Unfortunately, it has the opposite effect on her. Alina becomes enraged by the feeling, hitting me over and over in places no one can see while asking whether or not I remember anything about them. . . them being the coven lords. And through my tears I tell her the truth, no, not really. All I see are glimpses of them, still shots mostly. I don’t even know their names.
So we’re here to do it all again, and I can already tell it’s going to be a bad day. Alina is in a mood. There are no fake smiles, no small soft touches to my arms. Her mouth is a flat line, and her eyes are full of ice. I know for a fact that this is who she really is. A woman who has lived so long that her soul has rotted away and been replaced by something far more menacing.
“Are you ready to provide results today, Blair?” she asks, voice flat and sharp as a blade.
I bristle at her questions, nearly baring my teeth at her. The tone in her voice grates on my nerves. Does she really think that I’ve been avoiding showing her my true ability this entire time? She must really be crazy, or desperate. One of the two. I don’t know what she hopes to accomplish with my ability in her arsenal, but I’m also sure that I won’t want to participate in whatever it is.
“I’m ready to try again, if that’s what you mean,” I reply, and I can’t help the bite in my tone.
Alina levels me with a glare before sitting across from me at the steel table, both palms flat against it. It nearly vibrates with the force of her strength ability, and I flinch. There’s no doubt that those hands will be landing blows on my skin later today, maybe even within a few minutes. I shrink back in my chair while simultaneously squaring my shoulders; fear and indignation mixing together. She watches me do so, a smirk playing on her lips.
“You know, mastering this will be the only way that you’ll see the lords again. I will only deliver you once you're in the best condition possible to rule,” she remarks, staring at me to watch my reaction.
I’m careful to keep my face blank. “Deliver me? I’m a human being, Alina, not a package.”
“You are no longer human, darling,” she purrs, eyes flashing a deep red.
“Fine,” I gripe. “Go ahead and start then.”
Pulling her chair around to my side of the table, Alina scoots in until our thighs are touching. I stiffen against her, but she doesn’t notice as she grips my left hand between both of hers, nearly grinding my bones together. The moment our skin connects, she’s invading my mind, grasping at my dearest memories. The one’s I can’t access myself; she can easily rip apart and use against me. My subconscious thrashes against her, but it’s no use, as always. Her talons have craved their place already, sinking into the familiar flesh of my brain.
“What is your human soul grieving over today, hmmm?” she murmurs, fingers stroking the back of my hand.
Memories overtake me as she projects them to me, and I cry out, writhing in my chair.
A brilliant castle made of marvelous carved wood towers in front of me as we drive closer in the sleek black car. The man beside me is elegant in his black tunic edged in gold. The stubble on his cheeks is attractive, and his deep brown eyes pull me over the center council toward him. Once placing the car in park, he turns to me, smiling as brilliantly as the sun. I return it before stepping out of the chair.
Three other men are waiting at the top of the stairs. Their raven black hair sways with the wind, and I’m startled by how similar all of their eyes are. That same deep chocolate brown that the first man had. A pull in my chest forces me toward them, and my hands flex open and closed at my sides. The urge to touch them, to take them into my arms, is nearly overwhelming. When I make it to the top of the landing, all three of them reach for me, pulling me into their chests and rocking me back and forth.
The feeling that floods me at their touch is incredibly intimate. It starts in my head and slowly moves outward along my limbs, making me feel both vulnerable and strong. I sigh into their chests, gripping their shirts more tightly between my fists. This feels like coming home after a long journey or embracing a long lost lover. I nearly purr at the feeling of their hands roaming against my body as if they can’t believe that I’m in front of them. Even though these men are strangers, even though I don’t know their names, I never want to let go. I relish this overwhelming feeling, but too soon, Alina begins to pull me away.
“Blair,” the man behind me calls, and I turn back toward him. “Don’t go, please. Tell us where you are. We don’t care that you’re a vampire, and we forgive you for breaking the curse.”
My brows pull together as I stare at the clean cut man in front of me. Breaking the curse? Vampires? If this is supposed to be a memory, why is he speaking of things that my human self has never known? Could this be more than a memory?
