by Lola Glass
I wasn’t a complete idiot. The “just in case” was Roman.
When I’d refused, she grabbed the lewdest thing in the store and added it to my bag, so I’d grudgingly replaced it with something slightly more tasteful.
After we finished at VS, we grabbed some lunch in a little café a few doors down. It wasn’t the kind of place I’d eat at by myself, but it was cute and smelled good.
“How did you and Gunner work things out again after everything at the nightclub?” I asked London, as we waited for our food around a shiny round table.
“You can’t call your love-life off-limits and then ask about mine.” She chastised me, shaking her head with a smirk. “You tell me something about you and Roman and I’ll spill about me and Gunner.”
“I second that.” Jamie agreed.
We all looked at Arla, who shrugged.
“I’ve got nothing to contribute here.”
London waved her off, and everyone looked back at me. I weighed my options. I could make everything awkward by refusing, or keep the banter fun by giving them what they wanted.
“You get one question.” I took one for the team.
“Hmm…” London drummed her fingertips on the table. They all leaned in and whispered for a minute. I stared up at the ceiling, hoping they’d pick an easy question.
“Why won’t you admit you’re interested in Roman?” Arla asked.
I groaned.
“Right for the jugular.”
The girls laughed.
“You only gave us one question, we had to make it count.” London pointed out.
“Yeah, yeah.” I muttered. Coming up with an answer that didn’t go into too many details took a minute. “I’ve lost every person and thing I’ve ever loved. That shit messes with you. Part of me feels like if I admit I could like Roman, I’ll be setting myself up for more heartbreak. The other part of me is just too broken to be in a position to consider taking a mate.”
The girls stared at me.
I guess that wasn’t the answer they were looking for.
I pointed to London.
“Next.”
She groaned loudly.
“You all know Gunner and I are a mess. He hates my job and thinks the fact that I model underwear makes me a whore. Modeling doesn’t make me worth any less, but he’s hell-bent on making me feel otherwise. After our fight in front of all of you, Gunner showed up at my door with a bouquet of roses and a boner. I caved. Sex is really all we have at this point.” London pointed to Jamie. “You’re up.”
“I think my relationship is more of a mess than either of yours. Oliver and I sleep together sometimes but we aren’t even really friends.” Jamie shrugged sadly. “I shouldn’t have agreed to a political mating.”
“He was watching you closely when you helped me bartend.” I pointed out. “And he didn’t like you walking half-naked through the city.”
“Yeah, you aren’t enemies. Your relationship has the potential to grow.” London agreed.
“Maybe.” Jamie definitely didn’t believe us. “Arla, you have to contribute something.” She geared the conversation to the next person like London and I had.
“I’m coming up on the end of my dissertation. That son of a bitch has taken more than long enough.”
Our protests met Arla’s grin.
We stayed for a long while after we finished eating, just talking about normal things. They discussed the pack and people in it, and Arla’s dissertation topic—which went right over all of our heads. It was nice.
“I’m not ready to go back to my mate.” London said as we finally left the café.
“Same.” Jamie grimaced.
“You know, I think Henley needs some new clothes to go with her new boobs.” Arla tossed me a saucy grin. “What do you say to spending some of that nice chunk of change my brother is giving you?”
“My wardrobe could probably benefit from something new.” My thoughts went back to the boob-stain on the shirt Arla’s mother judged me so harshly for. And then they flashed forward to what Arla had said. “Wait, what do you mean the money your brother is giving me? Isn’t the pack paying me?”
“That’s what I meant.” She brushed it off, but I noticed her cheeks reddening.
What the hell?
“That’s not what you meant.”
“Roman’s covering part of this month. We split it up between pack members.” Jamie explained.
Okay, that made more sense.
“So it’s a date.” London declared. It took me a second to orient myself back to the conversation. “I’ll call and schedule pedicures, too, and we’ll make this into one big girls’ day.”
That was that.
SIXTEEN
Sleep eluded me again that night.
I hadn’t seen Roman that evening, and this time, my dreams were of him. Dying, being tortured, torturing me…
After a particularly gruesome nightmare, I grabbed my phone and called him. My hands shook as I held it to my ear.
It rang and rang before going to voicemail.
I called Arla next, but she didn’t answer either.
Even though I knew the feelings and thoughts were irrational and anxiety-generated, I’d gone and started caring about the guy and needed to know he was okay.
Taking the elevator up a level, I shifted my nose and followed Roman’s scent to the place it was the strongest. Roman’s door was at the end of the hallway to my left, on the left side. 4501. His scent was too strong there for it to be anything but his apartment.
I knocked. He didn’t answer, so a minute later I banged on the thing.
“Roman!” I yelled.
He still didn’t answer.
I inhaled deeply and didn’t catch a fresh scent that would suggest he’d been there recently.
My lungs were starting to feel tight. I’d been responsible for so many deaths. Adding Roman’s to the list could kill me.
“Henley?” Arla stepped out of a door a bit down the hall. Her hair was messy, eyes sleep-clouded, and all she had on was a t-shirt. “Are you okay?”
“Where’s Roman?” I demanded. Desperation flooded my voice, but I was too focused on finding my Alpha to care.
