I felt the strong undercurrent trying to wash me away, but my mother always said I learned to swim before I could walk. I shoved off parallel and felt the reassuring rocks of the jetty stab my fingers. I clambered up the rocky outcrop—but not before pain jolted deep within my left arm, emanating from my shoulder. I cradled it a bit and the pain abated.
“Tica!” Ryoko scrambled down to meet me, abandoning her slippers. “Are you okay? You were just bobbing in the water!”
“I’m fine.” I stared back at the spot where I’d seen the boy. However, it was as if sun spots had been burned into my brain; I couldn’t see anything except for mist.
“Your arm started hurting again, didn’t it?”
My head shot up. I started to deny it, but then I was struck numb by the strength of her grip—and how weak my left arm felt beneath it.
“You’re right. Fishing is boring.” I laughed and held myself up on her shoulder. “My brother should be off work by now. Let’s go see if he’ll buy us that sushi.”
Chapter 2: A New Dream
~Tica~
Two Years Later
I sat behind the cash register, bored out of my mind.
A large man slouched up to the counter, holding a pack of Kona Longboard beer. He said nothing while I rang him up, but he stared pointedly when I fumbled with the cash drawer.
“Car accident?” he finally asked.
I stared hard at the bills, the familiar whoosh of anger seizing up my muscles. One of these days, my eyes would quit tearing up whenever someone asked about my arm.
“Boating injury?”
“Bone cancer.” I managed to say it without stuttering and handed his change back.
The man whistled. “Too young,” he grunted and lurched out the door. Outside, he shook his head sadly and cracked his first beer, as if unable to stomach the thought of my maimed torso; as if my amputated arm had untimely ripped away all of my hopes and dreams.
I scowled, glancing out at the brilliant blue ocean and the surfers bobbing amongst the waves. The sea waved at me as if to say, come play. In my dreams, I still sliced through the water with an arrow’s precision, my body even, whole. But then all too quickly I’d wake, and memories of Rafael trying to teach me how to swim again after the surgery would come tumbling down. I would remember the unfamiliarity, the way my muscles would awkwardly negotiate in my new shape, and how the water’s resistance would ultimately overwhelm me. Other days I would feel too nauseous to try.
I turned away from the rumble of the ocean and back to the silence of the Stop n’ Shop, my mom’s deli convenience store. The only sound was the hum of the air conditioner ruffling my cropped hair. It’s going to be okay, I told myself for the umpteenth time. I just had to get different dreams, was all. At school, I was good at marine biology. I was always elected group leader during lab time. I would still spend time with the ocean; but I would just be studying it from above instead of below.
Laughter and a jumble of conversation echoed outside, and I realized a group of my classmates was entering. Quickly, I reached for my jacket and slipped it on one arm while letting the other sleeve hang limply at my side. I’d experimented with prosthetics after the amputation, but the options available in our price range often caused me more pain than they helped, and I eventually found it easier to live without one. It didn’t mean other parts of my life became easier. I’d just managed to adjust my sleeves before the doorbell jingled.
Aolani swept in first. Her thick weave of dark hair was pinned back, and a thin lacy white top covered her bikini and boardshorts. She was the type who could surf all day, drink all night, and wake up the next morning as glowing as a sea goddess, trivial things like salt and sand not permitted to stick to her. Her loyal subjects, the stoic Lono and the goofy redhead Mason, were only two steps behind her. Mason was the sole haole in our grade. He immediately went straight for the sunscreen.
“Howzit, sista?” My scruffy brother wore his Seahawks cap backwards, and his golden-brown hair curled out over his ears. He approached the counter with Ryoko in tow.
My bad mood soured further. “I thought I had to cover your shift today because you were sick, Rafael Dominguez.”
“Don’t tell mom.” Raf nodded over his shoulder. “I picked up a stray.”
And there he was. I stared in shock at the sunburnt black-haired boy I’d last seen fighting for his life in the grip of the ocean two years ago. He was standing quite calmly in the cosmetics aisle, smiling at Aolani as she pointed out the best types of surf wax to him.
