“My dad liked to brag that we rode before we walked. I don’t know how true that is, but I can’t remember a time when I didn’t know how to ride.”
He studied her for a minute and noticed that her gaze never connected with his. She was avoiding something or was worried.
“What’s wrong?” he asked.
“I’m just worried about Rose. She’s so settled here. What if they don’t allow her to stay?”
He led the horse to the fence that separated them. “We can’t change anything by worrying.”
“You’re right.”
He brushed a tendril of hair that had blown across her cheek. She sought his eyes and he knew the questions he saw there. But he didn’t have an answer. There was something between them, something sweet and new.
Slowly, she stepped back, putting distance between them.
The moment slipped away, as tenuous as a warm day in midwinter.
“So ride him,” she challenged.
“You think I can’t?” he laughed, as he led the horse back to the center of the arena. “I’ll show you, and him, who’s boss.”
She quirked an eyebrow at him.
“Don’t make a fool of me,” he whispered to the horse. Buck twitched an ear.
Cameron tugged on the girth strap, making sure it was tight. He placed the reins over the horse’s head and placed his left foot in the stirrup. Buck sidestepped, then took a jarring step forward. Cameron spoke to him and held the reins steady.
“We’re not going to play this game.”
He waited until Buck stopped moving, then he mounted, swinging his right leg over the animal’s broad back. Buck leaped forward and Cameron brought him back with a tug of the reins.
“No, thank you, Buck. I’m not going to the hospital today.”
“She needs to get rid of him,” Laurel called out as the horse pranced across the arena.
“You think?” He tried to laugh but the horse didn’t give a guy a chance to joke, or even take a breath. He kept his legs tight but let the horse move forward in an easy trot.
He rode him around the arena several times. Then a door banged. The horse nearly shot out from under him but Cameron managed to keep his seat and bring the horse back to a walk. He spoke to the animal in soothing tones, but all the while he cursed the eye he’d lost in Afghanistan. It did him no good to rail against the loss because he knew it wouldn’t bring back his sight.
It didn’t mean that at least once a day he didn’t feel the loss.
“Are you okay?” Laurel called out.
He heard the anxiety in her voice. Her fear. He reined the horse in and headed in her direction. The animal handled surprisingly well, with just the slightest touch of the reins to his neck and the gentlest touch of his knee.
When he could see her, he smiled. “I’m fine. A little adrenaline rush, nothing more. You don’t think Rose did that on purpose, do you?”
“Why would she do that?”
He chuckled. “Obvious reasons. She would want me injured and you taking care of me.”
“I don’t think she would do that.” She caught his expression of disbelief. “Would she?”
“Of course she wouldn’t. Gladys said she’s coming home sooner rather than later. I guess that means you’ll be leaving soon?”
She placed her hands on the rail of the corral and rested her chin on her interlaced fingers. Her look was thoughtful as she gazed off in the direction of the lake.
“I have to go. But I’m worried, and I know my grandmother is just as worried, about Rose and the court date.”
He swung his right leg over the horse and landed easily on the ground, the horse shifting away from him just a bit. He held the reins tight as he walked up to the fence.
“I know she’s worried.” He studied the face of the woman standing before him, her hazel eyes bright in the cool winter air. “If you stayed, it might make things easier on her.”
“I can’t stay. I’m already enrolled in school. I have to pack up my apartment and move back in with my mother. Not exactly something I expected to do at age thirty.”
“You talk a lot about what you have to do. But I’m not so sure you want to do those things. Why not stay here and apply for a job at the local school? Jack West said there’s an opening.”
“Yes, Kylie West told me the same thing. But I’ve never taught before. I got my degree and then went into catering instead.”
“It’s never too late to go back.”
“Sometimes it is, Cameron. Sometimes you have to move forward.”
“You’re right.” He kissed her cheek, pausing there close to her and wanting to say more. “Sometimes you have to know when to let go.” He stepped back and nodded in the direction of the house. “Rose is on her way out here. She has lights. I am guessing you’ll spend the evening decorating. The house is starting to look like the North Pole exploded in there.”
“I’m so glad she’s having fun.”
“You’ve been good for her.”
“My grandmother is good for her,” she argued. It wasn’t her best argument. They both knew the truth.
“I’ll talk to you later. I have to give this guy a good brushing and some oats.” He walked away, leading the big gray, and wishing he could be one of those men who knew the right thing to say at the right time.
And this happened to be one of those times he wanted the courage to say what he really felt.
Chapter Nine
Wednesday evening Laurel stood at the back of the church and watched as Rose practiced her part in the Christmas program. She was dressed like a shepherd, kneeling with the other shepherds, but then she got to her feet and sang a solo about Mary and the baby Jesus.
“She’s pretty amazing.” Kylie West had entered from the back door and stopped at Laurel’s side.
“She is.”
Kylie gently cleared her throat. “I don’t want to put pressure on you, but did Cameron tell you about the job at the school here?”
“He did. But I can’t. I’m registered for classes in Chicago and I...” She hesitated because she didn’t know what else to say. That took her by surprise.
