Claudia glanced at me as I smiled and breezed by, picking up toys as I passed.
“Anything else I can do for you?” I asked Amy.
“If you could run this over to Victoria, I’d appreciate it. She’s in her office.” She handed me a file of some sort. “After that, you’re free to enjoy your weekend.” She smiled.
“No problem.” With the file in hand, I smiled and turned to go.
“Oh, will you be at Spike’s tonight?”
“Yeah. Sounds great.” I nodded, my smile as genuine as I could muster.
Claudia spun around and stared at me, which was exactly the reaction I’d hoped for. I wanted her to get the message loud and clear: I wasn’t the weaker one here. She couldn’t mean-girl her way into this position. If she thought I was an easy target, she’d been terribly mistaken.
I marched toward the door and paused. “Oh, wait. I have an exam tomorrow. I have to study. But maybe I can get it done early and still make it for the game. I’ll let you know.”
“Cool. Hope to see you there.”
No way would I actually go, but I wanted to keep Claudia on her toes.
My shoulders sagged as soon as I turned down the hall headed to Victoria’s office.
“Come in.”
“Hi. Amy asked me to drop these off.”
“Oh, thanks.” She took the files then stared up at me. “How have things been going?”
My smile whipped back out. “Great. I’ve really enjoyed working here and look forward to my exit interview next week.”
“I’m looking forward to that as well. It’s a shame we just can’t hire all three of you.”
Three? So Tyler wasn’t the only one no longer interested. “Yeah, I know we’d all love a position here in the fall.”
“We’d love to have you all.” Her phone rang. “Well, have a good weekend and I will see you next week.”
“Thanks, you too.” I slipped out of her office and the reality of my weekend slammed into me.
Cade was mad at me, but maybe I should be the one who was mad. I didn’t have any idea what to believe when it came to him now, and I had no way of finding out without going to him, but just in case he was feeding me bullshit I wouldn’t chase him down. If he was interested, he’d have to come to me.
Chapter 16
Some part of me had been overly confident Cade would call, but as the weekend dragged on, the more apparent it became that he wouldn’t. And with that knowledge came the realization that maybe Cade had been a part of Claudia’s plan all along. It had seemed so far-fetched initially, but now, who knew? Every second that ticked by without talking to him killed me; if he’d felt the same way, he’d have called by then.
It didn’t make any sense though. How could Cade spend all that time with me, let me open up, admit my fears and place all this trust in him, if he didn’t care in return?
Of course, that was probably the point. If this was some vendetta on Claudia’s end, then the ultimate goal was betrayal and heartbreak, right? Which was really crappy. Nothing I’d done had been deliberate.
Except no matter how many times I tried to assure myself what happened to her wasn’t my fault, I still felt guilty. Mostly because I realized something that meant nothing to me destroyed a relationship that clearly meant a lot to her. And no matter how one-sided that relationship might be, the pain sucked. I knew that firsthand now.
As much as I didn’t want to let it, the entire situation wore me down. I couldn’t recall the last time I’d allowed myself to really break down, but as Sunday came to an end, and it was clear Cade had no plans of reaching out to me, it happened.
In my pitch-black room, with my head buried in a pillow, I let go of the anger, and annoyance and every other emotion I’d forced to the surface in order to build a strong front, and slowly let the one emotion I’d kept buried inside leach its way to the surface. And with the hurt came the tears.
Every time I thought I’d gotten it all out of my system, my eyes welled once again, dampening my pillow and coating my face with salty moisture, until eventually exhaustion won out.
—
When I woke Monday morning, a numbness had settled over me. The tears shed overnight hadn’t completely washed away the sadness but they’d drained me, leaving me void of emotion. I couldn’t forget Cade, so I buried him. It was heavy. A burden to my heart. But how else did I deal? I’d done this once before and the only solution I’d found was turning off the emotional while enjoying the physical. But this time, things seemed different. Cade had only been in my life a few weeks, but something about sleeping around had lost its appeal. Like maybe I was above all that. It was lame. Even I could admit that. Girls could enjoy sex and love the person they were. No shame in that. One problem: I loved the person I was around Cade more.
