by Lizzy Ford
Deidre.
A vision of the beach where she met Gabriel told her who it was.
Deidre sucked in a breath, torn. Darkyn didn’t restrict her movement or who she saw, but the idea of seeing Gabriel again so soon after their meeting yesterday disturbed her.
She didn’t want to go, especially with the memories of the movies about his past still fresh. She didn’t want to not go. Darkyn was right; she still had feelings for Death, and she didn’t know what to do about them. After a moment grappling with her mixed emotions, she got up and called a portal.
“I’ll be back, Zamon,” she told the ancient demon.
“Like I have anywhere else to go,” he replied grumpily. His tone made her smile despite her anxiety.
Deidre crossed through the shadow world. She turned her hair back to long pink as she walked, self-conscious about Gabriel seeing her tattoos even though he already knew about them.
Gabriel awaited her on the beach near where they’d first sat together two weeks before. His gaze was on the ocean, his large form tense and still. Stars and a half moon were bright, the sound of the ocean comforting. She didn’t realize how much she missed the human world. She ached to be back in it regularly.
“Hi, Gabriel,” she called softly.
He twisted, gaze going down her frame. After a moment, Gabriel laughed.
“He turned you into a sex demon!” he exclaimed.
Deidre flushed. The chilly ocean breeze made her dress move as if it was alive, and she swiped at the pink hair blinding her. She crossed her arms, shivering.
“I like it,” he added. He patted the sand beside him.
“Of course you do. You’re male. Me? Not so much!” she retorted. She hesitated then sat beside him. “This is where we met.” She wanted to ask him why he chose this spot but was afraid to.
“I’m surprised he let you come,” he said, eyes returning to the sea.
“He says the mate of the Dark One can do whatever she wants. Apparently, evil is equal opportunity.”
“Not sure seeing an ex-mate is included.”
Deidre glanced at him. The bitterness in his voice bothered her. Gabriel kept his eyes on the ocean.
“Are you really okay?” he asked.
“I think so,” she answered. Given the circumstances. “He, um, has been very assertive and direct.”
“You mean violent and aggressive.”
“Not violent,” she replied quickly. “Not with me, at least. He leaves no room for failure or my hope that certain things will change.”
“You don’t think you’ll ever leave Hell.”
“I can come and go. But he will always be my … mate.” It was still an overwhelming idea. Hearing it out loud only made her more confused.
“I’m serious about taking you to the underworld, if he hurts you,” he reasserted. “Immortal Laws be damned. If I’d had the balls to …” he stopped.
She rested her temple on one knee, eyes on him. She smiled, touched by his concern. She almost told him that – of the two of them – she was the one with nothing to fear from Darkyn.
“It’s scary to be with him,” she admitted. “But … he doesn’t mistreat me and there’s potential for me to do good from Hell. I helped Rhyn already. We stopped Darkyn’s demons from massacring the kids.”
“He told me it was over,” Gabriel said, gaze intent. “How did you convince Darkyn to stop?”
“I asked him.”
Gabriel snorted. “You make it sound easy.”
“Well, it was,” she replied. “I don’t understand his motivation.”
“You were right yesterday about saying I wouldn’t take a chance,” he started. “I want to clear the air, though. There’s more to the story than what you know.”
“Gabe …” she said, sighing. She hoped he’d drop the subject, that they could start over.
“I have to.” He took a deep breath. “I didn’t take a chance on you for the reason you think. It had to do with the tumor. Wynn said your happiness made it grow. You were so close to the end, we couldn’t take a chance. It had nothing to do with you or how I felt.”
“Instead of making my last days happy, you decided to make me miserable in the hopes you could find a solution,” she said.
“Pretty much,” he replied. “I was going to Darkyn myself to make a deal to save you.”
“Really?”
“You beat me to it.”
Deidre was quiet for a moment. “I think we both did things imperfectly.”
He chuckled.
“Up until today, I wasn’t convinced that this might have been destiny from the beginning,” she began. “This will sound weird, but bear with me. Hell has a library, and the librarian has been teaching me about the deities through these little video tutorial things.”
“You’ve been sitting in Hell watching movies?” He smiled.
“It’s like these books and when you open them, these movies spring up,” she said, motioning with her hands. “I don’t know how to explain it.”
“It’s called an Oracle. Hell has one, and Death does as well. The book houses the spirit of a dead Oracle from the time-before-time that records history, among other things.”
