by Cate Ashwood
“If you thought Chloe would mention it, you haven’t gotten to know her yet. I’m bettin’ that’s half the reason she showed up tonight.” John took the last drag from his cigarette and crushed it out in the ashtray on the table. He’d hoped Matt would do him a favor and change the subject, let him off the hook, but John wasn’t so lucky. After a moment of awkward silence, he couldn’t stand it anymore. “I’m sorry I ran out on ya last weekend,” John said, dropping his voice to a whisper. “I’m just…. Force of habit, or somethin’, ya know?”
Or a mile-wide yellow streak, but John couldn’t bring himself to admit that just yet.
“I know,” Matt said with a shrug. “I mean, I didn’t know for sure, but I had hoped that was all it was. Just you in… panic mode.” He laughed softly as he caught John’s eye.
John couldn’t look away. “Sounds about right,” he said finally, having to force the words out, his throat suddenly dry. “I don’t know what it is about you.” He stepped closer, not quite touching, but too close for comfort. “Every time I’m around you, I… I feel like a rabbit caught in a snare and all I wanna do is run.” He didn’t like the look on Matt’s face when he said that, so John added, “But as soon as I get away, all I wanna do is run right back.”
Matt took a short breath, as if he couldn’t manage more than that. “So why don’t you? Run back, I mean.”
“I think this here is me runnin’ back.”
For one fraction of one second, John was sure Matt was going to lean in close, kiss him hard on the mouth. And for that one heartbeat of a moment, John was going to let him. Thankfully, though, Matt pulled away and said, “That’s a start, then, isn’t it?”
He didn’t wait for John’s answer before going inside.
Chapter Ten
MATT’S PHONE vibrated on his nightstand. The sun wasn’t quite up yet, so he was afraid it was a message from the station. Instead, his heart skipped a beat when he saw a text from John. They hadn’t spoken since Easter, a week earlier.
You up yet?
He sat up in bed and rubbed his eyes, trying to wake up fully before responding.
It’s 5am on a Saturday. What sane person would be up?
Matt couldn’t help his grin when John responded.
No one said anything about sane. You work today?
Inhaling slowly, trying to tamp down his excitement, Matt texted him back. Not till first shift tomorrow. You have something in mind?
Get your ass over here, then. I need a hand.
A hand with what? I’m more than glad to offer my services.
Matt could practically hear John’s laughter when John responded, I know all about your services, but I need a few holes dug. You up for it?
He’d already gotten out of bed and pulled out some shorts and a T-shirt, but Matt asked, Does it have to be before dawn? He nearly dropped his phone when it rang in his hand. “I was wondering why we were still texting.”
John’s voice, all smooth and warm, sent a shock of heat through Matt. “I didn’t wanna wake ya with a call,” he said slowly. “But I wanna get a start on it before the heat kicks in this afternoon.”
“Makes sense,” Matt said, dropping onto the edge of his bed. “You could’ve asked me yesterday, though,” he teased.
“Didn’t know I wanted to yesterday.”
Matt rolled his eyes even though John couldn’t see him. “I’m going to say that makes sense too.”
“Don’t need to make sense as long as you come on over.”
And dammit all if John saying that didn’t light Matt’s pulse on fire. He’d have to be dead not to go over now. “Be there in fifteen.”
“See ya soon, then.”
And that was it. John ended the call. Matt had to wonder if he’d ever get more than fifty words at a time from John, but that was something they could work on later. For now, Matt wanted to get out of the house as quickly as possible.
He was still trying to figure John out. Like a puzzle missing its box, he didn’t know what the whole picture would look like until he’d pieced the whole thing together. It required a lot of trial and error and more than a little patience, but Matt had a gut feeling that it would be worth it in the end.
There was something about John, something tentative yet seductive about the way he kept himself so carefully guarded. He had a tough shell, but it wasn’t unbreakable. He wanted to discover what was underneath, even if it meant hauling his ass outta bed before dawn on his day off.