“If he’s not answering his door or phone, usually the fourth floor.”
Muttering my thanks, I hurried back into the elevator. I wrapped my arms around my chest and forced myself to keep breathing as the machine descended.
Was I losing my mind?
It definitely felt like it.
The elevator finally stopped and I rushed out into the man-made forest.
“ROMAN!” I yelled his name at the top of my lungs. His scent was by the naked bush, but when I checked all I found was clothing.
My big black wolf came running. He stopped at my side, his fur on my bare leg, scanning the area for threats. My breaths came out rapidly even though I now knew he was okay. The panic had a solid grip on my lungs.
Roman’s concerned eyes bore into me as I dropped to the dirt, arms still wrapped around my middle as I struggled for air. He dropped beside me, prodding my arms with his nose until he’d maneuvered himself so my arms wrapped around him, squeezing his giant furry body to mine.
“Panic attack.” I panted the words as my breathing sped and the world seemed to close in around me. Roman shifted back to human form, standing and sweeping me up off my feet. He cradled my body to his warm, bare chest and carried me away from the elevator doors.
My eyes were shut tightly as the worst of it passed, breaths slowing back to a normal rate. He didn’t say anything, just holding me tight.
He stopped walking at one point, sitting on something and moving me to another position. My legs wrapped around his middle, my head resting against his neck while his arms held me against him. One of his hands brushed over my hair slowly.
It was a long time before I was mostly calm. He didn’t speak until then.
“What happened?” he finally asked. The question was a soft one, and I knew I wasn�
��t obligated to answer.
“Nightmares.”
He didn’t ask who they were about. A few minutes later, I told him anyway.
“Most of them are of Ledger.” I confessed into his neck, not making eye contact. “Sometimes other Alphas, but mostly Ledger. I dreamed that he killed you because of me.”
Roman’s arms tightened around me.
“I’m not going anywhere.”
There was a long pause. I wondered if he was falling asleep, but the warmth of his skin and the beat of his heart against my nose was so calming I couldn’t bring myself to care.
“Henley,” He began and then paused.
“Spit it out.” I mumbled.
“I’d really like to know what Ledger did to you. I understand if you’re not ready to talk about it now, or ever, but if you ever want to tell me I want to know.”
The words surprised me. Not the concept—he’d asked before—but the fact that he’d so painstakingly tried to make sure I understood that it was my choice when I told him. If I told him.
“Thank you.”
We sat in silence for a few more minutes. I was emotional and vulnerable, and for some reason I wanted to share a part of myself with Roman.
“It’s going to be a long time until I’m ready to mate with you.” I said quietly. “I haven’t really trusted someone since my mom was killed. A person doesn’t just relearn how to trust overnight. Or over a few months.”
“I’m not in a hurry.” His hand trailed down my hair and back again. I started blinking quickly. Something had to be in my eyes, because I never cried.
“You should be. You’re out of control.”
He snorted.
“Says the girl who got in a fight over me.”
“She started it.”
His chest rumbled.
“Where are we?” I looked around. Still in the man-made forest, it seemed. A large, flat area that resembled a giant mattress wrapped in a plastic-like sheet was beneath us.
“A lot of werewolves don’t like sleeping in the dirt in wolf form, so we built this and they’d all pile on here at night. It doesn’t get much use now that you’ve joined the pack.” He fiddled with my hair again.
“That’s genius. I’ll have to try it out next time I come for a run.” I yawned and rubbed my eyes. Panic attacks were exhausting “I’d better get to bed.”
“If that’s what you want.”
I leaned away from him, a question in my eyes.
“We could spend the night here. Together.” He gestured to the oh-so-inviting wolf mattress.
I scoffed at him.
“We’d be sleeping in wolf form, if that didn’t come through in my suggestion.”
It wasn’t a terrible idea. It might help with my anxiety, even. But I didn’t feel ready to accept Roman to that extent. There was still a lot between us that I wasn’t ready for and I wasn’t about to lead him on in thinking we were more serious than we were.
“Thanks for the offer, but I’m going to turn in.” I stood. My gaze dropped down and I realized Roman had been naked as he comforted me and we had a conversation.
“Like what you see?” He lifted an amused eyebrow. My cheeks flamed.
Caught checking him out again. I needed to get my damn eyes under control.
“Eh. Seen better.” I shrugged casually, turning and heading out.
He totally knew I was lying.
“I’ll be here if you change your mind.” His silky voice gave me goosebumps.
Damn it.
I didn’t know the way back to the elevator, so I followed Roman’s scent trail. The way our smells wrapped around each other and morphed into something deliciously new was ridiculously sexy.
Not too much later, I was in the elevator heading back up to my apartment. I realized Roman hadn’t commented on my clothing and looked down, snorting when I saw that I’d gone to bed in leggings and a big, comfortable long-sleeved top. Guess I’d forgotten to change before bed.
I threw the leggings over the back of the couch when I got home and collapsed in bed wearing just my long-sleeve top and panties. My eyes closed and I started drifting back to sleep. All of three minutes later, I was gasping awake again. An image of a beige wolf closing his teeth around my throat burned my mind.