“You mean it’s possessed?”
“Yeah.”
Deidre stared at him, surprised.
“Voluntarily. The Oracles wanted to be put in books,” he explained. “Though saying it that way does sound strange.”
“It’s totally bizarre.” She felt bad for the Oracle trapped in a book.
He laughed.
“Anyway, I saw how Darkyn was created from a lowborn demon scorned by others because he was smaller. He had nothing but ambition. I saw how you were created from a seventeen-year-old boy who wanted nothing more than for your mistress to love you.” She paused. “I saw what was between you and the original Deidre. Her plan didn’t just happen when I was born. She really did create me. She waited thousands of years and worked with both Dark Ones to make it happen. Fate played a hand, too, as did Wynn. I don’t think she knew they were working as much against her as with her. She had one focus: to be with you in a way you couldn’t be together when she was Death.”
Gabriel listened, tensing.
“I was meant to be …” Deidre cleared her throat. The emotions from watching the videos was almost too much. She fought back tears, not wanting to cry in front of him.
He glanced at her.
“Disposable,” she managed. “Basically. Or would’ve been, if Darkyn hadn’t decided to honor the informal deal he made with her.”
“Gods,” he muttered. “You were never disposable.”
“Seeing the relative lack of consequence your life has in the grand scheming of deities and Immortals kind of makes you view things differently, Gabe.”
“Sometimes when you look at a grain of sand in your hand, you forget that there couldn’t be a beach without every one of them.”
“That’s sweet.” She smiled. “I guess what made the biggest impression was watching you and her over the course of thousands of years. There was never a day when you didn’t love each other. There were days when you hated the fact you did love her, and there were days when she almost walked away from you for good, because she hated that she couldn’t control how she felt,” Deidre continued. “But there was a never a day when you didn’t love her and she didn’t love you.”
The truth was so painful. She wasn’t sure how she got it out. It made her feel hollow. There was a part of her that wished it had been her she saw in the videos. But thinking it was disturbing. She wasn’t certain if she felt guilt because of her relationship with Darkyn or if it was regret. Knowing what she did now about her destiny, would she have sought out a deal with Darkyn?
Her thoughts went to the good she might be able to do from Hell.
“I’m sorry, Deidre,” Gabriel whispered. “You gave me hope when I was numb to the world. You don’t deserve any of this.”
“Silver lining,” she said softly. “I
helped Rhyn protect kids. I can help others. Darkyn is not an easy person to understand or live with, and I’m still not certain at all what to think of him at times. He’s been fair and brutally honest, and he can’t hurt me because of our blood bond. I kind of like him, even if he scares me.”
“Kind of like him.” Gabriel smiled. “Only someone as sweet as you would say that about the Dark One.”
“Don’t get me wrong. He’s not normal. But it makes me think that maybe things happen for a reason.”
“What reason is there behind falling for a woman and watching her get shipped off to live with the Dark One?” he asked bitterly.
“You did love me,” she said, smiling.
“Yeah.”
“I’ve got news for you, Death,” she said in a lighter tone. “What you loved about me is present in your current mate. You just have to give it a chance.”
“She sends you to Hell, and you go to bat for her.”
“Not for her. For you,” she replied. “I want you to be happy. I am out of the picture. I understand this. I also forgive both of you, Gabe. I can’t say I want her to be happy yet, but I don’t want her to be sad.”
He laughed. “That’s as spiteful as you get, isn’t it?”
“Pretty much.” Her face was warm. “I loved you, too, Gabriel. I think a part of me always will. You gave me the strength to take a step I wouldn’t have otherwise. You made me want to live when I was ready to die. I’ll always be grateful to you for that.”
Tears made her vision blur again. As much as it hurt, she knew her place was with Darkyn. Accepting it was difficult – but necessary. Letting go of Gabriel was much harder than accepting her new mate. But neither of them were going to be able to move on, if they didn’t both at least acknowledge that she was stuck in Hell – for good.
“You’re welcome, I think,” he said with a shake of his head. “My offer to hide you in the underworld is always open.”
“I won’t need it.”
They sat in silence, both of them gazing at the ocean. She shivered in the chilly ocean breeze. She was cold but grateful to see the ocean. It always put her at peace. An instinct wriggled, one she didn’t want to acknowledge or deal with. Darkyn was always right; the sense he gave her to gauge when someone around her had an ulterior motive was tingling. It made her angrier at her mate, who systematically shut the doors around her and also managed to interfere with her ability to trust anyone else.
