Walk of Shame

by Gregory, O. L.

  "Love you."

  "Love you, too."

  I hung up and flopped into bed, weighing my choices between Mike and Jared, now that I'd met their families and seen home.

  With Mike, I'd bounce from one national park to another, some more scenic than others. And we'd set up home base wherever the park put us, the best spots taken by paying customers. No more resorts or handpicked spots in private campgrounds for a month.

  With Jared, at most I'd have a few months in the winter to choose where to go, with half the country covered in snow and ice. And the rest of the time, I'd spend traveling from one swampy spot to another. And how many times will his obligations interfere in my wintertime travels? Can he even handle being that idle for an entire winter?

  Sleep did not come easy that night.

  Wednesday

  My freaking eyes wouldn't stay open on the flight north to Baltimore on Wednesday morning. I reclined the chair as far back as it would go, wiggled into a comfy position on my side, and was dead to the world before we'd even flown over a state line.

  Phillip was waiting for me at the airport, he was so eager to see me. I was greeted with a bouquet of carnations in a rainbow of colors, a bright smile, and a kiss that included him copping a feel of my ass. I laughed at the man who'd always played things a bit reserved in front of the others. It was nice to see him at ease in public.

  "We're going to take a car to the inner harbor and then take the boat through the bay and up the Susquehanna."

  "Your parents live on the water?"

  "No, a few streets back. But I rent a spot for the rig and a boat slip at the marina between the house and the water."

  "Ah."

  Phillip pointed and shouted above the wind as we went, gesturing to different places and telling me what they were. We made port, and as we walked the distance to his parents' house, he pointed to a hook-up camping spot and told me that was his spot.

  My brows drew together in confusion. "Why would you rent a permanent spot?" If he spent most of his time on the road, it made no sense to fork out the money that this must cost.

  He shrugged the question away. "They fill up so fast here six months of the year that I just keep the spot rented so I can come home whenever I feel like it."

  "That must cost a small fortune."

  "Not really, I pay a reduced year-round rate. Plus, I can give them the dates that I know I'll be gone and they rent it out. They bank half of it and credit the other half to my account, it just happens to be empty at the moment."

  "You timeshare your spot?"

  He smiled. "Kind of, I guess, in a backward sort of way."

  We made our way to the house, where I met his parents, older brother, sister-in-law and nieces. His sister was in software, and had moved to Seattle a few years ago to start working her way up through the companies out there. And the younger brother lived up in Maine and was in land development.

  His parents looked like my grandparents. And I got the impression that Phillip and his older brother helped with things like mowing the lawn and upkeep projects around the house. And then I overheard a little tidbit, as the crew was swapping out batteries in equipment and I had slipped into the bathroom and back out, between father and son that sure made it sound like his mother was in the process of being diagnosed with what was likely to be Alzheimer's.

  I sat down with his mother and sister-in-law to talk, and found out some interesting things. Phillip lived in his rig, true, but he returned to town every time he was between jobs. He always had, before he was married, then during, and after. It seemed the stories he'd shared with me over the last few weeks, about the places he'd been to, had all been places he'd gone to for assignments.

  I shut my mouth, smiled and nodded, and wrapped my mind around this information.

  His parents had a gazebo out in the backyard, and that's where Phillip took me to talk after dinner. He tried to lean in for a kiss, but I dodged him.

  "What's the matter?" he asked.

  "You don't travel. You travel for work, and then you come home. That's not what you led me to believe. I was led to believe that your work dictated your travels to a degree, and that you only come home to visit."

  He sighed and slouched back, putting a small distance between us. "I didn't want to travel around alone. And then my wife didn't want to spend all her time on the road. And then she was sick and then I was mourning, and then I was back to not wanting to be out there alone. It's something I want to do, but the stars haven't aligned for it to happen."

  "So... Let's say we get to the end of this and I choose you, are you going to give up your year-round slot at the marina?"

  "And when we come back to visit and there's no spot?"

  I pursed my lips and shrugged. "We'll be planning ahead for your field assignments and my required travels. We can schedule the dates to visit here ahead of time. I'm sure with your long history of patronage they'll give you first dibs on dates. And there are other marinas down here with camping spots, right?"

  "My boat..."

  "We can tow the boat in the summer, if you want."

  "How much time do you spend at your parents?" he asked me.

  "Usually about a week, every few months. It's about a month total per year."

  He made a face.

  "How long were you thinking to be here?"

  "More like a week per month."

  "That's not living on the road. By the time we do your work stuff, my work stuff, visit with my family, and spend a quarter of our time here, there's no time to park the rig anywhere and just hang there. Where's the exploration? Where's the parking by somewhere pretty and letting me write while you research? I take notes, gather research, and make outlines wherever I'm at, and then I park by a lake, a mountain, or something interesting for a month and come out with a complete rough draft for a novel. Then I edit and revise wherever I am. Where's my month in the middle of nowhere to write up my rough draft?"

  "Jared's going to have you holed up in the bayou taming alligators, and he's still around."

