by Karina Halle
And now.
Now of all times.
Bloody fucking hell.
I drop the phone, my head swimming, trying to process it all, trying to think.
It's enough to make kings and vagabonds believe the very best.
Fucking song.
I think I’m going to need to add a little something to my coffee.
I’m about to get up and rummage through my rapidly-depleting liquor cabinet when the phone starts to ring.
Shit. Don’t tell me she’s calling me too.
I cautiously pick it up and see Amanda’s name flashing across the screen.
Seriously? She never calls me, I’m always calling her.
“Hello?” I answer urgently.
“Hey,” she says, sounding small and far away.
“You never call.”
“I know.”
“How are you feeling after last night? Did you guys stay long? Did you go somewhere else? Did you have fun?” I’m totally rambling like a runaway train here.
She laughs. “You goof. Of course I had fun. I’m good. I just went home after.” She pauses and it’s obvious there’s something on her mind.
“So…”
“Blake, uh, I’m not sure if this is appropriate or not, but my friend from high school, Sarah Price, she invited me to her engagement party tonight. I just saw her back when, well, months ago, and now she’s with some guy and anyway, I was wondering if you would go with me.”
Oh. Oh. Not at all what I was expecting.
“Of course I will. Why wouldn’t I?”
“I don’t know,” she says quietly. “Maybe it’s weird.”
“Hey, you ask me to do something, I’ll do it.”
Please don’t think something like this is weird.
“Do you still have that suit you wore for the cover?”
“Of course. I’ll wear it.” I pause. “Are you going to wear your hair down?”
“I’m not fucking Rapunzel,” she scoffs. “Anyway, uh…do you mind picking me up? Maybe around seven?”
“You don’t want to do some writing today?”
She lets out a dry laugh. “I’m going to a party where all my old high school friends will be. I need a dress, badly. Something to make them look twice.”
“Now I see why you need me,” I joke.
“Well, that’s part of it.”
“I’m flattered.”
“When aren’t you? See you at seven?”
“See you.”
I hang up and stare at the phone, going back to Rachel’s email and reading it over again.
At seven I’m knocking on Amanda’s door and swatting at a moth that’s taken a liking to my face. I have to admit, I’m actually nervous. I feel like I’m taking a date to the prom or something. My palms keep getting sweaty, and I have to wipe them on my pants.
The door opens a crack and part of Amanda’s face peeks out.
“Hey,” she says, and even though I can only see her eyes, lips, and cheeks, she looks bloody gorgeous. She isn’t even wearing her glasses. “You swatting at invisible elves?”
“There was a moth,” I explain.
“Insects just love you.” She looks me up and down and smiles. “You look pretty good.”
“Pretty good?” Damn. I thought I looked fucking amazing.
“You look more like a business man than you do James Bond.”
“James Bond?” I repeat, shaking my head. “I was going for the Bad Boy Billionaire who’s about to sweep you off to the opera in his Lotus.”
“So Richard Gere in Pretty Woman, then.”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I tell her, putting my hand on the door and pushing it open.
She steps back and does a little swing of her hips, arms out in open display.
“What do you think?” she asks hopefully.
What do I think? She looks like the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen. Her dress is simple, a golden yellow strapless number that sweeps the floor, but it pushes up her breasts and makes her curves stand out while her skin absolutely glows against the color. Despite her Rapunzel comment, she’s worn her hair down in loose waves that spill over her shoulders.
I’m immediately hard.
“You can feel exactly what I think,” I nearly growl at her, stepping forward through the doorway and pulling her toward me.
“You like it!”
Ana’s voice breaks through just as I groan into Amanda’s neck, my erection pressed firm against her hip. Damn this bloody woman.
I look up and do my best not to glare at her. “I didn’t realize you were here.”
Ana smiles, holding up a glass of wine. “I’m always here.”
I pull back and give Amanda a sheepish look. “Well, you did a great job on her makeup.”
“Thank you,” Ana says. “I also did her hair. I’m trying out a new career.” She takes a gulp of her drink. When she finishes swallowing she says, “It was either hairdresser school or become an anesthesiologist.”
“That’s makes no sense,” I tell her. I glance at Amanda expectantly. “Shall we go?”
She nods quickly as Ana chirps, “Have a good time, sweet things!”
We hurry up to the car and get in. The moment her door closes, I lean in, running my hands through her hair, the thick, silky feel of her strands causing something inside me to loosen, like all the tension from earlier is finally being released.
She stares at me, her eyes searching mine in the dark, probably wondering what I’m doing.
“Is that lipstick kiss proof?” I ask quietly, focused on her hot pink mouth.
She shakes her head gently, her mouth parting slightly.
“Too bad.” I lean in closer, closing my eyes as I very gently press my lips to hers. She inhales sharply before she gives in, opening her mouth just so, just enough to gently tease the edge of her lips with my tongue.
At this point I’ve probably kissed Amanda a hundred different ways, but this kiss is different. This kiss reveres her. In this kiss she should know she’s a goddess, a fantasy priestess, a ruler of my world.
