by Holly Jacobs
She thought about calling Tucker. Or her mom. But Tucker would just be furious with Zac for her sake, and she didn’t want that. And her mom would be on the next plane home, and she didn’t want that, either.
So, Eli didn’t call anyone. She turned away from her front door and went for a stroll. The sidewalks were finally clear again, rather than snow-covered, although there was still plenty of snow in front yards and occasionally, where the day’s melting snow had pooled, there was ice.
The moon was full and bright enough to create shadows on the snow of the bare trees.
She made it onto Main Street, where the stores were closed and dark. A few bars and a coffeehouse still had lights on, but it was a Thursday, so they weren’t heavily populated, either.
She could already feel Zac’s absence. How had he become such an important part of her life? They’d worked together for a while on the CATA Project, but over the last months they’d gotten so close.
He’d said he loved her.
The weight of those words hung heavily. He loved her, and she’d hurt him.
“Ms. Cartwright?”
She spotted Ariel waddling out of the coffeehouse toward her, slinging her coat on as she walked.
“Ms. Cartwright, are you okay?”
Ariel had been avoiding her ever since she told the class she was pregnant. Oh, she came to school and still went to her job at Keller’s Market, but the connection Eli had felt with her was broken. “Sure, I’m fine. Why wouldn’t I be fine?”
They stood under a streetlight, which illuminated the fact that Ariel’s stomach was swollen to the extent that she couldn’t zip up her coat. Eli worried about her out in the cold. “You’d better get inside.”
“Come with me. I’ll treat you to a decaf coffee or tea.”
“No, that’s fine—”
“Ms. Cartwright, I know I’ve been a jerk. I’ve known all along I was being a jerk, but I didn’t know how to stop. It seems once you start, it can grow exponentially, picking up steam on its own.”
“You weren’t a jerk. I let you down.” And now, she’d let Zac down as well. If she could handle Arthur a different way she would, but she couldn’t.
“No. I just finally figured out you were human.” Ariel offered Eli a wry smile that was so much older than her seventeen years. “I’m sorry.”
“It’s okay, Ariel. I understand…understood.”
“Well, show me that you really forgive me. Let me buy you an herbal tea.”
Eli didn’t know how to say no after that, so she followed Ariel to the coffeehouse. After the dark sky, the well-lit room seemed overly bright.
She and Ariel sat down at a table. “Ms. Cartwright, you’re not okay.”
Eli could see the concern on the girl’s face. “Yes, yes, I’m fine. How about you? How are things at your aunt’s?”
“The same. She said I could quit work if I wanted, but I like it at the grocery store. Everyone’s been nice. They had a shower for me last week, did I tell you?”
Eli didn’t point out that Ariel hadn’t been saying much of anything to her outside of the classroom, but she didn’t mention it. “No.”
“It was great. I got all kinds of stuff for the baby. Mr. Keller even got me a crib.”
Zac hadn’t mentioned it, but then he wouldn’t. He wasn’t the type of man who did things in order to be praised. He did them because they needed to be done. “He’s a very nice man.”
“And a good boss.”
Eli nodded. “I’m so glad the store’s working out for you. I have two other businesses in town lined up for CATA.” She needed to get that organized before she had the baby. There was so much to do before the baby came.
Where would Arthur or Zac be when that happened? When she first found out about the baby, she’d thought Arthur would stand by her, but it soon became apparent that wasn’t going to happen. Then for months, she’d believed Zac would be there.
And now, maybe he wouldn’t.
If he walked, she wouldn’t blame him. When he’d told her about Cessy, she realized that it wasn’t a story he shared with people, and she’d also realized how the idea of Arthur popping in and out of the baby’s life must hurt and scare him.
And while she understood, she couldn’t help but feel as if her heart was breaking.
Eli started to cry. Not a few dainty tears. But rather big wet drops that ran down her cheeks. Her nose immediately clogged and she took a napkin and wiped it.