At the hospital, I didn’t see him. And thankfully, I was scheduled with Lindsey. I wanted nothing to do with Claudia or Tyler, and didn’t really have it in me to fake happiness today.
Lindsey was exceptionally chatty as we restocked the art supplies. She’d been talkative the last time I’d seen her too. Considering how shy she’d been when we first met, it was surprising.
“I don’t know if you’ve heard yet, but I’m not applying for the fall position.”
So she was the other one. “No, I didn’t know that. Any reason why?”
“Yeah.” She beamed. “I’ve been accepted into a study-abroad program for the fall.”
“Wow, that’s amazing. Where?”
“In London. I’ll be studying arts and humanities at Goldsmiths.”
“How fun. I’ve never been to Europe. That sounds amazing.”
“I’m pretty excited. Though a little bummed, since I just started dating someone.” She grinned.
“Oh, yeah? Tell me all about him.” I glanced at her as I sorted the colored construction paper.
She looked around then lowered her voice. “It’s Blake.”
“As in intern Blake?” I couldn’t hide the surprise in my tone.
“That’s the one.” She was all smiles but I couldn’t share in her joy. Not after hearing about Claudia’s plan. What if Blake was in on it? Maybe his target was Lindsey. Or, hell, maybe he had his own agenda.
It seemed implausible that Blake would choose Lindsey. I mean, she was a cute girl and all, but her shyness made her a bit awkward and Blake looked like the kind of guy who preferred his girls high maintenance.
“How long have you been dating?”
“Just a few weeks, but we aren’t telling anyone because you know…work.”
Been there. “How did it come about?” I tried to hide my skepticism.
She recapped some markers, tossing away the dried-up ones as she went. “Um, we were scheduled together quite a bit. Which I can thank Tyler for, with all his shift switching.”
Uh-oh, red flag.
“And we started talking. Turns out, we have a lot more in common than I’d ever thought. We ended up hanging out a few times after our shifts and, well, one thing led to another and now we’re dating.”
Her dreamy expression as she talked about him was like a blow to my gut. I couldn’t personally raise my concerns without hurting her. Of course, it would hurt even more if he called it off the second the internship ended. Which made me wonder. “Does he know you’re leaving in the fall?”
She frowned. “Not yet. I plan to tell him tonight. Our relationship is just so new, I’m not sure if it will even hold up with me in another country.” She plopped into a chair and stared up at me. “What would you do? Call it off before you left or try to make it work?”
“Well, I guess that depends how serious you are. If you really care about each other, then try to make it work. It’s only a semester, which will feel long, but if you plan to be together, a few months shouldn’t matter. If you feel like it will only tie you down and you don’t want that added stress, then maybe it’s best to end things.”
“I know you’re right but I’m worried that we’ll want
different things. Or we’ll think we want one thing and end up wanting the other.”
As much as I hoped Blake was on the same page, I wasn’t convinced their relationship was as authentic as Lindsey hoped. Honestly, ending things would probably keep her from getting hurt. “You could always end things while you’re gone. If it’s meant to be, it should pick right back up when you get back.”
She stared down for a moment then looked up. “I think you’re right. We’d both have freedom to enjoy life guilt-free too. That’s kind of my biggest fear. He won’t wait around for me. But maybe it’s unfair to even ask that.” She sighed. “I guess we’ll see what happens tonight.”
“Good luck. Let me know how it goes.”
She smiled as she stood back up. “I will. I’m going to run these down to the ER, you want to walk with me?”
“I’m going to get started on sanitizing these toys.”
“Okay, be right back.”
She seemed to have lightened her load after talking. Maybe that’s what I needed too. Brinley would listen and she’d be understanding. It was probably time to get it all out there and maybe even get a little advice in the process.
“Hey,” Cade said.
My hands froze. My heartbeat raced. I turned slowly, completely unprepared for a conversation with him.
