by Susan Lewis
‘I know,’ Emma whispered, stroking her hair, ‘but one step at a time. You still have a couple of weeks, and if you’d like me to I’ll take care of it.’ She stopped at the sound of footsteps on the stairs.
A moment later Grace and Zac appeared in the doorway wearing their coats and with a large holdall each over their shoulders.
Looking at her aunt, Grace said, ‘Can we come and stay with you tonight please?’
As Angie’s heart turned over, Zac said, ‘We’ve already packed.’
Emma tightened her hold on Angie’s hand as she said, ‘Of course you can, but there’ll be more packing to do before you leave. Mum and I will need your help …’
Grace turned around and opened the front door. ‘Come on, Zac,’ she said stiffly, edging him ahead of her, ‘this isn’t our home any more.’
‘Oh no, that’s terrible,’ Lois cried when Grace rang to tell her what was happening. ‘I didn’t realize it was so bad. What the hell are we going to do?’
‘I don’t know. I’m completely terrified.’
‘I would be too in your shoes.’
Grace was thinking of the nude photos the boys at school had offered lots of money for, and wondered if she could do it. She really didn’t want to, it made her feel sick even to think of it, but maybe, if she could be certain they’d never get shared, she’d have to.
‘But you can’t ever be certain,’ Lois protested when Grace made the suggestion. ‘They’re bound to pass them around and you’ll get called names; every time you see someone watching you you’ll know that they’ve seen you with no clothes on. No Grace, I won’t let you do it.’
‘Then come up with something else,’ Grace shouted in despair.
‘OK, I will, I promise. First though, I think you should message this Anya again. Tell her what’s happened and if she’s a friend of your dad’s, she’s bound to want to help.’
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
The following day Angie went online to see if she could find some details of the house she might be given, hoping to God it wasn’t on the Temple Fields estate. It turned out to be on Stanley Road, in Feltree, which still wasn’t a great area – some parts were half derelict, she recalled – and it was seven or eight miles from Emma and the Fairweather estate, but at least it was on a bus route that would ferry the children directly to and from school.
She considered driving over to take a look at it from the outside, but with no guarantee they’d actually get it she needed to watch every penny – and every drop of petrol. Not that this small saving was going to help much with the payment of the one-thousand-pound fine she’d just received by recorded delivery for non-payment of the TV licence.
There was a time when that would have terrified her; now she just added it to the file to deal with when she could.
It was around four o’clock the next day when she learned that she might as well forget about the house in Feltree, for it had been allocated to another family. She immediately tried getting through to the emergency number she’d been given to find out if there was somewhere else for her and the children, but she was told to call back nearer the time of her eviction. They clearly weren’t into offering any sense of security, or hope that everything would fall into place when it was supposed to, they simply wanted to kick her over to the sidelines while they dealt with the issues of today.
She needed to do the same, deal with today, and the most pressing issue for her at the moment was Grace.
I understand how upset and worried you are, but please answer my messages. You know how much I love you and how sorry I am that this is happening, but we need to pull together, Grace. Don’t shut me out. Mum x
Grace read her mother’s latest text with mounting guilt – and an almost crippling need to shout at her again, or to be able to tell her that at least she had found a way to make things better.
I’m fine, she texted back shortly. Stop worrying about me.
She meant it, she didn’t want her mum to worry, it only made her feel worse, if that could even be possible, and as far as she was concerned it couldn’t.
Still, at least there was some small glimmer on the horizon.
She’d received a reply from Anya this morning. It wasn’t as much as she’d hoped for: she wasn’t even sure what that was apart from her dad coming back, Liam letting them know he was OK, and being able to stay in their house. Anya was hardly going to be able to pull off any one of those impossible feats. However, the kindly-looking woman had responded straight away when Grace had told her about losing the house, and her words, her promise, were definitely giving Grace something to hang on to.
Oh Grace, I am so sad to hear what is happening to you and your family. This isn’t what you deserve at all. I’m out of the country at the moment on business, but don’t worry, I shall be back in a week or so and by then I promise to have worked something out to help you. If my plans come good I think you’ll be pleased. Anya PS. Stay strong, you know it’s what your dad would want.