He glanced toward me, and waves immediately began rumbling in the back of my head. Something moved in the depths of the abyss, where the sea thought it subdued. A rotting hand snatched for my ankle—
The new boy bowed briefly to me. “Pangapseumnida. Nice to meet you. My name is Jinho. I am from South Korea. I moved here recently.”
He spoke low and roughly, but there was a lack of accent that made it feel forced—not to mention the cool way he assessed me with those storm-swept eyes. I was pretty sure blue eyes were uncommon in South Korea, and the way he held himself self-assuredly, despite the numerous burns carpeting his face, made him feel older than any of us—certainly older than my college-age brother, sniggering with Lono over the branding of the popular Sex Wax.
“Do you swim much in South Korea?” I demanded. This was the same boy I’d seen off of Pele’s Chair before I almost drowned myself, I was sure of it! It was a particularly vivid memory. It was one of the last peaceful times I remembered before everything became about hospital visits and chemo treatments.
He blinked. “I—do not understand,” he said too quickly.
“Tica!” Aolani was offended. “Jinho just moved here to provide a better future for his siblings back in South Korea. His father expects a lot from him. Jinho doesn’t know much English yet, so speak slowly.”
I caught Ryoko’s gaze. She rolled her eyes and returned to texting.
“That’s pretty cool, moving to O’ahu of all places. How can you afford to live here?” I drew the last phrase out nice and lo-o-ong, but Aolani still glared at me.
“It’s okay.” Jinho raised a hand, grinning. “In Korea, we are honest with our feelings like this. I am on scholarship. I go to your brother’s community college. If I learn more English, work hard, and send money back to my family, then we will get by.”
“You’re a saint.” I attempted to fold my arms, before remembering my right arm was reaching for a phantom. My cheeks burned and I prayed they hadn’t noticed.
Aolani sighed and drew Jinho away. “I’m sorry Tica is rude,” I heard her whisper. “She’s probably sad to see us go surf. She used to surf a lot.”
“Oh? What happened?”
“Aolani,” Rafael suddenly said in a dangerous voice. That topic was off-limits to anyone outside of family, as far as my brother was concerned.
Aolani blew out an exaggerated sigh. “We’ll talk later, Jinho. We’ve gotta get to Toes before the town crowd gets out of school. Just the wax please, Tica.”
“And this energy drink!” Mason thrust forth a lime-green one called The Hulkinator. Rafael bought a pack of e-cigarettes.
“Would you like a bag?” I asked, monotone.
“Nah, we’re good.” My brother squeezed my hand. My flesh-and-blood one. “I’ll see you at home then?”
“Shoots,” I said sarcastically.
Jinho was the last to leave the counter. “I did swim quite a bit in South Korea,” he spoke, his voice suddenly melodiously smooth. His hand hovered over mine. “Perhaps there is something I could teach you. You didn’t seem that great at swimming before, either.”
My head shot up. That was impossible. Yet the smirk on his face confirmed it; this—creature—remembered me! He swept from the store, the breeze from the door seeming, if only for a moment, to pick up a set of tattered black wings from his back and send the feathers aflutter. My hand automatically dug into my purse for my meds. I’d never suffered hallucinations before
. Why the hell was my mind fixated on this strange Korean boy?
“Snap out of it, Tica,” I growled to myself. My mother didn’t have medical insurance left to cover insanity. I’d strung her out thin enough as it was. Would I always only be just a burden to her? Rafael was a beach bum and my father was dead. I was her only hope for a secure future.
An engine spluttered outside. There were several hoots of laughter as my classmates jeered at my brother for the hopelessness of his old ’93 Ford Ranger. Surfboards bounced in the back as they turned toward the sun-speckled sea. My heart smashed against the cold glass of the air-conditioned convenience store, unable to follow.
It’s going to be okay, I consoled myself, clicking the cash drawer shut. This is what my family needs. Me here, bringing in income.
A series of clicks echoed from the shaved ice aisle. Ryoko appeared, texting and sucking on a guava cone.
