by Jenny Wood
“You don’t have to eat it all.” He snickers and douses his mound with syrup. We tucked in and ate around asking each other questions about work and our friends. I pull out my phone, which I grabbed after my shower, but put away while we ate.
“Need to call Teo, see when he’ll need a ride,” I explain, dialing my brother’s cell and listen to a cheesy ass rap song instead of a classic ring.
“Hey, I was about to call you.” Mateo answers.
“Hey, mano, need a ride?” I ask, making Murphy smile for some reason.
“Yeah, can you do like, twenty minutes?”
“Yeah, it’ll take me about that long to get there, so I’ll head out in a few,” I tell him, taking my plate to the sink, surprising myself that I ate every bit that was on my plate.
“You not home?” He asks. Shit, it only takes about ten minutes to get there from home.
“No, I’m at Murphy’s,” I tell him carefully.
“Oh.” He doesn’t too surprised, so I take that as a good sign. “You stay with him last night?” He asks.
“Mind your business, hermano.” I quip, earning a laugh from both Teo and Murphy.
“Alright, I’ll see you in twenty.” He says before ending the call. I roll my eyes and shove my phone back in my pocket.
“Your Spanish is sexy,” Murphy tells me, his lips curling up in a half smile. “Might have to ignore the silmy morning tongue” He says as I stalk to him.
“No need, I used your toothbrush,” I say, watching his eyes get wide and his mouth pops open.
“What?!” He snapped loudly, but I cut him off with my slimy morning tongue. He didn’t protest.
Murphy
“You both get that I’m an officer of the law, yeah? I’ve trained to drive like a maniac.” Cruz says after beating us both at four laps around the track.
“I think your car was just faster, mano. You got lucky.” Mateo complained. I learned that he was a sore loser, he seemed to be extra sulky.
“I think we should get shirts made that says, Michael Cruz, is the Champ!” Cruz teases, rubbing it in his brother’s face.
“But he sucks at bowling, can we add that?” I say, helping his brother out. Cruz narrows his eyes at me but Teo laughs, loud and long, so he lets it go, snorting at the argument.
“I’m starving, let’s eat somewhere,” Mateo suggests, and even though we had a big breakfast, it’s been a few hours and racing a dirt track takes a lot of energy. I could eat. It had been a fun morning; Cruz was affectionate around his brother, and I was pleased to see that Mateo didn’t seem to mind. He’d told me a bit about their situation and how his parents felt about his sexual orientation, and I knew from the conversation I’d had with Mateo at the Kennedy’s party, so I wasn’t sure what to expect. I also wasn’t sure what to expect with Cruz because I wasn’t sure what he and I were doing. Dating, I guess?
“Let’s just hit a drive-thru. I’m exhausted.” Mateo commented, and I was more than fine with it. We were all dusty, and our clothes were spotted in dried mud.
Cruz was pulling away from the food window when his phone began to ring. It rang over the speakers in his truck, and he didn’t hesitate to answer the call. He probably had to in case it was work or something, but I was glad he felt comfortable enough to answer whoever was on the line around me. I’d had dates and boyfriends sneak off to the other room when their phones rang, and it always sat badly with me. I get needing privacy, and I’m all for that, I did too with my job…but every time it rang or beeped with a text? It was just skeevy.
“Mijo, I need you.” A thickly accented woman said over the line. She was distraught, I could hear it in her voice. I knew it was their mother. The truck went wired, and it was suffocating, I could feel the tension just pouring from both guys.
“What’s happened?” Cruz barked into the cab of the truck. I could see Mateo’s fists squeezing tight as he was leaned up against the center console to be closer to the speakers or Cruz, I wasn’t sure which.
“It was a bad night, mijo, they think…they think he will not make it.” She sobbed, and Mateo did right along with her. I turned in my seat and grabbed his hand as his head rested on the back of my seat.
“We’re on our way.” He tells her and presses the button to end the call. It’s eerily silent for a beat before anyone speaks.
“You can drop me off wherever’s closest; I can call Kent or Shay and get a ride. You need to hurry, that sounded….you need to hurry.” I say soft and calm, feeling Mateo’s hand get tight in mine.
