by Ryan Michele
“I’ll be right outside those doors. I’m not leaving.” My heart breaks for the pain and guilt I see written all over his face. I want to wash it away for him.
I give him a tight smile. “I know, baby.” He leans down and places his hand on my cheek, pressing his lips to mine. My breath is taken away for a moment. He pulls back. “Take care of her.” He directs the words to the doctor.
“I sure will.” Dr. Hernandez begins moving throughout the room in a rush with the nurses on her heels.
I turn back to GT. “Go. Let’s get this over with. Everything will be fine.” I try to believe the words coming out of my mouth, but part of me is fighting to not yell you’re full of shit! to myself.
“I’ll be right outside that door,” he repeats himself. I can see in his eyes he’s worried as shit and the fact he has no control over it is eating away at him.
“Okay. Ma?” I look at her expectantly. She nods, reading my thoughts.
“I’ve got him.” She squeezes my foot again. “We will see you very soon.” Ma practically has to push GT out of the room, but he does go. I watch the scene around me and the worry deepens. Logically, I saw the baby moving inside of me; subconsciously, all I can think is that didn’t make a difference last time.
I pace these fucking white floors back and forth… back and forth as I stare down at the tile with little specks of gold inside of them. My arm is sore from gripping my neck and hair for so long, but I welcome the pain. Pain is what I deserve. Thirty minutes has felt like days. Practically the whole fucking club is here in the waiting room and we’ve gotten more than our fair share of looks, but one glance at me has them bolting away quick. I haven’t talked to anyone and they’ve all given me my space. Wise decision.
“Son, you need to calm down. You’re not going to help her like this.” Pops’s boots enter my path of vision, causing me to halt. I look up from the floor into the same eyes that reflect me in the mirror daily, only his are filled with concern, but also strength.
“I don’t know what else to do, Pops.” I have no fucking clue if something’s wrong with the baby, I just don’t know. Angel won’t make it. She was a fucking mess after Mia and still is for that matter. I’ll fucking lose her, I just know it. The worst fucking part is, it’s my fault.
Ma walks up, wrapping her arms around Pops who places his arm around her shoulder, kissing her on top of her hair. “Want to tell me why you were kissing some woman?” She quirks her brow in condemnation and I deserve that shit.
“Ma, it was Bobbie’s ol’ lady from Chesterfield.”
“Why was she here, GT?” If it were any other woman, I’d tell them to mind their own fucking business, but Ma and Angel are different. Fuck, I’m getting soft.
“I’m having Bobbie make something for the baby. It was supposed to be a surprise for Angel, but now, I’ll have to tell her.” I shake my head. “She wasn’t supposed to be there or I wouldn’t have had the woman come.”
“I know you mean well, but…” Ma stops at her words and I know what she’s going to say.
“I fucked up, all right. I’ve already told Angel that.” I pause and take a deep breath. “You think that’s why she started bleeding?” I knew the answer to the question, but I am a glutton for fucking punishment.
“I believe it had something to do with it,” Ma answers honestly and my head falls. I’m to fucking blame. Dammit. “She loves you, GT. She’s got so much shit rolling around in that head of hers right now, add in all the pregnancy hormones and I’m surprised she’s walking. She’s such a strong woman, GT, and she may not see it, but she is. It takes so much strength to do what she is doing right now. Protecting your baby.”
“I know. I just fucked up. I’ll make it right.”
“The family of Ms. Alexander,” a high-pitched voice comes from behind. I turn instantly, seeing a short-haired blonde woman looking down at a clipboard. She glances up and her eyes widen as she takes in the leather surrounding her.
“Here.” At my gruff voice, her eyes swing to mine. She gives a soft smile, but the apprehension in her eyes is clear. She walks ever so slowly to us like she’s forcing one foot in front of the other. We are a bit intimidating, but she needs to hurry the fuck up.
Ma places her hand on my shoulder and squeezes reassuringly. “Dr. Hernandez has results and asked me to come and get you. If you could please follow me back.” She turns and walks with me on her heels. I don’t turn to the group behind me, I just move quickly.
