by Amo Jones
She goes into the gory details of her twisted life, from her life as a child, right up until she was kidnapped. I knew parts of her story, but not all of it.
“Oh my god, is Jesse going to be okay? I can't believe it; it's like I have a sign on my head that flashes ‘Use me to get to Alaina Vance’.” My self-esteem drops again.
“Don't be silly, he was working for my dad all along.”
I bite into my pizza. “I can't believe your father is some huge leader of the killer world, you're pretty badass! And your Mom is alive! That's so beautiful Lain, I'm so happy for you.”
I see her face light up, which warms my insides. “I'm really happy right now. Do you want ice cream?” she asks. I stop eating my pizza, even though it’s almost to my mouth.
“Ice cream?” I ask, with an eyebrow raised.
“Yeah, want some? I've still got some caramel in here somewhere.” She starts shuffling through the freezer, as if she hasn’t been fed in months. I go silent; I wonder if it is possible.
“Don't look at me like that; it's making me feel fat.” I laugh at her ridiculous comment. “When was your last period?” I ask her. She pauses, spinning around to me.
“What? I don't know; the night before I met Zane was when I finished, so over a month ago?” She whispers out the last bit in shock, “Fuck,” and with that single word I know, I just know that she is pregnant. “No way, keep your pregnancy bugs to yourself; I'm nowhere near ready for that shit.”
I laugh while standing and taking my plate to the sink. “Because of study? You finish up in two months, Alaina. You have a man that is head over heels in love with you. You could be worse off; for instance, having to drop school and hide the pregnancy from the Dad, because you know he never actually wanted you.” I say that probably with a little emotion, the whole thing is fucked up and I am feeling really insecure right now.
“Vicky, you need to speak to Blake. The way I see it; he does want you, just talk to him, please. And get a jacket.”
“Why?” I ask, putting another piece of this cheesy goodness in my mouth.
“I’m going to need a pregnancy test.”
On our way to the drug store, I pull my phone out and see a text from Blake:
Blake: I’ll come up later.
That is the shortest text he has ever sent me. I send a quick reply:
Me: Okay, see you then.
We pull up to the drug store, and Alaina puts the car into park.
“Can you go in?” She asks with pleading eyes. I laugh at her and shake my head.
“No, they will take one look at me and think, ‘well, isn’t it obvious’. Go in Lain, it’s part of the whole pregnancy sucks thing.”
She huffs and walks off into the store. Five minutes later, she comes back out with a pregnancy test and a bag of potato chips. I laugh as she gets back into the car.
“Don’t laugh at me, Abrahams.”
I hold in my breath to calm my giggles as she pulls out, and we make our way back home.
Never let you go
All I hear is crying come from the bathroom. I start knocking on the door.
“Lain? You okay?” I ask. She swings the door open, her eyes blood shot red as she hiccups all over the place. “No, it’s positive, I’m pregnant.”
I pull her into me and wrap my arms around her. I start trying to reassure her. “It’s going to be okay Alaina; you have Zane, who loves you by the way, and everything is going to be okay.”
She looks up to me, wiping the tears away from her eyes. “Promise?” I squeeze her tight.
“I promise. If not, we can be single hot moms in Bora Bora, having sex with random French men.” She starts to laugh. I kiss her on the head, and make my way into the kitchen to make us some green tea; it tastes like shit, but it’s all we can drink.
We are sitting on the sofa watching TV, and I cannot stop thinking about Blake. I haven’t seen him in almost a month, and I am about to see him any minute now. A single knock comes from the door; I suck in a breath and make my way to it. Swinging it open, I see Zane standing there.
“Oh, Zane. Sorry, I thought you were Blake.” I watch him as his eyes drop to my baby bump.
“Blake’s?” he asks. I scrunch up my face and nod.
He chuckles, “Good luck with that,” while he walks off into Alaina’s room. Fuck, I really did not think this through.