“What?” Cruz’s head snaps to the side to look at me before looking back to the road.
“Holton County, right? You can take, not this exit but the one after it, and it’s a straight shot. Pull off at Rita’s ice-cream shop, and I’ll call one of the guys to come and get me. You don’t need to go all the back to town and then backtrack when you go straight from here. It’ll save you a half an hour, easily.” I explain.
“No, I- can you come with us?” He asks me, shocking me into silence. He wants me to come with them?
“Just stop here, I can-“ I tried to offer, thinking that he just didn’t want to stop and waste time.
“Baby, come with me.” He whispers quietly to me. He wanted me with him. It was going to be hard for him, and he was asking me to go with him.
“Okay,” I slide my free hand over onto his thigh, and he dropped his hand to mine and squeezed it firmly. I didn’t know what I was getting myself into, but judging by the way that both of these guys were hanging on to my hands; they both needed me.
The drive took hardly any time at all with Cruz behind the wheel. He drove as if he had flashing lights on his roof, though he didn’t. Luckily, we didn’t get stopped. My stomach was in knots the entire way, I was scared for the guys but also nervous about this being a huge step in this very new thing. I didn’t want Cruz to be uncomfortable, and I worried.
When we pulled into a tiny little house in a really cute, quiet little neighborhood, Mateo was the first one out. Cruz turned off the truck and sat quietly, staring at the house. He made no move to get out or even say anything. I grabbed his hand and held it in mind, and he looked over at me with the most heartbreaking expression.
“Haven’t been back here in a while.” He says. I scoot closer and grab his arm with my free hand, holding him to me tightly.
“What do you need from me?” I ask, not knowing the best thing for him.
“I don’t wanna go in.” He confesses, sounding upset and unsure. Because I don’t know him that well, I’m not sure how to proceed.
“You can take your time.” I offer, not necessarily knowing the situation inside but hoping I wasn’t making that offer in vain.
“If I don’t go in, Mamá will come get me.” He rolls his eyes and rubs his hands, roughly down face.
“Well, take your time, do you want me to call anyone for you while you’re in there?” I ask, hoping to help in some way.
“I’m not making you stay out here, come in.” He says, opening his door and jumping out. My nerves go into overdrive, and he waits for me at the front of the truck. Meeting the mom and homophobic step-dad; I wasn’t expecting this after the amazing night we had last night.
He doesn’t touch me as we walk up to the house, but he stays close. Taking a deep breath, he opens the door and walks in, and I can hear people talking and soft crying. Mateo is in the kitchen that’s right through the door in which we came in.
“He isn’t gonna make it, mano.” Mateo cries and launches himself at his brother. He shoves his arms around Cruz’s waist and hangs on while he cries. Cruz looks so lost; I stand close to him in comfort.
“My boys, I believe it is time to say goodbye.” A small, plump woman with coal black hair and olive skin walks into the room and stops dead when she sees me. Her eyes are rimmed red, and I can tell she’s been crying, probably for some time.
“Lo siento, I did not know we had company.” The woman says as she wipes her eyes and tries to appear m
ore together. I can’t imagine what she’s going through, losing a spouse, it’s got to be one of the worst things.
“I’m-“ I started to say, but Cruz spoke at the same time.
“Mamá, this is Murphy Kinzer; he’s Teo’s check-in and my…..boyfriend?” He says, hesitating only to look at me. I smile
“Michael,” she gasps and puts her hand to her chest. I wanted to, too because he’d called me his boyfriend. I didn’t, but it was a shock. A good one. “a boyfriend?” She says it as an accusation.
“Si,”
“Michael.” She chastises, “at this time? This is cruel.” Her head shakes back and forth, and she looks livid.
“I’m going to go outs-“
“I’ll go too.” He snaps. “I haven’t been welcome here in a long time, and I don’t want to make shit worse.
“Language.” His mother snaps. Cruz gently pulls Mateo away from him and whispers something that only they can here.
