by Jess Bryant
Shit.
So much for her ‘this isn’t anything but casual sex’ bullshit. She’d never really been into the casual thing but she was fairly certain you didn’t sleep over if it was only supposed to be a one-night stand. Then again, she didn’t think either of them had bought that line about her only using him for his body anyway so maybe it didn’t matter.
She’d only thought she was confused yesterday. After he’d kissed her and turned her world upside down. Today, well today was going to be a disaster of epic proportions because she had no idea where they stood now.
“You know I can practically hear the wheels in your head turning, right?” A gruff, husky voice came from just behind her at the same time the big hand that had been resting on her hip slid around her to rest against her stomach.
She bit her lip, “Did I wake you?”
“No. I’ve been awake for a while.”
“Doing what?”
“Watching you sleep.” He chuckled and she was glad he was behind her where he couldn’t see her smile, “What? Not gonna call me a creepy stalker like you did when you thought I broke into your room?”
“It’s a little different now, seeing as how I’m in your bed naked.”
“Mmm, that you are.” The big hand on her belly slid higher, cupping her breast, “Talk about a good morning.”
Her body responded instantly. She moaned and her head fell back. Connor was there, catching her against his chest as he teased her with little kisses along her shoulder and his fingers worked their magic. She shifted restlessly, caught between knowing she should get up and get out of his bed and simply letting him make her feel good for a little while longer.
“Are you wet for me, Lu?” His voice was gruff and she shivered.
“Find out for yourself.”
“Feisty. God I love that about you.” His laugh was low and sexy, “Makes me wonder if you’re really up for that dream package you asked for last night.”
Her breath caught and heat slid over her at the blatantly sexual promise behind those words. She’d asked him for whatever he did to women to make them go googly eyed and he’d told her she wasn’t ready for that. He’d then proceeded to drive her out of her mind with his hands and his tongue and his cock. There was more? Good God she might not survive with her sanity intact.
Connor chuckled again, “What exactly have you heard about me, Lu?”
“I uh… I heard y-you like control.” She stuttered a little because he was teasing his fingers along her stomach.
“So you know how big a deal it was for me to let you call the shots last night?”
She nodded because her throat felt tight. She’d known he was holding back, for her. She’d needed it to be her choice and somehow, he’d understood that completely without her having to say a word.
“Last night, I let you have your way. God it was good, Lu. We’re so damn good together. But I need to show you it can be even better if you let me lead. You think you can trust me to have my way this morning, baby?”
His way. What did that even mean? Lulu swallowed hard.
She should really get up and get the hell out of this room. She needed a cold shower. She needed some time and some space to sort through everything that had happened between them last night. She needed to replay all of those beautiful sweet things he had said to her and try to figure out just how she felt about him now.
Because she didn’t think she could hold onto the lie that she didn’t even like him as a person after the way he’d looked at her and treated her last night.
Connor sighed, the sound heavy and sad, and his hand on her stomach stilled, “It’s okay. I get it. It’s a lot to ask.”
She could feel his retreat and she hated herself for still doubting him. He’d been nothing but good to her last night. He’d left it up to her. He’d let her take control. He’d been sweet and kind and he’d held her close all through the night.
She knew him. She knew he wasn’t a bad guy. She knew that he would never purposefully hurt her. So then why couldn’t she trust him to give her more pleasure than she’d ever known?
“Wait.” She caught his hand as he began to slip away from her. “Just… wait.”
Connor’s fingers laced with hers and he squeezed gently, “Forever. I’d wait for you forever, Lu.”
Her heart stuttered at those whispered words. Who was this man that she’d known all her life and never knew at all? Sweet and gentle and honest to a fault. She’d spent so long hating him for telling her the truths she didn’t want to hear but now, like this, he somehow knew exactly what she needed and gave it to her without hesitation or question.
“Just… tell me what you want from me.” She squeezed his hand in return, thankful he hadn’t tried to force her around to face him. Somehow it was easier not having to look at him. He was there, with her, his big presence warming her and making her feel safe.
