I killed one of Mom’s friends. She was suppose to be family.
“It’s okay to be…feeling…how do I say this?” Ethan said. He leaned in closer and looked at me. “It’s normal for victims of something like this to be scared.” I rested my shaky hand on the couch and tried to make it stop. “PTSD happens all the time.”
“I killed someone.” I whispered and the room went quiet. I stared at my hands as I thought about it. It what’s worse is that it was two people.
I nodded because I just want to get this over with. I do not have PTSD. I’m not crazy or dealing with crazy shit. Okay…maybe I am.
“Some officers talked with your doctor and they said you have several wounds on your body. How many do you have exactly?” Garrett asked.
“One on my neck, my left side…my shoulder and thigh.” I said barely over a whisper. I feel like a piece of meat. All chopped up.
“Your doctor also mentioned you had a wound caused before last night. Is it related?” Garrett asked. Ethan knows about this. I nodded. I was Giovanni’s cutting board. I seriously feel like it.
I brought the water bottle Declan gave me back to my lips and drank.
“Is that it?” Ethan asked.
“Isn’t that enough.” I said. I’m all cut up now. I guess it’s only right because that’s how I feel inside. It’s been a long time since I actually felt right inside. Like I belong.
I shifted my body a little to get comfortable but doing that made my water bottle slip from my hands and land on my thigh. I shut my eyes and groaned in pain as my fingernails dug into the couch. OHMYGOD! That fucking hurt. I slowly released my grip on the couch and took a deep breath when the pain went away.
“Are you okay?” Scarlett asked. I nodded.
I was stared at for awhile and out of nowhere I remembered being pushed into the mirror back at that house. I felt my back getting sliced up, right? But my back doesn’t hurt. I don’t think it happened. I probably dreamt that too. My memory is foggy. Must be the pills.
“I’m sorry to ask…but…did you stab him? Giovanni. Your prints were the only ones on the knife aside from his.” Garrett asked. I nodded.
“You lost a lot of blood during the struggle…you guys were lucky that the police got an anonymous call.” Ethan said looking around.
My eyes shot up. “Who called it in?” I asked.
“They didn’t leave a name but it was a man.” Ethan eyed me. “It was quick. He mentioned Willow Road and said someone needed help.”
“Could have been a neighbor.” I said eyeing my friends.
Garrett nodded. “Probably. Police went door to door asking and one of them said they saw a car drive farther down the road. There was only a foreclosed house there so it raised some flags.”
I nodded. They don’t know about Mark and Christy and I don’t want them involved either. I don’t even want to tell them about Giovanni. I can’t tell them about Giovanni. Not after what happened this summer. And what about Drew? He’s been trying to help me. What is he finds out I just get into trouble? He’ll think what happened was not an accident. I don’t want my friends to think I wanted that.
“All right…that’s everything. If we have more questions, we’ll let you know.” Ethan said.
“Wait.” I tried to sit up straighter. “Is this on the news? Or is it about to be?” I asked. I really hope not.
“The press is a pain in the ass.” He said.
“What do they know?” I asked.
Ethan eyed me. “Very little. Just that there was a kidnapping and homicide at the residence.” I tried not to be affected by hearing that.
“Is there any way…that the whole story doesn’t get out? I mean…” I stared at the coffee table. “I don’t want to be reminded about what happened before last night.” I said looking up at the officers. “I didn’t report the rape…so no one will connect the dots. If the police can keep that part out of the media–”
“I understand.” Ethan said. “We’ll take care of it. Don’t worry.” Okay, that’s good. I don’t want people finding out about me. About anything. Ethan stood up and grabbed something from his front pocket. “Almost forgot.” He handed me another small clear evidence bag with my phone and license in it. Officer Ryans and Officer Miles said a few more things then they walked to the front door. Mom followed them out.
“I’ll see you tomorrow? If it’s okay?” I heard Garrett say.
“Yes.” Mom replied.
She walked back in with a smile. When she saw me, it faded.
“Do they have more questions for me?” I asked.
