Giving up his snooping, Rylan set the wallet aside and took care of the reasons he was there.
After brushing his teeth and digging a pair of pj pants from the laundry basket, Rylan left the bathroom. He half expected Tim would be awake. Instead, the man was still in the same position he’d been in when Rylan left. Rylan stood over the man, staring at him and debating slipping back in bed for much longer than he cared to admit. Tim was with Dex now. Rylan knew he’d been wrong to let the man comfort him, even more so for letting it go as far as it did. He scrubbed at his chest again. That fucking ache wouldn’t ease. He would make the man some coffee and send him on his way. It wasn’t fair for Rylan to keep Tim here. Rylan opened the bedroom door and froze. He’d been dreading cleaning up the mess he’d made earlier, but it was gone. There were no holes in the walls and the shelves were fixed. Rylan moved to inspect the room. His smashed coffee table was gone, replaced with an oak table he’d never seen before. All his broken picture frames were gone. In their place were new frames that were almost a perfect match. The bookcase was new, but almost the same as the one he’d had. All his books were lined up perfectly. Rylan covered his mouth when he spotted a porcelain angel his mom had given him. It was completely unharmed. Rylan blinked, trying to hold his shit together. In his rage, he hadn’t thought clearly. Now he realized how much it would’ve destroyed him if he’d broken it. Rylan hadn’t cried in years and he wouldn’t start today. Today, he’d let that monster take his power away again. Tim had fixed everything. That goddamn pain in his chest increased.
Rylan moved back to the bedroom door and stared at the still form in his bed. The man’s chest moved in time with every breath he took. Rylan watched it happen, wishing he could feel the motion against his cheek. He tried keeping his mind blank. Tim wasn’t his—not anymore. Truthfully, he never had been. They fucked. Probably, Tim had five other men he slept with on a regular basis. Rylan had always done his best not to think too much about it. He didn’t let anyone touch him. Tim was the exception. His confession earlier hadn’t been bullshit. Rylan hated when people touched him. From the first time he met Tim, Rylan had been filled with want. Tim had protector written all over him. Rylan didn’t think anyone had ever tried keeping him safe before.
His feet moved without his permission. Rylan told himself it wasn’t sexual as he slid beneath the covers with Tim. Tim’s eyes shot open when the bed moved. His sleepy stare landed on Rylan and he immediately opened his arms for Rylan to climb into. Rylan didn’t hesitate. It wouldn’t be long before Tim would expect an explanation. Sometimes there were no words the human tongue could shape. This was one of those times. The past was too ugly. Instead, he focused on the present.
“You’re wearing clothes.”
Tim’s hands slid up Rylan’s back. “I have magic powers.”
Rylan smiled against Tim’s chest. “I noticed. My living room is whole.” He hesitated. “I guess you’re wondering why I snapped.”
The world swirled around him and Rylan found himself pinned beneath Tim’s weight. Gorgeous blue eyes stared down at him. “Tell me when you’re ready. If you never are…” Tim shrugged. His features shifted, taking the weight from the conversation. “Is it okay if I stay the night?”
Rylan knew he should say no. Tim had found someone else. Rylan also recognized Tim tried saving his pride. God only knew how bad he wanted to beg Tim to stay. He didn’t want to be alone. Rylan licked his parched lips. They felt so damn dry without Tim’s kiss. A million responses crowded his throat. “I don’t need you.” Fuck, even Rylan didn’t know why those were the words that won.
Tim nodded. “You don’t need anyone.”
Except, he did. Rylan’s eyes burned. He hurt from the bottom of his soul and he wanted to smash his furniture all over again.
A flash of something unnamed crossed Tim’s features. He rolled to his side, freeing Rylan. “I guess I’ve overstayed my welcome.” He climbed from the bed.
The air brushing over Rylan’s skin had never felt colder. He balled his hands into fists to keep from reaching for Tim. Rylan searched his mind for something to say. There were no words. He’d spent too many years sculpting himself into a monster to keep people away. Now he didn’t know how to be human when it mattered most. “I didn’t mean to make you miss work today,” Rylan said, hearing the words as if they came from the distance. “Tomorrow, I’ll send you a check for your time.” The pains were back. The knives stabbing his chest and heart were slowly killing him.
