Ben’s smile was a little bit too quick. He shook his head. “No, not at all. Why would you think that?”
“It’s just that I figured in our current situation you’d be more sympathetic to a guy who is obviously getting the full Wisner treatment.”
Ben smiled thinly. “I wouldn’t wish Wisner on anyone—except perhaps Gunn. But no, I’m fine. A little rattled from last night, maybe, but fine.” He elbowed Nate. “You know things are bad when Gunn’s giving good advice.”
Nate snorted, but his gaze remained on Ben. “You don’t even feel slightly curious about the rogue werewolf’s story?”
Ben shook his head. “If I knew where he was, I’d report him to Department Seven. And you should too. It’s entirely due to this runaway wolf that we’re in so much trouble right now.”
“Trouble? What can Wisner, do? Seriously—we got an entire room of people who can testify that we acted in self-defense. So long as we don’t get into any more fights, we’re fine.”
Ben hesitated. “Wisner doesn’t strike me as a good person to make an enemy of. I’d be really careful to stay out of trouble if I were you.”
The second time he’s told me to be careful. Nate frowned, placing his hand on Ben’s shoulder. “There’s something on your mind,” he said quietly. “I’m sure of it. Whatever it is, you can tell me.”
Ben came to an abrupt decision. “You ever feel like you’re fighting a battle you just can’t win? That no matter what you do, it’s not going to make a difference?” Ben’s mouth twisted deprecatingly. “Maybe I’m kidding myself thinking I can have an ordinary life.”
“Don’t say that.” Nate squeezed his shoulder. “You’ve fought so hard to get where you are now. It makes sense that you’d be ready to take a break. But think how far you’ve come. You’ve moved back into your old apartment, you’re living on your own for the first time—you’re a landlord now. All of those are a big deal, Ben.”
Ben smiled faintly. “But compared to the power of the City Council or even Department Seven…”
“You don’t have to be big to be powerful.” Nate looked around, spotting a crack in the pavement. “Look over there.”
“At the sidewalk?” Ben frowned.
Nate crouched by the crack, beckoning Ben to join him. “See there?” A few green leaves showed above the surface of the concrete. “Hardly the best environment for life. Entirely surrounded by concrete and it probably gets trampled several times a day. But it’s still growing.”
Ben eyed the plant with a raised eyebrow. “It’s a weed.”
“Look again.” Nate pulled his glove off, placing his palm against the concrete. Just like he had with the tree earlier, he reached out to the plant, this time lending it some of his energy.
Ben’s breath caught as new leaves sprouted and the plant pushed itself higher. It turned a bud toward the sun, unfurled petals, and revealed a brightly colored flower. “Did you do that?”
“I hurried it along a little,” Nate said. “But I didn’t change the plant in any way. It’s no robust weed, but a delicate flower—and if it can survive in the middle of a concrete jungle, then you can too.”
Ben’s mouth twitched. “That is the weirdest pep talk I have ever received—but thanks, Nate. I appreciate it.” He looked down at the flower, his fingers gently stroking one petal.
“That’s beautiful,” Charlotte said in a hushed tone behind them.
Nate jumped to his feet. Charlotte and Vazul had gathered behind them, entirely unnoticed. “How long were you there?”
Vazul smirked. “Long enough to see your party trick—but don’t worry. Your secret is safe with us.”
Charlotte nodded. “If it wasn’t for our spy over there”—she nodded to the watching werewolf—“I’d show you my specialty.”
Vazul’s phone suddenly emitted a blaring noise. “That’s my timer,” he said, fishing it out of his jacket pocket. “Finally, we can end this farcical maneuver. We’re free to go.”
“It’s really okay to just leave?” Nate asked, helping stack their collected bags of rubbish beside the park’s trash bins.
“Yeah. Kenzies usually finds the time to come out and check on us once, but she trusts us to knock off on schedule. Besides, I’m sure the werewolf will be making notes.”
