by Susan Lewis
‘What do you mean?’ Angie interrupted, her heart swelling with the crazy hope that this was going to be good news. ‘Have you found Liam?’
‘Yes, I have. I spoke to him earlier and I’m going to bring him to see you tomorrow.’
‘Oh my God,’ Angie gasped, putting a hand to her head as she tried to take it in. ‘Is he all right? Is he there now?’
‘He’s fine. He’s not here, but he really is safe. He wants to tell you everything himself.’ There was a moment before she said, ‘Angie?’
‘Yes?’
‘He’s very glad I found him.’
By two the following afternoon Angie was in such a high state of nerves that she couldn’t stop pacing, or wringing her hands, or checking the window every two minutes. She’d spent most of the morning cleaning Liam’s room in case he wanted to stay; she’d made sure his cherished colouring books were where they’d always been in the drawer under his bed, his toothbrush was in the bathroom with the others and his dressing gown hung on the back of the door. She’d even tried to bake a cake, but she’d obviously forgotten a vital ingredient, and it had ended up in the bin.
Last night she’d spent a long time talking with Grace and Zac, explaining that it was possible their brother would be here when they got home from school the next day. They’d both appeared shocked and bemused, uncertain what to say, so she’d gone on to tell them about Andee’s search, and had finished by assuring them that Auntie Em would pick them up unless something changed.
Before she’d left this morning, Grace had whispered, ‘When you see him please tell him I can’t wait to see him.’
The words had melted Angie’s heart. ‘Of course I will,’ she’d promised, hugging her, ‘and I expect he can’t wait to see you either.’
Later, as she’d been trying to decide whether to go to the supermarket or not – as if she might miss him if she did – Carol Stone had texted to say how happy she was to have heard the news from Andee.
Martin called just after, to let her know he was thinking of her, and he was sure it was all going to be good. Eleven for lunch on Sunday? he messaged a few minutes later, turning Angie’s heart inside out with the hope it actually might happen.
Then Martha was in touch with more words of support, followed by yet another bossy message from Emma telling her to calm down, take big breaths and if that didn’t work, drink gin.
It was going to be fine. It really was. Andee had told her that he’d said he was glad she’d found him, so that must surely mean he wanted to see his mother. It couldn’t be that he was going to seize this chance to wreak some awful revenge on them all for Angie throwing him out at the time of his dad’s death, or that he was going to confess something terrible about Steve. He wasn’t malicious or vindictive, not the Liam she knew, the Liam before the gangs had got to him.
It was just after three when Andee’s Mercedes finally pulled up behind the van. Angie couldn’t bring herself to go to the window so she stayed where she was in the middle of the room, having already opened the doors for them to come in. Her hands were clenched tightly at her sides, her heart was thudding so hard it was hurting her chest.
Was Steve watching? Did he know this was happening?
Andee came into the house first, turning as she reached the sitting-room door to encourage Liam to follow.
When he came forward, bigger than Angie remembered and different in other ways too – his skin was clear, his hair was shorter and he had a Prince Harry beard – Angie clasped her hands to her mouth as she howled with more love and relief than she’d ever felt in her life.
‘Liam,’ she gasped brokenly. ‘Oh Liam,’ and as she ran to him he dropped what he’d brought in with him and lifted her off the floor into a giant hug.
‘Hello Mum,’ he whispered into her hair.
They stood holding each other tight, the bond that they shared seeming to wrap itself around them more tightly than ever. He was her firstborn, Steve’s precious boy come back to her.
She drew back to look at him, hands cupping his face as she searched his teary eyes, and when she found the boy she’d always loved and struggled to protect she began crying again. He was still there, the real Liam, the innocent who’d been stifled for a while, but thank God not destroyed.
‘You look wonderful,’ she sobbed, and he really did. Gone was the riot of greasy ginger curls that used to stick to his head with dirt and even blood. It was razor-cut now and tamed by gel. His skin practically glowed with health, no more sores or angry spots, just the cheeky designer stubble that suited him well. But it was his beautiful eyes that reached right into her heart, for they weren’t just his father’s, they were his own, young and uncertain and eager to be everyone’s friend.
