He was too far gone into a life he couldn’t walk away from. I misunderstood his original insistence at keeping me out of the business, I thought he hated me and didn’t see what I could do as valuable. It wasn’t that, it was just the opposite, he knew what getting involved would mean and he was always just trying to protect me.
If ever the saying be careful what you wish for was true, it was now.
I’d wished for inclusion and the reality was something very different and frighteningly ugly. The reality meant I’d end up paying for it with my freedom and probably my life, at the hands of my brother.
Chapter Nineteen
*****
Ross
I’d rarely found anything surprising of late, but fuck me, her story was enchanting. Someone wanting to be involved and loved being sucked up into a life she couldn’t possible envisage. Hearing that, after she’d already blown my mind with the training exercise, finally made the pieces slot together into one crazy coherent picture and it was amazingly ugly.
I couldn’t imagine how anyone lived a life where they remembered everything that their eyes had ever seen and the pain of being unable to forget. It was such a simple luxury that we mere mortals took for granted, when I thought of what this girl had seen and been through, it was unbelievable and I felt fucking overwhelmed. It was a surprise she hadn’t ended in a facility somewhere, rocking and staring at a corner. Even being able to comprehend growing up with the normal trials of childhood would be bad enough, not being able to forget the cruel acts of children must have been horrid, but for her, growing up in that family, well… words failed me.
After her outburst I had to pull my shit together pretty quickly, I could see a range of emotions work through her. Cara seemed relieved to be able to say those things out loud but at the same time she was terrified at having laid herself wide open. I got the impression she expected a specific response from me, if I was to have a guess, it would be one of a travelling circus freak, fortunately my face was impassive.
“What happens now Ross?”
“What do you mean?”
“Now you know, what happens?”
“Cara, babe, I don’t follow, should somethin’ different happen?”
She looked at me all confused, “In all my life, no one has taken that information on, or figured it out and not demanded I hide it or exploit me in some way.”
I stepped closer to her and stroked her cheek, “Again, I don’t know what to do with that baby.” I realized that if I was in her personal space, she concentrated on me, it was shit of me to resort to this and use it, but if intimidation helped me get a straight answer, I’d go with it.
“My father learned pretty quickly, I was an asset, the information in my brain was the key to his entire estate. I went from being a misunderstood youngster, to a prisoner treated like a human tape recorder or Xerox machine. My brothers used to make me listen to conversations and repeat them back and it was fun at first. But when they realized I was retaining visual information as well as spoken details, I was hidden away. I became far too precious to live a normal life. For a while I tried to forget stuff or at least pretend, but my stupid brain protested about that. It had a switch that used to trip me up when I lied.”
“Sounds a lot like my brain,” I joked.
“It was like I wasn’t capable of lying. The amount of times Mattia used to try and lie for me or tell our father and Guiseppe that he was to blame for things was crazy,” I watched her take a deep breath in, I knew she was working up to something. “He was like a human punch bag and he just took it all, to protect me. That’s the one thing I can’t get straight in my head, what’s happening to him now. I can’t cope with thinking that they’re….”
“OK hush, your head is filled with enough stuff without you crammin’ in extra stuff by lettin’ your imagination loose. No more dredgin’ up memories tonight, I’m pleased as fuck you’re sharing, but enough.” I took her in my arms and leaned down to kiss her, I promised myself I wouldn’t do this and I’d wait for her to be ready. Just one kiss won’t hurt, we both need that connection and I try and tell myself I won’t let it progress. I felt her meet my kiss in return and then struggle to wrap her arms around my massive frame, only when I heard her whimper, causing my cock to harden did I pull away. “Your decision baby. I’m ready, just say the word, but maybe tonight you need a good night’s rest.”
“Thank you Ross,” she whispered, resting her cheek against my chest. I’m fairly sure she was listening to my heart, trying to see if it was as out of control as I know her own. Her response made me ache, in a good way, deep inside. It felt like I was soaring, there was no promotion to be gained, no good graces to win for the department head, it was just me doing something out of the goodness of my heart. Hearing the way she said those words made me understand that no one had genuinely, shown her good old fashioned kindness. This girl was perceptive to her surrounding’s and emotions, she’d learned that trait to survive as long as she had and I had no idea how I was going to keep her safe anymore. It wasn’t like we could hand back some accounting ledgers that she’d stolen, she was the fucking ledger.
No, in order to keep her calm and safe, I was going to need my under cover skills, because right now, I was playing a game of pretend. I was pretending that everything is going to be OK until I figured out what the fuck to do.
We ate dinner later on, the atmosphere felt different and I knew it was because she had come clean. We relaxed casually on the front porch eating chicken and roasted vegetables on mismatched plates, shoveling food with forks, not feeling the need to engage in conversation. The evening sun was warm and I let my crazy male hormones wander to places I promised her I wouldn’t. Hearing her story had made me feel closer to her, only it was not the kind of closer I was after. I took our plates back inside and dumped them in the sink before grabbing a couple of cold beers and going back to sit next to her. “You doing OK?”