I slowly pull my lips away and press my forehead against hers while she lets out a small breathless gasp.
“What was that for?” she asks after a beat.
“For you,” I tell her before breaking apart.
I buckle up my seatbelt and start the engine, Mr. Mean roaring to life.
The party is located out at a winery in Saanichton, so we have a half an hour drive ahead of us. She’s strangely silent for most of it, staring out the window at the darkened highway.
“Will it be good to see your friends?” I ask her lamely. It sounds like small talk and I hate that, but the dynamics between us keep on changing and I can’t even keep up with my own feelings.
“Maybe,” she says, running her fingers absently down the window. “Like I said, I haven’t seen Sarah in forever.”
“And the rest of them?”
“Well, actually, I saw the rest of them the last time I saw her.”
“Which was…”
“New Year’s Eve.” Something in her voice catches.
A light goes off in my head. “You mean when you chundered on your ex during his marriage proposal?”
“That’s the night.”
I exhale loudly, gripping the steering wheel. “Wow. Okay. So tell me why we’re going to this again?”
She finally looks at me. “I told you. I just want to…show them that I’m okay.”
“But, you turned him down. Doesn’t this situation usually call for the other way around? The jilted lover shows up with something to prove? I mean, maybe Alan will do just that.”
Her mouth pinches together.
“Oh,” I say, finally getting it. “He’s going to be there. Your ex-boyfriend.”
She nods, looking sheepish. “Yeah. I asked Sarah. He’ll be there. With his new girlfriend who is supposed to be a genetic scientist slash supermodel. Apparently they exist outside of s
itcoms.”
“So you’re taking me to try and make your ex jealous?” I can’t seem to keep the annoyance out of my voice. The fact she’s pretty much using me makes a hot and bitter coal burn in my chest.
“Kind of,” she says. “You don’t mind, do you?”
“The fact that you’re using me, or the fact that you want your ex to care?” I pause while she doesn’t say anything. “Do you seriously want him back?”
Bloody hell, she better not say yes. My heart starts to spin in my chest.
“No,” she says quickly, shaking her head. “Not at all. I told you. I didn’t love him and breaking it off was the right thing to do. Believe it or not, I’m a million times happier now.”
But do I have anything to do with that?
“I just want to show them all that I did okay, that’s all.” She sighs and starts examining her hands. “I was the nerd in high school.”
“You’re still a nerd, geek, dork, and a hundred other things that make you you,” I point out. “Own it.”
“I do. But I mean, people only liked me or put up with it in my final year because I was with Alan. I wasn’t bullied or anything like that, but I was never the one people wanted to hang out with.” She seems to think that over. “Maybe it’s because I never wanted to hang out with them.”
“You think?”
“Anyway, you wouldn’t understand.”
“Hey, peach, I get it. You want to prove that you’re still a catch or cool or whatever on your own and that it had nothing to do with that tosser. But these people…they don’t matter. Nothing that happened in high school matters. That was a different world, a different planet. It doesn’t matter who you ate lunch with back then or what your nicknames were. Like it or not, act like it or not, but you’re an adult now. You’ve almost finished university. You’re living in a great place with an older roommate and getting all these life experiences you can’t buy. You’re being you and you’re doing your thing…and you happen to be a motherfucking bestselling author with a huge career in front of her, as well as one hell of a paycheck.”
I put my hand on top of hers and squeeze. “And you’ve got me.”
She rolls her eyes.
“No,” I tell her, my voice rough. She blinks at me in surprise. “I mean you really have me. If you’ll have me.”
She worries her lip between her teeth, staring at me with wild eyes. I don’t know what she’s thinking, but I need her to say something, anything, because for the first time I’m putting my heart on the line here and I have absolutely no idea how she’s going to take it.
I look back to the road, turning off on the exit that leads to the winery.
The silence is too thick.
“I got an email from Rachel,” I tell her.
“What?” she asks, her voice sounding raw. At least that got her attention.
“Yeah, this morning. Strange timing considering.”
“Considering what?”
“Heath and I were talking about her last night.”
“Oh,” she says, her voice becoming small. She looks out the window again. “What did she want?”
“She wants me back.”
She stiffens, her fingers paused before they go back to playing with the pleats in her dress. “I see.”
“She said that she made a huge mistake, that she regrets cheating on me. Her own heart was broken, karma, of course, and she knows the pain I went through. Apparently I was the only loyal, dependable thing in her life, if you can believe that.” I let out a caustic laugh. “She said she still loves me with all her heart, that she never stopped loving me and wants a second chance.”
My eyes keep darting between the road and Amanda. She’s gripping her dress, her knuckles going white, but she won’t face me.
“Are you going to take her back?” she asks quietly. “Try long distance again?”
The fact that this so obviously bothers her is like a tonic to my soul. It means she has to care.
“Do you think I’m going to take her back? Do you think I’m still in love with her?”
She shrugs with one shoulder.
“Amanda,” I say, grappling for the words. When I don’t say anything else, she slowly turns her head to look at me. Fearful. Hopeful.
