Practice continues and Brad’s hands are on my waist as we practice a ‘Cradle Catch’. He needs to toss me into the air, then catch me under my thighs and back. We practice this for the first time and we’re successful. We’re ecstatic because it’s hard to get it right the first time with a new partner. As I land safely, we hug happily while Andrea claps her hands.
I feel eyes on me, and I see Sebastian scowling. He’s on the field, meant to be playing, yet his eyes are zeroed in on me instead. He turns around to play, leaving me confused. We practice the move a couple more times, but I’m not as relaxed since I feel Sebastian’s stare on my back. He’s no longer practicing with the others and I’m not sure why. Instead, he watches us practice our routine. We go for another ten-minute break and I search for Sebastian, but I can’t see him anywhere. Instead, Alayna and I go to refill our bottles of water. Back outside, we see Brad arguing with Andrea.
“What’s going on?” I approach them.
“She switched us.” Brad says, clearly annoyed.
“What do you mean?” I respond.
“As in, you’re no longer my partner.” He says. “She put me with Melanie and you with Tim.”
“What?” I look at Andrea, who appears way too happy. “Me and Brad work really well together.”
“Look, I’m the captain and I make the decisions. I think you’ll work better with Tim. He needs someone more experienced to be his flyer.” Tim’s flyer is actually very talented. I look at her like she’s gone crazy then Brad and I shake our heads at each other.
Once she walks away, I turn to Brad. “It’s okay. Melanie’s great.”
“Yeah, but I’ve never been able to land a cradle catch with her.”
“Which is why we practice.” I say optimistically. Turning around, I spot a happier looking Sebastian. I shake my head, not knowing what his deal is and go to Tim.
“Hey, Tim.” I say.
“Hey, girl.” He responds, giving me a kiss on the cheek. “Not too keen to be with me?” He asks in a fake angry voice.
I laugh. “God, I don’t even care who I’m with. I’m just so confused at the abrupt change in partners. But now since I have you,” I link my arms through his, “you need to tell me Stefan’s secret recipe for his apple crumble.”
Selena arrives minutes later like she promised she would, and I walk to her when practice is over.
“I’m so tired.” I say.
“Here.” She hands me a bottle of water.
“It’s fine, I have my own in the changing room. Come with me?”
We walk inside and Selena waits for me as I take a quick body shower.
“It’s so pathetic, did you see how she was staring at him?” A girl says as I dry my face and body with a towel.
“I know! It’s like she thinks she’s his girlfriend or something. Someone should tell her that Sebastian doesn’t do girlfriends.” I stiffen at the words and signal for Selena to stay quiet.
“Ellie heard that she likes some … rough shit if you know what I mean. She was walking past Sebastian’s room at Stanley’s party and she saw them go in there. She heard shouting then loud sex noises. Glass was breaking, things were falling. Ellie said he’s obviously using her to get it all out of his system before he goes back to being himself. Do you think her boobs are fake? You can’t be that small and have boobs that big. It’s not fair! I wanted him for so long.” Voice number 1 says.
I clench my fists.
“Well, two days ago at dinner, Jared asked him if he was single and he said ‘Of course’ like it was preposterous for him to ask.” My heart drops at that comment. I know we haven’t defined our status … we kind of settled in a situation where we just are. Regardless, if someone asked me if I was single, would I say yes? Even if we didn’t define what we are, I don’t feel single.
Plus, I thought he was working late two days ago? It’s fine, Isabel. He’s allowed to hang out with his friends.
Selena is angry on my behalf and like the spitfire she is, she turns the corner to confront them.
“As opposed to spreading rumors, you two can actually get lives and stop being so desperate for a guy who doesn’t even know your names.” I follow and the girls look shocked at our presence. I scowl when I recognize Misty. She must have said that she’s wanted him for so long.
“Yeah, we heard all of that. You think she’s pathetic? You two are pathetic for sitting here and waiting for a guy to give you a turn on his dick.” Selena continues.
“You won’t have him.” My jealousy triggers me to say to Misty.
She rolls her eyes.
“Selena. Let’s go.” I take her hand and walk out. A part of me thinks they’re right. I haven’t asked for more but neither has he. For me, it stems from my fear of rejection. But I’m not sure what’s stopping him. Does he not want me like that? Is it really just sex for him? Maybe I am as pathetic as they are saying.
“I swear to god, this is Stacy all over again! Women should be supporting each other! Not putting each other down for men.” Stacy is Jax’s ex who caused a bit of trouble between them.
“Selena. He said of course when some guy asked him if he was single.”
We go outside and sit on the bleachers. I seek out Sebastian and see him sprinting up and down the field.
“Yeah, what an ass. He’s all over you all the time, then tells people he’s single? Isa,” she pauses to hold my hands, “talk to him, tell him you want more.”
