Zoe frowned. “When have you seen my shocked face?”
Now it was Rebecca’s turn to laugh.
“Hmm, let’s see. What about that day when I told you that I had dated women and you looked like I had just given you a cheque for a million pounds?”
Zoe felt her jaw drop.
“Oh bugger! Was it that obvious? God, I’m so embarrassed.”
Rebecca’s warm laugh rang out again. “Oh, don’t be, darling. It was the loveliest moment and I had to fight to not lean forwards and kiss you. I only stopped myself when I realised that you might be happy to have a gay mentor, not to have a possible love interest. If that makes sense?”
“Mm hmm. That makes sense. I’m so glad we don’t have to wonder anymore.”
“Me too. I’m so happy and proud that you want to be with me, darling.”
“I feel the same way,” Zoe said.
“Good, then leave for London whenever you’re ready. I will get out of work early. Just let me know when you are here and I will come running. Or at least power walking with as much dignity as I can muster.”
“Just don’t fall in those high heels.”
“Why not? If I do, you’ll have to catch me,” Rebecca replied.
“Whoa, you really are good at this flirting stuff.”
“As I have said before, it’s just experience. You’ll catch up in no time.”
“I hope so, gorgeous.”
“Oh, I’ll teach you everything I know,” Rebecca promised.
“Well, in that case, I’ll get on the train right away!”
“Good. Hurry.”
“I will,” Zoe replied.
She said goodbye and hung up with the biggest smile on her face. She couldn’t believe that she had been through a whole range of emotions in just a few minutes. Clearly, loving Rebecca Clare was going to be anything but boring. Life pushes you along, indeed.
Chapter 20
Zoe
It was another cold but sunny Saturday. Zoe and Rebecca walked into the library, but this time, they were walking hand-in-hand. Zoe felt her chest fill with pride at the feel of Rebecca’s slender fingers interlaced with her own.
They went into the reference room and sat down where they had always sat. The windows had been cleaned and the white light of the winter sun glinted off the top of Rebecca’s head, giving her copper red hair a halo of light.
Zoe was just about to make a joke about her looking like an angel when Rebecca gave her a theatrical glare.
“Well? Are you just going to stare at me or are you going to get stuck in to the job search?”
“Yes, job coach! However, this time I am the one who has done some homework. I saw something promising last time I was at your place. There’s a bookshop between Marylebone and Paddington and they had an ad in the window for a weekend supervisor. It’s a higher post but with the great reference from Darren and your coaching for the interview, maybe I can pull it off?”
Rebecca’s face lit up.
“Of course you can. With your reference letter, your spruced-up CV, and the application letter we can write you, you’ll be a shoe-in to get to the interview stage. And when you get to that, your intelligence and charisma will do the rest.”
“My charisma?”
Rebecca looked at her. “Yes, darling. Your charisma. You do know that your looks, mannerisms, and way of connecting with people can charm just about anyone?”
Zoe felt as if her world was being remapped.
“I’m charming?”
Rebecca looked at her, almost pityingly.
“Clearly the first thing we need to work on is your low self-esteem.”
Zoe bit her lip, the pain helping her think.
“Well, if I get the job, I’m sure that will do the trick. You agreeing to date me is definitely doing wonders for my self-esteem.”
A line formed between Rebecca’s brows.
“I’d say I’ve done more than agree to date you, Zoe.”
“Huh?”
“I want to make it very clear that I am in this for the long-term. I want to try to make a future with you. I’m not at the age where I want to casually date. I know you are fourteen years younger than I am and maybe you want something else here?” Rebecca said before pausing.
She took her glasses off and leaned in closer to Zoe.
“One of the reasons I assumed you weren’t romantically interested in me at first, was that you might want to build a new life. Maybe travel a lot and settle down abroad. Or perhaps have children? Neither of those paths looked like what I have pictured for myself, and at my age you become less flexible with your future.”
Zoe surveyed her. Did she say fourteen years younger? I can finally do the math. So, she’s forty-years-old then? Thank heavens that came up without me having to ask.
“Sorry, gorgeous, but I’ve got to ask… are you nuts? I’m the woman who stayed in one spot and lived the same safe, uneventful life for almost a decade. Why would I want to travel and have a bunch of kids suddenly?”
“Because you have woken up from the slumber that your fear and inertia put you into. You are just starting to spread your wings and take flight. Being with me would tether you down.”
