by Jenny Wood
“That is just simply not true! Kingsley dared Jody to run down the sidewalk naked and fall into Ms. Daisy’s raked leave pile. Jody said he’d give me twenty bucks if I took the dare instead and twenty bucks was beer money, I wasn’t turning it down!” Kayson told the story in the circle of laughing friends, myself included. I had to admit; I hadn’t laughed like this in a really long time. Everyone was friendly and funny, and after dinner where I pointedly ignored Cruz, it got easy to do after a while. There was always a story going on or a joke or someone just enjoying everyone’s company. The babies were passed around, and pictures were taken, and gifts were opened, and there was a mountain of diapers and boxes and boxes of wipes. I was really glad I came.
“They’d let me keep on my socks, so there I ran down the neighborhood sidewalk, just before dark and just when I let myself fall over into the leaves, I fell on a fucking fire hydrant! Who rakes their leaves to hide a hydrant, you ask? Fucking Jody and my baby brother do, that’s who! They’d planned it from earlier that day and gotten twenty bucks from Ms. Daisy for doing it! I squawked so loud it had half the damn neighborhood coming out to see what the hell was going on. I had to get up and limp home covering my junk while these two idiots trailed behind, laughing like hyena’s.” He grumbled with an eye roll but quickly started laughing with the rest of us.
“You fell into those leaves, and all we could see were those white ass tube socks and your naked ass. Well worth the twenty bucks.” Kingsley cackled as Kayson shoved him.
“Dad was so pissed that half the neighborhood was still talking about it at his weekly golf game, he grounded me for a week. Assholes.” Kayson turned to shove Jody, but Cameron had slid onto his lap and Kayson couldn’t get a clear shot. He flipped him off instead. Storytime went on and on, and different groups broke off into smaller groups, but everyone was mingling as the party was winding down. I’d gained several phone numbers tonight and gave mine to several more. I genuinely liked everyone here, and I looked forward to getting together with them again.
I excused myself to take a few empty cups and bottles to the kitchen and passed by an open doorway where Mateo was lounging on a couch with a game controller in his hand, playing what looked to be a football game of some kind, and a pretty younger girl sitting on the floor in rapt attention of him and not so much the game. I’d been introduced to her and her mother earlier, but knowing she was a part of the Kennedy family, I figured someone had their eyes on them, so I kept walking.
After cleaning up a little in the kitchen, it was getting late. I had laundry to do tomorrow, and Sunday’s were my grocery shopping days to get ready for the week. I needed to restock the fridge and try to call my mom. She long ago stopped remembering me, but I still tried every Sunday. Ripping a paper towel from the rack, I dried my hands as something caught my eye from the back patio. Waiting for my eyes to focus on the darkness beyond the door, I’d recognize the profile from anywhere. He was smiling, not a little, a lot and there was a man that I hadn’t met tonight with his hand draped over Cruz’s forearm as he laughed and shuffled closer.
Cruz was looking down at him, still smiling as the sour hit my gut. Wow, that sucked. In a house full of gay men, I shouldn’t have been surprised; he was gorgeous. I wondered what the guy was saying to make him smile like that. I for a second wished that he’d turn just slightly so I could take in the fullness of it. I wanted to witness it aimed at me, if only for just a second. And that sour got bigger and more prominent as the jealousy wormed its way through my body. Man, I had it bad, and it was disgusting. I was a lot of work, it seemed. I suddenly understood what my ex had been talking about all those months ago. Just because we’d hooked up, didn’t make him mine. The whole “I saw him first” thing didn’t apply to adults, and for some fucking reason when it came to Michael Cruz, I somehow forgot that.
“Get out of here! You better not be cleaning!” Morgan flitted in the room, fussing over the cleaner than I’d found it, kitchen. I spun around, praying I didn’t look like a creeper watching two guys do….whatever it was they were doing outside.
“Guilty.” I tried to tease, but I knew my face deceived me. “I just picked up a little, no big deal. Didn’t want you to have to go to bed on a mess.” I shrugged it off before I could make my mistake. “I was just getting ready to head out and wanted to bring in the empties I saw laying around.”
