by MJ Masucci
“I don’t.”
But he did know he just wanted to be left alone so he could do his suffering. He knew where he was going to spend his self-imposed penance. He had already spoken to her, and she had agreed to let him stay. He kissed his father and handed him his key card and Ava’s spare key to her apartment.
“Ava has the other card. Can you please make sure she gets that suitcase and return her spare key when she gets home?” He gestured to the brown case sitting in the corner of the living room. His father said nothing as he left the apartment. He didn’t mention that it was the third of August, Xander’s twenty-eighth birthday.
Stay tuned for my next release, the second book of The Heat Series, Ignite. See below for a taste of what’s to come.
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Get Ready for the Release of Ignite in January 2017
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Ignite – Book 2
Ava sat on her bed brooding. Her family had just left her apartment after they had dropped her off after her graduation from NYU Law School. She felt a great sense of accomplishment but also she was miserable. During the ceremony at Yankee Stadium, she remembered when she and Xander had attended a game there. Her eyes drawn to the seats that they had sat. She continued to scan the crowd looking for him hoping that he came out of hiding to observe this milestone in her life. But she was not able to locate him. Peter Wilder had told her before that he had no idea where Xander was. Xander only communicated with his family via email and had for the past four years.
Out of pity, Peter had given her Xander’s email address. She had sent a heartfelt email telling him how much she missed him, but she got no reply. When she emailed him again, the email bounced back to her indicating the address was invalid. He had shut the account down. She had called his phone for a month after she got out of the hospital and it always went to voicemail. Eventually, the number was no longer in service.
She went to her room to change into something more comfortable. Her Uncle Daniel and Aunt Mavis were throwing her a dinner in their backyard. She didn’t feel like going, but she changed her clothes and put a smile on her face. There was still one other festivity she would need to attend before all the hoopla concerning graduation was over. That was the Convocation which was the official hooding ceremony for graduating NYU Law students.
She was really in no mood to attend any more festivities. Her face was beginning to hurt from the fake smile she had fixed on her. Her emotions were on high alert, and she was afraid she might burst into tears in front of her family.
Xander stood on the second tier concourse of Yankee Stadium during the NYU graduation. He was able to secure a ticket to the event through a friend that worked as a professor at the University. He wasn’t going to miss this for anything. He knew Ava had worked hard during her three years as a law student. She had done well and was graduating near the top of her class.
His father had told him these details in the hopes that it would bring him back to the Manhattan for good. He had occasionally come over the past four years to see his parents with the express request that they do not reveal his visits to the Keene family. He had only seen her once in the years since, and when he spotted her in her cap and gown, she stole his breath away. Ava was even more beautiful than he remembered. Her face had matured, and she had an elegant air about her. His only wish was that he could have seen her shapely body hidden beneath the graduation gown.
He watched as she scanned the crowd during the ceremony. He kept to the shadows standing back in case she spotted him. However, he doubted she would recognize him. He looked very different than when they were last together. His thick hair was longer and below the collar of his shirt almost to his shoulders. He also no longer brushed it back in a neat coif. He had a thick swath of hair that sat on his forehead and sometimes slipped into his eyes. Even the color had changed because of his work outside a majority of the time, even in winter. It used to be sandy brown and now was closer to blonde from exposure to the sun.
It was reminiscent of when he was a child. His face shrouded in a thick beard that he let grow unkempt on his face. It too was almost blonde with patches of strawberry. Coupled with the fact that he wore sunglasses, and he doubted she would have known it was him. Still, he kept back from the throng of spectators just in case. He watched the entire ceremony and when it was almost over he made his way out of the stadium. He couldn’t risk encountering her family or her.
Ava sat in the corner of her uncle’s backyard slowly sipping a glass of wine. Her family and friends were celebrating her graduation. Rachel had wandered over to ask her what was wrong.
“I’m just tired. All the events that I had this week took a lot out of me,”
“You did it and should be proud. I remember when Jacob got his law degree. He was on cloud nine. Now comes the fun part if I remember correctly, studying for the Bar Exam. When is it?”
Ava grimaced. “I’m going to sign up to take it in February. I have a few months to get in my application. Jacob already said he is going to drill me. I can’t wait.” She said sarcastically.
Ava’s three-year old nephew Michael came over to her. He placed his sticky fingers on her knee. His face was full of marshmallow.
“Hey little man, you’re a mess. Let’s take you into the house and get you cleaned up.” She excused herself and grasped his small sticky hand.
“Aunt Ava, don’t wanna clean up. Want ‘nother marshmallow.” He resisted, but she picked him up in her arms and planted kisses on his chubby cheek. He struggled, but he gave into her. She carried him into the house, and she washed his face and hands in the bathroom sink. He and his twin sister were the two things that could take her mind off her misery in the past few days. She wished her brother and his wife Alicia lived closer. She wanted to see her niece and nephews more.