Two hours have passed and Blake still has not showed up; by now, I am itching at my fingertips, trying to busy myself with useless things around the house. It is just after 10 when I hear another knock on the door, this time I open it to an incredibly sexy Blake. He smiles at me, running his hands through his hair, making it messy. His eyes drop to my stomach, and he stills. Here goes nothing. He looks up at me with ice in his glare.
“Mine?” he asks.
I place my hand protectively over my stomach and nod. “Sure is.”
He brushes past me; going straight into my room. After calling heads or tails on whether I should run or stay; I make my way into my room, ready for the conversation of the year. I walk in and see him sitting on my bed. His elbows are resting on his knees, which are spread out in front of him, with his head hanging low. I quietly close the door, sliding down it and sitting on the floor.
“What are you doing Vicky? Get on the fucking bed.”
I shake my head. “I’ll stay here, thanks though.” A few seconds later, he rubs his hands up and down his face.
“Were you even going to tell me?”
I draw my knees up to myself, wrapping my arms protectively around them. “Of course I was going to tell you.”
He stands up and sits opposite me on the floor, leaning against the foot of my bed. “Can we do the parent thing without being together?” he asks, looking me right in the eyes. He must see me flinch, because he drops his hands to his side and exhales quickly. “Fuck Vicky, you deserve so much more than me. I will fucking love my kid and I will be there through everything with you, I promise you that. As a partner? I can’t tell you that I can 100% be the boyfriend you need right now; I have so much fucking shit going on, and you deserve better.”
I swallow down what feels like a ball of concrete.
“Can I ask you something?”
He looks up to me with pain in his eyes. “Sure babe, what is it?”
I tilt my head sideways and squeeze my legs harder. “Did you ever feel anything for me?”
He reaches out with one hand, grabbing my hand and pulling me into him.
“I fucking felt everything, babe.” He stands me up, deciding it’s time for me to get into bed. I snuggle into the side of him and fall asleep.
I wake up and look at my clock, the face showing its very early time. I get up and make my way out to the lounge, but stop in my tracks when I her Zane and Blake talking.
“I want Vicky to move in with me, until the baby gets here,” Blake says.
I hear Zane shuffle. “You sure that’s a good idea? I mean, you two haven’t necessarily had the smoothest relationship.”
“Yeah, I’m sure. My feelings for her are complicated, yes; but I want to be there for her through it all, and I want my kid.”
“Alright then brother, it’s sorted. I’ll ask Alaina to move in with me tomorrow.”
I slowly make my way back to bed, and slump down into it. He’s going to ask me to move in with him, and there is no way I can make this transition hard for Alaina. I know that if she senses trouble, she will stay with me. I can’t have that; she is about to have her own family now. I squeeze my eyes shut, forcing myself to go back to sleep.
I am scrubbing up in the shower that morning, thinking over our conversation last night. So what if I am going to be a single mom, I am going to rock this shit.
After over hearing Blake and Zane talking about me moving in with Blake; I decide to take advantage of the fact that I’m lucky that Blake isn’t a dead beat, and agree with them. I am still not sure how this is all going to work.
“Are you ready?
” Blake asks, as he carries all our bags down into his pickup truck.
“Yup, yes. I am ready,” I say, walking over to him. He comes over to pick me up and help me into the truck.
“Yeah no homeboy, I’ll walk. I don’t want to hurt you.”
He stops and looks down to me. “Vicky, don’t be stubborn and let me help you into the truck.” I pull myself up into my seat.
“See, no help. Save the caveman bullshit for Barbie sluts that need it. I’m a strong, independent woma—” he cuts me off by slamming the door. “Well, that was rude,” I mumble to myself as he gets into the truck. He looks over to me with a serious look on his face and eyebrows raised, daring me to say something back to him. I drop my mouth and shrug, “I’m not even mad.” He drags his eyes back to the front of him, pulling out onto the main highway. “This should be interesting.”
