angry about her looking for other jobs or about her having a close relationship with the woman they were both crushing on. In the end, it amounted to the same thing – he was livid.
Zoe wasn’t the lying type, nor did she know how to smooth things over. She took a deep breath, steadied her hands on the counter, and faced him.
“She’s been helping me see what jobs are around. I was thinking that it might be time for me to move on. I mean, I’ve been here for almost a decade and I think both you and I could do with a change? You could get someone in here with more bookshop experience and they might be able to show you how to market or rearrange the shop to make more profit, maybe? And I could get a new challenge.”
He crossed his arms over his chest. “Oh, I see. This place isn’t challenging enough for ya?”
“There’s nothing wrong with the shop. Or you.” Maybe she could lie after all? “I just think it’s time to try something new.”
He looked at her as if she had slapped him and he was considering slapping her back. “Fine. So, I suppose you’ll be handing in your notice right now then?” He shook his head and mumbled, “Unreliable little bitch…”
“Darren. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you that I was looking around. I was going to tell you when I had found something I might want to apply for. But no matter what, you can’t call me that.”
“My shop. My fuckin’ choice of language. Don’t like it, lump it. Oh, yeah, you already are. You just didn’t tell me. Like you didn’t tell me that you knew that posh bloody Clare woman. Is she your godmother or something?”
“No. She’s… a friend.” Zoe hesitated, not knowing what her relationship to Rebecca was. Darren interpreted it differently.
“What was that tone? ‘Friend?’ HA! Are you still under the impression you stand a chance with her? Give over. She’s not gonna be… like you. And even if she was, she’d be wanting an adult with something to show for themselves.”
Zoe felt her blood grow hotter. “Actually. She is ‘like me’ if you mean that she’s into women. And maybe me leaving this dump means I can be someone with something to show for myself.”
“Fine. Run out on me after I saved you and took pity on you. No one else is going to give you a job, you bitch. You have hardly any qualifications and no drive. Do you think that because you’re black and gay the world owes you a job? You can’t play the pity card with everyone, you know. They’ll see that you’re useless! You are like a bloody doormat, just lying there and letting people walk over you while you do absolutely nothing of use.”
“Yeah? Nothing of use? You’ll find out just how true that is when I leave and you have to do everything yourself here. Do you even know how to work the computer system properly? How to do the accounts? Where we are up to in the ordered books? You are the one who is useless around here. You want me to leave right away? Without a notice period or a handover? Great, I will.”
“Yeah, you bleedin’ well will! No last weeks of milking this place for money for you. I want you out of my sight.”
“That can be arranged, you knobhead,” Zoe said and stormed to the backroom.
She got her rucksack and coat. Then she strode out, past Darren and through the door, not even bothering to close it after herself. She could feel his glare at her back before she heard him slam the door shut.
She walked down the street, no direction, no idea of what she was going to do. All she had was a chest full of rage and eyes full of unshed tears.
Her mind was trying to interject that what Darren had just suggested couldn’t be legal but then she knew that she didn’t want to stay in his shop longer than she had to. He had reacted just how she had expected. He always took everything personally and always flew off the handle. She understood his anger. What she couldn’t forgive were the things he had called her. No, if she could avoid working her notice period, she would.
She looked up and noticed that she was standing outside the headquarters of Rebecca’s company. Had that been deliberate on some subconscious level? She wasn’t sure.
She stood staring at the tall building through the haze of the tears lining her eyes. She should call Helen and tell her everything. Or even Jamie, he’d leave work and come pick her up.
Instead, she dried away her tears with her fingers, careful not to wipe away the subtle mascara she always wore to work. She sniffed a few times and straightened her back. And walked in through the automatic doors.
Chapter 13
Zoe
The woman at the reception desk stared at her. Or maybe she just looked her over and Zoe’s emotional state made her see it as worse than it was.
Zoe managed to ask for Rebecca Clare and give her own name. Then she took the proffered lemon water and sat down. She looked down at her feet and sipped at her drink, feeling like a little girl alone in a doctor’s waiting room.
She couldn’t for the life of her figure out why this had seemed like a good idea. She could be crying over the phone to Helen right now or be waiting for her brother’s beat up old MINI to come get her. Instead she was here, waiting for Rebecca, without a clue what to say when she saw her.
She heard the familiar clicking of heels and turned to see Rebecca rush down a set of stairs, tap her identity card on a machine, and then come through a turnstile into the reception area.
Rebecca hurried over to Zoe with a look of concern and crouched down next to her chair. Zoe was impressed that anyone could balance in a crouch like that in those high heels.
“Zoe. Is everything all right? Karen said that I had a rather upset visitor and gave your name. I’ve known Karen for three years and she has never used the words ‘rather upset’ or any descriptors at all for visitors, so I assumed the worst.”
Zoe felt strangely happy that Rebecca had hurried down and that her rapid rambling showed her concern.
“I’m, um, I’m okay. I just… got fired.”