Kylie touched her arm. “I understand.”
“Thank you.” She watched as the practice ended, wishing she could be here for the final performance.
Rose came down off the stage and headed her way wearing her shepherd costume and a big grin. A few other girls joined her.
“Hey, Mom, after we clean up, can we grab a soda at the convenience store?”
Laurel blinked a few times, then it hit her. The other teens were leaving with their parents, talking about plans for the night, for the weekend. And Rose wanted to be one of them.
In a way, she’d been Rose. She’d wanted something she’d never had. A father. That mystery man who had lived in her imagination had finally come to life. He was on the stage, helping to make adjustments to the manger.
“Yes, we can stop at the convenience store,” Laurel responded.
Rose gave her a quick hug. “Thank you.”
The girl ran off with her friends. Laurel watched her go and returned to her conversation with Kylie.
“Is it healthy for her to do that? Call me ‘Mom’?”
Kylie shrugged. “I think so. She wants to fit in but she also wants someone to be the mother she hasn’t had. You and Gladys have filled the role.”
“I know it seems unfair, or maybe selfish that I’m leaving—I just don’t know what else to do. I came here to visit and now it feels as if I should uproot my entire life and relocate here.”
“Don’t feel guilty, just pray and know that things will work out.”
“Thank you.” She studied the group of men at the front of the church, laughing with one another and working to make the manger scene perfect.
“I’m going t
o head out.” Kylie gave her a quick hug. “Call me if you need anything.”
“Don’t worry, I will.”
Kylie laughed. “I’m glad.”
Laurel watched the other woman leave, then she headed down the aisle of the church. Curt Jackson looked up from the wall he was fastening to the back of the manger. He smiled at her as she approached.
“How did it look from back there?” he asked.
“Really amazing. They all did such a great job.”
He set his hammer on the stage. “They’re good kids. I grew up in this church.”
“I came here with my mother, before we left town.”
Silence grew between them and he eventually nodded. “I’m guessing it wasn’t easy.”
“No, it wasn’t. I’m sure there were people who guessed you were my father, but my mother kept her secrets.”
“Life is filled with regrets.” His tone was quiet and honest. “I have more than my share.”
“I’m leaving this weekend.” She didn’t know what else to say.
“I’m sorry to hear that. But I do hope you’ll be back soon and I hope we can continue to talk.” He stood up next to her. “I’m looking forward to getting to know you better, Laurel.”
“I’d like that.” She turned to leave, but his hand on her arm kept her from walking away.
“I’d like to give you a hug, if that’s okay.” She knew that the ball was in her court. “I have a lot to make up for.”
“You do,” she agreed. But she took the step that put her close to him and for the first time in her life, she felt her father’s embrace. He was strong and maybe it was fanciful, but she felt safe. Protected.
But after a few moments, she pulled away. “I have to go. Rose is waiting for me.”
He put two fingers to his brow in a salute. “Until next time, Laurel.”
She made it out of the sanctuary before the tears began to fall. She couldn’t stop them from trickling down her cheeks. She covered her face with her hands and drew in a deep breath to compose herself.
A hand touched her shoulder, tender and comforting. And then strong arms went around her, pulling her close. She didn’t have to open her eyes to know that it was Cameron. She knew his scent. She knew the strength of his arms. She knew that she’d dreamed of a father, a man who would be her hero. That dream had been replaced by another more dangerous dream, one even less likely to come true. She was dreaming of this man, tall and silent, willing to comfort but unwilling to commit his heart.
“Leaving just got a little more complicated,” she told him.
“What happened?” He rubbed her back, kissed the top of her head and then stepped away. “Do I need to hurt someone?”
She gave a soggy laugh. “No, I’m good. Just a conversation with Curt.”
“Your father,” he added.
“Yes, my father.”
“Why are you so determined to leave?” He watched her, his blue eye seeing more than she thought anyone had ever seen. “Are you running?”
“Probably. It’s what I’ve done my whole life. Get close and then back away before I can get hurt. I feel like that started when we left Hope to start a new life in Chicago.”
“So stay and face it.”
“I can’t. I have to pack up an entire apartment, five years’ worth of my life, by the end of December.”
He put more distance between them. Physical and emotional distance. “You’re still running.”
“From what?” she asked.
“Me,” he said so quietly she almost didn’t hear the word. He was tall and imposing, handsome and scarred. And he thought she was running from him. Maybe she was, but probably not for the reasons he thought.
Before she could tell him the truth, he walked away.
* * *
Two days later, Cameron was still questioning his sanity. He’d laid himself bare, exposed his emotions to Laurel Adams.
He tossed two bales of hay down from the hayloft of the barn. Then followed them down via the ladder, not tossing himself. He pulled out his pocketknife and cut the rope that held the bales together. The two horses that had come in from the corral whinnied to get his attention. They were ready for breakfast.
