by Ryan Michele
“I got these the other day.” She holds up two tiny little hats, one red and one black, a huge smile on her face, excitement radiating from it. “This”—she holds one up—“will go on the baby’s head if it’s a girl. And this one”—she grabs the other hat, holding it up—“is for if it’s a boy.”
“Okay, what happened to that pink and blue shit Ma was trying to shove down our throats a while back?” I ask curiously.
“Ravage colors. This baby is a Ravage baby.” She smiles wide and my insides flip at how awesome my woman is and how fucking dead-on she is, too. I bring my lips down on hers and show her exactly how happy she has made me.
Eat, sleep, and try to move. That’s about my existence at the moment. The past six weeks, I’ve eaten more than I think I’ve eaten in my life. My weight has increased substantially and I have to pee every five minutes. I told GT the other night to just put a damn catheter in me so I didn’t have to get up to pee. When I stand, I can’t see my feet because my stomach is so huge. It even hurts to breathe sometimes. The doctor says that there just isn’t a lot of room in there for the baby to grow so it’s pushing on all my body parts, including my bladder. I’m not complaining. I’m speaking the truth, and each day the excitement grows and grows inside of me.
The last appointment we had, the doctor could tell what the sex of the baby was, but I screeched I didn’t want to know. GT being the stubborn man he is, fought me, but somehow I won. Maybe it was the promise of another blowjob in his near future. Whatever. We don’t know and I’m actually happy about that.
I may sweat a lot, eat like a cow, piss like a horse, and not be able to see my feet, but I’ve never been happier in my life. Every time this baby flips and flops in my stomach, I want to burst in tears. That little reassurance that he or she is okay is all I need to keep doing everything the doctor says. I’ve followed every direction, even drinking tons of water, which leads to me sitting on the toilet most of the day, but I do it with a big fat smile.
A knock on the door pulls me out of my thoughts. “Hang on.” I try to get up, but it’s no use, thank goodness I don’t have to as Harlow breezes in through the door.
“Hey, Mom. How ya feeling?” She rushes into the room, throwing her bag onto the nearby table as I stay rooted on the couch. Her eyes are different today almost down and that’s not like her.
“Good. Where’s Coop and what’s wrong?” I pat the seat next to me and she sits, curling her legs underneath her body. I remember the days when I could do that. Sigh.
“Ma. And nothing. I’m good. How’s my niece or nephew doing?” She reaches over, patting my stomach. The first time she felt the baby was hilarious. She jumped eyes wide and declared I had an alien growing inside of me and promised to love the little alien all the same.
“The baby is moving a lot today, flipping and turning. It’s like it can’t get comfortable.”
“It’s probably ready to break out of jail, but I don’t see why. Shit, babies have it made in there. It’s warm, they’re fed, sleep when they want and get loved to pieces.” I smile. She is so right. I don’t know why a baby would want to come out, but this one will.
“Doctor said there isn’t a lot of room and even though I’ve gained a lot of weight, my frame is still small so it makes it a bit harder. Thirty-seven weeks is a big baby.” I sigh. We have another visit later today. We started going every two weeks now and each time, I love hearing the baby’s heartbeat. It’s music to my ears.
The sudden urge to pee hits me. “I’ve gotta go.” I move to get up, grabbing onto the edge of the couch for support. A sharp pain slams into my side and I grasp it quickly, grinding my teeth from the surge throughout my body.
“Are you okay?” Harlow rushes to my side.
“Just a pain, I’m fine.” The pain somewhat subsides and I stand up fully. My stomach clenches and fluid trickles down my body. “Shit.” I move to the bathroom with Harlow on my heels.
“Casey, what the fuck is going on? You’re scaring the shit out of me.” Scaring her, shit, I’m scared. That was too much fluid to be piss.
I reach the bathroom and pull down my pants, feeling even more fluid trickling down my thigh. “Either I just pissed myself, or my water broke. I’m banking on my water breaking.” Another cramp comes rough in my stomach and I sit on the toilet, more liquid falling from my body. “Get my phone. I need to call the doctor and you call GT.”