He raked his hand through his hair then rubbed the back of his neck. “Can we talk later?”
“I’m busy.” I looked away, finding it hard not to give in when he looked at me like that.
“I didn’t even say when. So am I to assume you’re busy indefinitely?”
Knife. Chest. “I guess.” I shrugged.
He shifted and I couldn’t resist peeking up at him. Then wished I hadn’t. His jaw was set in a hard line. His lips thinned, and his dark gaze penetrated me. “That’s it? Nothing more.”
“You tell me. Was there ever?”
“What? I just—I’m not even sure what I did. Or why you’re acting like this.” He made a sound of annoyance. “Maybe I was completely wrong about you.”
“I was thinking the same thing.” I crossed my arms, locking my emotions in as what I’d thought I’d buried leached its way to the surface. And it hurt. So freaking bad. I could pretend to be the biggest bitch ever, but it was the hardest thing I’d ever done.
Cade huffed. “What the—”
I bolted from the room. As I stepped out the door, he reached for my hand, but I shrugged him off. “This isn’t the place to do this,” I whispered.
“I know, which is why I said let’s talk later,” he whispered back as he followed me down the hall.
I slipped into an employee bathroom and he followed.
“What are you doing?” I asked. It was a single stall, so no one else would be in there but if anyone saw the two of us emerge, I’d be screwed.
He locked the door. “Figuring out what the hell is going on.”
I swallowed hard trying to clear the rising lump. “This isn’t the time or place.”
“Then let’s talk tonight.”
“I have my interview tomorrow. I can’t be…I just can’t do this with you now.”
“Then tomorrow when you’re done.” He reached for my hand. “Why won’t you even talk to me? At least let me know what I did wrong.”
If this was a game, he played it awfully well. But how did I know who to trust? How would I know he wasn’t feeding me bullshit? Just being locked away in this bathroom was enough to give Claudia what she wanted.
“I don’t—” My voice cracked and it only added to my frustration. My eyes began to prickle. Dammit. I would not cry at work. I shook my head.
“Fallon.”
It was my name on his lips, filled with tenderness, that made me cave. I looked up.
“For what it’s worth, whatever I did to make you this upset, I’m sorry.”
My lip trembled and a thin veil of tears blurred him. I stared back down, angry at my treacherous emotions.
He tugged my hand and pulled me into his chest. “I’m so, so sorry,” he whispered.
And I was done. The tears streamed down my cheeks and all the feelings I’d been trying to keep in check escaped.
He ran his hand down my hair, gently hushing me. “I’m sorry.” His lips glided over my cheek, kissing away tears. He murmured sweet things and begged me not to cry.
My insides screamed. A part of me found his words and tender touches endearing, but another part wanted to laugh. How many times had I watched a guy fuck up then turn on the artificial charm? I wouldn’t be that girl.
I stepped back and shrugged him off. “I can’t do this here. We can talk later but I can’t be this girl right now.” I gestured to myself. “Honestly, I don’t want to be this girl at all. Ever.” I grabbed a paper towel and dabbed my cheek. “You should go.”
“Are you going to be okay?”
“I’m fine.”
He set his jaw again. “I get it, you can take care of yourself. But you also need to get something straight. I’m here to take care of you too, whether you like it or not.” He yanked the door open and stormed out.
I pressed my hand against it to close it quickly, flipped the lock then squeezed my eyelids shut. Tears would not fall. A deep breath assured tight control over my emotions. A slow count to ten then I turned to the mirror.
A red splotch had appeared on my left cheekbone just like it always did when I cried. It had been awhile since it made its appearance. I hated it.
With the water turned to cold, I saturated a paper towel then blotted at my cheek to rid the evidence. When most of the redness cleared, I headed back into the playroom. The room was cleared out, which meant Cade and Scout were in the park. A quick peek confirmed it. And Cade’s gaze was glued to me. I looked away and busied myself picking up toys.