“You’re leaving? It’s still early!” He complained, and I heard the back door slide open. I felt my face get hot but didn’t dare turn around.
“Yeah, I’ve got a busy day tomorrow. I really appreciate you inviting me though; I had a really good time.” I tell him honestly, feeling the two guys behind me somewhere shuffling around the kitchen.
“Well, I tried to get ahold of you most of the week. Donetta better have given you my messages; I hounded her enough.” He chuckled, and I assured him that she had.
“I think Kady has a crush on Cruz’s brother.” Cam flitted into the room with Jody hot on his heels.
“She better not!” Jody sneered, looking behind me, at who I was sure, was Cruz.
“Why not? He’s cute.” Morgan teased, winking at me as he goaded Jody.
“Well, I’m going to take this as my queue. Thank you again for inviting me, I’m going to go say goodbye to everyone, and Morgan, I promise to call you tomorrow, we’ll meet up for lunch so I can get some baby time. I didn’t get to see them much with Kingsley and Kayson hogging them all night.” I let him hug me before shooting a quick wave to the room and heading out.
It took me another twenty minutes to get out of the house with everyone saying their goodbyes. I’d promised Foster that I’d get ahold of him and Cameron as well. Mateo came out to say goodbye with a hot on his heels, Kady. He looked embarrassed when she leaned into his side to whisper something in his ear. She giggled prettily, and his cheeks flamed red. I’m sure it was innocent, but she seemed elated at the fact that he seemed shy and uncomfortable. I felt for the kid if Jody ever witnessed it.
“See you next week, Mateo. Call me if you need anything.” I told him, shaking his hand and once again, pretended to not look for Cruz as I headed out the door. I also didn’t see his outside companion and once tortured myself with the image of them together.
I’d met a mechanic tonight named Jax, and the gym owner that Mateo would be working off his community service with, Gannon. They were both gorgeous and very single, though Gannon I think had his eye on a little twink I’d been introduced to named, Adam. There were plenty of single men that I’m pretty sure played for my team since they were equally flirty and polite. I was polite back but not nearly as flirty as my mind was already annoyingly occupied and I wasn’t the type of person who could hook up and a few weeks later, hook up with someone new. It was insanely out of character for me to have gone home with Cruz, but I couldn’t regret it. Even now, when I knew he was likely with someone else at this very moment. When non-stop I’d been thinking about him and the one night that we’d spent together, even then, I couldn’t regret it.
I had to suck it up and get over it, but I couldn’t regret it.
Driving back to my empty house, I thought about having my own dinner party or cookout. I thought about inviting some of the guys from tonight to catch a game or something sometime, and for the first time since I moved here, it gave me something to look forward to, and I liked it.
Cruz
“Did you have fun tonight?” I ask Mateo as we drove back home. There had been several people still hanging out at the guys’ house, but it was getting later, and I wanted to check in with Mama before I went to bed.
“Yeah, it was good.” He says, staring out the passenger window. I had spent the majority of the time watching Murphy. It’d taken him a while to loosen up, but when he did…. Fuck, he was somethin’ else. His laugh was warm and somewhat quiet, though he seemed surprised every time someone said or done something to emit the sound. He smiled and gave his whole attention to whomever he was talking to, and he contributed to
conversations and made people laugh as well. I felt like a weirdo, watching him as he mingled throughout the night but I’d figured something out for myself, and that was that I wanted him…. I wanted another night like the one we’d had before.
He looked cute in his fancy-ass sweater and blue jeans. He looked like a school teacher or something equally as respectable. His hair was combed perfectly in place, and that damn dimple that shown in just one cheek was enough to drive me crazy.
It also didn’t help that I remembered the way he submitted to me when I ran my hands over his naked back or the way he let me control his kiss and his body. He accepted everything I gave him and begged for more. I wanted to feel him writhe under me while his ass squeezed my cock as I fucked him over and over again.