“You want something else from me,” she whispered.
Gabriel glanced at her.
“Darkyn said my weakness is being taken advantage of by others. He shared some of his power or whatever your deities do. I can sense that you have an ulterior motive of some sort,” she explained. “I can’t see it, but I feel it.”
“Savvy demon,” Gabriel murmured. “You needed that.”
“No more men like Wynn killing me slowly.”
“You’re right. I do need to ask you for something.”
She focused on him in interest, wondering what Death could possibly need from her.
“I have to get into the underworld. The dealers are rebelling, and they’ve figured out a way to out me from my position. I have to be there in order to prevent it,” he said carefully. “The only way into the underworld is through Hell.”
“Darkyn will make you a deal you probably can’t live with,” she guessed. “I can’t make deals.”
“I wasn’t going to ask you to,” he said. “I was going to ask you to help me get home.”
Her calm acceptance faded, replaced by turmoil. Gabriel had no way of knowing that Darkyn was in and out of her mind. He was asking for a favor, one Darkyn would discover within seconds of her returning to Hell.
It wasn’t fair.
“You’re afraid,” he said.
She shook her head.
“You’re not the only one who can sense emotion in others,” he reminded her with a nudge. “It’s more than fear. I’d say you’re still pissed at me.”
“You know what you’re asking me to do?” she said at last.
“Yes. I have no other option, Deidre. There’s something in my underworld that I have to find before they do.”
“What is it?” she asked.
“Only my soul,” he replied ruefully.
“Oh, god, Gabriel,” she whispered, stricken. Deidre started to panic, not wanting Darkyn to know Gabriel’s secret but knowing she wasn’t able to hide anything. What would Darkyn do with such a damning secret? Send someone to grab Gabriel’s soul?
“Just get me through Hell,” Gabriel said. “What happens then won’t matter.”
“Gabriel …” She rose and paced, her feet sinking into the soft sand. “You shouldn’t have told me that. You shouldn’t have asked me.” Frantically, she tried to recall anything anyone might’ve told her about suppressing information from someone reading her mind.
“I have no alternative,” he said, rising. “I’m not asking because of what we had. I’m asking because I have no choice. I’ll owe you.”
“You already do owe me one favor,” she reminded him.
“I’ll owe you two.”
Deidre sighed. “I’ll try to help you, Gabriel. God help me, I don’t know how.”
He watched her, arms crossed. He thought she was being difficult. He couldn’t know that she was about to become the only thing standing between his soul and Darkyn.
“I have to figure this out,” she murmured. “Can I have a little time?”
“Whatever you need.”
“Don’t worry. I’ll figure it out way before our deal is up,” she said, rolling her eyes.
“What deal?”
“The one between me and your Deidre.”
“You made a deal.” He crossed his arms, wary once more. “Do I want to know what it was?”
She hesitated. “No. Because it doesn’t matter.”
“Your deal is sealed by the Dark One. Why do I have the feeling he’s waiting to collect?”
“I can’t talk about it with you, Gabriel. She shouldn’t either,” she said quietly. “Please just know I bear neither of you ill will, despite the outcome.”
“Fuck,” he muttered. “That scares the shit out of me.”
“It shouldn’t. I’m the only one in this mess who isn’t out to hurt anyone else,” she retorted. “It’s strange, but I’ve learned from Darkyn not to be ashamed of my nature. He laughs at me for being unwilling to hurt anyone else, but he says no one should feel shame about who they are.”
“He’s a living example of that,” Gabriel remarked wryly. “Life lessons from a sociopathic demon lord. I never expected him to be capable of treating you well.”
“He does, in his own way,” she replied. “Can I get your soul from the underworld?”
“A demon of human origin?” he shook his head. “Neither humans nor demons are permitted entry to the underworld.”
She gave a sound of frustration.
“It would take all of five seconds,” he said. “I’ll accept all risk and if Darkyn is angry, I’ll take you with me.”
“Let me figure it out,” she repeated. “Thank you for checking up on me and for the offer to protect me.”
“It’s the least I can do.”
Troubled, Deidre nodded. She nibbled on her lower lip, thinking furiously.
“Romantic setting for two former lovers.” The Dark One’s low growl made Deidre blink.
“We’re just talking. No need to be jealous,” Gabriel said, bristling.
“One might ask why you’re distressing my mate,” Darkyn said.
