‘That’s wonderful. I wish the same could be said for Eunice. Have you seen her while I’ve been away?’
Nancy looked grave. ‘No. Poor Eunice. I just can’t believe it. She’s the last person I would have expected to fall in love with someone else. It’s as if she’s turned into me. Isn’t it funny how life surprises you?’
April nodded. ‘It certainly is. And not always in a good way.’ April wondered if Eunice had told A.J. about the baby yet. She’d said she was going to write to him, but she had no idea whether she had.
Nancy interrupted her thoughts. ‘So, what really happened in London? Theo’s not really your sweetheart, is he? Having both you and Eunice running around with two men is too much. If someone had said this would be me and Bess, I wouldn’t have blinked an eye.’
‘It’s not like that. He isn’t my sweetheart, but I care for him deeply. He’s more like a brother to me, really. But I probably won’t see him again.’ She put her face in hands.
Nancy squeezed her arm comfortingly. ‘Hey, sorry. I was being insensitive. Don’t worry, it’ll all work out in the end.’
‘Will it?’ April shook her head. ‘It won’t for Theo, and I can’t see how it will for me or Eunice. Everything’s such a mess.’
Chapter 30
April forced herself to focus on her work for the rest of the shift, resolutely pushing all thoughts of Crawford and Bess from her mind. But it didn’t stop her feeling sick with dread.
When she left the hospital late that night, she half hoped to see Crawford waiting for her at the door. Which was foolish considering he thought she was married and in London. She should have written to him to let him know she was going, but she thought she’d be back before he returned so there hadn’t been much point. And she never would have thought Bess could be so vindictive.
As always, there was food waiting for her.
‘Homity pie tonight: one of your favourites. I thought it might cheer you up.’
April smiled wanly. ‘Lovely, thank you.’ She washed her hands and sat down at the table.
‘Mrs Teague, apparently Crawford is back. Did he come here to see me?’
Mrs Teague, who had been bustling around the kitchen, paused. ‘I did see him, yes.’ She didn’t look at her, so April knew there was something wrong.
‘Please tell me what happened.’
‘Oh, April, I was hoping to wait until you felt a little better. I’m afraid that I made a hash of it.’
‘Please, just tell me what happened.’
‘He decided to surprise you at the hospital and bring you home. It was the day you left. But when you didn’t show up he went looking for you. And he found Bess. Then he came here to talk to me and the first thing he asked was if you’d gone to London to marry Theo. I was so shocked that I couldn’t gather my thoughts, and I think he took my silence as assent. He looked at me with those eyes – so beautiful and so hurt, they were – and before I could say anything, he nodded, wished me all the best and left. Always such a gentleman. I called after him, but he got in his car and drove away.’
April put her head in her hands.
‘And then the next day, a letter came for you, with “Please forward” written on the front. I didn’t want to give it to you last night, tired as you were, but it’s on the mantelpiece.’
April pushed her chair back from the table and rushed into the sitting room. Her name was written on the front, although there was no address so she knew it must have been hand-delivered. She recognised the bold handwriting as Crawford’s. With her heart thumping, April walked slowly towards the mantelpiece. She didn’t want to open it. She had a suspicion that they might be the last words she’d ever hear from him, and she knew they’d be angry.
She forced herself to pick up the envelope, tearing it open with trembling fingers. Inside, there was just one sheet of paper.
Dear April,
I was shocked when Bess told me that you’d gone to London to marry Theo. The man you’d told me was just an old friend. But then, what we shared was probably too good to be true, so I shouldn’t be surprised. I can’t pretend to be anything other than devastated. Not just because you have gone, but because you lied to me. That hurts the most. If only you’d told me the truth, I would have understood and left you alone. Instead, I believed you when you said your heart belonged to me; I believed you because I felt the same. But was that a lie too?