‘I brought you something,’ he told her, and stooping to pick up the paper bag he’d come in with, he took out an oblong wooden plaque and handed it to her. It was a house sign for 14 Willow Close with exquisite carvings of trees and wildlife around the borders and four neatly bored holes for hanging. ‘I did it myself,’ he announced. ‘I’m a trainee carpenter.’
‘Oh Liam,’ she sobbed, knowing he couldn’t possibly have made this overnight. So when had he started it? What had prompted him? She’d be able to ask soon enough, for now she didn’t want to bombard him, only let him know that this would always be the most precious gift she’d ever received.
He smiled to see her pleasure, and though one of his front teeth was chipped it was the most beautiful smile in the world.
She hugged him again, feeling small in his big arms and enveloped by how happy he was making her. In her heart she knew a great deal of damage must have been done to him on many levels, and that he had probably changed considerably, but for now, today, he looked and sounded like the son, the young man, she’d always dreamed of him being one day, and that was enough.
Taking his hand she said, ‘Let’s go and make some tea. Andee, you’ll stay, won’t you? Please,’ she added, when Andee seemed about to protest. ‘Unless you need to rush off.’
‘I’ll stay for a while,’ Andee smiled, and closing the doors that were still open she followed them into the kitchen.
After sitting him down and pressing a kiss to his lovely new hair, Angie filled the kettle and tried to sound chatty rather than demanding as she said over her shoulder, ‘So how, where did Andee find you?’
Liam looked at Andee and giving him a smile she said, ‘Have you heard of Deerwood Farm? It’s about fifteen miles inland towards …’
‘Yes, I’ve heard of it,’ Angie said, looking from one to the other of them. ‘It’s where they help children who’ve just come out of care.’
‘That’s the Deerwood Project,’ Liam told her. ‘I didn’t just come out of care, so I wasn’t one of the residents, but Hanna, that’s who runs it, let me stay anyway.’
‘It was Hanna,’ Andee said, ‘who sent the text to tell you he was safe.’
‘I didn’t know she’d done that,’ Liam admitted, ‘but I’m glad she did now.’
‘But why didn’t she say who she was?’ Angie asked.
‘She needed Liam’s permission to let you know where he was,’ Andee explained, ‘and he still thought you didn’t want him.’
Appalled at the consequences of her furious words to him after Steve’s death, Angie flung her arms around him again. ‘I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry,’ she murmured. ‘You must never think that again, because it wasn’t true, not ever. Oh God, I’ve got so much to make up to you.’
‘It’s all right,’ he told her earnestly, ‘I’m glad I went to Deerwood. It’s a great place.’
Wanting to know all about it, from how he’d got there, to why he’d been allowed to stay when the Deerwood management were so strict about who they took into their coveted spaces, Angie hardly knew what to ask first.
‘Alice Merino told him about the project,’ Andee began. ‘She had no idea if it was where he’d gone, but she remembered it was one of the things she’d said to him before he di
sappeared from the estate.’
‘I went to Alice when I left here,’ Liam explained, ‘because I couldn’t think of anywhere else to go. She let me stay at hers and didn’t tell anyone I was there because we didn’t want them coming for me again. After what happened to Dad …’ His breath caught, and as sobs heaved in his chest Angie clasped him again. ‘Oh Mum, what they did to Dad … I tried to make them stop, but no one listened. I – I heard him scream out my name, and I screamed too, but they wouldn’t stop.’
‘Ssh, ssh,’ Angie soothed, tears streaming down her cheeks as she tried not to picture the terrible scene, with Liam looking helplessly on. ‘It’s all right, I always knew you weren’t to blame. I’m so sorry I sent you away, I wasn’t thinking straight that day … I tried to find you …’
‘Alice told me you’d feel like that, but you said I was dead to you …’
‘Oh Liam, I should never have said that. I didn’t mean it. I was just so upset about Dad and everything that … I swear I didn’t mean it. I love you more than anything. You’re my beautiful, beautiful son that I don’t deserve, but I’m so happy you’ve come home.’