“Are you really here right now?” I ask, but it’s too late to hear his answer, even though I see his mouth move to respond.
Alina yanks me back into my chair, and my physical body is shivering and covered in a thin veil of sweat. She’s looming over me, a furious, near growl like expression on her face. I don’t have the strength to move away as her hand lashes out, catching me across the face in a brutal blow that snaps my head to the side. One of her many rings cuts into my cheek, sending a dribble of blood down to my chin. I leave my head dropped to the side, not even bothering to cry out from the pain. It’s become a friend of mine over these past four weeks. The physical pain is convenient for masking the far more damning emotional kind.
“What did you do?” she nearly screeches at me, hauling me upward by the hair.
“Nothing! I don’t know what happened!” I reply frantically, trying and failing to pull her hands away from my scalp.
“Lies.”
Another blow lands, this time to my side. It sends me into a coughing fit as the breath is knocked out of me. Apparently she had remembered that I’m not supposed to have bruises or marks in places that other people can see. Instead of lying limply in the chair and taking it, I stagger to my feet and take two steps toward the back of the room. She advances toward me, talons elongating at the same time that her fangs snap into place. The sight sends a shiver down my spine. Alina is one of the most terrifying vampires I’ve had the pleasure of meeting. Her eyes glow with malice, beating with a red tint in time with her heart. And the talons. . . I’ve never seen another vampire with such a dark demon-like appearance.
“Don’t you run from me. Tell me how you did that, tell me how your soul left your body.”
I want to move out of the way, to flee from the terrifying thing that she’s become, but my body refuses to move. My eyes go wide when she uses her knee to shove me back against the wall, pinning me by the neck with her talons around my throat. Little rapid puffs of air escape my lips as my eyes dart around the room. I don’t know what I’m looking for. There’s no one here to save me, no one but myself.
“I told you Alina, I don’t know,” I start, forcing myself to look her straight in the eyes no matter how much it terrifies me.
She keeps her eyes on mine, her focus burning into me with each passing second. I’m sure that she expects me to look away, to submit, but I refuse. I’m not sure how much time passes until she wrenches away from the wall to begin stalking the room like a wild animal. It could have been mere seconds, minutes, even hours. In that moment while staring into the eyes of an apex predator, there was no concept of time. She’s used to people bowing to her, used to beta vampires baring their throats to her. And even I’ve done it before, but not now. Not after seeing the lords, not after hearing the man beg for me to return, to tell them where I am. There was no hostility in his tone, no, it only bled with worry and affection.
Alina is wrong about them. Wrong about the curse. Wrong about all of it.
Her world view has warped her every waking thought and feeling, leaving her with half-truths that she believes to be facts. It’s no way to live, no way to rule over these vampires as she does, feeding them lies. Their trust in her is built upon a rocky foundation, one that I
won’t be buying into. Not when the fear of her hurting me is what drives the so-called loyalty. So I stand up straight and watch her pace, trying to infuse my spine with steel.
“Do they know where you are? Did you answer them?” she asks, still pacing, her deadly talons glinting in the overheard light.
“No, I was confused. I didn’t reveal anything to them. I thought I was experiencing a memory,” I reply, crossing my arms for good measure.
She nods absentmindedly, worrying her bottom lip between her fangs with enough force to draw blood. I wince as I watch it drip from her chin to the floor. Black smoke begins to pool out from her talons, like dripping blood onto the floor. Does she even feel herself doing that? Most likely not with how frantic her pacing has become. It coats the floor, the smoke snaking around my ankles and calves like an over affectionate pet. What is she so worried about? Earlier this month she claimed to have fought them off, and it must be true because I’m here with her now rather than in the arms of the lords I so desperately want to get to know.
The smoke becomes thicker and thicker, rising up the walls and obscuring my sight. Panic grips my chest when it wraps around my throat and eyes, completely cutting off my sight and squeezing against my airway. Not roughly, but just enough to let me know that it could if it wanted to.
