I picked up the ice bucket thinking maybe Jake and I needed to start making some new friends. Bill and Kendra were more of a Friday night convenience for company, rather than people with whom we shared beliefs and interests. I headed for the back door, passing through the kitchen instead of the hall, and spotted a set of keys on the counter.
Jake’s keys.
I picked them up in my hand, feeling the cold metallic reality of their presence. I felt dazed, like I’d been struck on the head, but not gone down. I walked to the backdoor and shouted a loud, “Bye!” and shut it, with myself still inside, holding the keys.
And I waited.
Please, please, please don’t let this be what I think it is.
Muffled voices slowly resumed – whispering and shushing one another -- and finally, a loud giggle from Kendra. I tiptoed toward the door, and sucking in a breath, turned the knob and pushed the door quickly open.
The first thing that hit me was the smell – the room stunk of afternoon sex – while my husband and his mistress were frozen in a tableau, staring at me while I stared at them. Jake was standing, his jeans halfway on, no underwear beneath, next to Kendra and Bill’s mussed, just-been-fucking bed. He’d obviously decided at the sound of my voice that it was time to go. A naked Kendra was posed by the blind-covered window, slatted light illuminating her long arms, stretched much the way mine had been when I’d tried on the lingerie I was now wearing. She’d been attempting to lure him back into her bed.
Kendra’s arms dropped and she covered her mouth, giggling nervously, “Oh shit.” I took no comfort in her jiggling, cellulite-ridden middle. I was simply repulsed that my husband had risked me by opting for so little.
“Maddie,” Jake whispered.
I dropped my phone, but held onto his keys. My mouth moved, but I couldn’t find any words as I walked over. My brain seemed to have forgotten them all, except for the ones that kept coursing through my head. Over, my marriage is over.
As Jake struggled to finish putting on his jeans, I threw his keys at him. He ducked, his head instantly popping back up to stare, as I wrenched at the rings on my left hand and dropped them on the floor. I listened to them bounce and then roll off.
“No, Maddie, don’t!” Jake squatted to the floor, scrounging around for the evidence that tied me to him. Kendra was searching for clothes. She finally located a t-shirt to pull on. She had it halfway over her head when I finally stated, “That’s Jake’s.”
“Oh shit, sorry,” she said nervously, and started yanking it off again.
While the shirt was high above her naked body, I reached out without knowing what I was doing before I did it – curling the nails on my ring-free hand into a claw, I raked straight down her chest as hard as I could. Kendra screamed, and Jake lunged up, shouting, “Maddie!”
I spun on him, my eyes wild, my fingers wet. “Stay the fuck away from me!” I waved my bloodied hand at him to ward him off. And he did inexplicably pause.
I’d never deliberately hurt another human being in my life before, and I eyed my work methodically. Welts were rising and the tiniest dribble of blood was seeping from one of the wounds.
Kendra doubled over, sobbing and clutching at her ruined chest. I wasn’t having any of it. I grabbed at her hair, listening to a very different scream from the one I’d heard at the door. I yanked her head up to look at me. “I have no idea what you will tell Bill, but I’m somehow guessing it won’t be the truth. So I’ll say this. You and I are done. Do not call me to explain, ask forgiveness, have any discussion about this whatsoever. You and Jake are done, too, regardless of what happens. If you so much as send a Christmas card, to either of us, in ten years’ time, I will know and I will tell Bill everything. I’ll even be a witness at your divorce. Are we clear?”
She was still sobbing, but she nodded in assent.
I gestured to her for Jake’s benefit. “This was the best you could do for revenge? Because I KISSED somebody?”
Jake suddenly found the wherewithal to be himself for a minute as he rustled on clothes. “Look. I’m coming home with you. We’ll talk. You shouldn’t be alone –“
“I AM ALONE!” I screamed, the tears, so long delayed, were now teeming in my eyes. “And don’t you dare follow me. You will go to your Dad’s. Right now. You have your keys,” I spat, and I folded my arms, realizing I wasn’t leaving until after he did. No way was I leaving them to chart their course together.
Something nearing a disbelieving guffaw escaped his lips. “It’s my house, too.”
Big mistake.
I reached out and slapped him clean across the mouth. He caught his face for a split second before lunging for me. I fought, but he grabbed my arms and pinned me, pressing me up against the heavy mahogany wardrobe, both of us heaving. “That is enough. Do you understand? No more.”
“Go,” I seethed. “Get out.” I spotted his keys on the floor and kicked them toward the door.
He watched, and finally threw my arms down, before bending over to retrieve the keys. He stood stiffly back up, trying to muster some form of dignity, in spite of his situation. He failed.
“Jake?” I called as he headed for the door.
He turned, his brow stern, but his eyes still hopeful.
“Just for the record, I’d have fucked her for you, if that was what you wanted.”
He sagged and nodded, his entire body slumping with the death of our marriage. Kendra ran to her bathroom, sobbing. I could hear the water running. I waited until I was sure Jake was gone to head out the backdoor myself.
It seemed impossible to me that the sun was still out, when my entire world had just fallen into absolute darkness. The light was glaring and mean, and burned on my skin like a lit cigarette. Bleary with tears, I stumbled on the uneven sidewalk and nearly fell, pushing even harder sobs out of my chest. When I stumbled again I got so furious that I yanked off the heels and walked barefoot, letting the sidewalk burn its’ way up and through me. I didn’t care, figuring maybe it would eventually find and cauterize the massive wound I’d just sustained.
Had I brought this on? I felt like I had. Like I’d opened Pandora’s Box. My curiosity had gotten the better of me, and the monsters had gone scrambling out. I’d proposed and done things I never otherwise would’ve done sexually, and I’d never stopped to wonder what effect these new creatures were having on Jake.
Had Kendra been a one off, or something that had been going on for some time? My heart told me instantly that whether or not Jake had acted on it before, he’d known for a while that Kendra was available to him. No way had he engineered an afternoon rendez-vous with a neighbor without plenty of lead time. It wasn’t like they’d even been drinking and things had gotten out of hand. He’d arranged this. He’d called me, given himself a cover. He’d hidden his car. He’d made a conscious and sober choice to do this, and whether or not he’d acted on it previously, he’d toyed with the idea, because he chose not to share Kendra’s overtures with me.
The heels felt cumbersome in my hand, and they reminded me of who I’d been when I was wearing them. Minutes ago, I’d been a wife – wearing rings, making dinner, seducing her husband. Now I was none of those things. I threw the heels into the gutter, and realized I suddenly had the urge to strip the rest of my costume. I pulled at the zipper on my dress as I walked and cried, ripping and finally stepping out of the dress. I threw it wildly into the Willoughbys shrubs. Down to the blue velvet lingerie, I scratched at that too, stripping the cami easily over my head, my bare breasts greedily drinking in the freedom, the non-existent breeze instantly drying the sweat that had been trapped to my skin.
Passersby stepped hurriedly out of the way of my hysterical progress. It was only a block, but it felt like a mile. I passed elderly Mr. Doldry, watering his lawn, when I was wearing nothing more than a pair of panties. He stared after me, but said nothing.
Two doors later, I was at my house. I stripped off the panties before walking inside. I wanted to be fully naked, in the h
opes of ushering myself into rebirth as a single woman, as soon as possible.
As hurt as I was that I’d cut loose by someone I trusted and loved, like Pandora, I clung to the fact that Hope was in the box. That was Pandora’s lone consolation when she’d unleashed evils into the world – the belief there was still something good, exciting and wonderful to be had.
I’m free.
I didn’t have to be the virgin wife any more. I could sexually explore to my heart’s content.
The Virgin Wife Page 6