Over the next two weeks Grace and Zac continued to stay with Emma, and when Angie wasn’t packing, or racing between a crazy schedule of temporary jobs and ad hoc shifts, she was doing her best to focus on BtG. It seemed to help, putting her mind elsewhere for a while, knowing that she was doing some good for those who were worse off than she was. In many ways they seemed better off, for at least the residents had some certainty in their lives, no fear of finding themselves homeless again, unless they messed up in some way.
As the days passed and she was repeatedly told that no other properties were available at this time, she kept reminding herself that the children would be fine with Emma. She didn’t think about herself too much, just tried to stay focused on practicalities such as continuing the packing and redirecting her mail to the office. She’d never imagined how destabilizing it would be to separate her name from 14 Willow Close. It felt, absurdly, as though she was leaving Steve, and when she wasn’t seeing it that way she saw it as cutting adrift from a safe harbour, with nothing but eddies and riptides ahead of her.
She contacted the schools to explain that the children were probably going to be staying with their aunt for a while, and why. They were sympathetic, of course, and assured her they would keep a close eye on things, but after ending the calls Angie sat with her head in her hands, unable to do any more that day, for even breathing was starting to feel hard. She wasn’t coping well, she realized that, although she scarcely knew what coping well meant anymore.
And Grace was still barely communicating with her.
However, at least she was talking to Emma, so Angie knew she was eating, going to school and spending most nights at Lois’s.
‘We need to formulate a plan for Friday,’ Emma said gently two days before the dreaded bailiffs were due – and there was still nowhere for them to go as a family. ‘Have you organized yourself somewhere to stay yet?’ she asked, looking so worried that Angie had to turn away from her.
‘No, but I will,’ Angie replied. ‘What matters is making sure the children are OK. I know they will be with you, but when Grace gets back from school on Thursday, I want you to send her home to me. I need to speak to her. Zac too, of course, but I need to see her first.’
Hello Grace, I’m finally back in the country and I want you to know that my plans to help you are starting to come good. I’ll be in touch again as soon as the details are finalized. It’s all very exciting. For now, I just want you to be sure that I haven’t forgotten you. A
Grace looked up from the message and turned to Lois, who’d read it over her shoulder. ‘Whatever it is,’ she said, ‘it’s obviously not going to help us stay in the house. Not that I thought it would, it’s just …’ She shrugged, unsure what else she’d thought.
‘I wonder what she means by exciting,’ Lois frowned. ‘I mean, it has to be good or she wouldn’t put it like that, so maybe she’s sorting out somewhere else for you to live and wants it to be a surprise.’
Liking the sound of that – staying wh
ere they were would be much better of course – Grace checked her phone again as a text arrived from Auntie Em.
Mum wants to see you after school, sweetheart. Please go. She needs your support right now, and believe it or not you need hers.
An hour later Grace was staring hard at her mother, her mouth tight, her normally creamy, freckled skin flushed crimson with resentment. Angie could tell she’d done a lot of crying these past two weeks, and could hardly bear that she’d been unable to comfort her. She knew Emma had tried, and no doubt Lois and her mother, Becky, had too, but carrying so much anger and fear in her heart would be hard for Grace when those negative emotions were usually alien to her.
‘Thanks for coming,’ Angie said gently. ‘Would you like something to drink?’
Grace’s voice shook as she said, ‘Me and Zac have lived here all our lives, we have our own special bedrooms that Dad made for us and now we have to leave because you didn’t pay the rent. It’s not our fault. I don’t see why we have to leave too.’
Angie said carefully, ‘I’m sorry, sweetheart. I’m sorrier than you’ll ever know, and I wish with all my heart that it wasn’t happening …’
‘Then make it stop!’ Grace cried angrily. ‘Get the money and pay what you owe.’