JOHN’S HOME wasn’t far from his parents’ place, just a few paces across the lawn, but with enough pecan and magnolia trees to obscure the line of sight and provide some semblance of privacy.
The sun cut a bright red gash across the morning sky, sending streaks of color through the lingering clouds, and Matt could see John already setting up for work in the yard as he pulled up the driveway.
“I’m not sure we can be friends if this is your usual Saturday morning,” Matt said as he drew closer.
John had just stuck his shovel into the ground and then leaned against the handle. “See, the thing ya gotta remember is, I’d do the same for you. That’s what makes it okay.”
Matt shook his head, torn between delight and bewilderment. “Is that another Southern thing or your own personal rule?”
“Probably both,” John said as he got his shovel up again and started to dig. “There’s an extra over yon by the porch.”
Matt could only assume he meant another shovel, so he went to look.
“Why are we digging a hole in your perfectly good lawn?” he asked, getting to work next to John.
“I was thinkin’ the other night how nice it’d be to put a little fire pit or somethin’ back here, ya know?” He spoke as he dug, so clearly used to manual labor that he didn’t even sound breathless. “Maybe put up a shade over it, maybe a swing set for Birdy….”
John’s yard was a wide, open space with lots of trees and grass, flowers close to the house. Matt could see why he’d want to fix it up, make it more inviting for guests. “How deep are we gonna go with the hole?”
“Just a foot or so,” John told him as he started to move outward, making a large circle. “Gonna make it big enough for a bonfire if we want, big enough to cook over, roast marshmallows or whatever with Birdy.”
They worked for hours together, side by side, as the sun came up. By noon they had the foundation ready, and just a few hours after that, they’d laid the bricks around the fire pit and then built a short wall around it.
John stood back to admire the work. “Goddamn, that was faster than I thought it’d be.”
“Really?” Matt wanted to lean against John. His shirt was soaked through with sweat, he was covered in dirt, and he felt like the sun was trying to fry a hole through him. “I feel like I’ve been doing this for a month.”
“You get used to it,” John said with a laugh, patting Matt on the back.
Matt had forgotten John worked out in the weather all year, digging ditches and laying down pavement. Of course this was nothing to him. Matt didn’t consider himself a slouch by any means, but the blisters on his hands told him a different story. “I’ll pass, thanks.”
“How about we take a beer break?” John didn’t wait for an answer but turned toward the back porch. Matt followed.
Part of him was eager to be alone with John, behind closed doors, maybe get more than a beer from him. The other part of him wanted to collapse under John’s air conditioner.
“I thought I’d gotten used to the heat,” Matt said as he slid the glass door closed. “I was wrong.”
John popped the caps off two beers and passed one to Matt. “Shit, boy, this here’s nothin’,” he said as he leaned against the kitchen counter. “Just wait for August.”
Matt wet his lips after his first sip, watching John for a beat. “You trying to scare me off?”
John seemed to take more from the question than Matt had intended. “I probably oughtta,” he said quietly, taking a step away from the r
efrigerator, moving a little closer to Matt. “But I’m gettin’ too used to ya now.”
The entire world seemed to slow down around them. John took one more step toward him and the air left Matt’s lungs, felt like it left the entire room. “Yeah?” he asked, having to swallow hard just to get the single word out.
“Yeah,” John whispered, reaching his hand to Matt’s T-shirt, tugging slightly, as if to pull Matt closer. “Never thought I’d have someone here,” he said, glancing down at the floor, as if he couldn’t speak and look Matt in the eye at the same time. “Someone I’ve… someone I wanted to….”
There was that feeling again. Hope. Matt let it snag in his heart, burying itself below the surface. They’d already fucked more than a few times, but suddenly Matt felt like a bumbling virgin, unable to say anything, unable to move. The temperature in the kitchen seemed to have risen, and Matt wanted to strip them both down and pin John against the fridge. Instead Matt let his eyes fall shut and leaned a little closer. He could feel John’s breath on his skin, feel the heat from John’s body, smell the sweat and the dirt. He waited for a beat longer, rewarded by the whisper of John’s lips against his own.