Freaking Ledger.
Hurrying out to the living room, I paced the room for a few minutes, mind at war. Should I try to go back to sleep and risk yet another nightmare? Or should I swallow my pride and go find Roman? Something told me his presence would be enough to keep the nightmares at bay.
My whole body shuddered at the memory of the last nightmare, and my mind was made up in an instant. The door slammed behind me as I headed to the elevator yet again.
When I got off on the fourth floor again, I hiked off in the direction of the scent trail I’d just barely left. Roman’s scent was still strong in the air, and I questioned myself all the way back to the wolf bed.
His head lifted as I broke through the trees, gaze following my movements. He looked sleepy, remaining on his belly.
“Changed my mind.” I muttered, sitting next to him. The walk had drained the last of whatever energy I had, so I wrapped my arms around Roman’s black fur and shut my eyes. He licked my face as I lowered myself to my side, my squishy human body pressed into his powerful wolf form.
Sleep took me then, and I was right. Roman kept my nightmares away.
I woke up when something tickled my nose. My face wrinkled against the feeling, and I shook my head. The tickling intensified.
What the…
It came back to me in an instant. The panic last night, finding Roman and then leaving him and then coming back. My fingers were twisted in his fur, my grip so tight he was probably in pain.
My black wolf morphed into a strong human, and then my fingers pinched warm skin rather than tangling in fur. Roman’s face was right over the top of mine, his arms on either side of my head.
I swallowed and a surge of attraction flooded me.
Holy hell, I wanted him.
He inhaled deeply, eyes darkening when he caught the scent of my desire. Whoops. Roman groaned and his body pressed into mine. I tried not to respond to the feeling, I really did. But somehow, I managed to flip him over so I was on top of him, pinning him to the firm bed beneath me.
Midnight-eyes bore into my soul. I could scent his desire as well as feel it, and the way his eyes swept slowly over my t-shirt clad, bra-less body made me hot. The panties between our lower halves hid nothing about what either of us was feeling.
I should’ve worn pants if I didn’t want to jump his bones.
“I should go.” I whispered, not budging an inch.
“Me too.”
He stared at me.
I stared at him.
And damn, I wanted him.
One of his hands burned a trail down the back of my thigh as we remained in place, eyes locked and bodies tense with need.
“Roman.” Arla’s shout rolled through the man-made forest. “We have a problem.”
The man beneath me stopped petting my skin. His hands squeezed my thighs just soft enough not to hurt, and I let out a breathy moan as my eyes fluttered shut. He squeezed harder. When I gasped, he rolled me over so he was posed over the top of me. Every part of him pressed into every part of me.
Definitely should’ve worn pants.
“I know you’re in here.” Arla sounded more irritated now.
We heard her footsteps at the same time, our gazes jerking to the trees off to our side. Roman shifted in an instant and was settling down beside me in his wolf form again by the time Arla broke through the trees.
“You are so annoy—Oh.” Her eyebrows lifted.
My heart pounded too quickly to speak out loud. Whether that was an aftereffect of my close proximity to Roman’s naked body or nearly being caught in such a scandalous position, I didn’t know.
So I lifted my hand in a half-wave.
“Did you guys sleep together here?”
She glanced around.
“Yep.” I managed the one word. Roman shot me a dark-eyed stare.
“Are you mated?” She sniffed the air.
“Arla!” I hissed.
She made a gagging face.
“Did not need to smell my brother’s lust.” She waved her hand in front of her nose and backed away. “Melanie caught Hayden beating Maddie.”
A snarl tore the air. Roman licked my face and neck before sprinting away from me. He was gone so quickly I felt a bit of whiplash.
“Roman’s big on males treating their females with respect. The last guy who took his temper out on his mate is now missing an eye.” Arla told me. I grimaced, and she followed Roman back to the elevator, leaving me alone.
Alone with my lust.
Part of me couldn’t believe Roman had just walked away while I smelled lust and was dressed like this. His smell was definitely thick on my skin, but so was my own.
I made my way back to the elevator slowly, regretting pretty much all of my decisions in the past twelve hours. Particularly one.
Pants. Next time, wear pants.
When I stepped in the elevator, it was full. I groaned inwardly, avoiding eye contact.
All seven of the werewolves in the elevator took a deep sniff of the air. One of the four men groaned and stepped closer to me. His body was less than an inch from mine when another of the men stopped him with a hand to the chest.
“Bad idea.” The guy warned his friend.
“Smells so good.” The mesmerized guy mumbled.
“Roman will kill you if he smells you mixed up in all that lust.” The reasonable one said.
I would’ve denied it, but something told me the reasonable one was probably right. Roman wasn’t exactly level-headed when it came to me and other men.
“You’re so freaking lucky.” The woman shot me a death glare as the elevator stopped on the second floor to let another two women in. They both took deep breaths as well, and their eyes shifted as they caught the scent of Roman’s desire on my skin.
My arms folded over my chest as they glared at me too. They were probably some of the girls from the pack run. If they’d challenged me, I would’ve fought them for him too. My level of possessiveness was getting ridiculously high.