“Need, baby. It’s what I need. I need you to trust me.”
“I…” Her voice caught but she forced out her own truth, “I do.”
“I need you to give up control to me. Not all the time. Not out there in the real world, but here, when it’s just the two of us, I need you to do what I tell you, what I ask you, and know that anything and everything I do is to make you feel good. Can you do that?” His lips touched her shoulder, gently, sweetly.
“I…” She paused, trying to think it through.
He was asking a lot. He had to know that. He was talking as if this, them, was a sure thing and going to continue. When she was still trying to figure out what it all meant, he was asking for more.
“I know it doesn’t come natural to you, especially with our history. You’re gonna balk the first time I tell you to get on your knees and suck my dick.” She must’ve made a noise at his crude words because he chuckled and nuzzled closer to her, “But that’s one of the things I love about you. I love your fire and your passion. I’m not trying to take it away. I just need to be the one in control and knowing that you trust me enough to do what I tell you, fuck baby it’s gonna make it even better between us. Trust me.”
“Wh-what will you do if I don’t follow an order?”
His lips against her shoulder pulled into what could only have been a smile, “Punishment of course.”
“Punishment?” She wiggled in his embrace a little as she thought about that.
Why was she getting turned on the more he talked? She shouldn’t be. Should she? She didn’t relish the idea of him getting to call all the shots, that was for damn sure, and yet… when she thought about misbehaving, just to fight with him, tease him, be a brat, she couldn’t deny that spot between her legs grew hot and wet and achy.
“Oh, I think you know exactly what I mean.” Connor bit her shoulder, his fingers beginning to slide down her stomach again, “Now answer me. Are you wet for me, Lu?”
“Yes.” She groaned when his fingers slid between her legs.
“Fucking soaked is more like it.” His voice was a guttural growl, “Tell me you’re not already thinking of ways to defy me just to see if I’ll spank that cute little ass.”
She arched into his touch, “Do you want me to tell you what you want to hear or do you want me to be honest?”
“Honest. Always.”
“I was thinking that all the fighting we’ve done all these years…” She gasped as he found her clit and pinched, “Would’ve gone a lot differently if you’d threatened to spank me sooner.”
“Fuck.” Connor groaned as he flexed his fingers, driving them into her as his erection pressed against her ass. “I knew it. I knew you were perfect for me. Goddamn. Every time I think I have the upper hand you go and rip away another bit of my sanity. I intended to go slow with you, ease you into it, but you don’t want slow do you, baby? You want to drive me as crazy as I drive you.”
“Con…” She gasped as he slid his fingers out of her and grabbed her leg, pulling it up and back over his hip. She didn’t even have time to complain about feeling
empty before his cock was there. He pushed inside her with one brutal thrust, holding her in place with his strong arms as he began to fuck her from behind. “Oh God, Con…”
“That’s it.” He growled, “Keep saying my name just like that.”
“Con. Oh, oh, Connor.” She arched back, trying to reach him, wanting to kiss him, needing to see him, but he didn’t budge his grip on her and she was trapped in his steel embrace. It was hot. There was no denying that. He’d promised her that letting him be in control would be. But something heavy in her chest was making it hard to breathe, let alone think and she couldn’t let go, not like this, not without knowing he was right there with her, on a dangerous precipice, not without seeing that blatant honesty in his eyes that said he’d catch her, “Connor, please.”
“Please what?” His voice was harsh, his breathing turning ragged. “Tell me what you want, baby.”
“You. I.” She gasped as he stroked deep and when she had air in her lungs again her voice sounded like a whine, “I need to see you. Please. I need to see you. Oh God, please, I need… I can’t… I need you…”
“Ah, God, Lu.” Connor groaned as his grip on her loosened and she whimpered when he slid out of her. Then he was there, rolling her to her back and looming over her. “Better, baby?”