“Why do you ask Mamá, about mi padre?” Mateo’s voice startled me back into the present. I couldn’t believe I’d let my thoughts roam that far while he was sitting right next to me. I needed to work on that. His question though caught me off guard.
“What do you mean?” I asked as we pulled into my garage. I shut down the truck and looked over at him, pushing the button to the garage door opener, and he seemed to wait until it was shut to answer.
“You always ask about him. Are you waiting for him to die? Will you be happy when he dies?” He asks, almost defiantly.
“What the fuck, hermano. Why would you ask me that?” I ask him, dumbfounded by the fact that he’d think that.
“You hate him.” He spits angrily. I hadwondered why he was so angry before we’d left, I guess now we were getting to the root of it.
“I don’t hate him,” I say softly, trying not to lie. I didn’t hate him, per se, but I didn’t like him either. I had ill feelings toward him, sure, but I didn’t wish death on anyone. That was a little harsh. “And I wouldn’t wish him dead, mano. He’s mamá husband and your father. I wouldn’t wish that for you.”
“He says really bad things about you, sometimes.” He tells me. I knew that already, of course, I did. He didn’t just say them about me; he’s said them to me as well.
“I know.”
“I let him do it.” He says defensively. “Mamá, too.”
“That’s okay.” I try to shrug it off, even though it kills to know that neither of them stands up for me. Mamá especially. I wouldn’t want to be the cause of dissension in the family, but it would be nice to know that they don’t think the same way that he does.
“What do you mean, it’s okay?” He’s getting frustrated, and I can’t say that I blame him. It isn’t okay, but what am I supposed to say? Mateo opens his door and slides out of the truck, slamming it shut behind him. I follow behind him into the house while he paces, ripping his hands through his hair in frustration.
“Mano, what’s got you so worked up?” I ask, placing my keys, wallet, and phone on the counter in the kitchen and move to the living room to get comfortable on the couch. I want to help him work through this as it’s obviously upsetting him.
“You aren’t weak!” He blurts out, turning to look at me.
“No, I don’t think so,” I tell him honestly. He thought I was weak?
“Papa says that gay men are weak; that they want to be girls, to have sex like girls. He says that you’re disgusting and that you probably like little children. He says that your soul won’t go to heaven with the rest of our family and he’s glad about that fact because you make him sick. He says you’re a pansy, a fluff, a faggot.” He spits that last bit out, and I try to hide my flinch. It wasn’t anything new, I tried to tell myself, but it hurt so much more coming from my baby brother.
“He says-“
“I got it.” I interrupt him softly. “That’s enough.” The plea is clear in my voice.
“I hate him for all of it,” Mateo says, I take a deep breath and look up at him, surprised at the fire I see in his eyes. “It isn’t true. None of it, and it’s mean and hateful and stupid, and right now, I hate him for it.” He finishes on a pained whisper.
“Teo,” I call out to him quietly and watch as it’s his turn to flinch.
“It’s not okay. It isn’t. It hurts you, does it not?” He asks me. I don’t lie.
“Of course it does.”
“You and your friends, mano; you’re all good people. Murphy told me tonight that Morgan survived cancer, did you know that?” He doesn’t give me time to answer, though I’m surprised as shit that he and Murphy spoke about such personal things. “And Joker’s been to prison. Cameron had an abusive boyfriend, and Jase was an orphan. He grew up in a group home. That isn’t weak. And Kingsley looks like he can bench press a semi, how is that weak?”
“It isn’t,“ I answer honestly; so proud of my baby brother for being open-minded enough to understand all that when he’s had a lifetime of being told differently.
“He’s dying, and I’m mad as hell at him for being so stupid.” He complains. “I don’t want him to die and for me to be mad at him.”
“Sometimes people are afraid of things they don’t agree with or don’t understand.” I try to explain, but it doesn’t make much sense to me either. I hate that he’s feeling this way though, I hate that Jose has done that to him and that I even gave him a reason to do that to him.
“I’m sorry,” Mateo says, and I watch him deflate, all the tension and frustration seemed to leak out of him with that apology. He seemed to crumble in on himself as he plops down on the couch beside me.