‘You know I would if I could, but right now I can’t see a way …’
‘Get a loan,’ Grace shouted in frustration. ‘That’s what other people do when they can’t afford things.’
‘The banks won’t give me one, and if I resort to a payday loan it’ll only make things worse in the long run.’ She raised a hand as Grace started to shout again. ‘I never dreamt we’d end up like this,’ she said softly. ‘I’ve done my best to try and stay on top of it all, but there are some things I can’t control. You and Zac are growing fast. You need shoes and coats, new shirts, money for your drama club, dance classes …’
‘Stop blaming us. We’re not the ones who thought it was all right to stop paying the rent …’
‘I never thought it was all right and I’m not blaming you. I know I’m responsible, and I’d give anything, anything for none of this to be happening; to be able to turn back the clock so Daddy and Liam were still with us, or at least to a time when I could cope, but I can’t. I’ve screwed up so badly I hardly know what to do any more, but I’ll work it out, Grace. I promise you, I’ll find a way through this for us …’
‘How? Tell me how you’re going to do that when you don’t stand a single chance of ever being able to buy a house, of getting us a proper home that’s ours and that we don’t feel afraid of losing.’
‘Even people who own their homes can end up losing them,’ Angie pointed out. ‘There are no safeguards against things changing in your life … Grace, please don’t walk away.’
Grace turned back, mascara running down her cheeks as grief and fear twisted her mouth. ‘Have you thought about how Liam’s going to find us once we leave here?’ she demanded. ‘He won’t know where to look. He’ll think we’ve gone off without him and that we couldn’t care less about him.’
Angie’s heart was so tight that every beat hurt. ‘If he does come back,’ she said softly, ‘and obviously we’re never going to give up hope that he will …’
‘Why aren’t you out there looking for him?’
‘You know I’ve tried, and not a month goes by that Auntie Em and I don’t call shelters and hostels, police stations and even prisons all over the country in the hope of some news. And you put your messages on social media. I know the answers aren’t always helpful, but it’s good that you keep posting them, because if he sees them he’ll know we still care and want to see him.’
Grace’s face remained pinched.
Angie went towards her, but as she tried to embrace her Grace pushed her away. ‘You ruined his life,’ she sobbed, ‘and now you’re ruining mine,’ and before Angie could stop her she tore open the door and dashed across to the street towards Emma’s.
Ten minutes later Emma came in with Zac. The instant he saw his mother, on her knees in the middle of the floor surrounded by half-filled boxes and plastic bags, he ran straight to her. Angie had no idea if he realized how hard she’d been crying, or how wonderful it was to feel his sturdy little body in her arms, she only knew that she would cherish the relief and love in this moment for ever.
‘I don’t want to leave, Mum,’ he wailed. ‘I want us to stay here forever.’
‘I know, I know,’ she murmured, pressing her lips to his tousled hair. ‘I wish we could, Zac. I’d do anything to make it happen, I …’ As her words were choked away by tears, Emma said, ‘Where’s Grace?’
Registering the question, Angie felt herself tensing. ‘Didn’t she come to yours?’ Realizing Zac was pulling away to look at her, she wrapped him in her arms again as she said, ‘She must have gone to Lois’s.’
‘Was she all right when she left?’ Emma asked.
Angie gave a small shake of her head.
Taking out her phone Emma scrolled to Grace’s number and went through to the kitchen to make the call.
Holding Zac’s dear little face between her hands, Angie gazed into his teary eyes and attempted a smile. ‘I’m nearly done here, and I expect you’re hungry.’
He nodded and sobbed as he said, ‘Can I sleep here in your bed with you tonight?’
‘Of course you can.’ It would be the last time they’d sleep in this house. She smoothed back his hair and planted a kiss on his forehead. ‘You’re my special boy, you know that, don’t you?’ she murmured tenderly.
Ducking back into her arms, he held on tight as he said, ‘I forgot to take my dinosaurs to Auntie Em’s. And my kite that Dad made.’
Angie swallowed hard as she wondered how much else he’d hung on to that his dad had given him, and not just material things. Had she talked to him enough about Steve? If she hadn’t, now wasn’t the time to try and correct it.