‘I wanted to come home,’ he told her, ‘lots of times, but at first I was afraid someone might be watching, that they might do something to hurt you to make me go back with them. So I stayed with Alice, and when I got to Deerwood I changed my name so everyone over there calls me Robert. I work for Sam who does all the maintenance and building jobs. I’m training to be a carpenter, but I do painting and decorating sometimes, like Dad.’
Hoping with all her heart that Steve could hear him, Angie squeezed him again, and gave a splutter of laughter as Andee brought tea to the table.
‘Sorry,’ she said, ‘that was supposed to be my job.’
‘It’s fine,’ Andee told her. ‘Now I think you two need some time together, so I’m going to leave you.’ She smiled fondly at Liam. ‘Welcome home,’ she said softly.
‘Thank you,’ he replied, surprising Angie as he stood up to shake hands. ‘I’m glad you came to find me.’ He turned anxious eyes back to his mother. ‘I’ll still be able to work at Deerwood, won’t I?’ he asked.
‘Of course,’ she promised. ‘If that’s what you want.’
How on earth they were going to get him out there and back each day was a problem for another time. For today, she just wanted to make the most of this homecoming, and when Emma arrived with Grace and Zac, which was due to happen at any minute, she could enjoy – she hoped – the long-awaited reunion of all three of her children.
Although it didn’t get off to a promising start it could have been a lot worse, Angie decided, since her biggest dread was that Grace and Zac would be scared of their older brother. However, initially all three appeared more shy than nervous or hostile, seeming unsure what to say, and looking to their mother for guidance. Then quite suddenly Grace threw herself at him and cried, ‘I’m so glad you’re back. We’ve been really worried about you.’
Appearing both surprised and pleased, Liam returned her embrace, and laughed as she began jumping up and down with excitement.
Zac watched, apparently unsure what to do, until Liam held out his hand to him. ‘Hey Zac,’ he said gently, ‘do you remember me?’
Zac nodded and seemed so small as he gazed up at his big brother, even taller now than his dad had been. ‘You look different,’ he told him.
‘He looks fantastic,’ Grace gushed, squeezing Liam’s arm.
‘Liam’s been living out at Deerwood Farm,’ Angie told them. ‘He’s got a job and he’s … Well, he’ll tell you all about it himself. For now, I think we should ask him if he can stay for a while before he has to go back?’ She made it a question for Liam to answer, wanting him to know that there was no pressure. She was happy to play this however he wanted.
He said, ‘Sam’s given me the next three days off. He lives here in Kesterly with his wife and children, and he’s going back to Deerwood on Monday morning so he said he can give me a lift.’
‘That’s lovely,’ Angie smiled, thrilled that he appeared willing to stay all weekend, and already keen to meet Sam, and everyone else at Deerwood. ‘So,’ she said, looking to the others for support, ‘maybe we can show you your old room?’
‘I’ll take him,’ Zac offered. ‘It’s exactly the same,’ he told Liam, grabbing his hand. ‘When we came back we put everything where it used to be, didn’t we, Mum?’
Clearly bemused, Liam said, ‘Came back from where?’
‘I’ll tell you another time,’ Angie promised.
‘Come on,’ Zac urged, tugging his brother to the door.
Angie watched them go, pride in them both turning into a sob in her throat.
Grace came to put an arm around her. ‘He looks like Dad, doesn’t he?’ she said softly. ‘Your hair, but everything else is Dad.’
Angie smiled through her tears and felt sure Steve was somewhere close by, feeling as much pride and love as she was.
‘So this place he’s been staying,’ Grace said, ‘it’s good, is it?’
‘From everything I hear about it, excellent. He seems to be happy there. He’s training to be a carpenter.’
Grace looked impressed. ‘Wow! But he always was good at making things.’
‘He brought us a sign for the house,’ Angie told her, and she had to swallow hard as she thought of all the work he’d put into it, and how awful it would have been if he’d come back to find they’d gone. ‘It’s on the sofa,’ she said, ‘go and take a look, it’s beautiful, and I’ll text Auntie Em. She’s keen to see him, and shall we order in pizza for tea?’