“Good! It’s bloody scary up here in the air. I want an anchor keeping me from getting lost and ending up in space… or in Yorkshire. Besides, you were the one who helped me fly when I was pushed out of the nest, so you’ll be the one helping me buff up my feathers and figure out which direction I’m meant to fly in. Man, this analogy is rubbish. Can I have another one?”
Rebecca laughed.
“Have all the analogies you want, darling. I just want to make sure that you are happy to be with an older woman who already has a life all set up. Because being my romantic partner means just that, agreeing to a partnership. We wouldn’t be dating; we would be at the start of a relationship.”
“Brilliant. I need something solid now that the ground has disappeared beneath my feet. A steady relationship with someone who already has a built-up life is exactly what I want,” Zoe said, startled at how fast and easy that reply had come to her.
Rebecca sat back, the worry line between her eyes gone.
“It’s settled then?”
Zoe kept from whooping or cheering but felt her face crack into a beaming grin as she answered, “Yep. You’re officially my girlfriend.”
Zoe looked at the elegant, dignified, and apparently forty-year-old woman in front of her and realised that ‘girlfriend’ wasn’t a fitting term here. I’ll just have to ask her to marry me one day. She looks much more like a fiancée than a girlfriend. Zoe almost jumped out of her seat and quieted her premature thoughts as quickly as she could.
Rebecca smiled and put her glasses back on.
“I’ll wear that title with pride, my love. Now. Shall we get back to the task of getting you that job?”
My love. Does that mean that she loves me? Is she getting close to saying that she loves me? the premature thoughts piped up. Zoe pushed her thoughts down, berating them as you would an overexcited puppy that is at risk of harming itself and everyone in the surroundings.
“Yeah. Let’s get back to that,” Zoe replied.
On the outside, she was serious now, listening to Rebecca while trying for a mature, focused look. On the inside, she was thrilled to bits. Rebecca was with her now and she wanted it to be long-term. She couldn’t believe her luck and felt glad to know that this was one big change in her life that she didn’t fear at all. In fact, she could barely wait.
Chapter 21
Helen
Monday night found Helen, Zoe, and Rebecca sitting at the table in Jamie’s little flat. They were chatting while Jamie was putting the finishing touches to dinner.
Helen had convinced Jamie that they should all have dinner together to belatedly celebrate the two of them moving in together and tonight was the first night they had all been free. Helen figured it was going to be a great chance to see if Rebecca was making her best friend
happy.
“Zoe, did you pop into that bookshop with your application and stuff?” Helen asked while re-filling their glasses with wine.
Zoe blew out a breath.
“Yep. I went in there this morning. Now we just cross our fingers that they call me in for an interview.”
“I’m certain they will,” Rebecca said.
She put her hand over Zoe’s on the table and Helen didn’t miss the look on Zoe’s face. It started as a small smile which grew until her face was a perfect picture of bliss.
It warmed Helen’s heart and she had to remind herself not to get too sappy. At least not until she was drunk. Then all bets were off.
Jamie came in with little pots and pans filled with tapas dishes and they all tucked in.
After spending some time eating and complimenting Jamie’s cooking until he started to look too smug, Helen caught Rebecca’s eye and changed the topic.
“We all know what is going on with Zoe’s job situation and I’ve bored you with details about mine and Jamie’s. What about you? What’s your job like?”
Rebecca neatly and soundlessly put her cutlery down on her plate. “I suppose it’s often repetitive, but once in a while a challenge comes along and makes it worth it. Plus, I get to raise the confidence of the nice employees and trim the egos of the unpleasant ones. That’s always a bonus. I may not be a people person but I’m brilliant at playing god with who gets praise and who has to re-do their latest report.”
Zoe rolled her eyes. “She’s not that tough with them. I’ve met some of the people who work for her when I’ve gone to pick her up and they all seem to love her.”
Rebecca waved that comment away and proceeded to explain exactly what her job entailed. Helen had only asked to be polite but was finding herself really interested as she listened. There was an interesting woman under that proper, cool exterior. Rebecca was getting more and more animated as she described the boring bits of the job and how she had perfected ways of delegating them.
She had a wicked sense of humour and it was impossible not to laugh. Especially when Zoe would add in little snarky comments to make the tales even funnier. They made quite the team, Helen realised.
The night progressed and the conversation flowed easily. Nerves relaxed and jokes became less filtered while stories became more honest. Soon Rebecca fitted in as if she had always had a seat at their dinner table.
They listened as Jamie and Zoe told stories about their childhood, everything from friendly tree climbing to vicious play fights.
