- Whatever you want to talk about! At least about breeding cockroaches!
- I thought artists needed a still face.
- I prefer to work in a different way.
The hands themselves were nibbling on a white sheet of paper.
- And what kind of manner?
- I don't know what they call it officially, and I call it "life after death."
- It's so grim...
- You can laugh if it sounds really grim.
- Did you learn to draw on purpose?
- No. Okay, self-taught.
- A nugget?
- Self-taught.
Okay, I'm almost done. You could've drawn better, but you didn't want to. Wrong object to waste time on.
- What's so sad about it?
- What about you, if you don't understand the simple words?
I did a couple of strokes, squint, draw a button on my shirt and dashingly scribbled the "D" in the corner of the drawing. Just like all my drawings were marked. Regardless of myself. It's just a "D." Danielle was amused by the fact that he woven his letter into the pattern in the painting. He weaved it so that it could only be detected by inserting it at a certain angle. I haven't been able to do that yet.
- Here you go. I'll give it to you.
The portrait wasn't bad. It's not bad, I never drew. But I guessed narcissism in the shape of my lips and my chin was a little sluggish. And with willpower in the country, it's tense...
- And you're a great drawer. I didn't believe it at first, and it's like...
- Yes, it is.
- And why the "D"?
- Because it's very necessary.
- And to be honest?
- Think of it as my creative alias.
- Wow! What does it sound like?
I didn't even think to hide it.
- Danielle.
- Is that an Italian name?
- It's a name that's not national.
- Don't you get it?
- You can see it. Daniel, Daniel, Daniel is the same name in different languages. It's international.
- Yule is also international. Julia, Juliana...
I was wicked.
- Danielle is more suited to my talent.
And all of a sudden, it's just...
It hurt terribly. Memories of Daniela awakened old anger and old sadness in me. Daniel is gone, and I'm living for some reason. Mieczysław is always in my soul and in bed. And sooner or later he'll get it. I'm not confident enough to hope to beat him. He's older, stronger and more cunning than I am. And smarter, too. Sooner or later, I'll break down. I knew I'd do something I shouldn't do. Something I'd be ashamed of myself later on. And I'd rather abstain, but... the anger was stronger.
And tonight, I'm gonna have to go out with a vampire again. Oh, Mecislav will try again...
But it's my choice. And it's up to me!
I am Julia Yevgenyevna Leoverenskaya, not someone else. And if I have to give up anyway, let the vampire get all the ruins. At least let him not feel
in doing so
...the one and only who came for my love, and the place of love.
A beast with human eyes has grown up in the depths of my soul. And there was so much sadness in its voice...
I hate it!
Sergei was still sitting on the sofa in the living room. I shove the paper aside, fell down next to him and put my hand on his thigh.
- Seryozha, why did you want to see me?
- Ah... Uh... - the guy jammed, but now I was not set up for long arguments. Let anything, anyone, anytime, but not Mechislav!
It wasn't for nothing that Danielle woke up a woman in me. The kiss came out long and almost vampire. When I broke away from Sergei, he was breathing heavily, and I slipped a drop of blood from my cracked lip.
- Get undressed.
I think I caught the boy by surprise. But...
Damn it! I was in a strange condition. I wanted to, but not human and not sex. I wanted freedom and power over my soul and mind. And from somewhere I knew for sure that sex would give me that power.
- You've got two minutes. If you settle down, I'm yours. If you don't, get out.
It got to him. I always knew you can't use complicated words when talking to some guys. Seryozha pulled the buttons of his shirt, but too slow and uncertain. And I took them with determination.
- Do you have any condoms?
- Y-yes.
Well, at least something! What kind of guys went? You offer them the most expensive things - Lenca di Caprio's CDs and a bike - and they're nosy. It's like a joke. But the time for jokes is over. It's time for passion. And I licked myself carnivorous.
- That's great. Me, too. But the more, the better, don't you think?
Poor guy wasn't thinking anymore.
- Put your hands on the couch and don't move," I purrred. - I promise you'll get an unforgettable experience...
I walked around the room, slowly pulled my shirt off, got rid of my pants, pulled the curtains... not that I was shy, but why would anyone want to make a free movie? They will!
We kissed for a long time. Then Seryozha awkwardly began to caress me. It felt like he had little experience... Big tanned palms lay on my chest, stroked, squeezed...
The obsession is over.
It was as if a giant gong had been hit over the ear.
I was horrified to look around.
Is that me?!
I'm sitting next to the poor boy on the sofa - and I was ready to give myself to him here in the living room?!
I was ready to forget the person I loved?!
Is that me?!
Seryozha didn't have time to bounce off. I couldn't have bounced off myself. Moreover, he just reached out to me to kiss more.
I got dizzy with disgust, a lump of bile jumped up to my throat - and before I knew it, I began to vomit violently.
Right at the guy who was dumbfounded by surprise.
Well, to the boy's credit, he didn't swear (except a little) and didn't go out the window. Or maybe I'm too condescending to go somewhere that way...
I've been throwing up for ten minutes. During this time, Seryozha managed to scold someone's bad mother, bring me a basin and a towel from the bathroom, and bring me a decanter with water and a glass, take off my dirty clothes and wash them in the bathroom.