“I think so, for the first time I’m terrified because of what could be, but in a good way.” There was no mistaking the glint and desire in her eyes, she wanted me as much as I wanted her, but I was determined, she had to make that first move. I glared back at her, pleading with her to understand and give my body the go ahead. “Ross…, I don’t know how to do this?”
“What feels right baby?”
“This does,” she answered immediately.
“That’s a good start, tell me what you want,” I said, surprised when my own voice sounded shaky.
“You,” and her positive response was again instantaneous.
Her cute effort to push through her nervousness made me chuckle, “Good to know babe.”
I stopped talking to give her some space, there was still something going on and I hated to think about what it could be, asking her meant that she’d probably drop a shit load of more bad news and I didn’t want her to have to do that tonight. Finally, she began, “I’ve never, I don’t, I’m…” she leant forward and very gently kissed me on the lips, it was something so slight and extremely powerful that I felt my dick tingle. It knew where this was going.
“Son, I said take care of her but I didn’t mean take care of her,” came a voice I was not expecting to be hearing so soon. Even at his age, he took every opportunity to get the drop on me and have a little fun.
“Fuck, dad’s back,” I stated obviously and Cara jumped back embarrassed. That part of her reaction didn’t last long, it wasn’t hard to tell that she’d missed him.
In a movement, completely unexpected by my dad, she spun round and hugged him, “Welcome home Sam.” The look my old man gave me conveyed he was happy that I’d made some progress with her, just not the type of progress he was expecting.
“Hey pretty lady, what’s shakin’?”
“Lots,” she said excitedly, it would seem we’d opened the flood gates on the communication front. “Did you have a good trip?”
“Sure did sweetheart, I came home a winner. Son, grab me a cold one.” I bet he came h
ome with more dollars than he dropped, time to get this information out into the open so he knew what he’d got his hands on.
Nearly an hour later, with some very emotional and gut wrenching tales from the bravest woman I knew, I got the impression my dad didn’t really believe it all. I encouraged Cara to do a little show and tell and after quoting passages from books and films they’d both read, telling him what clothes he wore, what he ate and what scrap car he worked on the day she arrived, he was still on the fence. After that he went and got an engineer instruction manual, gave her a few minutes to read it and then read it back to him as he followed the script on the page. It was a fucking neat parlor trick. At this point I wasn’t sure whether he was stunned or amused, so I told him to throw some complex math at her, he did this until he realized he needed a calculator to keep up with her.
My dad’s attitude then changed, he wanted to see if he could outwit her, so he went and grabbed the first junkyard ledger she’d worked on and as expected she recalled all the details of something that had gathered dust for nearly a year.
We sat in silence for a few minutes whilst he spun it round in his head, he then burst out laughing, “Son, “ he bellowed, “You’re fucked. There is no winnin’ any arguments with this one, no lyin’ to get outta doing shitty chores and no back trackin’ over crazy stuff you wished you’d never said. This is gonna be fun. What the fuck Mouse?”
“Mouse?” Cara queried, clearly he’d never called her formally by the name he’d shared with me in the past.
“Yeah, Mouse. You were as quiet as one when you first got here, but now I know it really fits. They’re clever, rarely make a fuss, are sensible yet nervous but survive utilizin’ the resources of others. Mice are compliant and fuckin’ big on self reliance for survival. Those wiley little things are canny enough to appreciate there is no free cheese, ‘cause it’s always in a fuckin’ mouse trap. They’re skittish and uncomfortable when out in the open and neat and organized. Definitely mouse.”
Cara was amazed at my dad’s summary of her down to a fine point, this was his parlor trick and it had served him well over the years on the job. “That’s me,” she whispered.
“What’s more, they’re creatures of habit, schedules and fuckin’ routine, which if you remember is how I tripped you up in the first place.”
“And me,” I joined in.
“Holy moly,” yeah, Cara was still astonished at this description.
“So, like I said sweet heart, mouse.”
“Sam, I’m rarely surprised. Horrified, yes, appalled and disgusted, definitely but surprised not really. I don’t know whether being a mouse is a good thing.”
“Good thing you think like that, I ain’t finished. They’re considered a pest and can be a dangerous infestation. You usually have to deal with infestations swiftly so they don’t rage out of control. I dare say your family will be thinking the same and at some point they gotta be considering upin’ their game to get you back. Bottom line, never under estimate the mouse.” I didn’t get involved in this part of the conversation, but I was pleased that my dad had used his words carefully, we both knew they didn’t want her back, they wanted her dead. It was important that Cara heard this from him, he was now forging his own path to gaining her trust and this was the beauty of his parlor trick, deliver some serious fucking information in a gentle manner you can cope with. “Do we have a plan son?”
“Well seein’ as I’m only ahead of you by a few hours on the information front, not really. But I’m thinkin’ play with them and then fuck them up. Study the family, understand their weak spots outside of Cara and then seek external, expert council.”
“Shit,” he whispered, “You’re gonna bring in that crazy motherfucker aren’t you?”
“Absolutely, hunt the hunter is his kind of fun, he’s gonna be pissed if I don’t, especially when he knows who we’ve got here.”