Helen sipped at her wine and surreptitiously examined the adoring way Rebecca looked at Zoe. Helen was no expert but it looked like a hell of a lot more than infatuation. She nodded to herself. Good, I think this might just last.
Then they got to the dark part of the Achidi past – Zoe being thrown out.
Zoe looked deep into her wine glass, one hand gripping it tightly. “So, yeah. As if they weren’t freaked out enough about me being a tree climbing tomboy, I had to tell them that I was a lesbian. Suddenly they couldn’t stand to look at me. I had to sit through hours of them asking questions, trying to convince me that I was just scared of boys or that I hadn’t tried hard enough to like blokes. They seemed so bloody angry. But now, I think they were actually more disappointed and confused. Scared that I had condemned myself to hell just to rebel against them or something.”
“They still think that. I can’t stand it when they ask me if you have ‘come to your senses’ yet. It makes me want to shake them,” muttered Jamie.
Helen watched as Zoe swallowed and slowly moved her hand from her wineglass, over the table and then on to rest on her brother’s hand. He took it and squeezed.
Helen hated this. She never knew what to say to help the two people she loved most when this topic came up. Helpless and furious at Mr. and Mrs. Achidi, she tried to think of something that could help. Maybe it would have been easier if she was sober.
Rebecca cleared her throat. “I’ve found that sometimes blood isn’t enough. Sometimes even love isn’t enough. Prejudice or religion or fear can be stronger. There is nothing you can do about it but grieve for the injustice and try to move on.”
She stopped, as if unsure if she should continue. Zoe looked at her with what seemed to be pleading and Rebecca carried on speaking.
“I’m not sure if it will be any comfort, but as someone who was adopted, I can tell you that family isn’t about who is related to you by blood. It’s about who will be there for you even when it is not easy to be. It’s about who will be happy when you are happy. And it’s about people who will be willing to put your needs before theirs, knowing that you will do the same for them. You can find a family other than the one you were born into. And not counting your brother, who you already had with you, I would say that you have found yourself a new family right here with us. We’re all proud of you and we all believe in you, even when you don’t.”
Jamie shot Rebecca an appreciative look. “Couldn’t have said it better myself.” He moved his gaze to Zoe. “You crashed and burned, Sis. But from all that crap from our parents and from getting fired, has come something that you needed - a new support system. And you best believe that we’re never gonna let you settle for less than you deserve again.”
Helen had to stop herself from jumping up and hugging him. Instead she looked over at Zoe and added, “we love you, and everything you are. You are just as much my family as my parents. It’s been like that since we were six. And I’d do anything for you, even when you’re being a muppet. You know that, right?”
Zoe was teary-eyed and swallowed loudly.
“Thanks, everyone. I’ll just say one thing before this gets sappier than bloody treacle… Now that I’ve gotten my life moving again, I promise to be a less self-centred sister to you Jamie. A less whingey friend to you, Hel. And I promise to make sure that you are never bored with your life again, babe.” After the last word, Zoe leaned in and kissed Rebecca, whose cheeks reddened at the public display of affection.
Helen held up her almost empty glass to Zoe as to toast her. “Well, I told you didn’t I, you silly sausage. Didn’t I say that life would push you along?”
Zoe poked her tongue out at her. “Yep, but there’s no way that you could have known that the direction it was gonna push me in would be this brilliant.”
Helen emptied her glass and shrugged, trying not to look as smug as she felt. “Maybe not. But I’m still claiming it as a win.”
“I think we’re all winners right now. And that is rare in life so let’s enjoy it,” Rebecca said with a laugh.
She took Zoe’s hand just as Helen felt Jamie put his hand on her knee.
Yes, Helen realised. Life had pushed them all along lately. And it had been in just the right direction.
The End
About The Author
Having spent far too much time hopping from subject to subject at university, back in her native country of Sweden, Emma finally emerged with a degree in Library and Information Science.
She now lives with her wife and two cats in England. There is no point in saying which city, as they move about once a year. She spends her free time writing, reading, daydreaming, working out, and watching whichever television show has the most lesbian subtext at the time.
Her tastes in most things usually lean towards the quirky and she loves genres like urban fantasy, magic realism, and steampunk.
Emma is also a hopeless sap for any small chubby creature with tiny legs, and can often be found making heart-eyes at things like guinea pigs, wombats, marmots, and human toddlers.
You can connect with Emma on her website www.writingradleys.com
Coming Soon from Heartsome
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Life Pushes You Along: A woman-loving-woman romance novella Page 11