“I will.” I promise but I’m not sure I’m saying the truth. I’m just so happy with the way things are. But I do want him to be mine. I feel possessive when it comes to him.
But could it be just sex for him? He’s so gentle with me after we have sex. We spend hours talking, he holds me close and inhales our mixed scent like it’s all he needs in life. He prepares baths for me and I love being the center of his attention. It’s those moments that make me like him more and more.
His words, kisses, and compliments have chipped away at my insecurities more than anything before. I feel at my highest when I’m with him. But when I hear that he confirmed that he’s single, it brings me lower than ever before.
“You okay, Isa?” Selena asks as I stare into space.
“Yeah. Let’s start our work while the guys are practicing.”
“You sure?” She asks.
“Yeah.”
We work for an hour while the guys continue soccer practice. As soon as they’re done, they both come towards us. Jax immediately yanks Selena and kisses her deeply. I stare and wonder if I will ever feel that safe with someone.
“Isabel.” Sebastian pulls me and mimics Jax’s moves. He kisses me deeply, his hands cradle my face softly. He proceeds to place quick kisses all over my neck dramatically.
“Sebastian!” I chastise and try to move away from his tickling kisses. How can he act like this, then claim that we’re nothing more?
Selena laughs at Sebastian’s theatrics. He looks at them with a smile. “I was just copying you guys.” He shrugs then looks at me. “What are you up to?”
“We’re studying the poet Sylvia Plath this week. She’s quite dark but so brilliant in her words. I’m reading her collection of poems.”
“Do you like her poems?”
“Oh, I love them! She’s so good. Her words create imagery so vivid, it’s impossible not to feel them.”
“You seem really passionate about her.”
“I am.”
“Well, I’ll go shower quickly and come back. You can tell me more.”
“Really?”
“Yeah. Give me ten minutes.” He goes inside and Selena and Jax leave. I sit and read her next poem titled ‘Cut’. It’s so sad, so descriptive that it makes me feel for her. It describes a time she accidentally cut herself and how she enjoyed the pain inflicted.
“Why do you look so sad?” I’m pulled between Sebastian’s legs.
“This poem … it’s devastating.”
“Read it to me.” I do. I explain the meanin
g to him, and he listens intently to what I’m saying.
“That is quite dark. Do you have any happier poems? Don’t want to see you sad right now.” He says before nipping my ear.
“Of course! Romantic poems are my favorite. I can read you some?”
We sit there for another hour as I read. He helps me unravel every poem’s meaning.
“I wrote poems inside of her with my fingers.
Our Story began with her scream.
And ended with her soul on my lips.”
I close my book after I read the last poem, “Inside” by A.A.
“Interesting poem to end with.” He whispers in my ear, skimming his lips against my lobe.
I look back at him and wink. “I thought you might like that one.”
The passion in these poems surpasses the reality of real life. The sex is so much more powerful and soul-consuming than what most people experience. As a reader, I’ve craved that level of passion and it scares me that Sebastian fulfills it because I know how rare it is.
As we pack up my stuff, he asks me what got me so interested in literature and poetry.
“I read a quote once and I never forgot it. It was ‘Love destroys you in the most beautiful ways. When they leave, you finally realize why people turn pain into poetry.’ And it’s true. The best poems come from the rawest emotions people feel, and most of the time, that’s love.”
“It doesn’t have to be so destructive. Love can be beautiful if you let it.” He says.
“I agree.” I finish packing my things and he walks us to his car.
“But what if…” He starts then stops.
“What if what?” I nudge him.
“Do you believe in timings? That sometimes it could be the right person but the wrong time?”
“Maybe. I personally wouldn’t let go of the person I want if it’s the wrong time. I’d find a way to make it work.”
“But what if you can’t?”
“Can’t find a way?” I ask and he nods. “Well, what could possibly make it impossible for two people to be together?”
Suddenly, he grabs my hand and pulls me in front of him. “You know you’re mine, right?”
My heart skips a beat.
“What?”
He grabs my face in his hands. “You know you’re mine. Right?” He stares intently into my eyes as if drilling the thought into my head.
Unable to respond, I just nod with a shy smile.
We stand in the middle of a soccer field and he’s decided to make me his right here. He inches closer and I look up at him. He looks at every feature on my face and his thumbs stroke my cheeks. His mouth descends on mine and my eyes drift closed. I place my hand against his chest as he kisses me gently, softly, and so lovingly.
“What have you done to me?” He whispers as he pulls away.
“Hopefully the same thing you’ve done to me.” I hold his hands on my face and his soft expression morphs into confusion with a hint of … sadness maybe?
“Let’s go.” He holds my hand and we go back to our dorm.