“No. Why?” She asked.
“Officer Miles said he’ll come by tomorrow.” She smiled.
“Emily, you do not want to hear about my personal life.” She said.
I knew something was going on between them.
“Ooh, Mom’s having sex.” I said turning to Declan. “Are you okay with that?” He rolled his eyes and Scarlett laughed. He just has to get use to use girls having men in our lives. I turned to everyone sitting in the living room and locked eyes on Liam. “Didn’t you come here with your dad?”
“I took my own car.” He said. “Is it okay with you if I stay a little longer?” The way Tiffany’s looking at him…I can’t kick him out. She’s almost at the drooling point. She caught my eye and nodded. She wants him here. Okay, he has to stay.
“What harm is another person, right?” I said.
“Is anyone hungry?” Mom asked. All the arms in the room shot up except for mine. “Okay. I can cook something quick.” She said walking into the kitchen but not before walking up to me and kissing my forehead. “I’m glad all of you are okay.”
Tiffany moved her chair closer to me and searched my face. I wish I knew what she was thinking. “You know, Em. I still love you and all but I’m so fucking pissed right now. I can’t believe you didn’t tell me you have a tattoo. We talk about everything and you didn’t–”
“What?!” Scarlett and Declan said at the same time.
“Oh.” Tiffany said widening her eyes. “They didn’t know?”
“Nope.” I said. Only Mark and Christy know.
“Now that they do…what is it?” Sophie asked. It’s weird having her here. Talking to me. Like we use to do. “I didn’t really see it.” They were tied up in a basement…
“A lotus flower.” I said.
“Doesn’t that mean something about going through a bad time then you get right back on your feet or something like that?” Scarlett asked. “Why would you get–” Her eyes widened when she realized what she said.
“Yeah…something like that.” I said.
“When did you get it?” Bryan asked.
“In the summer.” I said.
“How? You were seventeen.” Declan asked.
Like that mattered. “Um…Declan, I have my ways.” I said. That sounds bad. “I didn’t mean…I didn’t fuck the guy, if that’s what you’re thinking. I have other ways. I’m not an innocent girl but I’ve got a bad side.”
Declan raised an eyebrow. “Yeah, right. You…with a bad side. You drink…that’s about it.” he said. I shrugged my good shoulder.
“Whatever.” I said. No one has to believe me. “Enough about that. Liam, how’s Kaylie?” I asked changing the subject.
“She’s still waiting for you to bring her to the park.” He said.
“I promise I will when I can.” I said. She’s so cute. So we started talking about siblings. Zach didn’t really mention his younger brother, Justin, and I thought was weird. Guess he’s not that okay with being around me yet. I get it.
“Foods done!” Mom yelled from the kitchen minutes later.
Everyone got up and I stayed behind. It hurts to walk. They walked toward the kitchen while Alex walked over to me.
“I see Bryan came around.” He said sitting beside me.
“I see that too.” I said. Then I found his eyes and my heart broke “Alex, I’m sorry about everything that happened yesterday. I can
’t get it out of my mind that something might have happened to you guys…” I fingered the photos absently and a tear slid down my cheek. My arm hurts being in this sling so I changed the subject. “Can you please get this off me? It’s not comfortable.” Alex sat up and after a few pulls here and there he got it off. “Much better.” I said sinking into the couch.
“I’ll bring you food if you don’t want to get up.” He said about to get off the couch. I made my best attempt to reach for his arm because I have to tell him something.
“Alex.” He turned. I want to let my feelings out. I want to tell him how I feel about him even it makes me look crazy but it’s too early to say it. He’ll think I’m crazy and run. I don’t want to lose him but what if I don’t wake up tomorrow? Things happen.
I kissed him instead. Hopefully that works for now.
When he pulled away, I stared into his eyes. They’re deciding on something. “I know it’s soon but I don’t know what will happen tomorrow or even in the next minute. I thought I lost you and what hurt was that I couldn’t tell you…” Alex dropped his eyes to my lips. “I don’t care if you think I’m crazy because we’ve been dating for three days but I love you.” I smiled. Then he smiled. “I love you, Emily.”