“Alina,” I say, trying to pull her attention toward me.
She doesn’t reply, so I struggle against the smoke myself, my desperation leaking into the room. The feeling chokes me just as much as the smoke does, pulling me to my knees. Distantly, I hear Alina moving around the room, seemingly coming closer to me. Her fingers come down to grip my chin, the shadows fleeing my eyes. I look up at her and nearly screech at what I see before me. Her face is grotesque. All of her veins are popping out and full of a dark, poisonous looking liquid.
“Wha-what’s wrong with your face?” I stammer, scrambling back from her only to hit the wall.
“This is my power, my dead, I am darkness made flesh,” she snaps, her voice sounding demonic and thick behind her fangs. “Now spool that fear back into your chest, Blair. Do it.”
The last words were a single hiss, and I reel back again, slamming my head into the concrete with a sickening crack. Alina laughs, smiling at my pained flinch as if it’s fueling that dark power within her chest.
“Do it,” she gurgles, eyes bulging.
I bite my lip, trying to focus, trying to look past her toward anything else in the room. I won’t be able to do it when she’s staring at me like she’d like to eat me for lunch. My eyes lock on the door handle across the room, and I zero in on it while conjuring that invisible hand I’ve spent so many days honing. It appears almost instantly, reaching into the host of my fear and waving it away with one simple swipe. Something that I couldn’t do myself, something that I wish I could do myself.
The feeling disappears from the room instantly, as does the sinister smoke that had converged around our legs like chains. Once they’re gone, I take a deep breath as my adrenaline fades away. At that same time, the pain in my cheek and ribs crashes into me, and I groan. Alina crouches over me, hands hovering above my skin as if she can sense exactly where the bones are bruised and broken.
“Why did you get me worked up, Blair? I told you that I can’t control myself when I’m worked up,” she admonishes as if it’s all my fault that my ribs are broken.
“Ugh,” I groan, rolling onto my side in an attempt to get some relief.
It’s probably best if I don’t try to contradict her. Logic isn’t a good argument against Alina as she doesn’t believe in it. Half of her beliefs and principals are made up stories she’s convinced herself are real. It’s only another reason to stay as emotionally unconnected from her as possible even if I have to ride the line of being trustworthy. It will make it easier to get away. The thought of escaping reminds me of a hurried conversation murmured into my ear all those weeks ago. It was the last time I saw Carden before he was pulled away from me and was dragged out of the castle by Jade and Alina. He had whispered a fast plan in my ear right before being yanked out the door.
In six weeks’ time, meet me exactly twelve miles due north from here under the massive sycamore tree. I will help you to return to the lords, I promise.
Every night before bed I’ve thought about his words in the quiet and darkness of my rooms. And every time I feel both excited and nervous. It will be nice to get away from Alina, from whatever monster is lurking beneath her skin. Especially after what just happened. At the same time, if I leave early she may hunt me for the rest of my life. Will it be worth it, I wonder? I glance up at her from my fetal position on the floor, hoping beyond hope that she can’t see the questions in my eyes. I blow out a breath when all that’s present is the usual amount of fake worry for me after she beats me.
At first she seemed genuine, but the more she didn’t change, the more times her fists landed blows on my skin the less I believed her. It’s textbook, really, for abusers to make their victims empty promises. And so is my own reaction; I just wish it wasn’t so hard to stop myself from reacting. I know what she’s doing is wrong, so why do I keep following her into this room? Why don’t I refuse? She was the one to kidnap me, to turn me into a vampire against my will. So it should be easy to defy her. To walk out of here right now instead of allowing her to pet my skin and coo at me like I’m a wounded animal.
But my body won’t move.
I let out a frustrated, broken sound. Alina takes it as another sound of pain and runs two fingers down my cheek, trying to pacify me. Shame spirals in my chest when I lean into the touch like the battered woman I’ve become. All this strength, all this physical training. . . useless. After turning into a vampire, I should feel more powerful than I ever have. That’s just not my reality. All I feel is a hopeless that has rooted into my heart like a poisonous, twisted weed.