“I don’t care!” Mateo explodes, screaming in Cruz’s face. “Why does it matter? Nobody’s up in my shit about liking girls or if I want to have sex before I’m married; which, I really hope to. Mamá, Papa hates anyone who isn’t like him. He talks so much smack about different races or religions;and Mamá; you gossip like school girls talking about so and so’s husband, and the work Linda got done on her nose. So, why is his sin worse than mine, or yours or Papa’s? Huh? A sin is a sin is a sin, right? You don’t get to pick who you fall in love with, that’s insane. And he’s your son, what are you going to do, not love him anymore because he has a boyfriend? You’ve known he was that way for my whole life!” He yells.
“Teo, enough!” His mother yells, then takes another deep breath.
“I’m sorry, Michael, it is not as if I’m unsupportive; it just isn’t right that you shove his face in it. It is mean, and he cannot defend himself. I will not have it. Not today.” She says, earning a scoff from Cruz.
“That’s rich… who ever defended me?” He asked sadly but walked away. “Teo, call me when you need me.” We don’t wait around for any response, he’s out the door, and I’m right behind him.
Cruz wastes no time starting the truck and pulling out; not even worrying about putting on his seatbelt. I’m at a loss; I don’t even know what to say. I knew they didn’t approve but it wasn’t as if we were necking in the living room or anything, we didn’t even touch.
“I’m really sorry about that.” He spits, anger now replacing his dejectedness.
“It’s okay. I’m sorry it happened that way for you, though.” I tell him, reaching over the console and putting my hand on his arm. He flinches but doesn’t brush me off.
“I wasn’t planning on seeing him; I just wanted to be there for Teo and Mamá. I didn’t know she’d react that way. I should’ve, but I didn’t.” He says, dropping his arm and catching my hand. He brings it to his lips and presses them against my palm. He holds it there while he deep breaths and I can feel him relax marginally.
“Do you have somewhere you need to be, today or tomorrow?” He asks. I don’t, not until Monday unless I get called in, so I tell him as such.
“Instead of going all the way back home, do you want to grab a hotel and wait around to see what happens? I don’t really want to leave Mateo. I think he’ll need us.” Us, we were together, at least trying this thing out. He was serious when he said that, I guess. Even with the shitty timing and knowing that he was hurting, it warmed my heart that he felt that way.
“Room service and shitty movies sound like a fun night.” I shrugged, squeezing his hand gently until he looked over at me and winked. He smiled a small smile, and I’d take it, for then. So that’s what we done. We holed up in a hotel room and lounged in bed watching b rated horror movies and eating junk food we got from the vending machine or ordered from the kitchen.
Cruz checked on Mateo sporadically, and we learned that Jose, was now unresponsive. He’d been awake and able to talk to Mateo briefly when we’d first arrived, but once he fell asleep, he was able to be woken up. They gave him medicine to keep him comfortable, but for now, it just seemed like a waiting game.
While watching a ridiculous movie about sharks and tornadoes, I turned my body into Cruz and wrapped my arm around his stomach, laying my head on his chest. He didn’t hesitate to wrap his arm around body and pull me closer.
“You look just like your mother,” I tell him, wiping my thumb down his brow to smooth out the furrow there.
“She’s much prettier than me.” He quips back.
“I’m sorry that she treated you that way, today.” I tell him sincerely. I can’t imagine how badly that would sting.
“I’m sorry she treated you that way too. It was rude.” He murmurs, closing his eyes and leaning his forehead against my neck. I reach up and run my fingers through his hair and caressing the back of his neck.
“I care.” He whispers to my throat, scooting closer. “He’s treated me badly my whole life, and I shouldn’t care, but I do. I’m sad. Sad for mama and Teo, but I’m scared for him too. Death, it’s so final.” He says, keeping his face hidden in my neck or my shoulder as he admits it.
“He was terrible to me and I care about him and I don’t want to.” He says.
“It’s because you have a big heart. You’re a good, compassionate person. It takes a big person to be that way. It speaks highly of your character.” I say, feeling proud by all of those facts.
“I kinda like this boyfriend stuff, tell me more.” He teases, pulling back and smiling down at me. I elbow his stomach, and it gets me a little laugh.