Since I met you, I’ve been wondering whether it’s possible to know so soon that you want to spend your life with someone. There was only one answer for me: yes, it is possible, because that is what I felt with you. I am trying very hard not to let my hurt make me bitter. I can’t pretend to understand why you have done this, but I do respect your right to do it. Perhaps you didn’t want to hurt me, and that’s why you led me to believe you felt the same. Or perhaps you just didn’t know how to say it, torn as you were between us. So, seeing as I’ve ended up on the losing side, I have decided I must be gracious in defeat. I wish you every happiness in your new life. Because, despite everything, the thought of you being unhappy hurts me almost more than your lies.
My mother used to tell me that my father is the sort of man who, when he loves someone, he loves them forever. She always said I was just like him. Turns out she was right. It’s a blessing and a curse.
Be happy, April,
Crawford
April let out a cry and dropped on to a chair, the letter fluttering to the floor. Mrs Teague, who had been hovering anxiously by the door, rushed in and picked it up, scanning the contents.
‘Oh no, no, no! How could he believe this of you? Oh, that Bess! I’m not usually a violent person, but I could wring her neck. Well, I am going to make sure he understands what a mistake he’s made. The silly, silly man. I thought better of him, really I did. Why wouldn’t he let me explain before running away?’
April shook her head. ‘There’s nothing to be done. He thinks the worst of me, and I can’t blame him. I might not have married Theo, but I did leave to be with him. And I lied to him. I told him Theo was just a childhood friend, not that he was once my sweetheart. I’m not sure he could forgive me, even if I did explain.’
‘Such nonsense. It’s nothing but a misunderstanding that can be cleared up with a conversation. Now, you are going to write back to him this instant explaining everything.’
‘Yes. He deserves to know the truth. But he’s an honourable man, and I’ve broken his trust. I know from experience that once trust is broken, it’s hard to feel the same.’
Mrs Teague sighed. ‘You’re tired and upset. Come and have something to eat and then go to bed. Everything will seem brighter in the morning, you’ll see.’
*
The night was a long one for April as she thought of Crawford and wondered what she could say to him to make it better. She sat at the writing table in her room with a blank sheet of paper in front of her, but she could think of nothing at all. Eventually, she decided to sleep on it and write first thing in the morning. But sleep wouldn’t come, and the thoughts whirled around and around in her mind. She’d never meant to hurt him, and the fact that she had made tears of guilt and sorrow trickle down her cheeks. Not since her father had died had she felt so battered by emotion. First Theo and now Crawford. It seemed she was destined to hurt the men she loved, however unintentionally.
As dawn broke, April climbed out of bed and sat at her desk. She could not leave it any longer. Crawford deserved to know that Bess had lied, she could at least give him that, and this time, the words flowed.
Dear Crawford,
Words cannot convey how terrible I feel that I have hurt you. But please know that, though I may have lied by omission, I never lied about my feelings for you. I am not married, nor did I go to London to marry. But Bess was right about one thing. I did go to see Theo, and he did used to be my sweetheart, but he hasn’t been for a long time, though he has often told me he wishes that wasn’t so.
I can’t pretend that I didn’t think ab
out a future for me and Theo, but then you came into my life and I knew it was impossible. Theo is my childhood friend and the boy I first loved, but I realise now that it was a child’s love. Because you came along and showed me just how strong true love can be.
I need to also explain that the reason I left in such a hurry is because he was asking for me. I think I told you he had been injured, but I didn’t realise how serious those injuries are. He is desperately ill and may not survive much longer. So, you see, what choice did I have but to see him one last time? I know I should have written or got a message to you, but thought I’d be back before you returned and I was going to tell you all about it when I next saw you. I know you asked for complete honesty, and I was going to give you that.
In answer to your question: Yes, I think it is possible to know you want to spend the rest of your life with someone after knowing them for just a few weeks. Because that is how I feel about you. I understand perfectly that your trust in me has been shattered and things can never be the same again, but I wanted you to know the truth so that perhaps, one day, you can stop hating me.