“Well, hell.”
The sound of Chloe’s voice had John leaping away from Matt. The look in John’s eyes was pure terror.
“Damn, girl,” John said, running his hand through his hair. “Should learn to knock.”
“Got your text, brought y’all some lunch.” Chloe grinned and added, “And you should learn to lock your damn doors if you’re gonna bring guys around here.” She came into the kitchen, her hands full. “He feels like he’s cheatin’ on me when I see him with his hookups.”
A strange sense of jealousy snapped inside Matt. Not so much over Chloe, but the idea of other men in John’s life or—more specifically—in his bed, or even in that shitty little motel room in Jacksonville.
John caught his eye, speaking to Chloe but looking at Matt. “I don’t bring guys around here and… no hookups since…. All right?”
Chloe pulled three sandwiches from the bag in her hand and tossed one to Matt. “You’ve been wonderin’ about that, haven’t ya?”
He had, but Matt couldn’t bring himself to admit it.
“You’re welcome,” she said, for the sandwich or the information, Matt had no idea.
Maybe he was an idiot, but Matt didn’t care. John hadn’t been with anyone since him. That wasn’t much, but as Andy would say, it wasn’t nothin’ either. “Yeah, thanks.”
John looked like he still wanted to bolt. Maybe he realized how easily Chloe could’ve been one of his parents or his sister. Or, hell, anyone really. The people on this end of town knew everyone and didn’t seem shy about stopping in unexpectedly. Even Matt had had his share of unannounced guests, and he lived in the middle of nowhere compared to John.
“I guess we best get back to work,” John said around a mouthful of his sandwich.
Matt wanted to protest, but even if Chloe took off now, the moment had passed. Matt thought John was probably too on edge to pick up where they’d left off. “Guess so,” he said before finishing off his beer.
“You stickin’ around?” John asked Chloe.
“For a few hours, at least,” she said. “I told Shawna from work I had plans with you all day so I could get out of goin’ shoppin’ with her.”
John started for the back porch, so Matt and Chloe followed. “I thought you liked Shawna?” He shook a cigarette out and lit it before offering Chloe one.
“I don’t not like her, but I don’t feel like spending all day in a shopping mall after an hour in the car,” Chloe said, taking a long inhale.
Matt felt weirdly out of place standing between them, the only nonsmoker, the one out of the loop on the little details of their lives.
“And she brings her dog with her everywhere she goes.”
“Thought you liked dogs too…,” John said, but he glanced at Matt, a quiet invitation to jump into the conversation if he found a place.
“Dogs are fine, but this one yaps all the damn time.”
John had stepped off the porch, striding across the lawn. “Can’t blame ya for wantin’ to hang out here today, then.”
Chloe looked at Matt as they followed John. “He says that like I don’t hang out over here nearly every damn weekend.”
“Only nearly?” Matt asked, not sure what else to say.
“Girl’s gotta have a life of her own, doesn’t she?”
“Suppose so.”
“You gonna help us?” John asked, unable to keep a straight face.
“If by helping you mean sit on my ass and drink your beer, then most definitely.”
John snorted a laugh and said, “All right, at least stay out of our way.”
JUST BEFORE the sun went down for the day, John and Matt grabbed the new lawn furniture from the shed and placed the last chair under the retractable shade by the fire pit. Ilene came up from somewhere behind them.
“You boys do all this?”
John wiped his arm across his forehead, pushed his hair back. “You been watchin’ us all day, Momma. You know we did it.” His tone was light, playful.
“What did I ever do to deserve such a mean son?” Ilene’s smile as she put her arm around John’s waist told a different story. “You boys did good,” she said, admiring their efforts. “Looks real nice out here.”
“Thanks, Momma.”
The look of pride on John’s face just from a simple compliment from his mother was sweet and painful at the same time. Her opinion meant the world to John, and anyone within a mile of him could see that.