Tim’s gaze moved over Rylan’s face. His features were blank, stealing Rylan’s chance to judge the man’s thoughts. Finally, Tim shook his head and walked away. All Rylan could do was watch him go. He heard the front door close like the sound sealed his tomb. Tomorrow, he’d send that check. Then he’d sit down and set some new goals. The time had passed for accepting jobs from Kano. Perhaps he should transform into someone new. The burning behind his eyes increased. Sure, he’d been living his dream in New York, but things were different now. There were people in Paris he’d worked for in the past. Maybe it was time he changed his address. He couldn’t quit doing jobs for Kano right away, but Rylan needed to disappear again. At the thought of leaving Tim behind, something inside Rylan died. He’d ruined the man’s life for too long. Rylan needed to go and let Tim be happy with Dex. It was the right thing to do. He couldn’t stay and watch Tim be with someone else, and Tim would never love someone as broken as Rylan.
5
It had been almost a week. Still, Rylan’s words rang through Tim’s mind. I’ll send you a check. The rage almost tore apart Tim’s mind, except Rylan’s words hadn’t matched his expression. Tim had thought about staying regardless of Rylan’s wishes. There’d been something in Rylan’s eyes, screaming for Tim to stay. Now he wondered if he’d made a mistake by leaving. Damn, he wished he knew where to find him. He hadn’t seen Rylan since.
“You got a delivery,” Adam said with a knowing smile as Tim stepped inside the office after his lunch break. He nodded toward a vase filled with several red roses.
Tim bit back a groan. “Thanks,” he muttered as he plucked the card from the center of the arrangement. No doubt he sounded ungrateful, but Tim was sick of getting shit from Dex. He’d accepted one coffee from the man, and Dex hadn’t let up since. Thank god they lived in different states. Otherwise, the dude would probably turn up on Tim’s doorstep every other night. It wasn’t that Dex wasn’t good looking or nice. He’d like to claim he didn’t know what it was that kept Tim from being interested, but Tim knew. It was Rylan. All his thoughts dried up when he opened the envelope. There was a folded note inside. Tim’s gaze landed on the signature—Rylan. He focused on the flowers, seeing them with new eyes. They were roses. Red roses. Rylan was an expert on colors and making a statement with them. There was no way the flowers hadn’t been an intentional choice.
Warmth spread through Tim’s chest. He realized he was smiling and automatically rearranged his features. No doubt Adam already stared at him, picking apart his every reaction. He carefully took on an uninterested expression as he read.
Tim,
I’m sorry I never sent you flowers before now. You’ve always deserved more from me than I’ve given. Hopefully, Dex does all the things for you I didn’t. I know I shouldn’t have touched you the other day, knowing you’re with him now. It won’t happen again. I also realize I should’ve let you kiss me at that stupid Wild West thing. When I pulled away from you, it wasn’t because I didn’t want you to kiss me. It was a gut-check reaction. By the time I realized what I’d done, it was too late. The damage was done, and I couldn’t explain. I’m sorry that I’m cold and can’t be who you need. Trust me, I haven’t failed you anywhere near as much as I fail myself every day. Thank you for staying with me when I needed you and thank you for the two years you tried. This isn’t who I want to be. It’s who I’ve had to become to survive. I know you don’t understand, because there’s so much you don’t know about me, but if I could be different for an
yone, it would’ve been you. Anyhow, I’m just sorry—Rylan
Tim read the letter twice before stuffing it in his pocket. His mind raced as he stared at the flowers without seeing a thing. Rylan had apologized, and Tim wasn’t so sure he should have. Everything was fucked inside Tim’s head now that he’d seen the real Rylan.
“Dex is really chasing you hard,” Adam said, cutting into Tim’s thoughts.
He glanced Adam’s way. The man’s face was free of all judgment and if anyone understood falling for the last person they wanted, it was Adam. Maybe that was why his lips moved without his permission. “They’re not from Dex.”