In a word, I've worked for a whole anthill.
When I stopped vomiting, I also got stuck in the bathroom. And it looked so sad, the guy didn't even have a curse for me.
- Can I get some drivers?
- No. But thank you for the offer. I'm sorry about what happened.
- Did you get hurt?
I shrugged my shoulders. It's probably the remnant of communicating with Mecislav with his poisonous charm. I wonder if a vampire can be classified as sour food or rotten?
- I don't know. Can I take a bath?
Seryozha looked at the bathtub with longing. He obviously expected the same thing, but he didn't have the nerve to kick me out either.
- Take a bath. Then I will. Is it okay?
I nodded. And without waiting for the guy to close the door, I got in the tub.
About five minutes later, I could even think.
My feelings were simple and at the same time very cruel.
It was disgusting.
It was disgusting.
It's disgusting.
First thing I did was rinse my mouth and then brush my teeth. Six times.
It didn't help.
The flavor of vomiting and kissing was still there. Now I understand why hookers never kiss. I mean, they can throw up like that. That's right. Die, but don't give loveless kisses. Or you'll die of disgust anyway. Not during the trial, but later.
I threw up badly. Shit! How could I be so scum?! I didn't even want it! If during sex with Daniel I flew up to heaven from every move he made, every word he said and every touch I touched, now...
It was me who initiated it now. I did. And I would lead on, order, permit and forbid.<
br />
So what?
It's nothing!
I was just a robot. Everything I thought was a deception. Freedom? I didn't feel any freedom. Is it, like this? What's the joy of being free, moving from one unloved hand to another that doesn't care about you? It's the way down, and only down.
Danielle!
Memories of a loved one made it even sicker. I crawled down to the bottom of the tub and laughed at sixteen streams and the whole shower head.
Danielle, why is this happening?! You left me alone! And I-I can't do it without you! I'd love to talk to you, watch your face when you paint, introduce you to our town and my friends. Grandpa would have liked you. We'd make love at night and fall asleep during the day. I'd fall asleep with my nose stuck in your shoulder and wake up from your kiss. I need you so much. Why I lost you, why, why,
why
? Why did you leave?! My love, I was just beginning to understand what it was like to be with you. To be with you.
And everything is gone. And I have to survive alone. I don't even have to live. Just to prolong my existence. So my family doesn't get upset. I mean, they have no one left but me. I can't go after you. But sometimes it's so hard... Too hard for me. What can I do?! I'm not as strong as I should be! And Mecislav will just break me. It won't be hard for him. Or will it be difficult?
Wait a minute! He woke up temporarily asleep. And what will be the difficulty? Or their absence?
Glory to my upbringing!
I've learned how to build logical chains since I was three. That's how I learned to think, that's how I started. And now the wheels used to click in a given mode.
I was madly in love with Daniel. Did you?
Was, is and will be. I loved him, I love him now, and I will love him now. I used to make fun of Romeo and Juliet. Idiot. These children had the courage to leave together. I don't have any. I'm too cowardly to die next to the body of a loved one. All that remains is the memory of my love. The few hours that we were together.
There's a wave of history swept through the body. Even the memory of our first night made me purr with a satisfied cat. I had a great pleasure with Danielle. Didn't you?
That's it.
And now I'm like a deck. Okay?
Well, well, well, well... And tick, and tick...
I just don't like the same Earring. And all I feel from kissing him is disgusting!
But I don't like Mecislava either!
God, it's beautiful!
The main weapon in the fight against me is sex. He can excite with every word, every look, every touch. But it's all little things!
Little things? And the Eiffel Tower is just a big toothpick!
Okay, okay, let's not have the little things! But if I'm not in love with him, I just don't get any pleasure from sex.
Oh, is it? And who was ready to sleep with him then, in front of all the vampires and werewolves? Pushkin A.S.?
Lermontov M.Y.! Don't forget, Danielle was still alive then! And now he's gone...
He's gone, and I couldn't find anything better to try to get into bed with the first punk I meet!
I almost woke up in my voice. Good thing I shut up in time, or the neighbors would have called the cops.
What's treason and what's it eaten with? Is it betrayal to decide to sleep with anyone after the death of the person you love? That's a tough question. What if we approach him differently?
Given all the circumstances of my life and all I have ahead of me... If Danielle were back now, would he judge me?
And the mind calmly and consciously suggested a short word.
No, he didn't.
Danielle would have understood me! This attempt - and not even a random connection, but just a hint of it - gave me a new understanding of myself. Now I knew how I would react to a man who was completely indifferent to me.
But there was something else.
I shaken myself by the skin with determination. You can lie to others. But you and your family shouldn't. You're gonna lose.
Are you ashamed to admit it? Wasn't it shameful to seduce the first boy I saw? He couldn't even keep his free will. Do I condemn Mieczysław? But a vampire never did to me what I wanted to do to an innocent boy.
And finally the most unpleasant thing came out of my heart.
Mieczyslaw excited me. Too excited. And I wanted to get back at him for the reaction of my body. For this betrayal of myself. Better with anybody but some fang green-eyed ones, that's it.
