We lay in silence for a few minutes and it actually isn’t awkward at all. I break the silence by asking if she is hungry. She laughs and says, “All of the sudden you don’t know me or what?”
I motion to her and say, “Get up, let’s get some waffles!” My mouth drops, as she gets out of bed completely naked! I can’t believe this is what has been waiting for me for so many years. I must have been staring quite hard because she spins around slowly so I can see all of her. I stand up next to her and say, “If you want waffles, I suggest you get dressed quickly. If you are not dressed in five seconds, I am going to push you onto the bed and ravish your sexy ass! One… two… three…
She stops in the middle of putting her shorts on and says, “I am not really that hungry.” She seductively drops her shorts to the floor. Like a magnet or a horny eighteen-year-old boy, I tackle her to the bed and my hands take on a mind of their own. Feeling this feisty girl relinquish herself to me is the most erotic feeling I have ever felt. She yanks down my pants and grabs a rubber from her drawer.
I grab her wrist and say, “Damn girl, how many do you have in there?”
She laughs. “A bunch! I rarely have sex so they just keep adding up!”
I kiss her lips and say, “We’ll use them up by the end of this week!”
I roll her on top of me and she is ready for me, without a doubt. This is such a new feeling for me, normally I want to fuck, cum, and then get out of Dodge…but damn, this is Lyrics. She is wet and tight as I slide in and out of her. God, she feels so fucking good. She is calling out my name in between breaths. I know she is about to cum. Her whole body tenses up as her walls grab my cock like a vice grip. The feeling of being inside her and knowing how wet she is overwhelms me. Feeling her body tense up again, knowing I making her feel this way. Even the thought of baseball won’t make me last another minute. I don’t want to cum yet. I don’t want to…fuck! I grab the back of her head and thrust hard inside of her. A noise comes out of my mouth that I have never made before. “Oh God. Lyrics. You’re gonna make me cum, baby.”
She says, “Cum, baby, cum!” Her wish is my command. When I pull out, I snap off the condom and throw it in the wastebasket. She looks exhausted. I lie back and she molds to my chest the same way she has many times before, except this time, everything is different.
My head is spinning with what ifs, like what are we going to tell our parents and our friends. Lyrics pulls my eyes to meet hers and says, “Tanner, it’s okay. I know how you are. I am not expecting anything from you.” My heart breaks in half. Wow, she just knocked the wind out of me with one short statement! I can’t make eye contact with her.
“You think I would do that to you?”
She says, “I just don’t want you thinking you have to say or do something that you don’t want to do.”
I take her hand in mine and tell her, “Lyrics, I would never hurt you. You are different from everybody else, always have been. What I want to do is stay right here forever, in bed with you. I could spend all day showing you how good you make me feel.” Lyrics was quiet. Awkwardly quiet. I roll to my side so that I am facing her.
She looks at me and says, “I just don’t want us to change.”
I say, “Explain what you mean, please, because it’s changed.”
She thinks for a moment and then says, “Guess I’m just scared to lose you as my best friend. I am scared to lose your Mom and Dad too.”
I let out a little chuckle and say, “Oh please, Mom would probably choose you over me if we had a fight, and Dad without question would take your side. Listen, Lyrics, I want more with you. I want you to be my best friend and so much more. You are the only person I have ever felt this way about. Heck, you already know that. We have changed, and will continue to change but I think it’s a good kind of change.” She is staring into my eyes as if she is searching, almost waiting for a lie to come out. I never lie to her but I wish I could lie right now. I feel like she slipped me truth serum that is making me blurt out shit I don’t want to say! I run through the rolodex in my mind of stupid things I can say and I find this… “Lyrics, if things don’t go great for us, promise me that you won’t make me sing about what a dick I am.” She pushes me off the bed! “So, are you my girl now?”
She smiles and says, “Tan, I have always been your girl.” My heart and body respond to her words in a way that I have never felt before.