She saw the worry in his ocean eyes and immediately reached for him, pulling him back into her arms, needing his touch in a way that wasn’t easy to explain or rationalize. She kissed him hard and held onto him, not understanding this sudden tidal wave of feeling he’d pushed her into. She didn’t say a word. She didn’t have to. When he broke the kiss, she knew he understood simply from the way he looked down at her, the way he stroked her hair so softly even as he fit himself back between her legs and drove in fast and hard.
“Connor!” She cried out as he wrestled her arms over her head, holding her down as he pounded into her again and again.
She hadn’t known that was what she needed but he had. She’d felt like she was flying away, just busting apart at the seams as her entire life changed overnight. She’d thought she knew what she liked, what she was into, but Connor had turned everything upside down. She’d needed him to help hold her together and he just got it.
He got her.
“That’s it baby. I got you.” His voice was rough but his eyes were soft as he resituated her beneath him and pulled her leg up around his waist, “Hold on to me.”
She whimpered as her body tensed, trying to hold him deep inside of her.
“I’m here, Lu. I got you. Let go. Just let go.”
Lulu closed her eyes and let the pleasure wash through her. She didn’t have to think. She didn’t have to worry. She didn’t have to try to impress him or be something that she wasn’t. He wanted her. Just like this, just the way she was, Connor wanted her. He wanted to be in control. He wanted to make her feel good. All she had to do was leave it up to him.
Letting go, letting him take the lead, giving herself over to him, it was the most freeing thing she’d ever felt.
Connor’s way turned out to be a lot rougher than her way had been. He took her hard and fast. He muttered filthy obscenities. He held her down when she twisted beneath him. He would undoubtedly leave bruises and instead of worrying her, her heart soared at the idea of him wanting her so badly that he couldn’t be gentle.
Nobody had ever wanted her like this. Not with this kind of passion. Not with this kind of possessiveness.
That first night here in Mexico, she’d asked him why nobody wanted her. He’d said she was drunk and put her to bed. He hadn’t told her how much he wanted her. Not then. But he’d told her since in all of the little things he did for her and he was showing her now with his body.
Everything she’d always wanted. To feel wanted and desired and cherished. He gave it to her without hesitation. Everything she’d always needed. To be seen and heard and chosen first. He gave her.
How was she supposed to do anything but accept that and him and take the pleasure he offered?
She didn’t know how it would work. They came close to killing each other on a daily basis. They argued about literally everything under the sun. This thing between the two of them had sparked so unexpectedly for her but he’d wanted her for years. They were in paradise, in forced proximity, with the heat and the wedding bearing down on them. If they were back in Fate, back home in Texas, would this have happened eventually? Once she let go of her feelings for Derek, would Connor have been there for her? Or was she tricking herself into believing this was anything but some great vacation sex?
“Stay with me.” Connor’s voice had gone taunt and she felt him shuddering as he held himself up over her, “Stay with me, Lu.”
She softened and rose up just enough to brush her lips over his, “I’m here. I’m with you. Promise.”
“You ready to come?” He released her hip and slid his hand between her legs, finding and rubbing her clit as he continued to drive into her. “Come on, baby. Come for me. That’s my first order. You come for me or I’m gonna spank this sweet pussy. Come on, Lu. Come for me.”
She bit her lip. Connor narrowed his eyes. He growled and then the sweet tease of his fingers rubbing her clit was gone. There was a second where she reconsidered her decision but then he smacked her. Not light or teasing. He slapped her mound hard enough to sting and she gasped as she pain sent a shockwave through her system. Her entire body tightened and she could feel every inch of Connor inside her. She gasped at the wholly new sensation but it wasn’t new for long. He smacked her again and the heat flared through her. This time she gave into it. She tipped her head back and let it take her over the edge. Her climax knocked the air out of her and she felt Connor jerk as he joined her in his release.