“You’re not going with them?” I tried to ignore the sunshine playing in the royal palms outside.
My best friend shrugged. “Don’t think you’re so special, Tica. I just don’t want to make a fool out of myself in front of your brother on a day when it’s double overheads, is all.” Ryoko shoved me over on the chair, squinting at my laptop screen. “Greetings in Korean? So you’re going to quit practicing Japanese with me in order to flirt with Jinho, is that it? Do I mean nothing to you?”
“Stop thinking you’re so special, Ryoko.” I elbowed her back.
“I am special, but you’ve never appreciated that.” She pouted and threw her silky black hair over her shoulder. “Now scoot over and let me learn with you. We’ve gotta get one up on Aolani, since she’s made it clear to Jinho that he can ride her surfboard—day or night.”
She winked, and I tried not to laugh.
“Rafael will be so heartbroken when he hears you’ve moved on.”
“Your brother and I are meant to be together, but it’s not my fault he can’t see that right now.”
I shook my head but let her squeeze in the seat with me.
Chapter 3: The Luau
~Tica~
“You look fine,” Ryoko told me for the hundredth time. I hadn’t asked, but Ryoko and I had been friends for so long that she knew when I was freaking out—like when your junior year Welcome-Back-To-School luau is being held at seven o’clock on a Friday night, and you’ve just gotten off an afterschool shift at the Stop n’ Shop. I frantically combed my sun-streaked brown bangs over my eyes, checked the flower tucked behind my right ear, and stopped at Ryoko’s stern look.
“Okay, okay. Let’s go.” We jumped out of her Toyota Corolla, my right hand awkwardly adjusting my beaded shawl. It was cool enough tonight that I could wear it with my white halter-top dress. My bikini straps bit into my skin underneath. Aolani had convinced our group that we should go for a midnight swim later.
Tiki torches lined the path down to the beach, from which the deep bass of the band pulsed and the smoky scent of huli huli chicken turning on the grill made my stomach growl. Aolani had organized the luau well—tiny golden lights glittered in swaying palm leaves, keeping the dark violet skies at bay. Students were already taking advantage of the dance floor, while teachers, parents, and younger siblings circled through a colorful buffet of steaming rice, juicy kalua pork, seasoned-and-grilled shrimp dripping in garlic butter, and three types of ahi poke.
“Mmmm.” Ryoko licked her lips. “Is your brother here yet?”
“His night class just got out. He and Jinho are coming from Kapiolani Community College now,” I said, checking my phone. My heart stumbled a little over the name: Jinho. Was I curious or scared to see him again? I’d grown up in a too-small apartment in a too-small neighborhood where there were only locals and mainlanders. I knew everything about the former and didn’t care about the latter, because mainlanders always left. Now Jinho was making the transition over to our side. My mother had encouraged Rafael to help him settle in on the island. Perhaps his struggle to adapt to a strange place had struck a chord with her own. He’d already been by the house twice, the second time with groceries.
“Now I know why you’re really freaking out.” Ryoko smirked. “Excuse me. I’m going to stuff myself full of huli huli chicken before your brother gets here.”
“Don’t you dare care what my brother thinks!” I yelled after her. “Stuff yourself all you want!”
“There she is!”
My business teacher, Mr. Montoya, strode toward me with Aolani close behind. Both had full plates of food and virgin pina coladas.
Mr. Montoya raised his drink in toast. “Congratulations, Tica. Out of all the Junior Business Club intern applications, yours and Aolani’s were accepted for an interview at Kalani Resorts, one of the biggest international hotel chains in the world. One of you will even have the unique opportunity to sit down with the visiting CEO himself, Mr. Crispin Summers!”
Aolani grinned at me, her pearl earrings catching the torchlight. “Isn’t that exciting, Tica? I can’t wait to hear about the tasks expected of us. Hopefully there is no heavy lifting involved.” She tsked in the direction of my left shoulder.
I glared at her. Aolani shrugged and popped a fresh mango slice in her mouth.