“I know, but I mean, would you be my girlfriend?” I am thirty years old and I have never called anybody my girlfriend. It is as if a Martian inhabits my body and starts rattling off things that I would never say.
Lyrics raises her eyebrow at me and sarcastically asks, “Are you possessed? Where is Tanner?”
She doesn’t answer the question! It feels like a vice wraps around my heart, which reminds me that I need to get a grip on myself, and quick. “Let’s get some grub, I am starving!”
Chapter 6
‘They say friendships get ruined by romance but I say it gets enhanced.’
Lyrics –
We decide on sushi for lunch. The ride there is quiet and I know Tanner is upset about something I said, or didn’t say. I glance over at him and he looks like he is a thousand miles away. I put my hand on his thigh and he places his hand on mine. His hands are so soft and strong, and the way he is dragging his thumb on my hand sends shivers down my stomach and they settle smack dab between my thighs. He looks at me and then sharply pulls the truck over on the side of the road. It takes him about two minutes of not looking at me before he turns and captures my stare as well as my breath.
He takes a deep breath and says, “Lyrics, do you trust me?” I want to say yes because he has been my rock for sixteen years, but the truth is that I am scared to death that he will break my heart. I nod. He puts his fingers under my chin and guides my face to his. Our eyes lock and I want nothing more than to be back in my bed with him. I have wanted him for so long and I don’t understand why now that I have him, I want to run fast and far!
“We should eat, I mean, do you still want to?”
He says, “Yes, let’s!” Uchiko is our favorite sushi spot. They know us very well there. When we pull up to the restaurant, I get out of the car and start walking up. I turn around and Tanner is standing outside of his truck, leaning on the door just staring at me. I walk back to him and he grabs my hand and pushes me up against his car. In public, he puts both hands on my face and kisses me…at our local sushi restaurant…with people that most likely know us inside! This is not a normal kiss. This is a “you are mine” kiss. It is needy and deep. Throughout the years, we’ve had to tell so many people that we are just friends that I feel almost uncomfortable kissing him in public. I have never seen him act like this. I mean truly, I have never seen him kiss a girl unless he was drunk. He begins to pull away but I pull him back into me, which he takes as an invitation to get extra physical. The taste of his lips makes me feel almost drunk. He looks down and says, “You still hungry?” I bite my lip, grab his waist, and nod yes. He growls and says, “For sushi?”
I smile and say, “Oh. Yeah, I guess we’d better eat something.”
Tanner orders for us as he normally does and our conversation is rolling, back to normal. The waitress brings the food and our standard extra plate so we can split halves. He smiles at me, I notice his eyes coast past me, and his facial expression turns sour. I know somebody is here. I ask, “Who is it?”
He looks down and says, “What?”
I say, “Tanner, who is here that you know?” I turn my head and see the skank from the other night at the bar. I look at him and roll my eyes. He reaches across the table and grabs my hand.
The girl walks up to our table and says with a pouty, slutty tone, “Hey Tanner. I must have missed your call.” She looks at me, gives me a fake smile, and says, “Oh, the best friend.” She looks down and sees Tanner intertwining his fingers with mine and rubbing my hand in a nervous oh fuck type of way!
Tanner looks at her and says, “I did
n’t call. I was, uh, busy.”
She looks at Tanner, then at me and says, “Well, guess your friendship is over. Bad choice! Your loss.” Tanner and I burst out in laughter as she stomps away like a pissed off, love-struck teenager.
Tanner works as a model sometimes, which pays him very well. He could make a career out of it but chooses to keep it as a means of money to support our musical dreams. We really can’t go anywhere in Austin without girls fawning all over him. Either they love his music or his looks… most of them love both. He’s never been in a relationship with another girl. He says nobody could ever hold his attention for too long…except for me. I dated a few guys for a couple of months but I would always compare them to Tanner and not one held a candle to him. If I didn’t leave them because of their falling short on my Tanner scale, they would leave me because of the time I spent with Tanner. I used to think he was my everything but the truth is that now he is my everything and I don’t know what the hell to do about it. For the first time, it really feels like all or nothing.