Rebecca’s sculpted eyebrows rose. “Fired?”
“Yeah. Or actually, I think I quit. And Darren, the bastard, said some really shitty things. And, and, and… I’m sorry to be here bothering you at work. I just… didn’t know where to go.”
Rebecca ran her hand over Zoe’s upper arm. The touch was light, almost over just as soon as it had begun, but Zoe felt it as if the touch had left a permanent mark.
“Don’t worry about that. You just saved me from a very dull lecture from one of the IT guys about how I treat my MacBook. Do you want to come with me into a meeting room? I’d like to know what happened, especially what Darren said to you.”
“Um, yeah, sure. If I’m not taking up too much of your time?”
“No, no. It’s a slow day and it’ll be home time soon anyway. Come with me,” Rebecca said.
Zoe rose, a little unsteadily. She put her empty glass of lemon water down on her chair and stumbled after Rebecca. She was talking to th
e guy in a uniform standing next to the machine she had used her card on. The guy nodded and used a key to open the turnstile completely.
Rebecca indicated the way through with a sweeping gesture of her hand. It came close enough to Zoe for her to see that the hand had little freckles just below the knuckles. She walked through and heard Rebecca’s heels behind her.
“Now what?” Zoe croaked.
That hand on her arm was back. It felt warm even through Zoe’s shirt, cardigan, and jacket. Or perhaps her senses were playing tricks on her. Rebecca removed her hand and Zoe realised just how much she needed physical comfort. She needed a hug. Why, oh why hadn’t she called Helen?
Rebecca pointed forwards. “This way. There is a small meeting room right up those stairs. It’s the smallest one in the building so it’s usually not booked; we should be able to nab it for a little while.”
Rebecca began walking up the stairs that Zoe had seen her hurry down a few minutes before. After a deep, steadying breath, Zoe followed her.
The small room they entered was surprisingly cosy, considering how much of this building seemed to be made of glass and marble. There was a round table in the middle and it was surrounded by four chairs. The window showed a view of the skyscraper next door, sleek and gleaming in the afternoon light. It made Zoe feel intimidated and even more emotional than she already was, so she focused back on the cosy room and Rebecca.
Rebecca walked over to a grey phone mounted on the wall next to the door. She picked it up and dialled.
“Hello Karen? This is Rebecca Clare. We are in meeting room 1A and I forgot to order up some tea and biscuits. Yes, the meeting should be ongoing for at least half an hour so please book it for me and have the refreshments sent up. Thank you, and I apologise for not thinking to book it earlier.”
She hung up the phone, pulled out a chair, and sat down. She looked up at Zoe. “We’re only allowed tea and biscuits sent up for meetings lasting longer than half an hour. It’s a new rule and utterly absurd. But I think you can do with the caffeine and sugar after your day, so we’ll have to fake a long meeting.”
“Sure. I can pretend to be a particularly difficult supplier of hand soap or something,” Zoe said as she sat down opposite Rebecca.
Rebecca laughed and the sound was like a balm to Zoe’s nerves.
“The building’s soap dispensers are not really my purview, but I’ll make an exception for you,” Rebecca said with the hint of a smile.
“Glad to hear it,” Zoe mumbled. She was starting to feel uncomfortable. What the hell am I doing here?
They sat quietly for a few moments until the awkward silence was interrupted by a discreet knock on the door.
Rebecca got up and opened it, letting the woman from reception in. The receptionist was carrying a silver tray which had an industrial-looking canister of hot water, a metal tin, which was opened to display sachets of instant coffee, tea bags and small packets of sugar, and milk on it. There was also a small plate with neat, pale-looking biscuits.
“Thank you, Karen.”
“You’re welcome, Ms. Clare. The room is booked and I have notified your department that you are in a meeting.”
“Excellent. Thank you again.”
Karen nodded and left the room, closing the door soundlessly behind her.
Zoe surveyed Rebecca as she took the items off the tray and put them on the table. Perhaps it was her imagination, but Rebecca’s impenetrable front was even stronger here in her work place.
Zoe realised with a chill that she couldn’t read her at all. The words and gentle touches of the arm showed concern, but it could just be down to good breeding and being a people-person. Zoe hadn’t been able to see real, naked emotion since she saw Rebecca hurry down those stairs. Maybe she was making a big deal out of nothing. She just wished that Rebecca would stop seeming so… professional, right now.
“Would you like coffee or tea?”
Zoe was one of those rare Brits who couldn’t stand instant coffee so she decided tea was her best bet here. She didn’t care anyway, she just wanted something to do with her hands.
“Tea please. And at least half of those pathetic little biscuits.”
That hint of a smile was back on Rebecca’s lips. “Yes, they’re not the pride of Scotland exactly, but they are passable shortbread and will at least raise your blood sugar a bit. When they have done their job, you can tell me what happened, perhaps?”
“Yeah. Sure,” Zoe said, before accepting the cup of hot water and tea bag that Rebecca handed her.