A line appeared between Adam’s perfect eyebrows. “I only know of one other per—” Adam’s expression cleared. “Shut the heck up. Those are from Rylan?”
Tim nodded.
Adam visibly floundered. “But they’re red.”
An unexpected smile pulled at Tim’s lips. He’d known Adam would understand. “Very much so.”
Adam looked stunned. “Wow. I was kind of under the impression y’all weren’t seeing each other any longer.”
Tim’s smile wouldn’t abate. It always cracked him up the way Adam’s country drawl deepened when he was scandalized.
“I don’t know if seeing each other is the right term for what we had going on. You’d be amazed how many people don’t fuck with their eyes open.” A chuckle rose in his throat when Adam’s cheeks pinkened. In true Adam style, the man didn’t back down. That was how he’d won Kano.
“Well, yeah. You’re kissing and stuff, but that’s not the point,” Adam said with a wave of his hand. “The issue now is, he sent you roses. Red roses. That was an interesting move—like the ball is in your court move. What are you going to do?”
Tim didn’t even need to think about it. Out of habit, he buttoned his jacket to hide his gun. “I’m going to find Rylan.”
Adam shook his head, in a confused motion. “And?”
A smile that felt evil even to Tim stretched his lips. “Confuse the fuck out of him by treating him the way he deserves,” Tim answered, heading for the door. If Adam said anything else, Tim didn’t hear it. He was too busy planning his next move. Something smacked him across the back before he made it out the door. He turned. An issue of Today’s Beauty rested on the floor behind him. Tim focused on an aggravated looking Adam. “Did you just throw a magazine at me?”
Adam huffed. “You weren’t listening to me, so yeah. I was trying to tell you that Rylan is down on the second floor. I invited him in today so his new interns could practice on some of the staff. Sort of a treat for the staff while giving the interns real people to work with.”
Tim blinked. “You invited Rylan? That was… nice.”
“We’re friends,” Adam said with a smile.
“Okay.” Tim dragged the word out. “That’s… nice.” He had no idea why he couldn’t stop saying things were nice, but it was.
“It is. Now go get your man,” Adam said, dismissing him and going back to shifting through the hundreds of makeup samples that were sent to Kano every day.
In the past, he’d never thought too much about how slow the elevator moved unless he was trying to feel up Rylan. Since he was dying to get to Rylan, he wondered if he’d pull his hair out before the damn thing finally made it to the second floor. The instant he stepped out, his gaze landed on Rylan. Several women filled the makeup chairs. Rylan worked on a woman who Tim had seen dozens of times but couldn’t recall her name. He wasted no time heading straight for the man he couldn’t get out of his head.
“I need to talk to you.”
Rylan didn’t look his way. “So talk. I’m right here.”
“I’m not sure you want that.”
A loud sigh escaped Rylan. “Timothy Leon Wilkerson, just fucking spit it out. I’m working. Darlene’s eyebrows won’t shape themselves… obviously, she’s already tried that route.”
Tim shook his head. He hadn’t known Rylan knew his full name. If this was how Rylan wanted it, Tim wasn’t ashamed. “I’m not with Dex. I thought I was with you.”
Rylan finally straightened away and met his gaze.
Tim didn’t stop. “One bad day together isn’t enough to drive me away. I’ve spent two years, three months, and ten days being with you. If you want to toss that away for one horrible day, I need you to say it.”
Without looking away from Tim, Rylan passed his tweezers to the closest intern. “Finish this.” The young girl looked every bit as shocked as she should. Tim didn’t give a shit about that now. Rylan closed the distance between them. With his flattened palm against the center of Tim’s chest, he pushed, moving him out of earshot. Not that it mattered. They had everyone’s attention. Rylan looked vulnerable—like the taint of his ordeal still hadn’t faded. His gorgeous gaze moved over Tim’s face, as if searching for something. “You say that like I’m the only person you’ve been seeing.”
“You are.”
Rylan visibly floundered. He blinked several times and his lips moved with silent words, making Tim wonder if the man’s brain had disconnected from his tongue.