Her sister Brooke had a little boy also. He was going to be three years old in June. The twins were going to be four years old the same month. She was just two weeks shy of her twenty-eight birthday. So much time had passed since her accident and the ending of her relationship with Xander. It was Xander that ended it. She had no say in the matter, and he didn’t seem to care to discuss it.
“Aunt Ava wanna go back out.”
She took Michael’s hand and brought him out to the backyard. His twin sister Elizabeth was sitting on Alicia’s lap with the same face full of marshmallow. Ava offered to take her in and clean her up since Alicia was five months pregnant with her third child. She declined saying she would do it. Ava went back to the corner of the yard and picked up her glass of wine. Samantha, her best friend, came over to join her.
“How are you doing? Done being the center of attention yet?”
“Sam, I hate this. I want this day to be over with.” She said in a low voice.
“For someone who just graduated with a law degree, you are not a happy camper. Why?”
Ava looked at her with sad eyes and took a big gulp of her wine.
“Shit, are you still thinking of him? It’s almost four years. He is not coming back. You need to move on already. If he cared, he would have been back by now especially on this occasion.”
Ava knew she was right, but she couldn’t move on. She rubbed her chest where the ring was hidden on a chain around her neck. Her melancholy mood was interrupted when her family called her over to cut her graduation cake. Though she didn’t feel up to it, she wanted to make her family happy. She put on another fake smile and cut slices from the large sheet cake for everyone.
She was exhausted, and the mosquitoes were beginning to bite as the late spring
evening set in. She announced she was going home to get some sleep. Her brother offered to escort her, but she didn’t want company. She just wanted to be alone. She said her goodbyes and caught a cab home to her apartment. The front desk was empty when she arrived in her lobby. She pressed the elevator button and waited.
“Miss Keene?” She turned to see Jeffrey at the front desk holding a long white florist’s box out to her.
“This came for you earlier.”
She took the box wondering who could have sent her flowers. The clear window at the top of the box was obscured by a piece of paper, and she could not see what type the flowers were. She would have to wait until she got upstairs. She entered her apartment and placed everything on the side table in the entry. Kicking off her shoes she was greeted by her cats, Boomer and Riley. They rubbed against her legs and almost tripped her while she made her way to the kitchen with the box.
Upon opening it, she was shocked and placed her hand over her mouth. Nestled in green florist’s paper were a dozen long stemmed lavender roses. She clawed at the card taped to the side of the box. The script writing was distinct, and she would know it anywhere, one line, no signature.
I want you for always
She sank to the floor cradling the box of roses in her arms, tears welling in her eyes. Somewhere in Manhattan was Xander. She just knew it. Was he at the graduation? Has he been watching me? She wanted to call the Wilder’s. If he was anywhere he would be there. She picked up her cell phone and dialed the number then thought better of it and hit the end button. She didn’t want to disturb them. Gabby Wilder had not been well the past month since she had been diagnosed with Lyme disease. It was already nearing 9:00 PM and they might be asleep already. She would call tomorrow and find out if he was there.
She found a suitable vase and put the flowers in it inhaling their fragrance as she did. She had a notion and took a pair of scissors out of the drawer. Ava clipped one of the roses off just below the flower and brought it to her bookshelf.
She removed her hardbound copy of Crime and Punishment from the shelf. She hadn’t touched this book in several years and forgot how heavy it was. She flipped through the pages looking for a suitable place to dry the flower when she came upon another lavender rose. She removed it carefully so as not to disturb the dried petals. This was from the first roses that Xander had sent her. She remembered when she had picked them up from the front desk. She expected them to be from her current boyfriend at the time, Liam, but they were from Xander.
She was curious as to why he had chosen lavender and she looked up what the color meant. It had said love at first sight and enchantment. A couple of weeks later Liam was out of the picture and Xander had taken his place. She was happy then.
Now she was on the cusp of her career as an attorney and she was extremely unhappy. Even four years later she had not gotten over him. She had not kissed or slept with another man since they separated. Each time someone asked her out, and there were many, she declined. She found herself comparing them to Xander. Why had he sent her flowers with that phrase on the card?
If he truly loved her and wanted her then why didn’t he show himself? She placed the old rose back between the pages and found a new spot for the new rose. She had no idea why she was bothering to press roses from a man that wanted nothing to do with her but she felt compelled to do it.
The next day Ava sat in the Beacon Theater during the Convocation ceremony. This would probably be the last exercise of her academic life. She had no intention of attending anymore school at least for awhile if at all. She met her family after the ceremony and they went out to lunch. Alicia, Michael and her father were leaving the next day to fly back to Georgia. They struck up conversation that she barely paid attention to. Her mind was elsewhere, it was on Xander. She wanted to call the Wilder’s but had to be at the theater early that morning. This left her no time to call until after she got home from lunch.
“Ava, are you listening to me?”
She snapped out of her fog. “I’m sorry, what were you asking?” She said to her father.