Nate slowly peeled off his remaining glove. He was sorry to see the community service come to an end. Ben was already looking at his phone. “So, um—”
“We usually hang out after we finish.” Charlotte looked hopefully at Nate and Ben. “Want to join us?”
“Sounds great,” Nate agreed. “Ben?”
To his disappointment, Ben shook his head. “Sorry. I’ve got another appointment.” He nodded to Charlotte and Vazul. “Nice meeting you. Nate, I’ll see you later.”
Vazul watched him go with narrowed eyes. “I am dismissive of society’s expectations around dating, but even so—your boyfriend’s a jerk. No offense.”
“Ben’s got a lot on his mind right now,” Nate said. “Once you get to know him, you’ll see he’s a really great guy.”
Charlotte shook her head. “I don’t know. I can understand someone who doesn’t know about the supernatural making blanket statements about werewolves, but for one of us to do it—”
“Give him a break. We kind of got into a fight with a werewolf last night, so it’s probably that.”
Charlotte and Vazul exchanged a look. “A werewolf?”
“You can tell us all about it over coffee,” Vazul decided.
Nate winced. “Sorry, guys. I’m broke—”
“Our treat,” Charlotte said. She gave him a smile, tucking her hair out of her face. “Us supernatural types have to stick together.”
Nate returned her smile, but he couldn’t help a twinge of misgivings. If supernaturals stick together—where does that leave me and Ben?
“NATE! WHERE HAVE you been?” Aki scrambled to his feet, brandishing his phone. “I have been waiting hours for you to come back! No, don’t answer that—you will not believe what happened to me.”
Nate held up his hands in surrender. “At least let me walk in the door, Aki.” He stepped inside their shared apartment, dropping his bag on the floor beside him.
The dog came padding up to greet him, his tail wagging.
“You have a good walk, boy?”
“We had the best walk. You would not believe it.” As Nate took a seat on the sofa, Aki plopped onto the seat beside him. “As soon as I got to the park your stupid dog yanked the rope out of my arms and ran away.”
“What?” Nate looked down at the dog. He rested his chin on Nate’s knee, looking up at him soulfully.
“I know, right?” Aki knelt on the sofa, waving an arm excitedly. “I took off after him, but Shaggy here can run when he wants. I lost him in the trees. I’d just decided that it was no use looking for him and was wondering how to break the news of our dog-less state to you, when out of nowhere, this chiseled god appears and offers to help me look for my dog.”
Nate snorted. “Chiseled god, huh?” Should have known. Aki only gets excited about one thing.
Aki punched Nate lightly in the arm. “Don’t smirk at me. This guy was seriously hot. He had the whole package—a dangerous amount of stubble, killer body and eyes that fuck you. Like, he was hot. And really into helping me find my dog.”
Nate bit his lip to avoid smiling. “A dog lover?” Beside him, the dog’s tail beat the floor rapidly.
“Naturally I pretended to be really devastated about my missing dog, and when it was becoming readily apparent that despite the efforts of the single most attractive single guy in the city this dog was gone, never to be found again, he bought me a hot dog to cheer me up.”
“That’s sweet of him.” Nate stroked the dog’s ears.
The dog’s eyes shut in pleasure. His tongue lolled happily as he leaned against Nate. In fact, if Nate hadn’t known better, he’d have sworn that the edges of the dog’s mouth turned up in a smile.
“And
that’s not even the best bit.” Aki waited until Nate was looking at him. “He bought me a hot dog with chili and cheese. He knew my toppings without asking.”
“A man of taste then.”
“He is literally perfect in every way. He even manages to eat a hot dog attractively. It was unreal.”
“And what is the guy’s name?”
Aki’s smile faded. “He didn’t say.”
“You didn’t get his name?” Nate sat up. “Phone number?”
The dog nudged his leg with his nose. Nate absently resumed patting it.
Aki shook his head, slumping back against the side of the sofa. “No. I was pretty much on the brink of asking him if I could blow him, when he thanked me for hanging out, said he’d like to get to know me, and took off.” Aki frowned. “He’d like to ‘get to know me.’ What do you think that means?”