It’s early, like three weeks early, but I learned in my class this could happen. Also, Dr. Hernandez said with not knowing my own mother’s conditions during my birth, I needed to be prepared for just about anything. I breathe in and out, trying not to have the freak out that I so desperately need at the moment. Harlow rushes into the room and hands me my phone, she’s already dialing hers. I dial quickly.
“Dr. Hernandez’s office,” a perky female voice answers.
“This is Casey Alexander. I’m thirty-seven weeks pregnant and I’m pretty sure my water just broke,” I rush out.
“Was the liquid clear or yellow?” I look at my leg, seeing nothing.
“I don’t know. It ran down my leg. I don’t see anything but I think I still have to pee,” I say in frustration.
“Try peeing for me.” The nurse on the other end must have lost her damn mind.
“Seriously?”
“Yes.”
I sigh and try to pee. After long minutes, fluid comes out. “Went.”
“Are you having pains that feel like cramps?”
“Yes,” I say, gritting my teeth as a pain washes through me.
“All right, Ms. Alexander. I will page the doctor. You need to get to the hospital. You’re having a baby.”
Blood drains from my face, I can feel the stark whiteness. This is real. I’m having this baby. Oh, shit! I hang up and look at Harlow, still on the phone. “I’m having the baby.”
“Get him now! I don’t give a shit what he’s in the middle of, Cruz. Casey’s having the baby!” she yells, pacing a hole in my tile floor. I pull off my pants and underwear and grab a towel from the rack, wiping my legs down. I leave the bathroom and throw on some underwear and pants. As I move, more liquid comes out wetting the pants I just put on. Shit. I change again and this time run in and put a pad on to catch the liquid.
Harlow comes barreling in on fire. “Cruz is getting him. What do we need to do?”
“Grab that black bag and get me to the hospital,” I say as calm as possible and thankful that my Lamaze teacher told me to pack.
The entire trip to the hospital, my stomach cramps on and off. Some pains are dull and resigned. Others are strong and rough, but I use my techniques I learned to breathe each time. I can’t believe it’s actually happening. While inside joy and excitement fill me, I’m also nervous and afraid that GT won’t be there in time.
My phone rings and I look at the display. GT.
“Hey, babe.”
“What’s wrong?” He’s out of breath and huffing into the phone like he just ran a marathon.
“It’s time for the baby. You need to get to the hospital.”
“You’re like three weeks early.” The surprise in his voice is not lost to me.
“I know. My water broke and the doctor’s office told me to get to the hospital.”
He breathes out like he’s finally catching his breath. “I’ll be there as soon as I can.”
“Love you.”
“Love you. Gotta roll.” He disconnects the call just as we pull up to the emergency room. They direct us up to labor and delivery. Everything is a flurry of action. I’m stripped down and changed into a gown, and then hooked up to monitors with lots of wires. Blood is drawn and I’m poked all over. Shots are injected into my arm and I have no idea what’s going on. Harlow’s been a trooper, mostly giving those who come in the room shit for touching me, but I know it’s out of nervousness.
Dr. Hernandez enters a while later, rolling in a big machine just like the one from her office
for the ultrasounds. “I hear you want to have this baby.” She smiles cheerfully.
“Is it too early?”
“Thirty-seven weeks is right on the border of pre-term, but that’s why you were given some shots when you first got here. They were to help the baby’s lungs and heart be as strong as possible when he or she comes out. But the fact that your water broke on its own says to me that your baby is ready. But let’s get you checked out here.”
She brings the machine over, squirting her liquid on my stomach. “How far is she dilated?” Doctor Hernandez asks the nurse who’s been testing me.
“She’s five, but progressing quickly.” A contraction hits at that moment. I close my eyes and breathe as my body squeezes and pulsates. The pain is intense and I grip the sheets, feeling it. Harlow’s hand rests on top of mine and I gain comfort from it.