After making love, I stroke my fingers up and down his chest. He seems somewhere far away and I’m not sure what to do to bring him back. My stomach rumbles in hunger and we both chuckle.
“For someone so small, you need to be fed often.” I laugh, get out of bed, and put on a t-shirt and shorts.
“Well, if you stop fucking me so many times, maybe I wouldn’t need so much food. Now come on, Selena’s making us all dinner.”
I walk out and minutes later, he follows.
“Whatcha cooking?” Sebastian asks as he takes a seat next to Jax.
“Lasagna!”
“It smells amazing. You should teach Isabel how to cook. She almost burned my apartment down.”
“He’s being dramatic, ignore him.” I tell Selena and start cutting up vegetables to make a salad. “Men.” I point at them. “Your role is to squeeze enough fresh orange juice to satisfy four people and we don’t have a juicer, so good luck!”
“Let’s go Jaxy boy!” Sebastian slaps Jax on his back.
Hours later, we’re playing charades drunk.
“Monkey!” Sebastian shouts. Spoiler alert, I’m a Mad scientist. “No, you idiot!” I act out ‘mad’ as the first word.
“Angry!” He shouts and I indicate to keep going. “Mad?” I nod. Then I pretend to be using a magnifying glass. “Scientist?”
“Yes!” I jump on his lap and kiss him all over his face.
“Good job guys, now it’s eight for Selena and me, and two for you.” Jax says.
“Fuck yeah, we’re good.” Sebastian shouts and we high-five even though we really really suck. It’s the second one we got correct out of ten.
“How amazing is this?” Selena gushes. “Me and my boyfriend, you and your boyfriend.” Oh no. “It’s all we’ve ever wanted, Isabel!”
She just labeled us before we labeled ourselves. It’s radio silence and Sebastian stiffens under me.
“Did I say something wrong?” Selena asks.
“Baby, come here.” Jax says and she goes.
“I have to go.” Sebastian says.
I look at him. “Seriously?” He’s never left after we had sex.
“I need to go.” He pulls me off his lap and heads to my room.
Unable to face the awkwardness and potential rejection, I stay in the living room.
“I’m sorry, Isa.” Selena said. “I thought you told me he said you’re his?”
“Yeah, but we didn’t speak about it officially.”
“Shit, I’m sorry.”
“It is so not your fault. He’s overreacting.”
We hear a door shut and my mouth falls open. “He didn’t even say bye?”
“If he doesn’t want to be called your boyfriend, maybe he shouldn’t act like he is.”
“Baby, maybe they’re not there yet.” Jax says.
“Even so, no need to freak out and leave.”
Jax shrugs.
“I have no clue what’s going on with him. What if he’s happy for us to stay as is? What if he doesn’t want to commit?”
“Do you want to commit?” At this point, Jax gets up and leaves the room to give us privacy.
“I’m falling, Selena. How can he say I’m his then react that badly to someone calling him my boyfriend?”
“How can he tell his friends he’s single then declare you’re his?” She adds. “Something doesn’t add up.”
“Maybe just a fuck boy.”
Chapter 9
Confused and out of sorts, I barely sleep that night and end up ten minutes late to my class. Halfway through the day, I see Sebastian and I follow him. Enough is enough. We need to talk.
He goes around a corner and as I near, his voice booms in anger.
“Things changed, she changed things!”
Who’s he talking about? What is he talking about?
“How is there no way out?” I can practically hear him pacing back and forth. “We don’t pay you fucking millions to come up with nothing!”
A pause then…
“Careful.” I hear him continue in a menacing tone. “You ever speak about her like that again, and I will make sure you never find work in this country.”
I’ve never seen this side of Sebastian. I’ve seen him angry from jealousy, but I’ve never met the scarier side of him.
“Fuck!” He shouts in anger and then I hear a crash.
“Sebastian!” I round the corner and see his phone in little pieces on the floor. “Are you okay? What happened?”
I look at his face and for some reason, he stares at me accusingly. “I have to go.” He says and goes to walk off.
“Hey!” I grab his arm. “What’s going on with you?”
He used to be carefree, fun, loving Sebastian. I don’t know how to deal with this version of him.
“Nothing. I have to go.” He pulls away and I let him go.
Two hours later, I’m tidying our living room for our friends to c
ome over. I’m not really in the mood to work on the fundraiser right now, but I have to. I hope we find an amazing idea today. Sebastian was supposed to join, but I highly doubt he’ll come now. My eyes tear up at the thought of losing Sebastian. I want him. I don’t want to lose him.
“Okay, I got chips and popcorn.” Selena walks in and places the snacks around the room. I discretely wipe my eyes and thank her.
Taming Sebastian (Sawson's Royal College Book 2) Page 11