Nate snorted. “If I had to guess, I think he wants to get to know you.” He eased himself off the sofa, heading into the kitchen to grab a drink. “How did you find Shaggy—Fluffy?”
Aki followed Nate to the kitchen doorway. “That’s the weirdest thing about it. When I got back to the apartment, Cousin It was just waiting for me by the side of the stairs. He even wagged his tail at me like he was happy to see me or something.”
“Maybe he was.”
Aki hesitated. “Can I borrow Scruffy again tomorrow? Just to put the guy’s mind at rest. I mean, he worked really hard at finding my dog—”
“You remember the discussion we had about how faking an interest in stuff to get a guy’s attention is ultimately self-defeating?”
“Yeah. So?” The dog padded over to Aki, nudging his leg with his nose. Aki patted him. “Maybe your gross mutt is growing on me.”
“I knew you’d come around.” The sight of the dog reminded Nate that he was going to have to find something to feed it. He turned to the fridge, scanning the contents. “What do you want for lunch?” He looked back—just in time to find Aki wiping the hand that had touched the dog with a tissue. “He’s really growing on you, huh.”
“I like the dog. I don’t like its germs.”
Nate hesitated. “Maybe I should come with you to the park tomorrow. I don’t have any appointments with Department Seven.”
“Great idea. You can hold the lead while I talk to mystery god.”
“Deal.” But as Nate started taking the ingredients for a salad out of the fridge, he couldn’t help a feeling of unease. Aki fell in lust at the drop of a hat, but it never lasted long and the fallout was not fun.
Chapter Seven
BEN WASN’T SURE what exactly he’d expected from a psychiatrist’s office, but carnival masks were not it. He lay on the psychiatrist’s sofa, staring at the two masks attached to the opposite wall.
“So, Mr. Hawick. Or do you prefer Bennet?” Dr. Wellbeloved asked.
Ben transferred his attention from the masks to the doctor. His desk was beside the sofa, so Ben had to crane his neck at a ninety-degree angle to see him. “I prefer Ben, actually.”
Wellbeloved made a note of that. He was probably in his late forties, but had an energy that made his exact age hard to pin down. He wore an eggshell-blue shirt with long sleeves buttoned at the wrists, and despite the warm weather, an argyle vest. “Why are you here, Ben?”
Ben swallowed. His throat felt dry. The room felt stuffy and he longed to throw open a window. “Ms. Patel didn’t explain when she made this appointment?”
Wellbeloved steepled his fingers together. “Diya explained the circumstances and the urgency of your case.”
“It was really good of you to fit me in on such short notice,” Ben said quickly. He’d bypassed a packed waiting room to see the doctor.
“Anything for Diya. But you have not answered my question. I would like you to tell me, in your own words, what you think you are doing here.” He had a musical lilt to his words.
Ben wondered if that was the reason for the doctor’s obvious popularity. “Because the Registry Select Committee thinks I’m a danger to others.” He shifted restlessly, trying to find a comfortable position on the sofa. What should I do with my hands? If he laid them flat beside him, the glossy fabric of the sofa made him feel like they were going to slide off. After a moment, he rested his hands on his chest. Better—even if it now meant he felt their weight every time he took a breath.
“And are you?”
“No!” Ben sat up at once. His heart beat fast. The degrees on the wall of Wellbeloved’s office indicated he’d had a full grounding in psychiatry but divulged nothing about his supernatural knowledge. Diya had told him the doctor was skilled in dealing with paranormal cases but not how. Does he know…? He swiped his tongue over his teeth, but there were no traces of fangs.
“That is a strongly defensive reaction.” Wellbeloved raised his eyebrows. His hazel eyes regarded Ben steadily. “Obviously the suggestion bothers you.”
Ben forced himself to breathe in and out. “The suggestion would bother anyone. Look. I’m not comfortable being here, but I don’t have any choice about it, so can’t we just get on with the interview?”