“I’m sorry, too.”
“What the fuck for?” He looks at me bewildered, though I just give him a look instead of chastising him on his language. I figure it’s a “fuck” kinda night.
“I guess I make it worse, letting him have that kind of power over me. He’s allowed his opinion, just as I am and you are, and Mamá too. He’s allowed to feel whatever it is he feels, and he’s even allowed to express it.” I tell him, feeling him stiffen up beside me. I wrap my arm around his shoulder and pull him into my side. “I’m proud of the man you’re becoming, Teo. A man that knows his own mind and forms his own opinions. I’m proud of you for being open-minded and accepting people for who they are, not who they might love. The world needs more of that from people, you know?” I tell him, hugging him to me before letting him go.
“I’m going to go call and check in with mamá.” Mateo stands up and starts to walk away.
“Michael?” He calls just before he hits his door. “Thank you for letting me come here.”
“Always,” I promise, he’ll always be welcome with me. He nods, and I hear the snick of his door close behind him. I fall back onto the couch and close my eyes. That was heavy, really heavy for the good night that we had.
Everybody was great with Mateo, and I think Kingsley has adopted another little brother. He, Jase and Foster, pulled Teo around and kept him close all night. That was until the littlest Kennedy got ahold of him and pulled him into a game room where they spent the last two hours playing video games. She was a cute girl, very girly and very much a Kennedy, so she was outspoken and friendly. She honed-in on Mateo and didn’t let him out of her sights for the rest of the night. I couldn’t help but laugh, seeing his panicked look every time I went and checked on them. It seemed Kady Kennedy was quite taken with my little Teo and he was scared to death of her big brothers.
I also seemed to have an admirer for the night, just not the one I wanted. Still, Mason Cobb seemed very nice, respectful, flirty and easy on the eyes. He flirted subtly and was charming in his own sweet little way. He was funny and had a good laugh, but every time my eyes found Murphy, I was mesmerized. It was like with Murphy; I couldn’t look away. Then, when I’d gone outside to check my voicemail, worried it would be Mamá, he followed. He came on a bit stronger, and I was flattered, but ready to shut it down, respectfully. I didn’t expect Morgan’s overdramatic ass to flit into the kitchen or to find Murphy watching us with pained eyes. I felt like a real dick, imagining what it might look like from a bystander and even though I didn’t have anything to explain or a reas
on to need to. I didn’t like the idea that he might think that I was doing anything with Mason that I wasn’t.
Why I even cared about that was fucking with my head. Of course, I didn’t want to hurt his feelings; I had just hooked up with him a month ago, but besides that, I didn’t want to close the door on maybe/hopefully letting it happen again.
Getting up and grabbing my phone off the counter, I made my way to my room. I stopped for a second and listened to Mateo softly talking to our mother, but went to my room. If he needed me, he’d come find me, and I hoped that mamá didn’t wanna talk tonight. I was emotionally worn out.
Changing into a pair of shorts and a light t-shirt, I pull up Murphy’s number on my phone. Mateo had hung on the fridge the paper that Murphy had written down the shrinks number’s on it. So, creepily I took down the number and added it to my phone, just in case. Just in case of what? I dunno, but I suspected something along the lines of what I was doing right now.
Me: Sorry I didn’t get a chance to say hi, tonight.
That sounded stupid, but I pressed send, anyway. I watched as the three little dots flashed and then disappeared several times before I got a message back.
Murphy: Sorry. Who’s this?
Awesome. He wouldn’t have my number; I didn’t give it to him. It was creepy enough that I had his.
Me: Cruz
Me: I wanted to thank you for what you told my brother about the guys. He had kind of an “ah-ha” moment here tonight, and I think you helped a lot with that. So, thank you.
That was honest enough, though I should’ve just said that I’d had a shitty night, I was thinking about him and how badly I wanted to bury my frustrations deep in his ass all night long. I didn’t, he probably already thought I was a dick. I’d proven it more than once.