It was also the most painful feeling he had ever experienced.
Even all the rejections and abuse he had been through as a kid were nothing compared to this. Knowing that he had found his mate, that she could give him a whole new life, a whole new way of looking at things. And knowing that, for her sake, he had to give her up… It was almost too much to bear.
He couldn’t go back to Valerie because he could not give her happiness, and she deserved to be happy. That was all there was to it, and even though his wolf howled mournfully, he had already decided. He was not going to try to fight for her.
Everything else seemed to fade away with that revelation. Their fight, the pain of betrayal, the hurt that had seemed all-consuming when she called him nothing but a criminal, then revealed that she herself had been involved in criminal activity. As soon as he knew that he was never going to have her, none of that seemed to matter. His heart swelled with forgiveness. When he spoke with her again—because he was going to speak with her—he’d tell her that he forgave her. He’d let her know that it wasn’t because of what she said. That they just couldn’t be together because the world wasn’t built for the likes of them.
In the meantime, he had to think about other things. Namely, if he could still do anything to protect her career. The obvious solution was to take down Lancaster. Put her name in the papers as the one who freed the city from the Lancaster mafia’s reign of terror. Lancaster would release his information, sure, but there was a simple way to stop that from happening, too.
Kavan could kill him. He’d killed people before and for less reason than this. He could kill Lancaster in order to protect his mate, find whatever documents Lancaster kept of the transaction, destroy them and then get Philip to help him skip town. He could go live in Mongolia or something.
A young boy ran into him. Kavan helped steady him as he felt the boy’s fingers deftly remove his wallet. Kavan grinned, plucking it back. The boy’s eyes widened, but Kavan pulled out the wad of cash he had inside and handed it to the boy.
“You need to work on your pick-pocketing skills. And you might want to try some other techniques. A kid like you, you’d get quite a bit if you dirtied your face up a bit and hung out next to the maternity boutiques asking for pocket change to get back home since you took the wrong bus and got lost. I used to do it all the time; those pregnant ladies will eat you up.”
The kid took the money, looking at him suspiciously before he shrugged. “Thanks.”
The boy took off, and Kavan watched him go, chuckling under his breath. Then he thought of a kid with his dark hair and Valerie’s bright eyes and his chuckling slowed to a stop.
What if there was a way they could be together?
What if, rather than him giving the cops enough information to take down Lancaster’s organization and him killing Lancaster and skipping town… what if he and Valerie just took off? It could be just the two of them. They could go anywhere, do anything, be whoever they wanted to be.
They could get married, if Valerie wanted, or not. They could travel around. He was sure Philip would help out enough to get them away and started. If not him, then Lizzie. She was big-hearted and rich. She could afford it. They’d be able to escape, wouldn’t they? They could go to Mongolia or Argentina. Hell, they could go set up shop in Antarctica and live with the penguins!
If he had stayed with the Family, he knew that sooner or later he would have had to give up his morals. Growing up as a part of a mafia family meant he didn’t have a lot of them (he was going to have to work on that with Valerie; her moral compass and his were so misaligned that it was going to take some work to get them on the same page) but those that he did have, he had been holding onto. Never causing harm to innocents.
He had nearly broken that once for them. And this trial for Matthew Lancaster made him realize that he had broken them before. Perhaps he hadn’t directly hurt people who didn’t deserve it, but if he had helped Lancaster out of jail and he continued to traffic children, how could he, Kavan, be blameless?
The truth was, he wasn’t. And now. Now, he needed to try to make up for that. He would take down Lancaster and he would try to get him and Valerie out. He’d ask her at least. She had more than he did, though. She would have to give up her family, something that he didn’t have. He would ask, though… He’d tell her how he felt and then ask her to leave with him.
He started walking again, with more of a spring in his step, when a sleek limo pulled up beside him. Lancaster’s car.