The tea was spreading in the hot water, making golden brown swirls in the white cup. The water darkened as Zoe looked down at it, unwilling to face Rebecca.
“Milk or sugar?”
“Milk, please. No sugar.”
Rebecca handed her a sealed little plastic tub of milk and Zoe opened it and upended it into her cup. The milk spread into the brown water, making swirls of its own until Zoe ruined the pattern with her plastic spoon.
The room was uncomfortably quiet until Rebecca took off her glasses and put them down on the table and said, “You know, the managing director told me that when he started here they had little, white pots of fresh milk and a silver sugar bowl. Times have changed. Which is why most people go get Starbucks before meetings instead of bothering with these refreshment trays.”
Having finished her statement, Rebecca poured herself some water and dissolved the coffee in it. Her movements were as calm and precise as always.
Did she say Starbucks?
Clearly Zoe wasn’t the only one in this building who didn’t like instant coffee. She watched as Rebecca made her coffee and took a sip, without blowing on the hot liquid. Asbestos lining in the throat, Zoe remembered her saying. She wished they were back in the library now, it would have been easier to talk to Rebecca there.
Zoe picked up one of the neat little shortbread biscuits and plonked the whole thing in her mouth. It tasted better than it looked, but it was still a little too stale for Zoe’s liking. She chased it down with some tea.
Rebecca waited for Zoe to swallow, then she put her coffee down and looked at Zoe expectantly.
“So, ready to tell me what happened?”
Zoe took a deep breath and blew it out. Then she gave a quick account of what had happened after Rebecca left Darren’s Book Nook. The teenager and his blurting out of the truth, Darren’s red face and offensive comments and, finally, how they left it, with Zoe rushing off and agreeing to no notice period.
Zoe had expected the business-minded Rebecca to clamp down on the fact that Zoe was now leaving without a notice period or any extra payments. In fact, Zoe wasn’t even sure if she was going to get paid for this month considering it was only the 6th today. She was almost ready for a scolding since she had just shot herself in the foot, financially and career-wise.
What Rebecca said instead took her by surprise.
“He said those things to you? He brought up your ethnicity and sexual orientation?”
“Well, um, yeah. I mean, he kinda just stated the facts about that. To tell me that being a minority wasn’t going to get me a job. Which shows how little he knows about being a minority. He definitely called me a bitch twice, though.”
Rebecca’s jaw set, a muscle twitched just beneath her ear. Then Rebecca breathed in deeply through her nose. Zoe wasn’t sure what was going on here.
“Whether they are facts or not doesn’t matter, Zoe. Your sexual orientation and ethnicity should be irrelevant to your employer and the fact that he used them against you in an argument is unforgivable. He is breaking so many rules of the workplace. Not to mention the personal attacks on your character and the name calling. You have more than enough material to take him to court. Your union will rip him apart. Was the teenage boy present for this? Could he be a witness?”
Zoe felt confused. This wasn’t where she had seen this conversation going and she certainly hadn’t expected Rebecca to be sounding like she was spitting venom. She had wanted to
see something other than polite and professional courtesy from Rebecca, and she was seeing it now. The woman sitting opposite her was livid.
“Uh, no. The kid had gone by then. And I’m not a part of any union even though I know I should be. Look, I don’t want to take him to court. In fact, I don’t want to see him again at all,” Zoe admitted, her voice trembling in an embarrassing way.
Rebecca was looking at her. There was a line between her eyebrows and a tight set to her mouth. Zoe wondered if she was disappointed. Maybe she expected Zoe to fight and thought she was weak for not standing up for herself.
“I suppose you walking out and leaving him to try to manage the store without you could be seen as punishment enough. But it grates on me to let someone treat… an employee like that without harsher consequences,” Rebecca said, her gaze now fixed out the window.
“Look, I don’t care about him. I just don’t want to see him again for my sake. I’m sorry if that makes me a loser in your eyes.”
Rebecca’s head snapped back towards Zoe. “A loser? Of course not. When confronted like that and in the middle of a rage attack from someone in a position of power, most people would have crumbled. Even apologized and begged to be kept on. Especially as you feel you owe him so much and he is your first and only boss. You stood your ground and refused to let him verbally abuse you, that shows strength.”
Zoe felt her unease lift a little; it was crazy how much Rebecca’s approval meant to her. And now she knew why she had wanted to come here instead of going to Helen or Jamie. She wanted Rebecca’s confirmation that she had done the right thing. Well, that and she always felt the need to see Rebecca.
Zoe observed her closely. Rebecca’s coffee stood abandoned on the table next to her folded-up glasses. The frown lines between her eyes were gone and her mouth had relaxed, but that jaw muscle was still twitching violently.
Suddenly, Rebecca got up and started pacing to the window and back again.
“Right. If you are sure you don’t want to take Darren to court, get your lawful notice period and make him pay recompense for his abusive comments, then I suppose you need to move on to the next step in your job hunting. We have to ramp it up.”
Life Pushes You Along: A woman-loving-woman romance novella Page 7