Three days. It feels like I’ve known him my whole life.
“Thanks.” I said. His eyes dropped. I’m a joker. He has to get use to that. “I’m kidding.” I said finding his eyes. “Alex… I love you too.”
He kissed me chastely on the lips then stood up. “I’ll bring you some food.” He said. Something in the way he looked at me was different. The way he talked to me was different. It wasn’t pity or sorrow…I know this is strange but he looked at me…with love. I’ve never been in love before. Yes I had love but I was never in it. It’s different. And right now…it’s the best feeling in the world. I wasn’t a believer in love at first sight but it happened to me. Ever since Alex stepped foot in my homeroom…he had my heart. There’s no denying that.
I sank back into the couch and smiled. After everything I went through I’m lucky to be here, in this point of my life. I have everyone in my life. Ex-friend and ex-boyfriend included.
I don’t want to leave things off at a bad note. This is how we’ll fix it.
I’m lucky to be alive.
It’s Christmas and I’m with friends and family. My real dad’s missing but Bryan told me that he knows I wouldn’t want anyone to see me like this so he told him to back off for now. Soon, I’ll be able to handle that change.
I glanced at the tree.
I have every present I already need.
15. Fun
After everyone was done eating, including me, they came back into the living room and sat anywhere that was free. Alex, Zach and Liam sat on the floor in front of me with Sophie and Tiffany because they didn’t want the chairs and Bryan sat beside me on the couch with Scarlett and Declan next to him
I was stuck wondering why we only have one couch. Why did we get rid of the second set? Because you push people out. You don’t like bringing people into your shitty life.
Mom cleaned up the kitchen and she wouldn’t take help. She needs time alone to process everything that happened. I don’t blame her.
“If you guys want to go home I really don’t mind.” I said.
“Emily, please be quiet. We want to help. If we get sick of you then we’ll go.” Tiffany said as she walked over to me to kiss my cheek. “I’m sill mad that you didn’t tell me about the tat.” She whispered in my ear.
“Oh, blow me.” I said. “Like you don’t have secrets.” She pulled away and held my eyes. There must be something she’s not telling me and I’m fine with it. I love her regardless. “One day I’ll tell you everything.” She said. I nodded.
“It’s Christmas.” I said going back to the everyone-should-leave topic.
“You act like it’s the end of the world, Em.” Sophie said. “We can spend time with them tomorrow. Besides…life sucks right now. Home is somewhere I don’t want to be.” She looked away. That’s her way of saying not to bring it up. If she wants to talk about it then she’ll mention it. Zach looks the same way.
“Fine.” I said sighing. My fingers touched the photos and I froze. I have to get rid of them soon. “What do you want to do then?” I asked as Mom walked in. Declan and Scarlett got up. “Where are you guys going?”
“The storage guy called. We have to get our stuff out by tomorrow morning. Besides we’re too old to be around you young people.” Declan said with a smile. He’s nineteen… He leaned down and kissed my head. “You’re in good hands anyways. We get you later.” They said bye to everyone and left.
“Well now would be the perfect time to throw a party.” Tiffany and Sophie said. They looked at each other and smiled and then they looked at me. Tiffany got up and looked out the window. When she came back she sat criss crossed on the floor. “What’s up with skittles?” Sophie asked.
“What?” I asked.
“You said skittles when Mark called and when he came to the hospital he brought it up to. What’s up with that?” She asked.
“It means I’m in trouble, help.” I said staring at my legs.
“Want more water?” Tiffany asked. She got up and walked to the kitchen before I could answer. “You need a little flavor in yours.” She said handing me the bottle. I opened it and smelled it. It’s cherry. After the first sip, I tasted it but I kept drinking. I didn’t notice she was smiling at me.
I closed the water bottle and thought about it. “Tiffany!” I threw it at her and I scooted off the couch a bit. “Freaking crazy bitch handed me vodka. I took painkillers. Do you want to kill me?”