~*~
It has been one whole month since I moved in with Blake, and I have tripled in size. Living with Blake has been difficult at times, but he is never home anyway; the only times I see him is on nights when he gets home from “club business”. My little girl and I have our own room here, and I love it. Blake treats me well, as a loving caring father should; but that is where it ends, as a father.
I am sitting at the kitchen table, eating breakfast and looking for apartments when Blake bursts through the door. Alaina has been making us all very involved with her wedding plans; she is turning into quite the bridezilla, so I assume it is about that.
“Hey, are you okay?” I ask as he storms into the kitchen. I rub my tummy and get up off my seat, making my way over to see him. “Blake? What’s wrong?” Now I am thinking that it might be me as well; all the guessing annoys me, and is why I hate relationships. “Blake? Can you talk to me?”
He takes bottled water out of the fridge, takes a sip and then places it back on to the table. “When you are ready to know, I will tell you.”
I shut my mouth, biting down on the inside of my cheeks to stop me from answering back. He sits at the table, in the seat that I was just on, and looks down at the paper.
“What the fuck is this?” he asks, glancing down at the circles that are drawn around numbers for apartment complexes.
“I can’t live with you forever, Blake.”
He shoots up out of his seat. “Yeah, you can; you are having my daughter Vicky, and I want to take care of you both.” That is bullshit and he knows it.
“Blake, the only reason you care is because I am pregnant. Which is a good and bad thing; I have no doubt that you are going to make an amazing father, but I need to move on, I can’t just live here with you.” His face falls, and for the first time since I have known him, I think I see pain in his eyes. He sits back down in his seat and looks up to me.
“I’m sorry that we never worked out. I wish I could get into the details of why this cannot happen right now; but I can’t and I am so fucking sorry, because I fucking love you Vicky. I love you so fucking much that I am willing to let you go.” I look into his eyes, shocked by his confession, and all I see is that same pain. I drop to the seat in front of him and place my hands onto his cheeks.
“Talk to me, Blake. I have waited for you; I don’t know what else I can do to make you see how much I want this, more than anything.” He smiles a slow smile at me.
“One day I will tell you, and when that day comes, Vicky? I will never, ever let you go.” I drop my hands in defeat, I can see in his eyes that his decision is set in stone. I walk back to my room and begin packing up all my stuff, deciding that I will stay in a hotel until I get an apartment; there is no way I can stay here after that conversation. And to think we were doing well. He comes into my room, freshly showered with nothing but a loose pair of jeans on, his hair damp from his shower and his perfect, golden skin glistening from the water.
“What are you doing, Vicky?” He asks.
“I’m going to stay at a hotel. I can get an apartment quick, but I can’t stay with you until then.” I see his jaw ticking; he walks over to me and snatches my bag.
“There is no fucking way I am letting you stay at a hotel. You want to move into your own place? Fine. But you are staying here until then, and that is final.” I drop my arms in defeat.
“What are we doing, Blake? You just told me you loved me, I am so confused.”
His face softens, and he makes his way over to me. “I thought that much was obvious, I wouldn’t fucking be here if I didn’t.” I rest my head on his shoulders and he pulls me in under his arm, kissing me on the head. I sigh.
“I love you too, you know. I’m just frustrated that you can’t tell me what is going on.” His body stills, and he brings my face up to his, searching my eyes for something; I don’t know what, but he is looking deep. He eventually blows out a ton of air and gets up from the bed.
“Stay here until you find a place, Vicky. I’ll stay at the clubhouse.” He then walks out of the room, picks up his keys and leaves; with the final thing I hear being the deep rumble of his bike. A single tear drops from my eye, as I realise that him and I may never work.
Little princess
I pull into my new apartment, and I love it. It’s exactly what I need; with two bedrooms and a modern lay out, this will be perfect for when my little button comes along.
“Okay, that’s everything, let’s go and set up her room!” Alaina says; clapping her hands excitedly. I am wearing my usual pregnancy get up; yoga pants and a t-shirt, my long hair in a loose twist bun on the top of my head, with a pink bandana tied to the front. Don’t judge me; I’m 8 months pregnant and moving house. Luckily, the boys all helped us move.