“I know I probably haven’t been the only person for you in the past two years,” Tim said, hearing the pain in his own voice as he made the admission. “You’re famous, and I’m no one.” Tim shrugged. “Since that night Kano had you working until two in the morning and I took you home.” A smile tugged at Tim’s lips. Damn, that had been one hell of a night. “And you demanded I carry all your stuff inside, even though you never let me carry anything for you, I haven’t touched another soul since then.” The way Rylan looked at him—with his heart in his eyes—Tim couldn’t stop. “It’s not fair for me to force you to dump me when you’ve never said we’re a couple. But if you don’t want me anymore, I need you to say it. I can’t give you up unless you make me.”
His tie tightened as Rylan used the piece of material to haul him forward. Determination shone bright in the man’s eyes. “I haven’t been with anyone else either,” Rylan said, shocking the hell out of Tim a half second before he took it even further and captured Tim’s mouth with dozens of witnesses. Tim held Rylan’s face between his hands. Someone whistled. He barely heard. Rylan hadn’t been with anyone else. The seed of hope that had been building in his chest for a while exploded into something that overwhelmed him.
“Have dinner with me tonight,” Tim said against Rylan’s lips.
Rylan placed one final kiss against the corner of Tim’s mouth before nodding. “Text me a time.”
“I’ll pick you up,” Tim said as Rylan backed away. Damn, he didn’t want to get back to work. Rylan had never kissed him in public—like he was special. He couldn’t seem to turn away and face the elevator. Tim took a step backward. “You should get back to work.”
The way Rylan fought his smile had Tim grinning like a fool. “I’m where I’m supposed to be. You should get back to work.”
Tim took another step backward, heading for the elevator. He jumped when someone squealed as he ran them over. “Sorry,” he said over his shoulder before meeting Rylan’s gaze again. The man had lost the battle against his smile. Tim lost his breath. He couldn’t remember a time when Rylan was this genuine. “I’m where I’m supposed to be too—with you, but I guess I should go back upstairs.”
“Stop flattering me. You’ve already won.”
Tim took another step back and shoved his hands in his pockets to keep from reaching for Rylan. He wanted to kiss him one more time. “I’d tell you you’re sexy, but you already know that, and that’s not how I want to flatter you.”
Rylan swiped his hand over his face as if trying to physically wipe away his grin. “Jesus. Don’t make Adam regret inviting me in today.”
He tried, but Tim couldn’t stop. “I feel like if I hang out long enough, you’ll think of something really mean and bitchy to say to me. Not only will it make my day brighter, I’ll be thinking about that evil mouth all day.”
To Tim’s surprise, Rylan appeared to blus
h. He hid it well. “Damn. You win again.”
Without a backward glance, Rylan headed for the elevator, leaving Tim no other choice but to follow. His smile kept getting bigger, shocking even him. He expected Rylan to call for the elevator, shove Tim on, and walk away. Instead, when the door opened, Rylan stepped inside. Tim followed. The instant the door closed, shutting them away from prying eyes, Rylan attacked. Tim’s back hit the wall. Rylan’s mouth covered his. Tim’s mind raced, running through every possibility of where he could take Rylan and get inside him. In the end, he knew it wouldn’t happen. He needed to enjoy a few private moments with Rylan and get back to work.
Rylan’s kiss softened, becoming sweeter until their lips barely brushed. He kept his hands pressed against Tim’s chest, as if he didn’t want their kiss to be sexual. “You don’t have to charm me to fuck me.”
“You don’t have to fuck me for me to want to spend time with you,” Tim shot back before stealing another kiss.
The lift dinged, and Rylan pushed Tim out before he could take things farther. “Please go back to work. You’re too distracting.”
Tim waited until the elevator door was closing Rylan inside before responding, ensuring he got the final word. “Only because you begged.” He didn’t move because he knew—somehow—Rylan would ensure that didn’t stand. His phone buzzed. Tim laughed as he dug out the device.
Rylan: Bitch.
Tim stuffed his phone back in his pocket as headed for Kano’s office. He’d let Rylan have that one. Later, Tim would have his revenge.
Unlovable Page 4