My insides twist and turn as nerves rattle my body. I never knew I could be so damn scared for something in my life. The baby inside of Angel, I’m terrified for it. I’ll take all of that fear on, though. Every bit of it away from Angel. If it weighs me down, so fucking be it. We walk through the same doors and Angel’s head pops up, a small smile gracing her lips.
Even in a shitty ass hospital gown and her hair a tousled mess, she’s still the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen in my damn life. No one compares to her. That’s why she’s mine.
I walk directly to the edge of the bed and grab on to Angel’s hand, picking it up and laying soft kisses on the top. Out of the corner of my eye, the nurses and doctor are standing near, but give us this brief moment. “Are you okay?”
“Yeah. Everything went fine.” Her eyes are tired and worried, but thank God the tears have stopped for the moment.
“All right.” Dr. Hernandez sits on the round rolling chair and moves up next to Angel’s side. Her arm is holding a stack of papers. “I’m going to get down to business.” Her eyes shoot back and forth between the two of us and I nod as I suck in a breath, waiting for the news that could change both of our lives forever. “Everything came back wonderfully.” The doctor smiles reassuringly. “I was worried about a tear causing the bleeding, but that is not the case. Every single thing has come back normal.”
I let out the deep breath I was holding and look down at my girl. A lone tear escapes from her eye, falling to the white sheet of the bed. I lean down, kissing her softly on the temple.
“Then what caused it?” Angel asks, her voice shaky.
“Have you been doing yoga like I asked?” She raises her brow expectantly.
“Yes. I have. I don’t know if it works, but I have been doing it.” Angel’s words are quick.
“What about stress? Have you been terribly worried about losing this baby?” My heart falls to the floor, but I say nothing.
“Of course I’m worried about losing the baby, but I try to keep busy and not let it consume me.”
“Anything happen yesterday or today to make your stress level rise?” Her eyes focus on me like she can read my fucking mind or something.
“Doc, I fucked up. It wasn’t what Angel thought it looked like. I swear it.” Not that any of this shit is her business or makes any sense to her, but she’s the one to keep my baby safe and at the moment, that’s all that fucking matters.
“I suggest you un-fuck up.” I quirk my eye at her language, not something I expected from a doctor, not that it bothers me, just unexpected. “Casey is to remain stress-free if you want to have a happy, healthy baby. Right now, everything is great. You need to help her keep it that way.” The doctor turns her eyes to Casey. “You are doing fantastic with this pregnancy. I know it is hard not to worry about losing the baby, but you need to try to focus on something else. Have you thought about a baby room yet?”
“No. I was too afraid to.” I squeeze Angel’s hand at her words, knowing how hard they are for her. “I didn’t want to get my hopes up.”
“Well, you need to. You are about four-and-a-half months pregnant now, which means you are halfway to having a baby and if by some reason this baby comes early, you will want to be prepared.”
Angel’s eyes light up to the point of actually sparkling, something I haven’t seen in a really long time and I fucking love it. “We’re having a baby.” She smiles and it envelops the whole damn room.
“Yeah, baby. We s
ure are.” I kiss her mouth and pour every drop of love I have into the kiss. A cough in the room is the only reason I pull away. I look at the doctor who is smiling ear-to-ear.
“Okay, you two, we are going to monitor her for a while here then you can go home, but you need to work on ways to deal with the stress. Find a focus, understand?”
“Yes, ma’am. I’ll make sure she stays as stress-free as I can, even if I have to chain her to the bed.” I smirk.
“Now, Mr. Gavelson. I’m not sure that’s the best way.” She laughs. “But if that calms her, by all means.”
“Yeah! That would not calm me!” Angel laughs, smacking my arm.
I feign hurt. “See what I deal with?” It’s nice that we actually feel like laughing. The baby is great and now I need to make sure Angel is the same.