“Hey, Fallon, could we get your help in here a minute?” Amy leaned in the doorway between the park and playroom. “I think Lindsey stepped out and I need to run some stuff to post-op, but we have a full house. If you could be an extra set of eyes and hands while Cade’s here, that’d be great.”
“No problem.” I smiled while inside my brain screamed “big problem.” I couldn’t be anywhere near Cade right now without losing my shit.
“Thanks.” She breezed past me as I made my way into the park.
With my gaze on anything but Cade, I moved around the room but when Scout spotted me he trotted over. I knelt down and rubbed his ears. The silky fur between my fingers stirred memories.
Scout’s tongue flicked under my chin. I leaned my head back and smiled.
“He kissed you,” a little boy said. “That means he likes you.”
“You think so?” I scrubbed my hands over Scout’s neck.
“Yeah. Right, Cade? Dog kisses mean they like you.”
I kept my eyes on Scout to avoid looking at Cade.
“Yep, means he likes her.” He sat a few feet away and his words wrapped around me, his voice comforting.
Scout lifted his paw and placed it on my knee.
“What’s that mean, Cade?” The little boy pointed to my leg.
“Hmm, maybe he doesn’t want her to leave.” I peeked over, and Cade met my gaze. “He likes her too much.”
I looked away.
“Maybe he loves her,” the little boy said in a singsong voice.
Without missing a beat Cade said, “Maybe he does.”
The little boy broke into a fit of belly laughs, and Cade scooted closer. He poked him playfully in the side. “Hey, what’s funny about that?”
“He’s a dog. She’s a girl.”
“That’s true,” Cade whispered. “But a pretty one, so can you really blame him?”
The little boy giggled more. “That’s silly.”
Scout nudged me with his wet nose and I cupped his face. “It’s okay, boy, the feeling is mutual.”
Scout swiped his long tongue across my mouth. I grimaced and wiped my lips. “Not that mutual.”
Cade lowered his voice and
leaned slightly toward me. “And now he’s just rubbing it in.”
The little boy laughed as he ran away, yelling something to his mom about the dog being in love with me.
“Okay, Scout, I know you’re having fun making me jealous here, but you have kids to visit.” Cade stood and called Scout by patting his leg. “We’ll see Fallon later. Tomorrow after work.” He glanced down at me, and I nodded slightly. He smiled.
God, I’d missed that.
Lindsey reappeared and I took the opportunity to slip out, claimed I’d run some toys to patients’ rooms while she helped in the park. I stayed away long enough for Scout’s visit to be over. But on my way back to the playroom, I ran into Cade.
Scout wagged his tail and a hesitant smile graced Cade’s lips. “Good luck tomorrow.”
“Thanks.” I slipped my hands in the front pockets of my scrub top. “I’ll see you later.” I stepped past him and stopped. “One thing. If I were to get this position, I have to know I got it on my own.”
“Of course.” A fine line creased his brow.
I stared into his eyes, hoping he really understood. Who knew if Cade really planned to give recommendations for anyone? But I didn’t want one. I’d never believe I got the position on merit if his name was anywhere near it. I nodded. “Okay.”
“See you tomorrow.”
With a quick nod, I walked away. Not really sure if I’d meet with him but not wanting to argue about it now.
Chapter 17
My stomach was nothing but a tangled mess of nerves.
I’d squirmed in the plastic chair across from Victoria’s desk as she’d navigated through paperwork and questions. Answers flowed from some part of my brain functioning on autopilot. I’d smiled, nodded, agreed with her various assessments but couldn’t actually remember what we’d spent the last fifteen minutes talking about. As we neared the end of my interview the panic set in. Had I said the right things? Did my enthusiasm seem genuine? Would she want to hire me? Or did I just blow six weeks of work in twenty minutes?
“As you know, we only have one position. I still have interviews to conduct and hiring procedures to follow, but I’d like you to know I’m impressed by you. From the day you interviewed for the internship, you’ve impressed me. You’re genuine. I like that. It’s refreshing and it comes through in everything you do.”
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