Mr. Montoya snorted into his pork. “Depends how much paperwork they load you up with. You’ll be doing so much filing that you’ll be begging to come back to high school. It’s all a good learning experience, of course, and remember the first rule of business, girls…”
“Network, network, network,” we both chimed.
“…and then network some more.” Mr. Montoya looked unhappily at his empty plate. “Excuse me, girls. Come see me Monday to prepare for your interviews. Congratulations, again, and Tica”—he squeezed my shoulder—“I’m proud of you.”
After we were alone, Aolani’s dark eyes sharpened. “Why are you even applying for this, Tica? I thought you wanted to stop global warming or save the sea turtles or something.”
“We live on an island; we should lead the way in sustainability,” I repeated my mantra automatically.
She folded her arms. “Kalani Resorts isn’t known for their eco-friendliness, unless you count the number of luxurious dolphin lagoons they have. Haven’t you heard about their plan to build an underwater hotel, one room of which will be made completely out of coral?”
I’m worried about my family’s future and I don’t know if a grant-funded marine biology career will cut it financially and I need something solid to fall back on! My heart surged against the bubble of my ribcage and burst.
I shrugged. “Like Mr. Montoya said, it’s a good learning experience.”
“Whatever. Is your brother here yet?”
I knew who she meant. Jinho’s ice-blue eyes raked my face from beneath his jagged black hair. “He hasn’t texted me back yet. I mean, how interested can he be in a high school luau?”
Aolani huffed and disappeared into the crowd with a swirl of her flower-patterned dress, fellow classmates already clamoring for her attention. I grinned and piled some rice and spicy ahi poke on my plate before going to join Mason in the throng of students watching the reggae band.
“One, two, three!” the lead singer yelled, and then the band kicked off with the drop-beat of the drum and the multi-chord blare of the keyboard. The two guitar players leaned in to the microphone to sing in harmony.
“Hi Tica!” Mason twirled me around by the waist.
“Not the poke!” I cried in protest as my plate nearly spun out of my hand.
“Dance first, eat later!”
“I haven’t eaten since two!”
“Fine.” He stopped jostling me and gazed up at the stage, cheeks flushed and eyes glowing.
I leaned in. “That dark-haired guitar player’s cute, isn’t he?”
“Tica!” Mason draped a hand over my shoulder and pulled me close, looking nervously behind. “Don’t let Lono hear you.”
I stared. “He doesn’t know? You came out months ago.”
“More like
opened the closet to let a few trusted people in.” Mason glanced toward where our stoic friend stood at the back of the crowd, his arms folded. “I want to tell him, Tica; Lono’s my best mate. But…it’s hard to tell how he’ll react. He already gives me enough shit for being white.”
I understood. Having a conversation with Lono was a bit like talking to a rock that wanted to smack you in the face. He hadn’t always been so closed-off, but that was before his younger brother had died in a surfing accident on the North Shore. I remembered Kai as the livelier of the two brothers—laughing, mischievous as a monkey, and as dexterous as one, too—he was already out-surfing us by the time he was twelve. Lono always used to brag about how Kai would compete in the Eddie Aikau surf competition one day, which only happened if the winter waves reached a minimum of twenty feet. But the ocean had taken him back too soon.
“I think you should tell him already.” Aolani and Ryoko joined us, Aolani linking her arm through Mason’s.
“I know,” Mason said, “but I feel like when I do, I’ll be rewriting every moment of our time together. Every childhood memory he’ll look back at and think, ‘Did he know then?’ I guess I don’t want things to change.” His arm tightened around Aolani’s. “Our group. We’ve been together since that summer camp years ago, when Rafael convinced us to sneak into that rich person’s backyard and play in their pool.”
Ryoko rolled her eyes. “Remember what he said? ‘They won’t be home! This is their winter house!’”
“And then that lady ran out shrieking in her hair rollers!” Aolani was giddy after a few not-so-virgin pina coladas, and she leaned over Mason’s arm, gasping with laughter. “And Tica! You told her we were there to sell Girl Scout Cookies!”
Year of the Boar- Tica Page 2