“Ms. Cartwright, it’s okay. Being pregnant makes you cry and stuff. But this isn’t about being pregnant, is it?”
“I think I just lost…” She couldn’t even say his name. “I mean, having the baby’s father leave me hurt, but to lose…” It occurred to her that she was about to unburden herself to an already overburdened student. “Never mind. You’re right. It’s only hormones.”
“I’ll go get you that tea,” Ariel offered.
While she was gone, Eli took a tissue from her pocket and tried to get herself under control as she sipped her tea and listened to Ariel’s chatter. The girl was keeping up a running commentary for her sake, trying to distract her.
It was sweet.
It wasn’t working, but it was really sweet.
“So, how are the childbirth classes coming?” Eli asked.
“My aunt went with me. Hee hee hoo. Hee hee hoo,” she breathed. “I’m pretty good. She tries to help, but ends up out of breath in the end.” Ariel paused and asked, “Are you taking classes?”
“Sure.” She’d taken them with Zac. Maybe she should ask Tucker to take over for him.
“I wasn’t sure.” Ariel dumped another bag of sugar into her teacup. “ I mean, you’re a teacher and have taught this stuff for so many years.”
“Ariel, I may have taught it, but I never lived it. I think you and I are both going to find out that the reality of it is so much different than just reading about it.”
“Oh, I’ve already discovered that. I’d read about morning sickness, but you don’t get how bad it can be until you spend every morning and most evenings kneeling in front of a toilet, hoping you can keep something down.” She nodded. “So, who’s your partner?” she asked.
“A friend.”
“Someone I know?”
Eli didn’t want to answer. Ariel was finally talking to her again, and she didn’t want to blow that.
“I’m teasing, Ms. Cartwright. I know you and Mr. Keller are dating, that he’s going with you.”
“Ariel, Mr. Keller and I—”
“Ms. Cartwright, I meant it. I know I was a jerk. I know your baby’s dad left, and that Mr. Keller likes you.”
“How?” Eli asked.
“He came to see me right after you told us you were pregnant. He basically told me I was acting like a spoiled brat and to get over it.”
“He shouldn’t have spoken to you like that…at all.”
“He didn’t put it that way. He was a lot more polite about it, but I could see how much he cared about you. And even after I didn’t follow his advice, he’s still been really nice to me at work. He’s the best boss I ever had. One of the nicest guys I’ve ever met. If I were a little older…” Her grin said quite clearly she was joking.
Eli laughed.
“Here’s the thing, Ms. Cartwright. It’s easy to get wrapped up in yourself when you’re pregnant. They don’t say it in the books, but it’s probably part of the whole process. I mean, every day your body changes, the baby grows. You have to worry about what you eat and pretty much anything you do may be affecting the baby. So, it makes sense that everyone who’s pregnant spends so much time thinking about themselves. It’s not a bad thing. It just is. That’s what happened with me. I forgot that you’re human. And that’s why I was mad. It was all about me. But maybe you’ve got some of that, too, and you don’t see how lucky you are having Mr. Keller around. I know the baby’s father was a skunk—”
“He’s not. It’s just that this baby wasn’t what he had planned.” Eli
defended Arthur out of habit more than a firm belief that he wasn’t a skunk.
“Yeah? Too freakin’ bad for him. Charlie said the same thing when he walked—that he didn’t sign up for a baby. Really? Well, I didn’t either, and neither did you. And yet, here we are, two very knocked-up women handling it. They’re both rat bastards, if you ask me. But Mr. Keller, he didn’t walk away. He stayed. And it’s not even his baby. That makes you lucky in my book.”
Ariel got quiet and turned to look out the window, giving Eli a moment to process what her student had just said.
She was lucky.
Zac didn’t like Arthur walking in and out? That was understandable.
He’d admitted it to her and shared a traumatic event from his past in order to make her understand. That was honest and brave.
He’d said he loved her and that he loved her baby sight unseen.