“No and this crazy bitch loves you too.” She said.
I feel different. Maybe it’s from the loss of blood or the painkillers but that vodka stirred something up in me. Something good.
“Where’d you find it?” I asked. I actually want a little more.
“In a cabinet. Spotted it when everyone was eating.” She said. I looked at her and smiled then I looked at everyone else.
“Help yourselves if you want some.” I said standing up slowly and on my own. “How about a mini Christmas party?” Everyone was on their feet now. I walked into the kitchen with no help. I feel the vodka working its way in my body. I have a high tolerance for this stuff but I’m pretty out of it. My pain is numbed except for my shoulder.
They brought the chairs back in the kitchen as they walked in. Tiffany got shot glasses out and filled them up. I drank almost the whole bottle so there wasn’t much left.
“Thanks to Tiffany, I can have a little fun on Christmas. And thanks to everyone here for not hating me for what happened.” I said. They threw back their heads back and drank. “Or you secretly hate me and this is a way to get your revenge.” Everyone laughed.
“Oh, Emily…your car is awesome.” Bryan said.
“I know.” I looked over at Alex who winked at me. “Best birthday present ever.” The pain is going away and I know it’ll come back tomorrow so mine as well have fun tonight. “I told Alex I wouldn’t let anyone drive it but I think I can make an exception for family.” I said hopping over to hug Bryan. I made sure not to lift my left arm.
“Family?” Zach asked. “Bryan was driving your car.”
I looked up at Bryan’s eyes. Any feelings I had for him are gone. I don’t want to kiss him so that’s good. I’m finally getting use to it. “Yeah…we just found this out.” Bryan said kissing the top of my head…just like Declan.
“Ohmygod! No way. I can see it now.” Sophie said. “How related are you two?”
“Brother and sister.” Tiffany said.
Zach and Sophie spit out some vodka then they stared at us.
“You can always count on Tiffany to make a room go silent.” I said. Everyone burst out laughing.
“I’ll take that as a compliment.” She said sashaying her way to Liam.
I walked over to Sophie and Zach. “It’s been a while since we w
ere in a room together actually talking.” I said. When Sophie’s eyes met mine, they were pleading forgiveness. She doesn’t need to apologize. I’m just as guilty.
“I’m sorry about how I was to you, Em. I should have never let a guy ruin our friendship.” She said. I looked up at Zach. “I’m not saying this because of what happened back at that house. Emily, I tried talking to you. During the summer, I tried but then you quit the squad. I didn’t know what to do after that.”
“It’s fine. High school’s full of speed bumps.” I said. I thought about how I hated Zach for treating me the way he did but after what happened to all of us… I have to say something changed between us. “Soph…I’m glad we’re not ripping out each other’s hair.”
“Me too.” She said hugging me.
I walked to Zach’s left side and leaned on the counter. “I’m sorry about the nose.” I said apologizing now. It was wrong of me to hit him. He said a few things that ticked me off and I snapped but it shouldn’t have happened. I should have controlled myself.
“Don’t be. You made it perfectly clear at the pizzeria and I respect that.” He said. I looked down, shaking my head.
“What I said was out of line. If it wasn’t for you…I wouldn’t be the person I am today. You made me a tough girl. And I like being a tough girl.” I said. “So thanks.” He pulled me into a hug.
“I’m sorry about how I treated you.” He said holding me a bit longer. If someone else were watching us it’d be weird but there isn’t anything romantic between us. “I’m sorry about everything.” And he means it. So what if he hit me. Zach isn’t a bad guy. He had things going on in his life. Everyone does.
“If you want to talk I’m here…It’s not that weird between us…is it?”
“No.” He said pulling away and leaning on the counter. “It’s not weird between us. Well Alex is giving me a look but I guess that’s expected.” He cracked a smile. “I’ll try and kill the rumors at school.” Oh, thank god. And I don’t hate him for starting them either.
“That would actually be pretty nice.” I said.
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