Please take care of yourself, Crawford. And if ever you change your mind about me, then I will be here, waiting and hoping that one day you can forgive me.
I am, forever,
Your April
Chapter 31
Feeling exhausted from the emotions of the past week, April got ready for work. It was a horrible irony that both the men in her life had said they wanted her to find happiness, and yet it seemed so unlikely now. But life was not at an end. She still had a future, unlike poor Theo. So, for his sake, she would do her best to make amends for her mistakes. She also needed to check on Eunice. She had been consumed by her own problems these past few days, but now it was time to focus on other people.
As for Bess, she supposed she would have to confront her. No matter how futile, she couldn’t let her lie about her like this. Was it really about wanting Crawford? Or had she just wanted her to look bad in front of the people she cared about? It made no sense to tell a lie that would be proved false so easily and quickly. From what Nancy had said, there was more to Bess’s story, and she couldn’t find it in her heart to hate her completely. What good would that do? She thought back to the night of the dance, and how upset Bess had been. It was the only time she had seen her vulnerability, and it had made her think differently about the girl. There was heartbreak there, no doubt. And though she was furious with her, she couldn’t let her anger take over. She needed to understand, so she wouldn’t spend her life eaten up with bitterness and hate.
*
At work, she made a concerted effort to think only of her patients, and it seemed to pay off, as Sister Mulholland called her over to the nurses’ station as she was going on her break.
‘I have been very impressed with your professionalism over the last few weeks, Nurse Harvey. I know it’s not been easy, what with your friend and the bombing, but you have proved yourself to be a dedicated nurse with a calm head, and I have no doubt that you will have passed your exams with flying colours. I would be happy to have you on my ward permanently and hope very much that you will stay with me.’
April liked the sister, and she enjoyed working on the surgical ward, so she was thrilled to hear this. At least one thing was going right in her life.
‘I’d be honoured to work with you, sister. You’ve taught me so much, and it’s always a pleasure.’
‘Excellent, that’s settled then. I will talk to matron.’
April smiled with delight as she left. Yes, if all else failed, she’d always have her work, and as it looked like she might never marry now, maybe she could become a matron one day.
Walking down the stairs, she took in the bomb damage. There was still plaster that needed replacing and the once beautiful, tiled floor in the entrance had been completely ruined and was now covered with a black-and-white linoleum. She glanced up at the ceiling. How they had mended it so fast, she would never know. Even so, the damage was clear to see and the plaster still unpainted. As she passed the reception desk, she waved at Sara on the switchboard, who had her headphones on and was busily talking into her mouthpiece. It was a miracle she’d had the courage to come back after being buried under a ton of masonry. But here she was, as if nothing had ever happened.
The hospital had got back up and running far quicker than anyone had believed possible, and although those who had survived would never forget that ghastly day, the hospital community had drawn even closer together, and April felt blessed to be part of it. War seemed to bring out the best as well as the worst in people, she reflected. And speaking of bringing out the worst, she needed to talk to Bess.
When she didn’t spot her in the cafeteria, she asked around. Bess, it seemed, was on nights, so she’d be just getting up now. Steeling herself for what was to come, April marched around to the nurses’ home and banged on the door.
Another nurse answered and showed her to Bess’s room. She pressed her ear to the door. She could hear her moving around, so she walked straight in.
Bess looked up in surprise when she heard the door open.
‘April! What are you doing here? I thought—’
‘Don’t you dare!’ April was furious. How dare she pretend to believe her own lies. ‘How could you, Bess? How could you tell everyone I’d left to get married? You must have realised I’d be back soon.’
For a moment, Bess looked guilty, but then the expression was replaced by anger. ‘You are a two-timing little slut, April Harvey. I may have exaggerated a little about why you left, but I wasn’t lying. You left Crawford – the man you stole from me – to be with another man. And guess what? I wasn’t at all surprised. Let me see, how many men have you been stringing along?’ She held up her fingers and counted them off one at a time. ‘One. Crawford. Two. Your chap in London. Three. Red. Four . . . is it A.J? Perhaps you want to take him from Eunice. Or perhaps one of his friends? And God knows who else you’ve got hidden away. You act so superior but you’re nothing but a common little tart.’