The fact that we have tangled our lives together really makes it all or nothing. We cannot go backwards from here. We live in the same apartment building, I write the songs he sings, we know everything about each other, we are each other’s past and present. Ugh, I just need to breathe.
On the drive home, Tanner holds my hand in his and it sparks a memory from eight years ago. I was twenty-one and had been saving virginity for Tanner, even though I never even whispered a word of that to him or anybody else for that matter. I had been dating Daniel for three months and I liked him, not loved, but he was a handsome law student that was there for me when Tanner was out with other girls. Tanner and I went out to a club in Beaumont and he ended up leaving with some chick that was all over him. Of course, I acted as if I couldn’t care less, but the fact was that I was insanely jealous, you could say I was pissed off! I called Daniel and asked if I could come over to his place. He quickly said yes. I headed over there. I was through waiting for Tanner. I decided that Daniel would be the one to claim my virginity. When I got to his house, I did exactly what I set out to do. After about two minutes, it was over. I had tears running down my cheeks, not because it hurt but because it wasn’t love…it wasn’t Tanner. Daniel looked at me and asked if I was okay. I nodded my head and he angrily asked, “Why are you crying then?” I couldn’t answer him. He said, “It’s that fucking Tanner, right?” I stayed silent. Daniel got dressed and told me to get out. He told me that he got what he wanted and didn’t need to be second to anybody. I got dressed and grabbed my things, without another word I was out the door.
On my way home, I called Tanner. He picked up and said, “Lyrics, you know I am in the middle of something, right?” I couldn’t speak. He said, “Dylan, what’s wrong? Are you okay?”
I grunted mmhmm. I sniffed back tears and I heard him tell the girl that he had to leave. She was not happy but he didn’t care. By the time I pulled up to my driveway, Tanner was already there waiting. The tears fell like a waterfall. He opened my car door and saw my mascara running down my face. He pulled me out of the car and asked in an ass kicking way, “What the fuck happened? Who hurt you?” I assured him that I was not physically hurt. He took my hand and led me to the porch swing, never letting go of my hand. I didn’t want to tell him what I did, but it was Tanner and we told each other everything. I told him what happened; leaving out the parts about wishing Daniel was Tanner of course. He pushed my hair behind my ears and kissed me on the cheek. He said, “Lyrics, listen to me. You are the most amazing person on this planet and what happened tonight does not change that! So, you aren’t a virgin anymore. Now you don’t have to worry so much about losing it! Daniel is an asshole and he will get his, I promise that.”
I smiled and said, “Sorry I ruined your night.”
He looked at me, still holding my hand, and said, “Come on, girl, you saved me from another mistake. You could never ruin my night. A night without my Lyrics would be silent and boring!” He gave me a big hug and I felt so much better.
He has always made me better. When he turns into our parking lot, I snap out of my flashback. I look down and our hands mold together like two pieces of a puzzle. He lifts my hand and gently kisses it. He says, “I feel like singing, do you feel like writing?”
I smile and say, “Of course, but you know, these next songs are going to be upbeat and about happy shit…I hope they don’t come out like a folky happily ever after song!”
Tanner flashes a huge smile and mesmerizes me with his dimples. He says, “I hope they do!” I don’t tell him but I hope they do too!
Chapter 7
‘People don’t know a love like ours, it is unique in its entirety.’
Tanner -
As soon as we get inside and assume our creative positions, my phone rings. It’s my modeling agent, Chauncey. “Hello Ma’am.”
She says, with her two packs a day voice, “Hello, handsome. Listen, I just got off the phone with Shelby. She is the marketing director for The Gap. She wants you. I mean, she wants to hire you for a shoot.”
My mouth falls open, I say, “The Gap? Holy crap, that’s huge!” I look at Lyrics and she is all ears waiting to hear the news.