“We’re about to light it up,” John said. “You and Daddy wanna come over?”
Ilene gave John one more squeeze around the middle and then pulled back slightly. “Not tonight,” she said. “We’re goin’ to early services tomorrow, but I dropped some supper off for you three. It’s in the kitchen.”
“You didn’t have to do that.” John didn’t add I’m glad you did, but they could all hear it just the same.
“Of course I had to,” Ilene said as she finally pulled away. “Can’t have y’all starve out here.” As she passed Matt, she patted his shoulder. “It’s good to see ya, darlin’. Thank you for helpin’.”
For a split second, Matt could understand John’s expression when he basked in the glow of his mother’s approval. “It was nothing, really,” Matt said, smiling at her.
Ilene had already moved on to Chloe, though, giving her a kiss on the cheek. “Tell your folks hello for me when you see them, hon.”
“I will, Miss Ilene. G’night.”
“’Night, y’all,”
And just like a phantom in the mist, Ilene disappeared across the way, into her yard. No wonder John wouldn’t dare bring someone home, worried to even kiss him in his own kitchen. For a woman of her size, Ilene was near silent. She’d been in John’s house and none of them had even noticed. “Your mother is like some kind of food-bearing ninja.”
John laughed then. “That’s pretty accurate, actually.”
“She’s bugged with me,” Chloe said as John loaded some wood into the fire pit.
“What on earth are you talkin’ about?” John stacked the pieces of kindling and a few larger logs, Matt watching intently.
“Didn’t want y’all to starve,” Chloe said, echoing Ilene as she lit a cigarette and fell into one of the padded chairs near the fire pit. “She thinks I’m lazy for not cookin’ like you do. Like she does.”
John made a show of stacking the wood, shifting it around into a small tower. “She don’t think anything like that. She brings food over near every night. She’ll only judge you if you don’t cook and clean after we’re married.”
He said it so plainly, so flatly, Matt’s heart jumped. Then John glanced up at him, a grin on his face. Matt could breathe again.
Chloe huffed a laugh. “Marry you,” she said, teasing, sticking her tongue out at John. “I still say she’s bugged.”
&nb
sp; “I still say you’re nuts. If Momma was bugged with ya, we’d all know it.”
John tucked some moss under the small sticks on top of the pile of wood. Matt watched as John arranged the pieces again. He seemed to know exactly what he was doing, and it was so much more complex than Matt would have thought. “Were you a Boy Scout?”
“Nah,” John said as he sat back on his heels. “No need for it. Daddy and the rest of my family taught me how to light fires from nothin’, how to fish and hunt.” He paused and looked at Matt. “What kinda man I oughtta be. Didn’t need to join some club for all that.”
“Oh. My. God,” Chloe said with a laugh. “Quit showin’ off and light that damn thing.”
John looked at Matt. “I’m not showin’ off. I just wanted to do the first one right is all.”
Chloe hopped up and disappeared into the house. When she returned, she was loaded down with food containers and a six-pack of beer. She passed the food to Matt, set the beer on the little table between them, and then pulled a small can of lighter fluid from her back pocket. She sprayed the wood down without a word, nearly getting John in the process.
“Tryin’ to set me on fire too?” John asked as he stepped out of range.
“No. I just don’t feel like watching you pull out flint and wool to start the damn thing.” She tossed her lit cigarette into the fire pit. Within a second, the wood was ablaze, sending sparks up against the dying light around them.
Matt laughed and said, “That’s how I start a fire. I expected more from you.”
“He can show you his mad nature skills next time,” Chloe said as she cracked a beer and passed it to Matt.
The night was warm, nowhere near cold enough to need a fire, but Matt couldn’t help enjoying it. They’d worked hard all day, probably smelled like it too, but as they sat around the fire, just the three of them, eating cold fried chicken and cornbread, drinking beers, and laughing, Matt finally felt like he’d found some friends, found some family. He finally felt like he was home.