“Are you going back to work next week or taking some time off?” Ava finished the bite of food she was chewing.
“Uncle Daniel said I could take next week off, but I’m not sure I will do it. I am taking two weeks in June off to volunteer for Kids Afloat.”
Ever since Xander had introduced her to the Kids Afloat charity she had either made a donation, volunteered for a couple of weeks at their camp during the summer, or both. This year she had donated and was volunteering to help at the camp. She looked forward to attending the camp in the Adirondacks of upstate New York. The accommodations weren’t the greatest but she enjoyed spending time with the children and lending a helping hand. She looked up and saw that everyone was staring at her.
“Don’t worry, I will come down for my niece and nephew’s birthdays. I wouldn’t miss that for the world.” Fortunately the Twins and Brooke’s son, William all had birthdays within four days of each other in June. Since William was born they had celebrated all three of the children’s birthdays together. It was easier than having two parties with many children running around.
Ava’s father usually went all out for his grandchildren much the way he had when his children were little. There was usually a petting zoo, bouncy house, clowns, magicians, catered food and even a small carousel. They had many guests attend and there were so many presents the children couldn’t open them all in one day.
Ava tried to visit her family as often as she could. She had gotten over the horrible incident at the end of her freshman year. She found that not many people in town knew about it or cared even if she did. She now had a good relationship with both of her siblings.
After her accident she and Brooke had made peace with each other and had become close during her recovery. Brooke even drove her to physical therapy and doctor appointments. Now they talked on the phone several times a week. Ava was disappointed that Brooke and her husband were not able to join her for her graduation. Ava’s nephew had fallen ill with a horrible earache just before they were supposed to come to New York.
Her father had set up his iPhone so that Brooke could watch the ceremony as it was happening. Michael also recorded it so they would have it to show other family members who could not attend. Alicia took Brooke’s ticket instead since you were only allowed three tickets per family.
At home later that day Ava called the Wilder’s. Peter told her that Xander had not been staying with them and he hadn’t heard from him. She was surprised since Gabby’s health seemed not to be improving. Xander had always been close with his mother and she was sure he would want to be with her.
Xander walked around Washington Square Park. He had waited for several hours across the street from Ava’s apartment building hoping to see her go in. He was finally rewarded just before evening came. He watched her enter the building. He wished he could see her face when she opened the box of flowers and read the card he had sent. Ever since he had seen her during the graduation, he wanted to go to her, touch her, smell her, be with her. But he was no good for her, and her father had agreed so many years before.
He hoped she would move on with her life, but it seemed that she was in the same suspended animation that he was. He couldn’t go back, and he couldn’t move forward. Every woman since Ava that had made overtures towards him he denied. He had no idea why he was faithful to her. He had been celibate since the last night he had made love to her four years ago. He couldn’t bring himself to share his body with any other woman but her. He knew what it meant. It meant that he would probably be alone for the rest of his life. He deserved it after what he had done to her. His deception had created his misery, and he would wear it for the rest of his life. But it seemed that she was miserable too.
His father had said she had not dated anyone since Xander had left, but who said you had to date someone to sleep with them. A woman as beautiful as Ava would surely have had several suitors since they parted. But d
eep in his heart he knew she was just like him, destined to be lonely.
He walked along the concrete path in the park breathing in the cool night air and listening to the sounds of Manhattan. He missed all this. He continued along until he came to the very spot that Ava had tripped and fell so many years ago. He carried her back to her apartment and took care of her that day. She threw him out, and he got drunk only to have her come to return the favor and take care of him. That was the first time he told her he loved her. He sat on the bench and closed his eyes remembering the scene as it played out.
He remembered everything about that day. What she wore, how she smelled, the look in her eyes as he picked her up in his arms to carry her home. A sob tore through him as he thought of how it all went wrong. He dug into the pocket of his jacket to retrieve a handkerchief to wipe his nose and eyes. The park was empty, and he was alone to cry all his emotions out. After several minutes he rose from the bench and made his way out of the park.
He was staying at a small hotel not far from there. He didn’t want anyone to know he had come to the city, not even his parents. Tomorrow he was leaving. Though he was no longer on the board of Kids Afloat he usually offered his services before the children arrived at camp. The ravages of weather during the winter meant that there were plenty of repairs around the grounds that needed to be completed. He took two weeks off from his job at the lumberyard to help with them.
He loved spending time with the children, but he knew Ava would be there too. The first summer he was separated from her they almost met by accident. He had volunteered to be one of the instructors after his resignation from the board. He had settled into his cabin and was on his way out the door when he spotted her talking to the camp director. He went back to his cabin, peering out the window until she left. He packed his things and let the director know he had an emergency and had to leave immediately. He left during the evening when the staff was eating dinner. He had no idea if the director revealed that he had been there but he hoped not. He had caused Ava enough hurt and hadn’t wanted to cause her anymore.