Coming from some men, that might be a line, but with Zac, she knew there was honesty in the statement.
She hadn’t been nearly as honest with him. She owed him that.
“Ariel, I need to go, but I want to thank you. You’ve helped me work through some things. And I really…well, thank you.”
“You know how you said that being pregnant is different than teaching it?”
Eli nodded.
“Well, looking at other people’s lives and giving advice is easier than figuring your own out.”
“You are a very wise girl….” She paused and corrected herself. “Woman. You’re a very wise woman, Ariel Mayor. And I know you’re going to make something out of yourself. That you’ve got a wonderful life in front of you…you and this baby.”
Ariel reached out and took her hand. “You, too, Ms. Cartwright.”
“Thank you. And right now, there’s a person I really need to talk to because of you.”
Eli hurried home, got her car and drove to Zac’s. She didn’t want to take time to think anything through. She just wanted to get to him and say the words that were suddenly burning to come out.
She knocked on his door and he answered, looking horrible.
“I know you want to be alone and think, but I wanted to tell you that I think I love you, too. I don’t want to pressure you. I understand your feelings about Arthur. And if he wants to see this baby, to be a part of its life, I’ll let him. But there’s no chance of him being a part of mine again, at least not romantically. Days, weeks, months have gone by, and I don’t miss him. But one evening of you leaving early and I feel bereft. I missed you.”
“Say it again.”
She stood on her tiptoes and kissed his cheek. “I love you. I just wanted you to know. I owed you the same honesty that you’d given me.”
Eli turned and started to walk away, but Zac grabbed her hand and gently pulled her into his arms, and kissed her. His feelings right there on the surface. He loved her. He loved her baby. He wanted her.
He held her as if she were in fact the most beautiful woman in the world.
All her worries and doubts fell away.
He led her into the house and kicked the door shut. There was an urgency in his kiss, but despite that there was tenderness in it, too. She still had her coat on as she stood sandwiched between him and the wall, locked in a kiss that she hoped would never end.
And when it did, when he finally withdrew, there was an almost physical ache.
“Say it again.” Zac looked at her, his need evident in his expression.
“I love you,” she said for a third time, the words coming out so much easier this time. “I love you. It’s a crazy time to fall in love, but I don’t think love follows a schedule. I can’t pinpoint the moment it happened. It sort of crept up on me so slowly I didn’t even realize it. Somewhere between that lunch last fall, when I told you Arthur and I had broken up, and today, I fell in love with you. And I know you have concerns. So do I, but—”
“Not now. Not tonight. Any concerns or problems will be there tomorrow.”
And he kissed her again.
Part of Eli knew she should protest. She wasn’t the type to bury her head in the sand and ignore issues. She liked to face them head-on. But as Zac deepened the kiss, the only thing she could think of was getting even closer.
He held her with one arm, but his free hand moved down and rested lightly between them on her belly.
Eli didn’t think she was self-conscious, but she felt shy about her ever-changing body.
“Zac, I—”
“Shh. You’re beautiful, Eli. The most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen.” He stroked her stomach. “And this baby. I meant it when I said, I’ve fallen in love with it, too.” He gently caressed her stomach. “I want to be here for you now, and after it’s born. I’m in this, Eli. No matter what, I’m in this.”
He didn’t mention Arthur, but she knew that her ex still troubled Zac.
“But—”
“No. Not tonight. We’ll work it all out. Right now, I want you to stay with me. Spend the night.”
It was what she wanted, too.
But she must have hesitated too long because Zac added, “I mean, I could just hold you, if doing more would hurt the baby.”
He was giving her an out. She could spend the night in Zac’s arms without making love to him. And yet, despite the fact she felt ungainly and shy, somehow, because it was Zac, it didn’t matter. “There’s no problem.”
That was the only invitation he needed. He took her hand and led her to his room.