  "Jared's been very upfront about how his life is and what he expects it to be. I can pick spots to go during the winter to park it and create, then explore when I need a break. And he's doing it because his filler job in between assignments is part of a family business. It constitutes part of his livelihood."

  "My parents are older."

  "I know."

  "If I'm not around, everything falls on my older brother and sister-in-law."

  "I've figured that out today."

  He sighed, looking down at the wooden planks of the gazebo floor.

  "Look, I need you to figure out what you want to do, realistically. And then be upfront about it with me," I told him. "I'm not about throwing someone to the curb just because their way of life will take some compromise on my part. But what I do want is a plan, a real one, so we both know what we can expect and can decide if it's something we both want and can make work. Saying you want to be a nomad and actually doing it are two different things. If I required my life to stay as close to the same as possible, then I would have chosen Stephen. Short assignments, flexibility on the location, it would have melded with my life so easily. But you don't see him anywhere around now, do you?"

  He smiled. "No."

  "Do not set my expectations up for one thing and then think we'll be doing something different, once we get to living this life. That's not fair to me, and will make this whole thing a waste of time because I won't end up with what I wanted."

  "I get it."

  "You need to take some time before we see each other again to figure out what you want and what you're willing to give. And be honest about it. I don't want you out there, miserable, because you really want to be here."

  He nodded. "One of us will end up resenting the other."

  "Uh, guys?" the cameraman said.

  "Yeah?" Phillip asked.

  "We have to get going back to the airport, if we're going to make our projected takeoff time."<
br />
  Phillip pinned me with his eyes. "I don't like leaving this unresolved."

  "Well neither do I, but you need time to figure things out."

  "I love you, Em. I don't want to lose you over this."

  "If you love me, then be honest with me."

  "I wasn't trying to lie. I want to live on the road."

  "But do you really? Or are you more enamored with the idea of living on the road."

  "How far away from your parents would you say we are?" he asked.

  "I looked it up earlier on the GPS, about an hour or so."

  "So, in theory, if I was needed here while we were visiting your folks, I could get down here to do what I needed to do."

  "Yeah... But if you disappear every time I visit up in Pennsylvania, don't expect me to be here when we visit here."

  "But, if needed, it's an option."

  "Yes."

  "All right."

  "All right..." I looked around and the camera guy gestured to his watch. "Are we going back by boat, or are we driving?" I asked Phillip.

  "Oh! Sorry, got lost in thought there. Yes, we're taking the boat back. I wanted you to see the lights on the water. They'll have a car waiting for you to take you and the crew back to the airport." He got up and started walking.

  I scrambled and followed after him. We went back inside the house so I could grab my purse and I could say goodbye to his parents. Then we walked back down to the marina and boarded the boat.

  I saw the lights, and they were pretty. But the whole time we were traveling, all I could think about was how Phillip had gone from Mr. Wonderful to Mr. I-Don't-Know-You. What the hell else was he keeping his mouth shut about? Did he have a pet boa constrictor, too?

  When we got back to Baltimore, I was still so put off by the whole visit that I couldn't do more than give him a quick peck goodbye. I could tell he was disappointed in how the day had gone. But, damn it, so was I.

  I got in the car and tried to process the visit in a way that wouldn't have me writing Phillip off, in a knee-jerk reaction. Maybe he could come up with a game plan that could accommodate us both. It would make holidays much easier to contend with if I married someone whose parents were only an hour away from mine. Besides, it was unfair to judge him off one incident. We'd had nothing but good incidents up until last week. And the one from last week wasn't really his fault. I'm the one that made assumptions that time.

  Thursday & Friday

  We landed in Edinburgh just after six in the morning, almost an hour before our scheduled arrival. The winds had been good to us and helped push us along. We all climbed into the van and arrived at Liam's parents' front door just as Liam was putting on his shoes to drive to the airport to come get me.

  I got out and walked into his arms. My mind was still a mess after the whole Phillip thing, but the minute Liam arms wrapped around me I was able to relax and take a few breaths to re-center myself, letting the Maryland thing go for now. I was with Liam, I was in Scotland, and it was time to enjoy them both.

  I looked up at him and smiled. "Hi."

  He grinned down at me before giving me a lingering kiss. "Hi."

  "What's on the docket for the day?"

  "Well, it's Edinburgh in August, so there's a world-wide fair going on in the city."

  "Oh, my God, yes! The Military Tattoo."

  "Right. So I thought we'd spend the morning on the Royal Mile, enjoying the festivities. Then we can walk back, hitting a couple smaller affairs going on throughout the city, have dinner and conversation with my family for a couple hours, then we can all go to the show. How does that sound?"

  "It sounds amazing."

  The day was perfect, I have no other word for it. I snagged a couple souvenirs along the way, too. People from all six of the populated continents were present at the event. People traveled halfway around the world to see this show every year. That fact was amazing to me, and to be able to be a part of it was humbling.

  And his family! I could gush about them for days. His nieces were downright enchanting. Three brothers, two sisters, two of them married. There wasn't a bad thing I could say about any of them.

  I was so content, it was disgusting.