He grabbed a couple of flakes of hay and walked up to the first stall. The mare slipped her nose over the door of the stall, waiting for hay. Her foal moved in close to her side. He shoved the flake of hay into the hay rack on the side of the stall, checked to make sure the automatic waterers were doing their job and moved on to the next horse. The gray gelding of Gladys’s.
The horse shoved his nose at Cameron, wanting his hay. He obliged the animal, then gave his neck a pat, just to annoy the horse. True to form, the animal jerked away.
“Your owner is coming home today.” Which meant that Laurel would be leaving town tomorrow.
As if on cue, he heard a car come up the drive, then car doors slamming. He walked out the front of the barn and saw his landlady. She waved, smiling big.
“Cam,” she called out. “Come give this old lady a hug.”
He headed her way, not wanting to be anything like her horse. He could hug her, say something to Rose, because the girl was out of school for the holidays, and be cool to Laurel.
“Welcome home,” he said as he got closer.
“It’s so good to be back. Laurel said she put a roast in the oven and she’s making homemade bread for dinner. Curt is joining us at six this evening. You should come on down and eat with us. It’s Laurel’s last night.”
“I would, but I have a meeting at Mercy Ranch. Their Christmas event is tomorrow.”
“Well, I hate to hear that you can’t join us. We’ll miss you.” Gladys squeezed his arm. “How’s my horse. Not starving himself from depression, is he?”
“Hardly,” he said. Then he realized what he’d said. “I mean, of course. He’s very despondent without you.”
She cackled. “We both know that isn’t true. That horse is like some men, he cares only about himself.”
“Ouch,” Cameron said and grabbed his heart.
“Oh, don’t worry, you’re not one of those men.” She glanced from him to her house. “I’m going in now. I sure have missed my house.”
“I’m sure you have. Let me know if you need anything.”
She waved Laurel and Rose ahead of her. “Give me a minute of your time. Laurel and Rose, you too go on in. Cam will walk me to the door.”
Laurel took Rose by the arm, and the two of them headed for the house, their steps slow and reluctant. At the door, Laurel glanced back. Gladys waved her on inside.
“What’s up?” Cameron asked.
Gladys sighed. “I’m needing a Christmas gift like no other, Cam.”
“What’s the matter?”
She pursed her lips, the sign of a woman with a lot on her mind. “Rose’s caseworker, Carlie, called me yesterday. She’s very worried that they’re going to move Rose to a foster home. I never thought riding that horse would change everything for us.”
“I’m sorry, Gladys.”
She patted his arm. “I know you are. I want you to do something for me.”
“Okay, what can I do?”
“Be my lawyer.”
“I’m not a lawyer. Not in Oklahoma.”
“Then be one. You’re as bad as my granddaughter, hiding from who you really are. Yes, you’re training some nice horses. Is that enough to fulfill your life?”
“I’m not sure, Gladys. For the past few years, it has been.”
“I know you needed time to heal...” She took a few steps away from him and paused, her hand clenching at her side.
“Gladys, are you okay?”
She nodded but kept walking. “I’m fine. I’m just not used to all of this excitement.”
He took her at her word but couldn’t h
elp but feel there was more to it. He caught up with her, trying to pretend he wasn’t there to help her up the back steps of her house. She gave him a narrow-eyed look that said she knew exactly what he was up to.
“Stop acting as if I’m a feeble old lady.”
He didn’t say anything, just offered his arm.
“Fine,” she grumbled. “But just to make you feel good about yourself. And because it wouldn’t hurt my granddaughter to take a good look at what she’s leaving behind.”
He should have walked away while he had the chance. Instead he found himself being led into the house by Gladys’s iron grip on his hand.
As they walked into the kitchen, the aroma of roast and potatoes made his mouth water and reminded him he’d skipped breakfast. Laurel was standing at the counter, measuring water into a bowl and pouring in a packet of yeast. Gladys had mentioned that her granddaughter was making bread. Rose was right next to her, asking questions about the process.
“Look who decided to have coffee with us,” Gladys said, all chipper. “My favorite neighbor.”
Laurel looked up, as if she was surprised to see him with her grandmother. “Oh, Cameron.”
“Yes, Cameron.” Gladys patted his arm and let go to take a seat at the counter. “Do we have coffee?”
“We do.” Laurel gave her grandmother a wary look. He guessed he wasn’t the only one who thought Gladys was obvious in her attempts at matchmaking. “Do you want some Christmas cookies to go with that?”
Rose grabbed a container off the counter. “We made them last night. We found your cookie cutters and made all sorts of shapes. And they’re iced, too.”
The teen took the lid off the container and presented an assortment of stars, bells, and trees.
Cameron sat next to Gladys and he said his own prayer for a Christmas blessing.
He either had to let Laurel go, or make her realize that she was meant to stay in Hope, to be here with Gladys and Rose—and him.
Chapter Ten
Laurel left early the next morning. There were tearful goodbyes with both Rose and her grandmother, but she promised to come back soon. That didn’t seem to make them feel any better. And Cameron didn’t show up to tell her goodbye. She reminded herself not to be surprised or hurt by that.
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