Fashionably Dead

by Robyn Peterman

  Myrtle fidgeted in her chair. I figured she had to be a couple of hundred years old like Janet, but she looked like she was about fifteen. Most Demons, like Vampyres, stopped aging somewhere between twenty and thirty, so it was difficult to determine true age. I wasn’t sure why Myrtle looked so young.

  “Um…well, I enjoy going to Earth and playing dead in public places. When I’m surrounded by humans I take perverse pleasure in jumping up and scaring the fucking shit out of them as they wail in anguish over my perceived death.”

  WTF? These Demons were nuts.

  “Have you caused any heart attacks or strokes doing this?” Miss Bitchy Shrink grilled Myrtle.

  “No, I can’t say I have. A couple of them have wet themselves,” she offered meekly.

  “Anything else?”

  “Ummm, sure.” I watched Myrtle rack her brain. “I do enjoy kidnapping people’s dogs and cats. I groom them and dye their fur so they resemble wild animals. I then return them to their rightful owners in the dead of the night. I derive huge amounts of satisfaction watching our citizens walk their tigers, skunks and panda bears around town.”

  Everyone was speechless. That had to be one of the weirdest things I’d ever heard.

  “Do you ever eat any of the animals you kidnap?” the therapist asked.

  “No, I’m a vegetarian,” Myrtle informed the group.

  “A vegetarian Demon?” the bitch from hell shrieked, her eyes turning blood red.

  Myrtle cowered behind the chair she’d formerly been sitting in. Janet started crying and braiding her beard, Carl looked mighty uncomfortable and Dixie looked like she wanted to do some damage. I suppose a veggie-Demon was an anomaly, but this shrink was a hag.

  “I’ve heard of that,” Dixie piped up, ignoring the look of hatred from the therapist. She tried not to fidget, but I could tell she was lying from a mile away. I was actually enjoying myself. These people were fucking crazy. “Those Demons get their protein from soybeans.” Dixie had a captive audience so clearly she decided to elaborate. “I’ve heard of Veggie-Demons destroying thousands of acres of soybean fields on Earth just for an appetizer.” She had to have yanked that whopper right out of her rear end.

  Myrtle glanced over at Dixie gratefully. The lovely therapist looked as if she wanted to nail my cousin’s ass to the wall, but she didn’t dare. Dixie may have issues, but she was the head honcho’s daughter. No one was stupid enough to fuck with that…or were they?

  “Sooo, Your Highness,” the bandaged skank began, “let’s go over your list of problems...or should I say virtues. Shall we?” She laughed wickedly. “You’re a straight A student, you remember birthdays, you clean your room, people describe you as kind, you pioneered the first Meals on Wheels in Hell, you donated a million dollars to feed humans on Earth, and you’re a virgin,” she sneered. “What do you have to say for yourself?”

  How on Satan’s Red Earth did she know Dixie was a virgin? Was Dixie a virgin? Wait. That was none of that bitches business…and why did I even care? I barely knew my cousin, but I was pissed.

  I glanced around the little bungalow for something to throw at that woman’s already injured head and I felt a dark power and magic run through me. Different from my Vampyre magic. Stop. This was not good.

  Did Satan send me here so I’d get pissed and turn fully into a Demon? If I pulled on the dark magic and destroyed the therapist would I be permanently stuck in Hell?

  I took a deep breath and said nothing. Thankfully I didn’t have to. Myrtle stepped in.

  “I don’t know about you guys,” Myrtle grunted, “but I’m feeling the need to bust on Dixie’s coffee table and beat the living hell out of our therapist again.”

  Carl, Janet and Dixie grinned from ear to ear and I couldn’t suppress the giggle that escaped my lips. Miss Bitchy Pants stood up and backed her way towards the front door.

  “All of you, including the Vampyre have to report to the Dark Palace,” she haughtily informed us.

  “Now?” Janet asked hopefully. I assumed she hoped to avoid the enforced hair removal she was about to endure.

  “No!” Meanie snapped, “this evening. After you get de-haired, you repulsive...”