Deidre sighed. “I’m not distressed. He didn’t do or say anything bad.” But she did want to feel him close to her. She had no idea if Darkyn sought her out when she was upset because he thought she might be in danger or because he was concerned about her being with her ex.
She crossed the short distance to her mate and paused in front of him, breathing in his dark scent. Darkyn’s frame was rigid and his grow
l loud. She leaned forward until she was resting against the demon, who didn’t move away. His warmth was comforting, his hard body her home. She nudged his chin with her cheek to try to soften his mood. He lifted his head, refusing her.
She nudged him again, this time nuzzling his neck.
“Please don’t be angry,” she said for his ears only and rested one hand against his heart.
Her mate hesitated then lowered his head, nudging her gently in return in a sign that he wasn’t too angry with her.
“This was where we met, Darkyn,” Gabe said.
“Thus far, only one of us has managed to hold onto her,” Darkyn replied.
“No fighting,” Deidre said. “Go home, Gabriel.”
She didn’t expect Death to listen. To her surprise, he called a portal.
“Always a pleasure, Deidre.” She turned to watch him go.
Darkyn’s arm slid around her when the portal closed behind Gabriel. Chilled by the cold ocean wind, Deidre pressed herself against his warm body. At the feel of his hot breath on her neck, she tilted her head. The Dark One nipped her.
“What’re you hiding, love?” he purred. There was an edge in his voice, one that told her he already knew. “Besides your markings.”
Deidre’s breath caught. She willed her hair shorter and blonde once again, knowing he’d already read her mind and seen the reason why she changed her hair. His nip made her shiver. No part of her wanted to reveal what Gabriel told her or that she meant it when she said she would find a way to help him. She was still silently cursing herself for asking him why he needed to get to the underworld and him for answering honestly.
She couldn’t help thinking it was the first truly honest exchange they’d ever had – and the timing was the worst it could possibly be.
“You always knew when I’m upset,” she said to Darkyn.
“I sense your distress, love.”
“Darkyn …” she whispered.
“Pleading already,” he noted. “That bad?”
“If you already know, why are you asking me?” She gazed up into his dark eyes. His hands skimmed her arms to circle her and rest at the small of her back. One of his nails scratched her rhythmically, sending small streaks of pleasure through her.
“A better question is why you don’t want me to know.”
“You know why,” she said with exasperation. “Because I don’t want you to hurt him.”
“So you’re choosing loyalty to him over me.”
“No!” she twisted in his grip to look up at him. “You can read everything about me. I know you know this isn’t true.”
He wasn’t happy. His cold gaze was piercing, his frame tense despite her touch.
“I still care about him, yes,” she added. “I’m not choosing anyone. I’m trying to do what I feel is right, and I’m terrified that you will hurt him.”
“You want to lead another deity through my domain without my permission. I’ve slain demons for far less.”
Deidre didn’t know what to say. She leaned into him, breathing in his scent.
“Will you give him permission?” she ventured.
“Not unless he’s willing to make a deal with me.”
“But wouldn’t you do whatever it took, too?“
“I would.”
“How is this different?”
“If he wants access to my domain, he will deal with me directly, not prey on your weaknesses.”
“Kindness and compassion aren’t weaknesses,” she countered.
“They are when dealing with deities.”
She heard the firmness of his tone and understood he was drawing another boundary for her. This one left her saddened and frustrated. It was impossible to help Gabriel without Darkyn finding out.
“I’m sorry,” she murmured. “I don’t like it when you’re angry.” She nuzzled his neck, loving the scent of his blood.
Darkyn wrapped both arms around her and lowered his head. His bite was sharp enough to make tears spring into her eyes. The pain melted into hot pleasure once again, and she closed her eyes as he fed long and hard. Rather than incite her, it left her sleepy. She was dozing by the time he finished and nudged her awake.
“Leave the dealings of deities to the deities,” he whispered.
“Okay,” she murmured.
“Drink.”
Rousing herself, she bit him and fed until revived.
“Zamon is waiting for you in the library.” Darkyn released her and lifted his chin towards an awaiting portal.
Deidre stepped away, almost crossing into it before she realized he wasn’t following.
“You aren’t coming?” she asked, facing him again.
“I have matters to attend to.”
“You’re not going after Gabriel.” She searched his hard face, unable to read him.
“Not your concern, love.”
She rolled her eyes at him and marched into the shadow world, fed up with all the deities in her life.
Chapter Eight