“Let’s get you back to your rooms to rest, shall we, my dear?” Alina asks, reaching to put her hands underneath my armpits, hauling me up.
My ribs twinge with searing pain, but I don’t cry out. I refuse to show her anymore of my pain. It will be healed within the next few days anyhow. At least I can look forward to that if nothing else. I jerk away from her once I’m on my feet and storm from the room, nearly doubled over from the pain. Alina calls after me, telling me to stop being so stubborn and let me help her, but I ignore it. If walking back to my rooms by myself is the only way to defy her, you know damn well that I’m going to do it.
***
My morning alarm blares in my ear as I roll over toward it, slamming my fist against the top of the contraption. The curtains are already open, allowing the early morning sun to stream into the room. It highlights the miniature refrigerator that Alina had installed in my suite. She recognized that I preferred to stay by myself in my rooms instead of going to meals, so she had a fridge stocked with blood brought into my quarters for me. It’s the only kindness that I’ve ever thanked her for.
Not only did the idea of seeing those pompous old vampires again send my teeth grinding, but the smell or sight of human food has turned my stomach ever since I became a vampire. Watching everyone else eat it all those weeks ago had me hurling my guts up the moment I had gotten back to my rooms.[40] Well, that, and the fact that Carden had looked at me like he was remembering something both devastating and incredibly important at the same time. And Jade. . . I close my eyes against the thought. No more lingering on it! I tell myself as I roll out of bed and stumble toward the bathroom.
We will have time soon enough to discuss it in detail once I meet up with him in two days’ time. Almost everything is squared away for my break away moment. Last week Han had declared me competent in martial arts and his various death combo moves. We haven’t met up in the gym since then, leaving Alina with way too much time to hold me in that horrible jail cell of a room. Thankfully, she hasn’t hurt me enough lately to incapacitate me, and her patience has been high. We’ve even taken breaks to discuss my next steps. . . most o
f which are worrisome.
“Another day of torture,” I mumble into the mirror while picking up my toothbrush.
Not long after my ribs healed, and I could stand up straight again had Alina revealed her plans to me. And while I knew all along that she had some sort of ultimate reason for keeping me here besides the fact that I had broken the curse, I never thought it’d be what had come out of her mouth a few days ago.
“I wish you to fall in love with the lords, to manipulate them into it, if you will.”
“Why?”
“Love is power, my dear. An entirely different kind from what I’m used to, and I’m quite interested in seeing how I may wield it.”
The way she said it, so dry and unfeeling, still leaves a sour taste in my mouth even after I spit my mouthwash. She may have been in love once while she was a human, but I don’t think Alina is capable of it now. Hell, she might not even be able to understand it, let alone feel it. So the thought of her wielding my possible love for the lords, and their love for me over our heads is terrifying. Even after repeatedly experiencing the wash of feelings through my chest each time Alina batters them out of me doesn’t do it justice. If only because whatever’s popping out of my chest now is only an echo of what my human self-had felt.
At least that’s what I’m assuming, or rather, what I’m hoping.
There are so, so many things that I’m hoping for. I hope that the lords are both powerful enough to save me from Alina and kind enough to love. I hope that my human life will pick a side of the veil, that it either stays and envelopes me completely or is lost in the void. At least then I would get some closure. I hope that Jade can forgive me for whatever the hell happened a few weeks ago. And above all. . .
I hope that I can fall in love again.
Admitting that to myself envelopes me in an achy longing that makes my skin itchy and uncomfortable. It’s another first for me in my new vampire body as so many other things have been. Opting to take a shower after meeting with Alina, I grab a bottle of blood and leave my room. The halls are clear along the way, and I’m pretty sure it’s because my room is in Alina’s wing of the castle. Either for her to be near me or to watch over me or both. The solitude is both a blessing and a curse. I crave normal conversation, and I was getting it every day with Han, but now I’m alone again. At the same time, I don’t think the other vampires I met here would be good company to keep so I haven’t sought them out.
Blood Deception: A Reverse Harem Paranormal Romance (Royal Covens Book 2) Page 11