They collapsed together on the bed. Both breathing hard and covered in sweat and come. Their bodies wrapped around each other. He was still half on top of her but despite his weight she held him there because she couldn’t be sure she wouldn’t fall apart again without him to hold her together.
“I’ll move in a sec.” Connor groaned after a few minutes, “Soon as my blood returns to my head.”
“Mmm, stay.” She ran her nails down his back and he shivered.
“That was… intense.” He sat up enough to look at her and she smiled at the soft worry on his handsome face.
“It’s not always like that?”
“Never.” He pulled her hand to his mouth and kissed it gently. “Only with you.”
God, he really was a sweet-talker. She melted a little bit for him when he said shit like that. He was full of it of course. She knew all those girls back home in Fate that got all starry eyed over Deputy Shaw had probably been told the same things.
“Uh uh.” He gripped her chin and forced her to meet his gaze, “I don’t say that to all the girls.”
“I didn’t even say it!” She laughed and he grinned.
“You didn’t have to. It’s written right there on your pretty face. But when have you ever known me to lie or sugarcoat anything for you, Lu?” He gave her a pointed look, “The only time I’ve ever come close to sex that good was when I….”
Connor trailed off and suddenly rolled over.
“Con? What’s wrong?” She instantly felt her defenses sliding back into place.
“Shit.” He muttered and then shook his head, “If I tell you, you have to promise not to freak out.”
“Well that seems unlikely.” She sat up quickly pulling the blankets over her breasts. “Just tell me what’s wrong.”
“It’s not that anything is wrong… per se…” He winced when she pinned him with a hard stare, “We didn’t use a condom.”
Lulu blinked at him as the words sank in. They hadn’t used a condom. The thought had never once entered her head. It should have. She knew that. There were plenty of reasons to be careful not to mention the fact that she’d only just started sleeping with him but she hadn’t stopped them or told him to get one. Not this morning or last night for that matter.<
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“Don’t freak out.” Connor reached for her.
“I’m not freaking out.”
“Are you sure? Because you’re doing that thing you do where you stare off into space and don’t say anything for a long time.” He frowned, “I swear to you that I didn’t mean to forget. I just… it’s you and I thought I was prepared for you but dammit I guess I wasn’t because I don’t think straight around you.”
“It wasn’t just your responsibility. I could’ve said something.” Lulu shook her head, “Look, I’m on the pill. I’m a dancer and it helps regulate my cycles. You don’t have to worry about that.”
“Worry about… Jesus, Lu. You think I’m worried about me? I’m worried about you! I’ve been tested and I haven’t been with anyone since but dammit you shouldn’t have to take my word for that. I should’ve been prepared.”
“Don’t yell at me! We’re both adults here. It’s just as much my responsibility to be safe as it is yours.” She raised her voice to yell right back at him and then she caught herself and started laughing. “Oh my God, Connor! See! We’re already arguing. We can’t agree on anything!”
He softened a little, “We agree that disagreeing can be fun sometimes.”
She snorted, “Is this an awful idea, Con?”
“You and me?”
“Yeah, you and me.”
“No, baby. It’s a great idea. Come here, let me prove it to you again.” He dragged her down into the sheets and she giggled as he kissed her neck.
“You know we’ll have to leave this bed and this room at some point right?”
“I know.” He sighed.
“I was thinking…” She trailed off and he sat up enough to look her in the eye again.
“Uh oh, you’re about to say something that’s gonna piss me off aren’t you?” Connor shook his head, “Don’t say it, Lu.”
“Maybe we shouldn’t tell anyone about this.”
“Dammit Lu. I said don’t say it.” He sat upright and all but pouted.
“I’m not trying to hide it I just…”
“You damn sure are.” He cut in.
“Just, listen to me. Please.” She caught his arm when he started to crawl from the bed, “You said yourself that this week isn’t about me. It isn’t about us. This is Derek and Aubrey’s wedding. Would telling them we’re sleeping together really make you happy? When you’re the one that told me not to ruin things for them?”