  “Enough,” Carl shouted advancing on the horrid woman. She turned and ran from the house. Like a coward…foul, disgusting, bandage covered cowardice hag.

  We stood quietly and looked at one another, the Princess, the Strong Man, the soon to be hairless Bearded Lady, Myrtle…and me.

  Myrtle broke the silence. “So you’re a Vampyre?”

  “Apparently,” I answered hoping she didn’t attack. I kind of liked her and really didn’t want to kill her.

  “Cool,” she muttered and the rest of the freak show nodded their approval.

  “She’s part Demon too,” Dixie added, giving me a shy smile.

  “Very small part,” I explained. “And I need to get home. Soon.”

  “I’m sure Daddy will send you home. I think he just wants to know you better.”

  “That’s just awesome,” I replied in a voice laced with sarcasm.

  “He’s really not that bad when you get to know him,” Dixie said.

  “He’s worse,” Myrtle mouthed to me out of Dixie’s line of vision.

  Fucking great. This was going to be a good time.

  ## Coming in Spring 2014 ##

  Visit www.robynpeterman.com for info.

  Excerpt from “The Demon of Synar”

  Book One of the Forced to Serve Series

  By

  Donna McDonald

  Two years ago….

  “I was nervous the first time I bound myself to a female as well,” Dorian said, watching his best friend and current captain pace the room.

  “What makes you think I’m nervous?” Synar asked.

  Dorian laughed when Liam paused his restless pacing and gave him a strange look. “What still shocks me is that Ania Looren passed up dignitaries, presidents, other ambassadors, and more warriors than I can count to tumble into your bed like a love stricken Earthling. I’m in awe of you turning out to be the one male in her entire life that she couldn’t refuse.”

  “If you think I’m going to be indiscreet and brag about my bonding time with Ania, you are mistaken my friend.” Synar grinned at Dorian’s guilty, and disappointed, look.

  “Being a Siren, my vows of abstinence are hard to endure every day. You have known me long enough to realize that this is a profound truth, Liam. But today the most celibate planet in the Alliance is tuned into your mating vibrations, as am I. As your best friend, the least you can do is let me live vicariously through you once in a while,” Dorian teased. “I know you were Ania’s first breach. She told me.”

  “Yes I was, but I’m still not telling you any details. The first time is a private matter and a special sharing. You’ve been alone too long, Dorian. Find a willing female and start living again,” Synar ordered.

  “I want peace, not another mate. It hasn’t even been a century since I lost the last one. I know not all creatures live as long as Sirens, but a century doesn’t feel all that long when you are grieving.” Dorian narrowed his eyes as his friend picked up his walking speed again. “Liam, you’re going to wear out your footwear if you keep that up.”

  “I don’t know what’s wrong with me—just can’t seem to stand still. I’m truly not nervous taking Ania as a formal mate, just impatient to get the public ceremony over. My intuition is sending out massive warning signals, but I can’t tell if they are real or just a reaction to the events of this day.”

  Synar frowned at Dorian who wasn’t even trying to hide his amusement. “Glad one of us can laugh about it. I don’t want to be an embarrassment to Ania in front of her family, so I haven’t said anything about my concerns.”

  “Perhaps I should mark this historic day in my journal. The ever stoic Liam Synar has been brought to his emotional knees with mating nerves. Why are you even doing this ceremony? I distinctly remember Ania saying it wasn’t necessary
for her sake. She said you filed the legal forms before ever leaving the ship.”

  “Yes. I did,” Synar confirmed.

  Dorian smiled and nodded. “That means all the Peace Alliance planets will honor your commitment. What will this ceremony accomplish?”

  “Ania is a high-level Peace Alliance ambassador. You don’t just throw one of those over your shoulder and run off to your quarters with her screaming that she’s yours,” Synar answered dryly, shaking his head at Dorian’s outright laughter.

  “You can laugh until it’s done, but it’s still happening. This ceremony is not for Ania or me. It’s for her family. They’ve waited a long time for their only child to take a mate. At least one of us is represented. My mother declined to be here, which was just as well since she hasn’t spoken to me in person since my father died. Mother says she is still grieving. I suppose that could be true. She had more trouble believing Conor killed him than I did. I’m not even sure she believes it now.”