“That is very fast. All right. Let’s see what we have here.” She pulls the baby up on the screen. Its little head and the curves of its eyes are there looking at me. My heart flutters and I can’t wait to hold my baby. It’s really coming. Another contraction hits, my body clenching through it.
“Bring me the color ultra,” the doctor orders and the nurse runs off.
“What’s wrong?”
She pats my leg. “I just need to see something. I want you to stay as calm as possible. Breathe through the contractions. Can you do that for me?” Her demeanor is scaring the shit out of me. Something’s wrong and she’s not telling me.
The nurse brings in another monitor and all I wish is for GT to be here with me, helping me. Dr. Hernandez looks at the screen and puts the wand down.
“Casey. I need to closely monitor the baby, and prepare you for a C-section to get the baby out. The umbilical cord is wrapped around the baby’s neck and since your water broke, there’s no longer fluid inside, so we need to get the baby out.” Panic like no other consumes me and I start to shake, tears stream down my face.
“You need to stay calm, Casey. I do C-sections all the time and this is no different. Right now, the baby is perfect and I want to keep it that way.” I nod, but the tears don’t stop.
“Where is she?” is growled in the hallway and part of me can breathe again. Harlow rushes from my side and out the door, quickly bringing GT into the room. He sees my tears and his eyes widen.
“What’s wrong?” I can’t speak so the doctor does.
“I have to do a C-section. The cord is around the baby’s neck. We are prepping the OR right now.” The room is a flurry of people moving around.
“Fuck.” GT grabs my hand and his eyes stare into mine. Concern, worry, and love all wrapped into the great package that is GT look down on me. “It’ll be all right, Angel. Breathe for me, okay. I’m right here and I’ll be by your side.”
A contraction hits like no other. I squeeze his hand hard, feeling his fingers scrunch together. “Damn, babe.” He chokes out and Harlow laughs. “You’re fucking strong.”
I ignore him as I breathe through the pain only to have it come back in a flash. Dr. Hernandez is by my side. “Are you contracting again?” I shake my head yes and this time a moan comes from my throat. The pain is getting more intense.
“I need to check you.” She moves down, pulling up my gown and grabbing a pair of gloves before sticking her fingers inside of me. “All right. I’m not sure how you are dilating so fast but you are about a six now.” She turns to the nurse. “Have the OR on standby, this baby is coming.”
Another contraction hits and all I feel is pain shooting through my stomach and the urge to push. “I need to push.”
“No, you don’t. Just breathe through it,” the doctor says, but I vaguely hear her through the pain. Every time I take a breather, another one comes and then another. It’s too much.
She’s in so much pain and there isn’t a fucking thing I can do about it. It’s killing me to see her like this. If I could take the pain, I would in an instant. Shit. I rub my hand over my face. Princess is headed to the waiting room and I’m sure half the club’s here.
Doctors and nurses rush around the room, some prepping Angel, others checking monitors. The doctor decided to go with a natural birth instead of the C-section because she’s progressing so fucking fast. I had to leave the room briefly so Angel could get an epidural, but the doctor doesn’t think it took. Angel’s grunts and groans are eating me alive as her pain keeps coming and going so damn fast.
“Looks like you are dilated to ten, Casey. The next contraction you have, you push.” The doctor announces from in-between Angel’s legs.
Casey looks up at me, fear and excitement in her eyes. “You ready?” she asks. Her concern for me warms my heart, but really the concern is the other way around.
“Are you baby?” She nods and moves her arm only to get frustrated from all the wires attached to her hand.
“Let’s have our baby.” I smile and try to reassure her, or myself. Who knows at this point?
“It’s happening.” Casey grunts, her eyes scrunching into slits.
“GT, I want you over here to hold her knee up to her head while she bears down and pushes.” Suddenly the doctor’s words make me freeze. This is really fucking happening. I’m going to be a father. The room starts to get a bit fuzzy, but I shake my head and do exactly what the doctor says.
“Push!” That order seems like heaven to Casey’s ears as she pushes with all her strength.