Kavan came to a stop. He thought about running, but if Lancaster wanted him dead, he’d have already shot him, right? He didn’t know why Lancaster would be coming to pay him a ‘visit’, but if he ran now… it would be seen as very suspicious and he might end up in the gutter, even if that wasn’t Lancaster’s original plan.
His wolf crouched and snarled in his chest as Lancaster stepped from the car. He was wearing his normal business suit, but the jacket had been discarded. His eyes flashed with anger, and Kavan knew he should have run.
“Get in the car,” Lancaster ordered.
Kavan glanced at the car, then back at Lancaster. He rocked back on his heels. He didn’t see a weapon on Lancaster’s body. That didn’t mean that one of the burly men in the front didn’t have a gun on them. Or that they wouldn’t shift and go after him. He knew these two; they were bears. Working together, they would tear him apart if they caught him.
And after the run he’d just had, he wasn’t confident in his abilities to outrun them.
“I haven’t found out anything for you,” Kavan started, playing innocent.
Lancaster’s eyes flashed. “But I did.”
“And what is that?”
“For one thing, Valerie wasn’t surprised when I mentioned that you seemed to have been acting odd. Didn’t ask me how I know or why I’d be concerned. And then she started begging me not to hurt you. Tell me…” Lancaster moved a little close, his lip curling back to reveal sharp fangs. “Why wouldn’t she be surprised that you and I have been in contact, Kavan?”
Kavan didn’t answer. He didn’t need to. Lancaster clearly already knew everything. The only question was, what did he plan to do about it?
“Get in,” Lancaster continued, his voice lowering into even more of a growl.
Kavan’s wolf snarled and he tensed, his own lips curling back. “And if I don’t?”
“Valerie dies.”
His wolf snarled and howled. Kavan rocked forward, a snarl on his lips and ready to attack. He barely held himself back with the knowledge that if he did attack, Valerie would be the one to pay the price. He took a moment to bring himself back under control, holding his hand up when Lancaster growled.
“Give me a minute,” he snapped. “Threatening my mate isn’t exactly conducive to calming my wolf.”
Lancaster growled but held himself back.
Kavan got into the car, holding his wrists out to the driver to have them cuffed. Lancaster slid in beside him and they were off again. Kavan’s heart beat fast as he tried to think of how he could get out of this—the only way was to kill Lancaster, but how could he do that when Lancaster would be expecting it? And if he failed…
Valerie will die.
Kavan slumped back into the seat, turning his face from Lancaster. “Can I talk to her first?”
“Why?”
“Because we had a pretty bad fight last night. And I never told her that I love her.”
Lancaster snorted. “We’ll make a video. It’ll last longer.”
“And is anybody going to find my body?”
“Probably not.”
Kavan nodded. That was to be expected, after all.
“I’m very disappointed in you, Kavan. Very, very disappointed. You were offered a position with the Family again. You said you would do anything to prove yourself and when offered the chance, you betrayed me. Where is the loyalty in that?”
Loyalty. Kavan’s wolf snarled again, and he had to fight it down. He was cuffed an
d even if he shifted, he wouldn’t be able to do any good. He held his breath a moment before he let it out and nodded. “Where is the loyalty in that? Where is the loyalty in being kicked out of the Family for refusing to kill an innocent woman?”
“You know that’s not why—”
“It is why. If I had been valued, you never would have told me to confess in the first place. You wanted me punished for not killing someone who wasn’t even a threat to the Family. And then you come back and order me to spy on Valerie. You never said I was part of the Family again. You never said I could be part of the Family again. You just told me to spy on her.”
“None of this would have happened if you hadn’t been so stupid as to fall in love with a judge.” Lancaster shook his head in disgust. “She changed you. Made you less of a man.”
“No.” Kavan shook his head. “She did change me. She made me more of who I am. Who I really am. For the first time in my life.” His shoulders slumped. “But that’s something you didn’t want, right? Because it would make it more difficult to manipulate me.”
Lancaster did not respond.