  Dorian could hear the pain in Liam’s voice without even looking at his energy. His previous losses were large, but the absence of family today was taking a toll on his Norblade friend. It was his first mating and yet he would have no other Synars standing at his side to bless the union. His Siren mother had attended both his matings, and been there to comfort at their deaths. Truly he couldn’t even imagine what it would be like to be shunned by a birth parent.

  “Is your brother still exiled?”

  “Yes,” Synar said, feeling Dorian’s sympathy reaching out to him energetically. He bowed his head to his friend to acknowledge the support. “And it will stay that way for at least the next century of my brother’s life. Mother will just have to deal with Conor’s punishment and be glad that at least he isn’t dead.”

  “Have you told Ania about your family? And your. . .inheritance?”

  “No,” Synar answered, adjusting the cuffs on his uniform jacket. “I ordered Malachi to block Ania from knowing for now. Once Jonas is gone, the demon is going into the sacred amulet until I can find the proper person to rule him.”

  Skipping over the advice he wanted to offer Liam about the dangers of keeping such a large secret from the person closest to his spirit, Dorian instead focused on the main issue he saw as a problem. “How can you be so sure that you are not the proper person, Liam?”

  Synar looked and held Dorian’s gaze until he was sure his friend saw the truth in him. “No one in my family is worthy to rule the demon any longer. Certainly not Conor or me. It’s time the burden was passed on.”

  “I can tell you sincerely believe that, but I think you are more suitable than you realize.”

  Dorian glanced at the timekeeper on the wall of the room they were in and saw it was time for them to go.

  “Enough of this morbid conversation,” he said briskly. “This is a day to celebrate. There will be plenty of time for you to mourn your errors later when you realize how much taking a mate is going to complicate your life.”

  Synar snorted, refusing this time to laugh at Dorian’s teasing about Ania. “Your words offer me no comfort at all, Dorian. Tell me why we are friends again?”

  “Because I haven’t had children yet and having a much younger friend is the closest I intend to get for a while,” Dorian replied. “Your blind spots about your life are very entertaining. You see only a very small part of the female who waits for you at the altar, my friend. It’s going to be interesting to witness your shocked reaction when you find out the rest.”

  “Enlighten me about Ania’s character then,” Synar demanded on a laugh. “That’s what friends are supposed to do about each other’s females.”

  “Well, I am an unusual friend if that’s the case. I consider your enlightenment to be Ania’s task, not mine.” Dorian smiled wider as Liam shook his head. “This is why I have told both of you that I refuse to mediate your mating relationship. But I confess it is amazing to watch two of the most intuitive beings I have ever met completely ignore their intuition about each other.”

  “Maybe Ania and I know all we need to know.”

  With Dorian still laughing, Synar smiled as he stepped out of the vestibule. He looked across the room at the female who turned and smiled at him as he headed to her side. Certainly he was attracted to Ania’s beauty, but there was something else that drew him, something indefinable in her spirit. All the challenges of their mating faded when he acknowledged that larger pull to be near her. He’d never felt it with any other female.

  Dorian followed closely as Synar walked to stand at Ania’s side, feeling the respectful silence of the congregation descend around the two of them like a cloak. Defying convention on her planet, he held out a hand to his mate, smiling as Ania placed hers in his without even glancing at anyone else. On a planet where all touching was considered something to do behind closed doors, her easy acceptance of his hand holding hers was more significant to him than any ceremony could ever be.

  Synar glanced at Dorian standing taller than anyone else in the assembly and his first mate, Jonas, standing by Dorian’s side. He nodded his head to both of them that he was ready. Then he formally inclined his head to the entire assembly, before repeating the action for the officiant. Finally, he bowed to the female facing him. Her accepting smile as she held his gaze was all the assurance he needed that mating her was right.