  A storm front had been moving in throughout the military demonstrations, in which multiple countries had taken a turn at showing off for their enthusiastic audience. The cloud cover was looking ominous by the time we returned to the home. A producer, who'd followed us along all day, had been walking several paces back. She finally hung up her phone, trying to look disappointed.

  "Our pilot isn't comfortable flying in this weather and has convinced the network to keep us grounded until morning," she said.

  "Oh, darn," I said, matching her mock disappointment.

  "It's Scotland," Liam said. "It'll blow over."

  "Not according to the satellite scans, it's a large system. The clouds could be heavy for hours," she said.

  "Oh, no," I said, grim-faced and frowning. "However will we occupy that time?"

  Liam laughed. "Are you girls tired?"

  The producer shook her head.

  "I'm too wired to be tired," I replied.

  He nodded to the producer. "Tell them we're throwing a wrench into the works." He gave a pointed glance at the camera and turned to me. It was something I had noticed over the last few weeks, he did that whenever he was about to do something that editing would want to be able to use to further paint the romance.

  -Production had lectured the guys repeatedly about trying to carry on conversation with both me and the crew at the same time. Production didn't like it because it's hard to paint the picture of a fairy tale moment when the people having it didn't pretend that there wasn't a camera crew and probably some production members walking around with them.-

  "You want to climb into my car and take a drive?"

  I smiled like a child about to get away with stealing candy, I could even feel my nose scrunch. "Where would you take me?"

  "Do you want to see St. Andrews?"

  St. Andrews had medieval ruins, and was on the coast of the North Sea. It was full of history, and despite the tourists and modern technology, it still felt small, old, and quaint. "I'd love to."

  "Good." He turned to the producer. "Tell them if the weather holds poor, we'll be back in plenty of time. If not, she's saved them money by cutting this whole thing a couple weeks short. They can afford to hold the plane at the airport for an extra couple hours."

  The producer smiled mischievously. "I'd give you a lecture about that kind of thought process, but I want to go, too. It'll take me a few minutes to sell them on it. Give your keys to the crew so they can rig cameras in your vehicle."

  I looked at Liam with my eyes dancing. I wanted to tell him I loved him in that moment. But I wasn't supposed to say such things, no matter how spontaneously they wanted to bubble out of me.

  He looked at me with a very pleased look on his face. "They're going to sic Troy on you, on the flight back."

  I grabbed the front of his shirt to pull him toward me. "You have no idea how much I don't care right now."

  His eyes had moved to my mouth as I spoke. He fiddled in his pocket for a second, grabbing his keys. He tossed them towards the crew before lifting me up in his embrace to kiss me so thoroughly, I was a little embarrassed to be out in public while doing it.

  It was late when we set out to drive through the cloudy night. It made me think of teenage road trips, which were always best if taken spontaneously, in the dead of night. The crew would be riding in the network's rental car behind us, giving us the illusion of being alone, despite the small cameras and microphones.

  Liam had gone inside before we left, to tell someone that he wouldn't be back tonight and grabbed a couple drinks for us, for the road. When he came back out and got behind the wheel, he looked at me and grinned.

  "What?" I asked.

  "You. That smile on your face. I don't think I've seen you smile like that the whole time I've known you. I like it."
<
br />   "I hadn't even realized I was grinning. I guess I'm happy not to have to go rushing straight back. It's been a long week and it's only half over. I guess I'm glad to make it all wait for a night."

  "You looked tired and stressed this morning. You also looked a little heartbroken. I'm glad to see that's gone now."

  "It's because of you. This is exactly what I needed."

  "I didn't make the clouds roll in."

  "No, but they did. And you've saved me from a sleepless night with endless debates rolling around in my head."

  "I'm sorry this has been so rough on you. I didn't see it as really being all that stressful on you until last week. And now this week, flights every day, running every moment that your feet are on the ground, I can't imagine. But, if a little stolen road trip is all that it takes to make you beam like that, then it's no wonder you live the way you do."

  "You know, it never gets old. Discovering a new place or revisiting a favorite."

  "No, it doesn't."

  "Thank you for stealing me away tonight."

  "You're most welcome."

  It only took little more than an hour to get to St. Andrews. He gave me the driven tour around town first, then we picked a spot to park and we talked, smooched, and talked some more while we waited for the sun to rise. We scoped out the ruins and had breakfast in a small diner before hitting the road for the return trip to Edinburgh.

  Liam parked his car and then surprised me by climbing into the network rental with me, having put his own luggage bag in the trunk first.

  He shrugged when he caught my expression. "I have to be back for the Walk of Shame anyway, right?"

  I leaned over and hugged him in the backseat. "I like that you're coming with me."

  "The original plan was for me to stay until tomorrow. But now we're only talking a day's worth of difference. This way, they don't have to pay for my commercial flight ticket, and I get to fly on the private jet with you."

  The plan that I'd had for the plane ride back to the States was to sleep. But after we'd taken off, I laid out the reclining chair and proceeded to toss and turn, as best as one could on a chair. Thoughts from the last four days kept intruding and confusing me. I kept replaying not only moments from this week, but from all the weeks in my head. I was trying to find fault with each of the guys. But even when I found faults, their goodness always seemed to counter-balance.