When GT told me the woman’s name was Stage, I about fell over. Stage is an ol’ lady who worked the pole at X, but got caught with drugs and was fired. Drama. He says the reason he was with her was something for the baby, but he doesn’t want to ruin the surprise. He even told me that he’d tell me what it is to make me feel better, but he really wanted to wait. So, I let him wait. The last time ended up in such a mess. So, I’m trusting him but it hasn’t been easy.
GT’s been doing a lot of club work lately, more than normal. I don’t ask because it would be a waste of breath and really, I don’t want to know. The less I know, I think the better. Harlow, Ma, Blaze, and Bella have all come to visit me during the days and nights he’s gone. I’ve told him that I’m fine, but he doesn’t listen. He has the me-right-you-wrong thing down pat, and I just don’t fight him. Truth is, I worry about him more than myself a lot of the time, but I try my damnedest to relax. It’s not easy.
Classes ended and I passed all of them, so I didn’t have school to occupy my time and I spent lots of it in the office.
At our last sonogram about two weeks ago, Dr. Hernandez said that everything still looked on target and normal, so I’ve been forcing myself to relax about losing this baby. It hasn’t been easy at all. Sometimes, the stress wins, but I’ve been curbing it as much as possible. But I’m happy and excited and can’t wait to meet this little one inside of me.
It’s been about six weeks since I got out of the hospital and GT brought me home and has un-fucked up as best he can. He’s a guy, though, so it’s very hard for him.
Today, Ma and Harlow are picking me up and for the first time, we are going shopping for the baby’s room. We still don’t know the sex of the baby, because he or she won’t cooperate during the sonograms. I think it’s gotta be a boy since it’s stubborn as shit like its daddy. GT is chomping at the bit to know if it’s a boy or a girl. Me, I’m not sure I want to know. I kind of like the idea of a surprise.
I finish pulling my pants up, the ones with elastic around the top that look like absolute shit but are comfortable as hell. My stomach isn’t huge, but the doctor said with my size that it’s okay even at 23 weeks, but to be prepared to balloon out soon. I still feel huge, I can’t imagine what ballooning out will entail. I toss on a t-shirt and head out to the kitchen.
“Hey, bitch!” I jump at Harlow’s words, clutching my chest. Shit.
“You scared the shit out me.” I move to the fridge, grabbing a bottle of water, and taking it down in a few huge gulps.
“Figured you were getting ready.” She climbs up to the kitchen island, perches there and smiles.
“What?”
“You excited to go shopping?” I know Harlow isn’t. She’s not that type of woman, but she does it for me and that is why I love her so.
“Actually, I am. We have nothing and it’s time.” A honking outside catches our ears.
Harlow hops off the stool. “That’s Ma, let’s go find ya some stuff.” She moves to the door and stops, turning to look at me. She grabs my cheek and my eyes widen in surprise. “I’m proud of you, little mommy.” She kisses me on my nose and my heart grows even more for this woman. She turns quickly and heads out the door before I can say anything. I follow with a huge smile on my face.
“What about this?” Harlow holds up an adorable little pink dress with zebra print on it. Lace and ruffles line the bottom and the matching booties are the cutest thing I have ever seen.
“We don’t know if it’s a girl.” But I really like this dress.
“We can get it and if it’s not, bring it back.” We sure could.
“If you want. We need to get diapers, bottles, pacifiers—all that kind of stuff. We are starting out with a blank slate here.” The more I think about it the more I realize how seriously unprepared we are at the house. My anxiety starts to stir. I take some deep breaths and feel it ease just a bit.
Ma pats me on the arm and rubs it up and down reassuringly. “I know you’re new to this, that’s why I’m here. I’m here every step, any questions you have. I’m here.” Tears well in my eyes, freaking hormones. Damn, I love this woman.
“Thanks, Ma.”
“You can ask me anything and I’ll answer as honest as I can. I don’t care if it’s because you’re concerned about the color of the baby’s poop.” I startle at her words.
“Wouldn’t it be normal color?” I’m quite puzzled by this. I haven’t been around babies, well, ever. Baby poop is different colors? I mean what does that even mean? This conversation is stirring me back up. Shit.
“Normal is a lot of things. When the baby gets here, I’ll help you through it all.” Relief consumes me and I let out a deep breath. Ma will be here.