Chauncey says, “There is one thing, honey, this is a six-month shoot that will require you to be traveling and shooting for six months straight. I know how you feel about traveling but this is a big deal. We stand to make a lot of money from this, kid.” I pause and can’t take my eyes off Lyrics. I shake my head and cannot force a noise to exit my mouth. Chauncey says, “The shoot starts next week in Spain. It is only six months kid. Why don’t you think about it for a few hours and call me later. I need an answer before the end of today. If you don’t take it, one of the fifty thousand other models will.”
I say, “I will call you shortly. Thank you, Ms. Chauncey.”
When I put the phone down, Lyrics asks me what Chauncey said. I shake my head and say, “Doesn’t matter, I am not taking it.”
She asks, “What is it?”
Trying to play it down, I shrug my shoulders and say, “The Gap wants me to be their male model for an epic shoot.”
Lyrics jumps up and does a celebratory dance. She tilts her head and asks, “Why in the world wouldn’t you take it?”
I look down and say, “It’s for six months, traveling all over the world shooting. No way am I leaving you for six months.”
She looks at me and says, “Tanner Staff, this is a once in a lifetime opportunity for you. Please don’t make me the reason you miss this. The Gap is huge! You have changed your plans enough for me. I want you to do something for you. Do you want to do this?”
I catch her eyes and say, “Never been away from you for that long, and we just…you know…I want to take the job but not more than being with you.”
Lyrics puts her hand on my heart and says, “Tan, I have waited sixteen years for you. What do you think six months will change?”
Eighty-two things run through my head, number one being Tyler. I have to take this opportunity. Big bucks will mean more time for music with Lyrics when I return. I say, “Do you think I should take it? Will you be here when I get back?”
She smiles and says, “Hell yes, you should take it and yes, of course I will be here when you get home! My songs will probably resemble The Cure a lot more than ever though.”
I laugh and say, “I am not singing with makeup on.”
She pinches my cheeks and says, “A face like this doesn’t need makeup!”
I nod and say, “Okay, I will take it. Guess I will call Chauncey back and give her the good news.”
Chauncey answers on the first ring. “Tell me the good news kid.”
I grab Lyric’s hand and say, “I am in.”
Chauncey says in her raspy New York gruffness, “Good, now I don’t have to murder you!”
I laugh and say, “Yeah, don’t think The Gap would want pics of a dead me!” Chauncey says she will send my itinerary to my email wit
h times and locations. Six months. I have a pain in my chest just thinking about leaving. Since I met Lyrics, there were only two times that we were away from each other for one whole week. My family would go on a weeklong vacation every summer. I was so miserable without her that, when I was sixteen, Lyrics started coming with us and has done so every year since. Now the welling up tears in my eyes match the clamp on my heart.
Lyrics raises her voice a bit and says, “Tanner, if we are going to spend our lives together, six months is just one drip in a bucket.” I can hear her sadness but she is championing through this so I will too! I check my email and the itinerary is already there.
June 13th – 18th - Spain
June 18th – August 20th – Ireland, Germany, France, Italy
August 20th – 27th – Canada
August 27th -September 6th – Russia
September 6th – 20th – Greece
September 20th – 24th – Dubai
September 24th – Oct 8th – China
October 8th – December 12th – Australia
I stare at the itinerary and think this is going to be insane. Nonstop working, flying, smiling, and away from everything I know and love! This is too much.
I tell her, “We need to go see Mom and Dads before I leave.” I say Dads because she has hers and mine.
I notice her facial expression drops and she nervously asks, “What are we going to tell them?”
I smile and say, “That they were right all along!”
“What?”
I laugh and tell her, “My parents used to tell me all the time that one day that girl is going to be our daughter for real.”
Lyrics says, “Maybe they thought Brent and I would hook up?”
I push her onto the couch and straddle her. “No! That was never a possibility; I mean really, you and Brent? Did you want Brent?”
Chasing Lyrics (Music & Lyrics #1) Page 3