Chapter Twelve
Kavan sat quietly where he was, shackled, and considered his options. He had never been one to go down without a fight, but he didn’t see how he was getting out of this one. He was outnumbered and outgunned. He didn’t have any weapons on him, other than his shifting, while he distinctly smelled the bitter scent of gunpowder in the car. He couldn’t get a good enough look at the burly men to see what they were packing, but there was a slight bulge at Lancaster’s hip that spoke to a handgun of some sort.
They drove out of the city down the coast to a rocky beach that was surrounded on every side by trees. It was still rather open for an execution to take place. Kavan mused that Lancaster could be planning on telling him to shift and run, to make it look like a hunting accident.
To do that, though, he’d have to unshackle his hands. Then he could attack. So probably not what Lancaster was planning.
Lancaster sighed as the limo came to a stop. “I am very disappointed in this, Kavan. You could have had quite a career with us, and you’ve squandered it all.”
“I wouldn’t say squandered,” Kavan said with more ease than he felt. His wolf paced and snarled, pawing at his chest. He had to hold it in. If he shifted now, he’d no doubt break both arms with these cuffs on them. “I would say that I came to a realization about what you really are. It just came too late. You were never going to let me back into the Family. I wasn’t useful to you anymore.”
“And how long do you think you’d be useful to Valerie Gilson?”
Kavan thought about Valerie. Her sparkling eyes when she was angry, her desperate bid to save face by pretending to be engaged. The stress she was under. How strongly she stood tall, refusing to back down. The way she threw herself into lovemaking as though there was nothing else in the world she wanted… and nobody else she would want to do it with.
“I’m not sure that I’m useful, really… I mean, ever since I showed up in her life, nothing has gone right. But she loves me anyway.”
Lancaster snorted in disgust. “Never thought you’d be one to be taken in like that. Alright, get out.”
Kavan followed him out of the limo. The two burly men joined them, and Lancaster pulled a gun from his hip.
Kavan’s wolf yipped and his muscles tensed. If he attacked the big guy first, he might be able to get his gun and use it on Lancaster first. “Thought I was going to be able to record a goodbye message to Valerie.”
“Yes… I did say you could do that, didn’t I?” Lancaster sighed as he waved a hand.
One of the burly men rolled his eyes as he took out his phone. Kavan’s mind rolled over the situation. Now would be the time to attack if he was going to. If he failed, though… They would go after Valerie to punish him; he was certain of that. But also, he would never be able to apologize…
“It’s on,” the burly man snarled.
Kavan faced the camera. He held his hands low, so that when—if—Valerie saw this, she wouldn’t know he was cuffed. Fear rose thick in him. What if they were going to go after Valerie anyway? What if Lancaster was going to kill him and then make Valerie pay? What if he was going to kill her? What if… what if he had already killed her?
Words escaped him for a long time as he stood there, struggling with his emotions. Finally, he looked at Lancaster, eyes pleading. “Are you going to hurt her?”
“No.”
“Have you already hurt her?”
Lancaster rolled his eyes. “No! This is all the punishment she will get, knowing that you’re dead and it’s her fault.”
“It’s not, though. It’s not her fault.”
Lancaster glared at him. “Just say your piece already or instead of a final message, I’ll record your head being blown off and give that to dear, sweet Valerie.”
Kavan ground his teeth as his wolf snarled. It wanted out. It wanted to attack, to rip off Lancaster’s head and make sure that he could never pose a threat to Valerie. He took a deep breath, though. Attacking now would not do any good. The second burly man, the one not holding the phone, had tensed, and was clearly expecting him to make a move. No. He’d lost his moment. And while death ticked closer, he needed to have just a little more time…
And she needed a message because he didn’t know how he was going to survive this.
“Valerie,” he said, trying to think of everything that he wanted to tell her. He choked for a moment but cleared his throat. “Val, I just wanted you to know that I love you. I was going to fight for you.” No need to tell her that he had thought that maybe he’d just take off and leave her behind because he wasn’t worth the effort she would have to put into their relationship. “I’m sorry for what I said and I’m sorry that I can’t hold you again. You are beautiful, strong, determined and you have so much to give the world.”