“Do you know what is going on with Blake?” I ask Alaina. She looks to me with a small smile.
“He’s trying to sort through some stuff right now, and someone is making threats. He wants this Vicky, he really does, but right now I understand why he needs to keep you distant; in fact, I support it.” I continue to pack all the clothes into the drawers, getting slightly frustrated with all the cryptic comments that I have had to put up with.
“That’s all I have been hearing. The way I see it, he doesn’t want me, and I can’t—” I feel a tightening pull in my lower tummy, “Oh fuck.” I clutch my bump and Alaina looks to me.
“What? Now? REALLY!” she exclaims, with excitement in her voice.
“Alaina, I can’t go into labour now, I am a month early!” I start to panic; that’s when it feels as if a bucket of water has gone down my thighs. “Shit, my water just broke.”
Alaina starts to run around the room, and if I weren’t freaking out right now, it would make me laugh.
“Okay, where is your hospital bag? Tell me you have packed a hospital bag, Vicky!” She knows me too well, I am so disorganised and I leave things to the last minute, the complete opposite of what she is. I put my hand up to my forehead.
“Fuck. Okay, just throw some body suits, her baby blankets and baby wraps into the bag for now, I’ll get Blake to come back and get the rest.” She nods her head, and while she is doing that, I begin to throw things into my bag. Once everything is packed, we get downstairs and Alaina starts to make her way to her car.
“Um, Lain? No offence, but my car is faster; there is no way I am risking it in your little hatchback.”
She rolls her eyes at me. “Hand them over, speed racer.” I hand her my keys and get into the car.
We hit the highway and Alaina is going well over the speed limit.
“I need to call Blake,” I realize aloud. I pick up my phone and dial his number; he picks up quickly, like always.
“Hey—” I cut him off.
“Blake, I’m in labour, Lain is driving me to the hospital now.”
“Shit! Okay, I’ll meet you there.”
After hanging up the phone, my contractions shoot in deeper.
“Fuck Alaina, I don’t know if I can make it there.” She glances over to me.
“Oh no you don’t, don’t you fucking do this shit to me Vicky, we are three
minutes away.”
Pulling up to the hospital, Alaina jumps out and starts screaming that I need help because I am about to push a baby out on this very road, making doctors and nurses rush over to me. They place me on a bed and just as they wheel me into my room, I begin to push.
“Vicky, you are going to have to slow down hon; the next contraction you get, I want you to breathe through it, okay? It is going to hurt but if you push, you will end up with stitches from here to Africa; and trust me, you don’t want those,” the doctor says to me calmly. I nod my head and look up to the door, just as Blake comes crashing in. He comes straight to the side of my bed, kissing me on the forehead and taking my hand into his.
“I’m here baby, and I got you. Let’s meet our little princess.”
After only a couple of pushes, and no pain relief, I am now the proud mommy of a beautiful blonde haired, blue-eyed little girl. I know everyone says that their baby is the most beautiful little girl they have ever seen, but that is because they haven’t seen little Pipper Carolee Rendon. Carolee is a mix between my mother’s and Blake’s sister’s nickname. When she found out that Blake and I were having a baby, she was so excited. Even though she hadn’t then met me, we talk almost every week.
“I can’t stop staring at her,” I say to Blake.
“She’s so beautiful, and we made her,” he replies, smiling up at me. When he looks at her, all I can see is 100% love; it’s such a beautiful thing to see on him.
After two days of being in the hospital, we head home and settle back into my daily routine. Before I know it, it has been four months since I had her. I have caved into my house, hardly leaving, with Blake running around after us the whole time. He is all for his daughter, and is completely in love with her. Anything between him and me is still non-existent; sometimes I feel like he is seeing someone else. He looks after our daughter and me, but he hasn’t made and advances since he got back from New Zealand, and we haven’t spoken about our feelings for one another since I moved out of his house.