“What else do I need to know?” I feel very inept about taking care of this little bundle. No matter how many books I read or times I look things up on the internet, I’m not sure I’ll ever be ready.
Ma full out laughs. “Oh, babe. Everything. I see the panic in your eyes. It will all be okay. I promise you. It’s scary, but so very worth it.”
I nod slowly, feeling like my brain hasn’t fully caught up. I shake my head. “So, what do I need?”
Ma and Harlow give each other a look, then Ma speaks. “Lots, but let’s look at the bedding. I loved picking it out for my kids.”
Crimson splatters my face. “We don’t have a bed yet.” GT and I really haven’t talked about that yet. I know the doctor told me to focus on the baby’s room. I just hadn’t gotten around to it yet.
“Well, let’s start there! Cribs and bedding!” Ma exclaims and Harlow groans a bit, but follows us along. I know she’s happy; she’s just not a shopper. I love her.
After three hours on my feet and several bags of baby stuff, we climb in the truck. We still have no bed or bedding because I couldn’t pick one out, but I still have time. My body aches from the top of my head to the tips of my toes. Ma turns the car on and begins to drive. My eyes flutter to sleep.
“Wake up, hoochie.” Harlow’s voice pulls me from sleep as she pokes me in the hip.
“Stop that,” I groan, moving my head to the side and looking out the window to my house. “I’m going to bed.” I creak out of the car and do just that.
I had this idea for Lakin, but Pops said that since Burnzie already started paperwork suing the department, we need to wait until that’s over. Fucking sucks. The ride home from the club is freeing just like it always is. The best part nowadays is going home to Angel waiting for me.
I pull into the drive and stroll up to the house. Everything is eerily quiet, but I don’t yell for Angel. I slowly walk to the bedroom and see my Angel wrapped in the blankets, her blonde hair sprawled out in a veil around her head. I kick off my clothes and climb in next to her, wrapping her in my warmth. Every day with this woman is the best day of my life. I don’t know what I did to become a lucky son of a bitch, but I’m fucking thankful as shit for it.
Angel stirs in my arms, snuggling closer to me, my dick sitting in the cleft of her ass and growing hard from her heat. She wiggles her ass and I groan. Fucking her is my own slice of heaven. My hand moves to her stomach and rests there. I still c
an’t believe my little baby is growing inside my woman’s body. Fuck yeah. The way her body has changed, her fuller tits, her hips a bit wider, it all turns me the fuck on. Even the baby bump in front, all it does is remind me that she is mine.
“Hey, baby,” she whispers, still groggy from sleep.
“Hey, beautiful.” I rub my dick up and down the crack of her ass.
“Keep that up,” she moans. These last few weeks, she’s been a fucking machine. Not that she’s ever really turned me down in the first place, but lately, if I’m home, my dick is inside of her. Can’t complain.
A thump on my hand makes me jump. “What the fuck was that?”
“Don’t move your hand.” Angel grips my hand, holding it in place on her stomach, pushing my hand deeper into her skin. The thump comes back, hitting my hand hard.
My eyes widen. “Is that the baby?”
Angel turns to me, smiling, “Yeah, that’s our baby.”
“Holy fucking shit!” I yell, not moving my hand for anything. The thump happens again. “I can’t believe I can feel it.” I’m in awe, total utter awe. My baby just kicked me. Wow.
“He or she is really in there,” she says a little awestruck herself.
“Yeah, babe.” I kiss her hard and then fuck her, just like I planned on earlier, only this time we had something to truly celebrate.
Twenty-six weeks and my body has decided to expand like crazy. My hands, feet, and ankles are huge. When I called the doctor, she said it is all normal, but I feel like a damn water balloon about to burst. My stomach is protruding and the baby kicks all the time. You know what? I love every damn part. Yep, the fact I can’t sleep. Love it. The fact I look like a pin cushion, love it. Why? My baby is healthy and inside of me cooking where it’s supposed to be. Some women may complain and I can totally see why they would, but I refuse.