Grace grinned at her. ‘Isn’t it amazing that we can do that now without worrying if we can afford it?’
‘It really is,’ Angie agreed, and picking up her phone she texted Emma to tell her to bring the boys over.
After that she felt positive enough to text Martin and say: Eleven for lunch on Sunday.
CHAPTER FORTY
By the time Sunday came Liam had slotted so well back into the family it was almost as though he’d never left, which was typical of him, Angie reflected emotionally, he’d always been far more forgiving and able to exist in the moment than the rest of them. She had to admit it was taking time for her to adjust to having such a large person around again, but she loved every minute of trying. He was an instant hit with Emma’s boys, getting so involved with their and Zac’s computer games that his shouts and cheers were a constant source of amusement for everyone. Although he was so much more grown up now, the child in him lived on in many ways, as touchingly and unselfconsciously as the smiles he kept giving her. She was impressed by his willingness to help out around the house, always making his own bed, cleaning the bathroom after himself and never failing to rinse the dishes before stacking them in the dishwasher. He’d learned how important it was to do this at Deerwood, he explained, where everyone had to pull their weight or they were out.
‘It’s an amazing place, Mum,’ he told her proudly. ‘I can’t wait to take you there. You will come, won’t you? They’ve already said they want to meet you.’
‘Of course I’ll come,’ she assured him. ‘You just tell me when and I’ll make sure I get the time off.’
Seeming thrilled, he hugged her as if there had never been a bad day between them – and as happily as if he hadn’t spent the past two nights sobbing in her arms when Grace and Zac were in bed. He was clearly still traumatized by what had happened to his father, although apparently he was undergoing counselling at Deerwood.
‘They told me I should try to talk to you about it,’ he’d sniffed last night, using a sleeve to wipe his eyes. ‘They’ve wanted me to come and see you for a long time, but I was afraid to let them bring me.’
As Angie’s heart folded around the words, he lifted her face so he could see into her eyes, the way he used to when he was a child. For one awful moment she flashed on the image of him snarling the foulest words at her, spitting them out like venom. Then it was gone and her real
boy was back. She took a breath, bracing herself to explore where neither of them ever wanted to go again, but she knew it had to be done. ‘The day it happened,’ she said shakily, ‘before … When Dad arrived on the estate … Did you know how far they were going to go when they attacked him?’
Liam looked perplexed and frightened, but she could see his effort to be strong and truthful. ‘No,’ he whispered. ‘I just heard him shouting for me. They were all hanging about in the next street, and when they heard him they started to laugh. Then suddenly they started marching.’
Trying to push the horrendous images from her mind, she said, ‘Did someone tell them to do that?’
His eyes went down. ‘I think so. Before it happened Princey was on the phone. I don’t know who to, but when he rang off I heard him give the order for everyone to follow him.’
Taking another deep breath, she said, ‘Could he have been talking to Roland Shalik?’
Liam looked away. ‘I don’t know,’ he mumbled. ‘Sometimes he took orders from him, but I never knew what they were.’
‘Did you ever speak to Shalik yourself?’
He swallowed noisily. ‘Not really, only sometimes he’d tell me I was a good boy for doing as I was told, and everyone would be safe if I stayed that way.’
Biting down on her rabid hatred for the man, she said, ‘Did you ever tell the police you thought he might have been involved in Dad’s killing?’
He shook his head. ‘I couldn’t, I didn’t know for certain and I was afraid of what would happen if I did. Anyway, it wasn’t only him, there were other men too who used to come from London. I was scared of them all.’
Hardly able to imagine, much less understand the world her son had been sucked into, Angie was coming to realize from these first few steps towards bringing him back to his real world that she would never be able to pin Steve’s killing on Shalik. Somehow she would have to force herself to accept retribution in the way it was happening now, as he was tried and imprisoned for other equally abominable crimes.
Maybe it was best that way, for they really didn’t want him playing any kind of role in their future; they needed to be as free of him now as it was possible to be.