April’s eyes had gone wide with disbelief. ‘But that’s a lie! There’s only ever been Crawford. Theo was over long ago and you know that very well. So why, Bess? Why have you hurt me like this? And not just me, you’ve hurt Crawford.’
Bess snorted. ‘Believe me, Crawford will get over it. No doubt he’d have dumped you sooner or later, just like he dumped me.’
‘And why would you think there was anything between me and Red? I thought you and he . . .’
‘Yeah, well, you thought wrong. Red is like all the others: pining after perfect little April.’
April drew a deep breath, reining in her anger with difficulty. She’d promised herself she’d find out why Bess had behaved like this and try very hard to understand. But confronted with the other woman’s scorn she was finding it much more difficult than she’d imagined.
‘He has never done that and I don’t know why you’d think it.’
‘Oh, yeah? Why then would he arrange to take Mrs Teague to the film and not me if not to get closer to you? So, seeing as you’d run off to see another man and poor Crawford was waiting around for you, I decided it was time he knew a few home truths about you.’
April gasped. ‘What else did you tell him?’
‘Just what I said. You like stringing men along and have been doing it since you’ve arrived. I’m thinking Crawford might need a bit of comforting now you’ve betrayed him.’
The thought of Bess and Crawford together made her feel sick. ‘Don’t flatter yourself, Bess, he wouldn’t touch you after what you’ve done. And I doubt many of the others will either.’
‘Oh really? In my experience chaps don’t much care who they have on their arm, just as long as they get something out of it at the end of the evening.’ Bess turned her back, but April could see that her anger seemed to be turning into something else. Was it her imagination, or had she seen tears in her eyes?
‘Is that your experience, B
ess? Is that why you’re so bitter and angry all the time?’
‘Oh, push off, April. You don’t know anything. It’s all hearts and flowers with you, isn’t it? Girls like you make me sick. Men think you’re so sweet and innocent, but underneath you’re just like the rest of us. And I wanted everyone to know what a hypocrite you are. So now you know, I’d like you to leave.’
April was so stunned by her words that she couldn’t move, couldn’t even respond. She stood, rooted to the spot, staring at Bess’s back.
Suddenly Bess turned back around. ‘Haven’t you gone yet? I said get out of my room. And next time you see me, do me a favour: don’t even look in my direction. I never want to speak to you again.’
April whirled around and left the room. The tears were blinding, but she refused to let them fall. She had tried so hard to get Bess to like her, even just a little bit, but why had she bothered? The woman hated her, and always would. And right now, April returned those feelings a hundred-fold.
As always, when she needed to find peace, she stood taking in the view of the moors. The air was chilly and the moors looked grey under the November sky. Soon it would be Crawford’s Thanksgiving dinner, and then Christmas, and the thought of not sharing any of those special times with him made her want to weep. It was appropriate, she thought, that just as nature had shed its bright colours in favour of the more muted browns and reds of autumn, so all the brightness had gone out of her life too. But the world kept turning, and by spring, all being well, Eunice would have her baby, and perhaps some colour would return to both their lives.
*
For the rest of her shift April worked like an automaton. And as soon as it was time to leave, she slipped out quietly, and looked around in the darkness, hoping, though she knew it was futile, that Crawford might be there. He wouldn’t have received her letter yet, though, so she knew there was no chance of that. Would he try to see her when he did receive it, she wondered? She doubted it. She remembered his words to her: ‘There’s just one thing I ask, and that’s complete honesty.’ And she hadn’t been entirely honest. She sighed. All of this was her own fault. She could blame Bess all she liked, but the fact was that if she’d just written to him or told him, then there would have been no chance of a misunderstanding.
The G.I. Bride Page 26