“You’re my boyfriend, huh? After a couple of dates and fucking me half to death?” He laughs and leans forward to kiss me. It’s a slow, sweet kiss and I can feel his lips part as he smiles.
“You know I’m going to have to try and do that again, sometime.” I pffft, and shove him off me earning a deep belly laugh.
“It’s quick, you and me, but I like it.” He says to me, seriously.
“I thought about you all the time, after that first night.” I tell him, “ I didn’t wanna like you because you were the biggest asshole,” I smile, no heat to my words. “But I did, I liked you anyway.”
“Because you have amazing taste.” He teases
“Or shitty taste in men.” I quip.
“You’re gonna fall in love with me. Watch.” He says, rolling me onto my back before kissing me quiet. Neither of us take it much farther; we kiss and rub against each other, feeling good. We talk and tease and keep everything light. About two in the morning after both of us had already fallen asleep Cruz’s phone rings from the table in the corner. We both know who it is before he picks it up.
“Teo?” He says into the phone, and someone says something but all I can hear is crying.
“Mamá,” He says softly, voice full of concern. “How’s Mateo?”
“Alright.” He pauses, looking at me and mouths, he’s gone. I close my eyes and say a prayer for Mateo and his mother.
“Teo, what do you need, mano? He speaks quietly to his grieving brother. “Si, he’s with me, here at the hotel.” Pause. “Teo wants us to come get him.” I nod and jump up to get our shoes. We’re out the door in minutes, and Cruz hands me the phone.
“Hang on, Mateo, we’re on our way,” I tell him from the truck.
“Mama isn’t doing so well. I feel bad for leaving her but I cannot be here.” He whispers brokenly.
“I’m sure she understands, it’s not an easy time for either of you.” I try.
“Tia Gloria is staying here but I can’t. They can’t even come get him, he’s still here!” He lets out a sob and my heart breaks for him.
“We’re on our way, can you just go outside and wait for us?” I try to get through to him. I feel Cruz’s hand slide around the back of my neck and hold on to me. Looking over at him, I try to give him a smile of reassurance, but it comes off a little shaky. I wasn’t sure how I got so entwined into this family, but at the moment, I knew I’d do anythi
ng I could for either one of them.
We made it to Mateo in ten, very long minutes and he was pacing outside when our headlights illuminated his grief-stricken face. Cruz jumped out of the truck and jogged over to him, where Mateo seemed to just collapse into his arms. It was a heartbreaking picture. Cruz walked him back to the truck after several minutes and helped him into the back seat.
“Going to go tell Mamá that you’re leaving. Don’t want her to worry.” Cruz told him, shutting the door and walking slower into the dimly lit house. I turned in my seat, much like I’d done before and reached out to grab Mateo’s hand. He grabbed it like a lifeline and held on until Cruz came back.
Cruz
I always wondered what it would be like if Jose wasn’t in my life anymore. If I woke up one day and he’d just be gone. Would Mamá, Mateo and me, have a better life without him? I know I would… At least, that’s what I always told myself when he’d done whatever it was he’d do at the time to make my life a misery. Now that I was living that thought, seeing how badly it hurt my family; I found I didn’t like it so much.
After picking up Mateo and bringing him back to the hotel with us; Murphy got the pullout couch fixed up for him and made sure he was okay for the night, while I called every half hour or so to check on Mama. Jose’s sister was staying with her, but I could imagine how hard this had to be for her. Murphy and I slid back into bed just as the sun was coming up for the day.
“I need to head back at some point today. Check in at work tomorrow and maybe rearrange a few things, take a few days off. I can come back, bring you guys things from home, you’ll need clothes, both of you.” He whispers, tangled up in the sheets and me.
“I can take you back, grab some things and come back,” I tell him back just as softly, as to not disturb a sleeping Mateo.
“If that’s what you want. I was thinking I could come back though, hang out while you did what you guys needed to and then be here for you both in case, you know, you needed something.” He offered, sounding really unsure and hesitant. I didn’t know what to make of that, it was so extremely early with us, and this was a lot of baggage for a few minutes old relationship.