“As you wish. But we can fix one of those problems of yours right now. You are not comfortable on the sofa?” Wellbeloved waved to the armchair set before his desk. “Then perhaps you will find a chair more to your liking?”
Ben fought a blush as he sat in the chair. After a moment, he wriggled out of his shoes, curling up in the chair.
“Better? Good.” Wellbeloved leaned back in his chair, watching Ben. “But I am curious. Why did you take the sofa at all, with the chair right there?”
“I thought it was expected.” Ben reached to tuck his hair behind his ears. He caught the doctor’s gaze on him and dropped his hand. Much as he resented the old-fashioned look of his hair, he found comfort in its screening length—a fact which he suspected was not lost on the psychiatrist.
“And do you always do what is expected?” Wellbeloved met Ben’s frown with an open expression. “It is a serious question. Diya gave me something of your history when she made your appointment. Looking at your application, I can see that you excelled academically both at high school and what university classes you took before your most unfortunate death.”
Ben hoped his wince wasn’t apparent.
“You were equally proficient in your professional career as an investigator for ARX, and now that you are no longer a vampire, you have swung in the opposite direction and wish to prove yourself a human. If I had to venture a guess, I would say that you are someone who likes rules.”
Ben stiffened. “Is there anything wrong with that?”
“Please, relax. I am not trying to trick you. I just want an insight into your personality.” Wellbeloved laid down his pen. “Did I touch a nerve?”
Ben looked at his knees. “I don’t—miss being a vampire,” he said. “But I’m lost without the routine. I don’t know what I’m doing any more. It’s really—hard. A lot harder than I thought it would be.” Ben described his problems remembering to eat and his difficulty in making up his mind to do things.
Wellbeloved made sympathetic noises as he scribbled on his notepad. “It sounds as though you are suffering mild depression.”
“Depression?”
“Do not be alarmed. Most people experience some form of depression in their lifetimes without it being clinical. It is important that you recognize it for what it is, and do not let it keep you from moving forward.”
Ben hesitated. “I don’t leave my apartment, except for things I have to do.”
“And friends? Hobbies?”
Ben shook his head. “I think about reaching out to my university friends or the people I knew in high school, but I never do. When I look at their lives, what they’re doing… It’s like a different world. One I’m not part of.”
“But what of your interests? What do you do in your apartment?”
Ben played with the cord of his hoodie. “Not much. I’ve been trying to set up my apartment, but
I never get very far before I run into a decision I can’t make. Where to put a picture or something.” He found himself describing his paralysis. “That’s not normal, is it?”
“What is normal in one circumstance is not normal in another, and what is normal for one person is not normal for the next. If I spent an hour wondering where to hang a picture, my secretary would cancel my appointments and book me a vacation. But for you, I think it is a symptom of something deeper.”
Ben felt his chest constrict. “Go on.”
“It is early days yet, but from what you have described and what Diya has told me, you have faced a lot of change in a very short time. You lost your father tragically at the same time that you died and became a vampire. It is my thought that in pushing yourself to meet the demands of your new situation, you did not allow yourself time to grieve for your father—or for yourself.”
Ben blinked. “I—”
“It is not surprising, in those circumstances, that you would cling hard to anything that gave your life a direction or purpose. And equally understandable that now that you find yourself outside of that world, you are at a loss about how to deal with it.”
Ben’s throat tightened. He had to force the words out. “I’m normal?”
Wellbeloved nodded. “What you have described is a very normal reaction to trauma—and I can imagine that life as a vampire was traumatic indeed. I have a few vampires among my patients, and their cases tend to be very complex. The trauma of their own deaths, coupled with the violent lives that most of them must lead… It is not difficult, and it is no surprise that it would leave a lasting impact on you, especially at your young age.”
The relief was so strong Ben had to shut his eyes. “Thank you.”
“For giving what is only my professional opinion?” Wellbeloved tapped his pen against his desk. “In your circumstances, I imagine that it is a great comfort to have a goal to work toward. Is that why you applied for humanity?”
Life After Humanity Page 12