  “Ania Looren, before this congregation of friends and family I openly declare my sincere desire to be your mate for the rest of my life. All that I am and will ever be, I give into your power this day. Do you accept my offer and pledge?” Synar asked.

  “Aye, Liam Synar. I accept your offer and pledge. All that I am and ever will be, I give into your power this day as well. Let us be declared as mates,” Ania answered, pleased that her voice was as confident and as sure as Liam’s.

  “Let it be declared that this couple is mated,” the officiant announced loudly.

  “Joined by the will of the Creators,” the congregation added, the sound of their common support rolling up the walls of the room and filling every fraction of space with joyful energy. Then the celebratory music began, the vibration of it swelling.

  Smiling that the ceremony was almost over, Synar turned his head slightly and watched in stunned disbelief as Jonas fell to the floor, a large hole blasted through his chest, his life force leaving rapidly.

  “Malachi! Come forth and stop those that seek to do harm,” Synar yelled, watching the mist come out and briefly hover over Jonas before moving off to do as asked.

  Dorian and two other crew members scrambled to find those responsible.

  “Liam, who. . .?” Hearing her new mate call out an unfamiliar name, Ania instinctively turned to the crowd and saw a weapon flash. Without stopping to think, she stepped in front of him and felt a searing fire in her back. She called out as she fell.

  “No,” Synar yelled in shock, clutching Ania’s falling form in his arms. “Malachi! Kill them all but one.”

  It will be done as you command. Not wanting to waste the energy needed to form sound, Malachi mentally sent his compliance and moved quickly to obey.

  Synar sank to the floor clutching Ania’s weakening body. “What have you done, Ania? Why did you step in front of me? That blast was not meant for you.”

  “Take care for your life,” Ania said, trying to tell him what she had seen even if she was too late to stop it. “I am returning to the Creators. Do not mourn me long, Liam. You know I have planned for this day.”

  “No—this will not be, must not be.” Synar looked around the room, now mostly vacant except for the dead and dying bodies lying scattered across the floor. When the mist appeared above him, hovering and waiting for acknowledgment, Synar looked up in numbed surprise. He could barely think.

  The attackers are all dead except the one being restrained by your Lieutenant Zade. Even he is starting to wish he had suffered the same fate. Let Zade finish him for you and be done with this fight, Liam. You and I have a bigger problem to attend to because Jon
as Tangier is no more, Malachi sent.

  Synar looked at the male cowering by Dorian and at the carnage on the floor. He swallowed, focusing his thoughts. Are any of the Pleiadians who tried to stop them still alive?

  One or two linger, but not for long, Malachi reported.

  Go into the largest one for now, but do nothing else until I command you, Synar sent. Do not reanimate him.

  As you wish, Malachi sent back, heading for the best body he saw, glad that Liam was letting him choose his host this time. Jonas Tangier had not been his choice, though he had grown quite fond of the easy going male host over time. Being in Jonas had been like taking a holiday from warring because the Greggor male loved nothing better than bonding with females and making music. Before Jonas, Liam’s father Bogdan had put him into an uneducated, giant stump of a Norblade. Malachi didn’t even want to think about that host body and what it had done.

  Looking over the choices lying in front of him, Malachi thought he probably should have felt more over the loss of a host like Jonas. But after so many years and so many hosts, he could not seem to conjure the energy setting for such a corporeal emotion. In mist form, there was only the divinely driven need to find a way to continue his existence. Knowing Liam was still watching and waiting for him to comply, Malachi quickly disappeared into the largest Pleiadian guard he saw.

  After Malachi was gone from sight, Synar lay Ania’s mostly unconscious form down on the floor and stood to walk over to the cowering male Dorian held firm. He looked down at his uniform covered in life force. Knowing it was Ania’s had his eyes glowing red. The killer glared back defiantly at him, but Synar also saw fear in his eyes. If there hadn’t been any, he would have made sure to put some there. And though he’d never ordered it done to a captive yet, Malachi was well skilled at torture.

  “Did my brother Conor send you to kill me?” Synar demanded. “I warn you, your death means nothing to me now, so you might as well try to redeem yourself before the Creators receive you.”