Lancaster glanced at his watch.
“You are the most amazing person I have ever known. I wish I could have told you that in person. No matter what happens, I know you’re going to make this world your bitch. You’re going to get everything you want. You just have to trust in yourself. And you’re going to meet some guy who is going to make you happy. But make sure you’re not waiting for him before you let yourself be happy, okay?” Kavan didn’t know what else to say. “I love you.”
His shoulders slumped as he nodded at the burly man to let him know that he was done. The man turned off the phone and Lancaster lifted his gun.
“On your knees.”
It didn’t matter if he thought he could survive this or not. No way was he dying on his knees. A snarl ripped from his throat, and he threw himself forward. He attacked the burly man before he had a chance to defend himself. Kavan smashed his forehead into the man’s nose, grappling with his gun.
The burly man shifted, clothes ripping off him as he turned into a bear. With a single blow, he sent Kavan sailing through the air. Kavan landed hard, the wind knocked out of him. His head spun from the blow, but he lifted his gun. He let off a couple of shots as the bear came charging toward him. There was another roar as the second burly man shifted. Lancaster stood back, watching.
Kavan emptied half the clip into first one bear, then the other. Both of them stumbled but neither fell. Kavan rolled out of the way as they continued after him. One of them, panting hard, fell where Kavan had been laying. The other launched himself at him again. Those huge jaws came down on Kavan’s arms as he lifted them to defend himself.
Flesh tore, blood spurted, and bone snapped. Kavan let out a scream of pain as he tried to free himself. It was no use. The bear shook him hard from side to side. Any minute, his limb was going to detach altogether—
Then something huge knocked into the bear. It rolled over, a roar of pain in its throat. Kavan crawled away as best he could, sweating and panting. A car backed up, nearly hitting Lancaster, then charged at the bear again. It hit solidly; the bear went up, crashing into the window. A
spiderweb of cracks burst over the windshield.
Lancaster cursed as he scrambled to his feet, aiming his gun at the car. He let off a few rounds as Kavan managed to pull himself upright. The bullets impacted the side of the car; the bear slumped to the beach and lay still.
Then the door on the other side of the vehicle opened. Valerie’s head appeared for half a moment. Kavan’s heart dropped. What was she doing here? How had she found them? Had Lancaster told her where to find them? Had he lied about her not being harmed.
“Valerie,” Kavan roared with all his strength as his wolf howled. “Get out of here.”
She emerged, fired a round at Lancaster and ducked back down. Lancaster cursed as he kept his gun trained on the car. His gaze flickered to Kavan and he turned, aiming the gun at him. Valerie popped back up, firing two shots. Lancaster cried out, thrown backward as a bullet hit his shoulder. The gun went flying. Valerie dashed out from behind the safety of the car, headed for him.
“No!” Kavan saw Lancaster getting back to his feet. Saw the rage in his eyes. Fur sprouted over his body and with a roar of fury, he threw himself forward. His form shifted smoothly into a wolf’s as he barreled toward Valerie.
Kavan shifted, screaming in pain as the handcuffs broke his already torn arms. He shifted back to human, able to slip his crushed bones from the cuffs, then shifted back. As Lancaster flew at Valerie, his mouth open wide, Kavan threw himself between them. Lancaster’s mouth closed on Kavan’s shoulder, ripping through fur and skin.
Valerie screamed. The gun went off again, again and again and again and again. Blasts of bullets echoed in his brain. Lancaster stumbled, fell, gave a rattling breath.
There was no sense of victory. Kavan collapsed near Lancaster’s body, watching the life drain from his eyes. At least he knew that Valerie was safe now. Darkness crowded in at the sides of his mind. He could feel blood gushing out of his body. Arms wrapped around him, jostling his bones and making him moan in pain.
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