That doesn't sound good. And it's... it's unpleasant to feel that kind of crap, too. Well, what can I do? It's not up to me anymore. What's done is done.
Danielle would've understood, because he was rational, too. His family wouldn't know, neither would Mecislav. And if he finds out, what difference does it make?
So stop worrying. I shouldn't make that mistake again. Or should I keep the boy to myself, as a counterbalance to Mieczysław?
Julia, can you hear yourself? Isn't it funny? Is it also a counterbalance? Yeah, there's a statue of Liberty on one cup of scales and a picture of her on the other. And counterbalance it any way you want. It's not working? It's weird, it's weird...
Okay. Stop messing with yourself. Using the famous recipe, I'll think about it tomorrow!
I got up and came out of the shower with determination. Silver clicking on the TV remote, lazily falling apart in the chair.
- How are you?
- I'll live. Are you going to the bathroom?
- You ask me!
- I'm telling you. Besides, my parents are supposed to be here in an hour. Do you want to see them?
Seryozha flew in from the chair like a bite in the ass.
- And... I... uh...
- That's right. They're gonna get married again, and you and I are early. So get up there and take a shower. In the meantime, I'm gonna go in the kitchen. You got yourself some eggs.
- Anything else? - That's what the boy said.
Is that what he's hinting at next? The next date? Or is it about moral damages? Either way, he's a total bummer. Hussars don't take money, and as for continuation, it's disgusting. I've already proved it to myself, the rest of it's gonna blow over. But the youngsters went, yes...
I wonder why I only think of him as a boy? Because under thirty isn't my age anymore? Or less than three hundred?
- You can do without dinner. I'm going to dry your stuff with an iron and get out.
- How serious are we...
It was supposed to sound playful, but it did. Who only writes lines for these Hollywood shows? And who only watches that filthy thing?! Although should I throw stones? I watched three or four movies a night while I was living alone for the first two months. The important thing is that there's light and sound. At least some illusion of being alive.
But it's one thing to watch this nasty stuff, so that nightmares don't hide in the corners, and another thing, for fun. It's also to quote.
- I gave you a choice. If you think that my weakness is a patronizing tone, I suggest you say goodbye to this delusion more quickly. For your own good.
It seems that something has come to Seryozha. He came closer and looked me in the face like a dog.
- Is there something wrong?
- It's like this. Go take a shower, and we'll talk at the table. Just make it quick. It's like the army.
- I wasn't there, thank God.
I snorted a snort.
- That's a big minus for you.
- What's that? What am I, a fool, going to that davilovka?
Why, am I smart? I hadn't noticed...
And his attitude towards the army has hurt me. My grandfather fought. And I was raised on stories of war. And by the way, my grandfather loved the hell out of it and now he likes Stalin's words: "The Vatican is a strong state? And how many divisions does it have?"
The army is the muscle of the country. If they atrophy, no one will be better off. Will you live with atrophied muscles? Not being able to move your arm or leg, or even just lift your head?
>
That's right.
So the country won't survive unless it has a strong and combat-ready army. And with such a universal attitude, as Serozhkino... Sad future awaits us, if the State Duma finally does not take up the mind. In particular, for normal financing of the army.
At least, the smart guys themselves thought: cut the bitch on which they sit! Both they and their children, if...
this is .
- that's what I see on TV sometimes - in general it reproduces in a standard way, not like mildew, it will be treated like mildew. If there is no Russia, and the Russians are driven into the reservation, as the American Indians once were (and don't yell at me for the current civilized time!). Don't! What the hell is civilization?! Just a monkey with a baton exchanged for a monkey with a nuclear bomb. And what about brains, what habits are all monkey). Who doesn't believe it, please: watching a TV program together and spitting together. There's no abomination that can't be capitalized for three hundred percent of the profits. And what will we have left when all natural resources are stolen? That's right. The territory. The world war will begin. And sooner or later, it's gonna cover everyone. And there's no escape in the Canaries. Nuclear winter, it'll take over the whole planet.
I didn't put it all out there. It's disgusting.
- Well, I haven't tested your mental abilities. IQ, how much do you have?
- Oh... that's...
- Go to the bathtub...
- Okay.
The earring obeyed. I took a peek at the living room. This room wasn't designed for sexual madness. Especially not for a sick woman. A corner sofa, a chair, a wall cupboard, a computer table and shelves of books are not the most pleasant environment for Emmanuelle fantasies. Yeah, I also forgot the easel. And how did we not turn it off? When I was vomiting and Earring was running around in circles?
It was a miracle, no other way.
Still, there's hardly any trace of it. All we have to do is clean the carpet and wipe the couch. It's a good thing I picked practical things. Nothing white. The sofa is dark brown, the rug is light brown, the walls are in white, pink, beige and pearl tones, and the closet is creamy. It didn't turn out so badly. Especially with the coloured stains of the paintings above the sofa and the computer.
I thought a little more, so I dialed the phone number. The answering machine answered the phone.
- This is Konstantin Sergeyevich. Leave your message after the beep.
Ring of Madness Page 89