“Holy mother of God. Lord help us, no, Lord help save them from Jonas fuckin’ Drakeson,” my dad mumbled swigging his beer. And as if an earth defining thought had just flashed through his brain, he jumped up causing beer to slosh out of his bottle. “You mean to tell me, I’ve just been on my annual card trip and I could have been learnin’ tricks from a fuckin’ numbers genius?”
“Uh… counting cards is illegal Sam,” Cara told him, the incredulous look on her face caused me to burst out laughing.
“I’m not talkin’ about no fuckin’ Casino, Ocean’s Eleven shit, I’m talkin’ about wipin’ the smile off Big Dave’s face. I’ve been waiting twenty years to pull one over on that shady motherfucker.”
“Oh that, yeah, I can help you do that.”
“Now we’re talkin’ Mouse, I’ll have to see if I can work another game into the schedule quick, I ain’t waitin’ a year for it,” even I could see his mind plotting, so it wasn’t lost on Cara either. She looked carefree for the brief time my dad waxed lyrical about smacking Big Dave around a card table, making her gift out to be something fun and special rather what she’d felt all her life, a freak show. Seeing Cara like this was something new, it made her sparkle and it was a side of her I was drawn to, I wanted to see it more often and more importantly be the cause of it.
“Son, it’s settled, we’ve gotta keep Mouse in one piece. I need to pull off this rip roarin’ humiliation of Big Dave, that Cuban heeled-suit wearin’ motherfucker needs choppin’ down to the size he should be, without those ridiculous shoes. I mean, the silly fool ain’t even classy enough to wear cowboy boots. Nope, fuckin’ pimp shoes instead. Thinks he’s all that and has game, I mean, who the fuck thinks they got game?”
“No problem dad, I’m on it.” I confirmed giving Cara a smile, he was doing an amazing job of making her feel a part of what we were about to undertake rather than a burden.
For once, her life had some meaning and if she let herself she would definitely have some fun doing it. It was something special to see my dad shine too, he’d given up on most things after my mom passed so it seemed Cara brought the best out in him too.
I knew with a certainty though, like taking the next breath or watching the sun rise, that I had every intention of keeping her in one piece because the only time I wanted to see her fall apart again was underneath me, or on top of me, or on her knees in front of me. I wasn’t fussy and I wasn’t going to wait much longer for her to get on board, this girl was mine.
Later that night we both climbed into my bed, I did my best to make her feel like she belonged in it with me and for some reason her nervousness became uncertainty. I was fairly sure she wanted to be this close to me, but I couldn’t figure out why she wasn’t sure. As she rolled over, away from me, I reached over and dragged her back up against me. “Can’t make sure you’re safe if you’re all the way over there,” I whispered to the back her head. “You OK beautiful?”
“Definitely. Better than OK,” she replied and I heard the smile in her voice. “Ross, I need you to know I’m not experienced like you.”
“I think I’ve figured out you’re not a commando Cara.”
“I meant, this. The boy girl thing. I’ve had two sexual partners in my life. One is you and the other is a guy from back home, who shouldn’t have touched me. He disappeared three days before I ran off, because I was promised to someone else and I wanted to lose my virginity on my terms. I couldn’t handle being responsible for someone else facing judgment because of a decision I took. I… I just wanted you to know.”
I didn’t answer her, I couldn’t wrap my head around it, this sexy, fucking stunning woman in my bed was nearly new.
There was no way I was letting it go now.
Not a fuckin’ chance.
So I snuggled up close and fell asleep grinning like a Cheshire cat.
Chapter Twenty
The first thing I noticed the next morning when I woke up was that I did feel lighter in my own head, like the burden had been lessened. I wasn’t alone like I had been, wandering from one ugly thought to the next. For once I had some good th
ings to focus on and think about, I had the love and friendship I was receiving and that meant I could allow pleasant memories to surface and come forward. I no longer had to zoom in on all the bad stuff and use it as motivation to keep me moving forward. It was almost like the light of goodness was helping push back the darkness that I’d been stumbling through.
The next thing I noticed was that Ross wasn’t in bed. I could hear water running, so I knew he was taking a shower. Looking at the empty space in the bed next to me I can still see the imprint of his massive body and like some crazy romantic, I tentatively reach out and run my hand over it. It’s still warm and I feel like it’s drawing me in. I’d gone to bed in one of his t-shirts, one that I planned on never returning and I could smell his scent all around me. Knowing that it was also on the bed sheets was enough to make me tingle. I’d been brave enough under the cover of darkness to admit my sexual inexperience and I wanted to believe that I’d felt his joy, acceptance and respect when I’d said it. How could that be possible? Surely guys want some athletic bedroom goddess who can acrobatically bend themselves like pretzels and drive them insane.
I knew there was only one way to find out, he told me it was up to me and if I wanted to move things on then I just needed to let him know.
When Sam returned last night, he’d made the assumption that we were already together, like it was a done deal and Ross did nothing to dispel him on that notion.
I stepped out of the sheets and stood up stretching, I knew I was delaying because of my nerves.
Now or never.
Game time.
And with only one thing on my mind, I wandered to the window to check whether Sam was already outside in the junkyard. Feeling both pleased and on edge that he was already under the hood of an old tractor, I knew there was nothing stopping me from proceeding, nothing except me.
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