“I told her it was too late,” I admit. “I told her I didn’t love her anymore, because I don’t. That ship sailed a long time ago. And I told her I wished her the best of luck but the truth was, I’ve met someone else.” I give her a faint smile, aware of everything riding on this. “You.”
“Me?” she repeats, her voice barely audible.
“I didn’t mean it as a work partner. I didn’t mean it as someone I’m casually sleeping with. I meant in a completely jumping the gun, getting ahead of myself, answering for you when I shouldn’t, I want you to be my girlfriend kind of way. She doesn’t have my affection, my future, or my heart. You do, Amanda. You do.”
There. I’ve laid it all out on the table.
No regrets.
Except she’s still not saying anything. She’s just staring at me incredulously
And I’m pretty sure one of Fluffy’s crickets is loose in the car and chirping on cue.
Finally she says, “That is the cheesiest thing I’ve ever heard you say. Honestly, I’m shocked.”
I sigh. “You know what? It’s true. You don’t have a romantic bone in your body.” I raise my finger. “And don’t make a joke about the romantic bone in my pants because I walked right into that one.”
We lapse into an uneasy silence.
“So,” I say, eyeing her. “You’re just going to let me tell you that shit and you’re not going to say anything?”
“What do you want me to say?”
“What do you want me to say?” I repeat, raising my voice, nearly taking the car off the road. “How about anything? How about, oh Blake, I want to be with you too, you have the biggest cock I’ve ever seen. Or how about, Blake, you’re a fucking wanker and I hope you get on the next plane to Yorkshire.”
She cocks her head, her brows knitting together. “I think it’s been pretty obvious how I’ve felt.”
I feel like my fucking head is exploding. “Obvious? I don’t even know what you’re going to say or how you feel, so no, not obvious. What the hell is with you girls? You think every man is a fucking mind reader.” I give her a look. “It’s called communication.”
“Well, you could have told me your revelation earlier.”
“I could have, if I had realized it.”
“Men,” she says, shaking her head. “You think with your dick so much you never once stop to check in with your brain.”
“Look, I think we both can agree it’s hard to think when you’re not only peddling smut but acting it out like a full-time job. Writing has become the day shift, fucking has become the night shift.”
“Agreed.”
“So now what?”
“I guess I’m your girlfriend,” she says, the corner of her mouth turning up into a smile.
“Are you going to laugh? Are you taking the piss?”
“Kind of,” she admits, and breaks into a warm grin. But that’s when I see it. It’s not humor, its happiness. I have to assume she can see the same thing on my face.
Finally we pull up to the winery, a slew of cars parked outside, the stone building done up with sparkly lights. I feel like we’ve arrived in so many more ways than one.
I unbuckle my belt and twist in my seat to look at her, taking her hand in mine.
Her hand that’s mine.
I stare at it for a moment, sliding my thumb over the faint hairs, her porcelain skin, her hand that feels nothing other than perfect when I hold it.
I feel like there’s a sunrise in my chest, burning hot, while everything about the world is brighter and anew.
I swallow thickly. “I hope you realize that the last place I want to be is at this party. I want you in my bed, and I want to pleasure you until dawn, hard, long, fast, it doesn’t matter, bu
t that’s all I want to do for a very long time. But because this matters to you, I’m going inside. We’re going to make the rounds, say hello, maybe have a drink and a dance and then this thing” —I bang the steering wheel with my free hand— “is turning into a pumpkin and I’m taking you away. Got it?”
She grins at me, leaning forward to give me a kiss. “Did I ever tell you how much I love it when you get forceful?” she coos.
I can feel the blood rushing to my cock. “No. Why did you have to tell me now?”
Her eyes twinkle slyly as she reaches over and rubs her hand along the length of my erection.
I groan sharply and go to press her hand into me harder.
But she gives me a wink.
“Come on,” she says.
And quickly gets out of the car.
Damn it.
20
Amanda
I was completely nervous about the party up until about ten minutes ago. Which was good because if my nerves kept up like that, I could totally see myself having another Sir-Pukes-a-Lot moment in front of these people, which would pretty much seal my fate as that girl that is literally always vomiting (or chundering, as Blake calls it).
But now, now everything is different. Everything has changed. My nerves are dancing for an entirely different reason.
When Blake first mentioned Rachel, I could have sworn he was going to say he was going back to her, maybe even going back to England. And no matter how hard I tried to convince myself before that I could handle losing him in that way, the fact is that I couldn’t. It slammed into me like a rock, the very thought that he might still love her, that he might not be mine after all.
But then everything swung around, and in the most adorable, dorky (adorkable?) way, he told me he wanted something more from me. Like, a girlfriend, boyfriend, this is an actual relationship kind of thing. No more just casual sex, no more just writing partners. He wanted more and I…
I didn’t know what to think. I know I’m falling in love with him, that I have been every time I see him, every time I catch the dimples on his cheeks, the gleam in his eye, the way he makes me laugh like no one else in this world. God, he fucking makes me laugh.