“I’m nervous,” she confessed as she looked at his bed. It was a bachelor’s room. Spartan in its furnishing. A bed, sheets and blankets, a nightstand with a stack of books and a chest of drawers.
“Eli, seriously, just spend the night with me. We’ll sleep. I want to hold you. I could hold you forever and it wouldn’t be enough.”
And as she looked at him, Eli knew he meant it, which eased her shyness. She walked back into his arms and kissed him, then reached up to unbutton his dress shirt.
He pulled back. “Are you sure?”
She nodded.
Carefully, he tugged her shirt up over her head. Her breasts were huge. Well, not huge, but significantly larger than they’d ever been. Even in her no-nonsense maternity bra, she felt exposed.
And when she glanced down, she realized she’d worn her maternity pants that had the elastic panels in the sides. They looked like normal pants, although her stomach seemed huge to her as she peered down at it.
Zac’s shirt was unbuttoned and he tore that off as well, and quickly slipped out of his white, cotton T-shirt.
She thought he’d remove more clothing, but as if sensing her feelings, he didn’t. Instead, he took her hand and led her to the bed.
“You look beautiful.”
He gently placed a hand on her stomach. At that moment, the baby kicked.
“That’s amazing.”
“It doesn’t freak you out?”
“I love you,” he said. “I love this baby. Nothing about being with you freaks me out.”
And she saw in his eyes that he meant every word. He didn’t see her ponderously large breasts or swollen abdomen. He saw her. Just her. And he thought she was beautiful.
And because he did, she felt truly beautiful. There was no more awkwardness, no more hesitancy. She gave him everything she had.
He was gentle and tender as they learned each other’s bodies.
She forgot to be self-conscious. She forgot everything but this man…this moment.
In his arms she felt safe.
She felt treasured.
She felt loved.
And for tonight, that was enough.
CHAPTER TEN
“The third trimester is a time of change. Your pregnancy is even evident to strangers. You’re gaining weight and your body is changing almost daily. Most women find this troubling, possibly scary. Just remind yourself that these are normal reactions for both teens, and for older moms. And that we must embrace our fear and not let it beat us down.”
—Pregnancy, Childbirth and Parenting for
Teens, by Mary Jeanne Lorei
A MONTH AND A HALF.
Zac couldn’t help but marvel at how happy he’d been the last six weeks. Cessy complained last week that if he didn’t stop his incessant smiling his face was going to get stuck like that.
As he watched Eli, he knew he was grinning in a way Cessy would have commented on if she were here. Eli was slicing apples for a pie, one fell and landed on her protruding stomach.
He chuckled.
“Hey, men who laugh at pregnant ladies using their stomachs as a shelf don’t get apple pie.”
“Oh, I’ll mind my manners, then.”
“Good.” She went back to slicing, looking as happy as he felt.
Tucker announced her presence by coughing loudly. “Okay, you two—” she paused. “Don’t get all lovey-dovey.”
Tucker was wearing paint-splattered clothes. She’d sided with him when he insisted that Eli not be in the baby’s room while it was being painted, even though they’d used a low VOC paint.
Tucker had finished the edging so he could grab a bite to eat before he left for the office.
Zac listened to the two of them banter. They might not be related, but there was a sisterly connection. He had a vast degree of experience in how sisters sounded.
“Eli, I’m going to run home, shower and head to the market. But I’ll be back before dinner.”
“Don’t be late, or I call the pie,” Tucker said.
“A piece of the pie?” Eli asked.
Tucker shook her head. “Nope, I meant the whole pie.”
“I’ll definitely be back in time,” Zac promised as he leaned over and kissed Eli goodbye.
“Okay, come on, you two. As Bart would say, no sucking face in front of me.”
“You realize that if Bart was saying that to you, you must have been kissing someone,” Zac teased.
“Not me. He said it about my pop. Turns out my father’s got a new girlfriend and Bart walked in on them saying goodbye. I was sympathetic when he told me, but the two of you have made me even more so.”
Zac laughed.