“Come on, baby. You got this,” I encourage, but don’t know if I’m helping or not. Her grunts and strains become louder and louder as she falls back to the bed, breathing heavy.
“That was really good, Casey. You’re fully dilated so all you have to do now is push this baby out.” The doctor looks around to the nurse. “Rates okay?”
“Yes, Doctor, everything is in normal range.”
“It’s happening again.” Casey’s body lifts slightly up from the already elevated mattress and she begins pushing again, only to fall back seconds later.
This repeats over and over again for what feels like forever. “Casey, we have to get the baby out now. You’re doing great, but on this one, I want you to give me everything.”
“I’m tired,” Casey moans, sweat drips from her head and her eyes roll into the back of her head.
“Casey!” I grab her face and make her look at me, her eyes flutter open. “You are so fucking strong, baby. You can do this. Come on, bring our baby into the world.” Her eyes are pained and exhaustion is all over her face, her body.
“It’s coming.” She can hardly speak, but she bears down, somehow mustering some kind of inhuman strength from inside of her. I’m in awe of it. She’s a fucking dream.
“All right. Keep going, Casey. I see the baby’s head, just a little bit more,” Casey screams at the top of her lungs and I cringe, wanting to take that away from her.
Casey falls back into a heap as the baby comes out of her body in a huge whoosh. The room is silent. In those damn movies that Casey’s teacher made us watch, the baby cried. Why is isn’t it crying? I look at the doctor who is unwrapping the umbilical cord quickly and using some plastic thing to pull stuff out of the baby’s mouth. The baby immediately begins screaming at the top of its lungs.
Relief washes over me as they lay the baby on Casey’s chest. Her eyes fill with tears and they spill over as she wraps her arms around the baby. It’s covered in some seriously nasty goo and blood, but that doesn’t stop my Angel from kissing its head over and over again.
“GT,” the doctor calls, breaking me away from the amazement that is my girl and baby. Excitement, nervousness, and fear race through my veins. This shit is real. I’m a fucking dad. God, I hope I don’t fuck this up.
“Yeah.”
“You want to cut the cord?” I stare down at the cord; it’s long and looks like something out of a horror movie. Two clamps are on the cord and the doctor hands me scissors.
“Yeah.” Guess I’m doing this shit. With unsteady hands, I open
the scissors and cut through the cord. That was different. I hand them back to the doctor and go back to my family.
“Is it a boy or a girl?”
Casey’s sobs make her words hard to hear. “I don’t know, but it’s beautiful.”
“You are absolutely right.” I lift the baby’s leg and smile as Casey looks down with me, her sobs becoming uncontrollable. “Better get the red hat.”
Holy shit, I have a son.
“We need to check the baby and get him all cleaned up.” Casey’s eyes widen and she clutches the baby. “Ma’am, it’s only right over there.” The nurse points to a small bed across the room. “We won’t go any further.” Casey reluctantly lets go of the baby, turning to me.
“I love you.”
“I love you too, Angel.”
Moments later, they bring our little boy back wrapped so tight in a blanket with little footprints on it. His eyes are open wide as the nurse hands him to Casey. Tears stream down her face as she holds him against her chest. “He’s beautiful.”
“Yeah he is, baby.” I sit next to her on the bed with my arm behind her pillow, just looking at my gorgeous family. I lean down and kiss Angel on the head, tears fall from my eyes and I don’t bother stopping them. Besides Angel becoming mine, this is the happiest fucking day of my life.
I walk slowly out to the baby nursery and look at the fragile being in my hands. He is so damn small; I’m scared I’ll fucking break him with my big ol’ hands. I’ve never been so nervous to carry something in my life, but our family is waiting and Angel is too tired for visitors. The nurse said the only way is to show our family through the glass of the nursery, so that’s what I’m doing.
Faint gasps are heard as I approach. I look up into the eyes of all those I love: Pops, Ma, Princess, Cruz, Tug, Blaze, and all of my brothers and their ol’ ladies. I’m pretty sure every brother and sister is there lining the hallway.