‘I left a message,’ Emma said, coming back into the room.
Understanding that Grace was deliberately ignoring them, Angie snuggled in closer with Zac as she said, ‘Where are Harry and Jack?’
‘At home on their own,’ Emma replied, ‘so I’d better get back. I’ve put a casserole in the oven for tea. There’s enough for all of us. I thought we could have a game of Twister after to cheer us all up.’
Remembering the hilarity of past games, especially when Steve was playing, Angie managed a smile, and wished there was more she could do to thank Emma besides giving her just about everything she earned while the children were with her. She wasn’t going to need much for herself, and the last thing she wanted was Emma finding herself out of pocket or depriving her boys in some way because she was trying to help.
Angie and Emma were in Emma’s kitchen. It was after nine by now and Grace still wasn’t answering her phone.
I know you’re angry with me, Angie texted, but please think of Zac. He needs to hear from you, if only to know you’re all right.
‘I was sure she’d be with Lois,’ she said, putting the phone down, but when she’d called a while ago Lois had claimed not to know where she was.
She was becoming more agitated by the minute and hardly engaged with Emma’s words as she said, ‘Should I call the police? She went out over four hours ago and it’s dark out there. They’ll see her as vulnerable …’ She started as her phone jingled with a text.
There were two, one straight after the other. One from Hamish at Hill Lodge, the other from Grace.
She clicked on to Grace’s first, leaving Emma to pick up Hamish’s on her own phone. Tell Zac I’ll see him at Auntie Em’s tomorrow. Staying with Lois tonight.
Angie sent a text back. Are you sure that’s where you are?
Sure. I’ll send a photo if you don’t believe me.
OK, I won’t tell Lois’s mum that you girls lied to me when I rang half an hour ago, but I can do without this right now, Grace. We need to pull together, and frightening me doesn’t help either of us.
She pressed s
end and showed it to Emma. ‘Too harsh?’ she asked when she saw Emma grimace.
‘Deserved,’ Emma replied decisively. ‘And now you’d better take a look at the one from Hamish.’
Hamish’s text read: Are you all right, Angie? Craig says he just saw you in the cemetery.
As Angie looked up from the text in dismay, Emma said, ‘You’ve got enough to do. I’ll call him back.’
‘It’s OK,’ Angie interrupted and scrolled to Hamish’s number. She didn’t blame him for troubling her at this time, he had no idea what was happening to her, and she had to admit she felt almost relieved to have something outside her own troubles to deal with tonight. ‘What’s happening over there?’ she asked when Hamish answered, putting the call on speaker so Emma could hear.
He sighed wearily. ‘I asked him to take out some rubbish and the next thing I knew he was running back into the kitchen saying you were in the cemetery and we should go and get you.’
Angie said, ‘Where is he now?’
‘Sitting right here, listening on speakerphone.’
To Craig she said, ‘Are you satisfied now that I’m at home?’
‘Why were you in the cemetery?’ he asked.
Opting for distraction as a means of coping, she said, ‘I hear you got the job at the care home.’
‘He did,’ Hamish confirmed, ‘isn’t that grand? We’re about to find a few Elvis songs for him to try out on his first day.’
‘I’m going to get my guitar,’ Craig informed them.
After listening to Craig strum out a few indecipherable numbers Angie and Emma rang off and sat staring at one another, not sure what to say next, until, without even realizing it was going to happen, Angie let out a guffaw of laughter. Had that phone call really just happened? Had they actually sat there listening to the worst jamming session in history when the world was falling apart around them?
Picking up on the weirdness of it all Emma started laughing too, and soon they were unable to stop. They clutched their hands to their faces and grasped their sides, and realizing they were moving in sync made them laugh even harder. The hilarity began bordering on hysteria and still they couldn’t stop in spite of knowing it was going to end in tears. It didn’t matter; it felt so good to laugh, never mind the madness, because for these few crazy moments at least it was as though the demons had stopped winning.