Tammy nodded. “Morgan had a Firestarter once before, but…but he died.” She looked at him a little ruefully. “She must treasure you very much.”
“I…I don’t think she knows I start fires.” He didn’t want to talk about Morgan now. “Do you think my having a power, according to your theory, means I have found my mate?”
The air went still between them. “Maybe,” she whispered.
He leaned in. “And do you have a power, Tammy Tremaine?” he asked softly.
She nodded, almost reluctantly. “I…I can see through the eyes of animals. You know, what they see.” She got a little flustered. “It’s a stupid power, really, but…”
“And do you think it’s because you have found your mate?” He wouldn’t let her escape so easily.
There was a long pause. “Maybe.” Her voice was small, even frightened.
Thomas considered. Her theory was wild, but it did explain a lot, and Socrates would adjure him not to dismiss the unseen lightly. His thoughts jerked to an unwelcome possibility. “How long have you had this power?”
She bit that wonderful, full bottom lip, blushing the color of wild strawberries in summer. “Just a little while.”
Thomas smiled.
She would come with him back to Morgan in the desert. They were in some ways fated to be together by this thing she called genetics that explained so much. He felt happy. Until he remembered his fire at the hotel.
“What’s wrong?” she asked, as though reading his thoughts.
“I…I may have hurt people last night. The fire…” He couldn’t help the panic in his voice. He looked around at the darkening beach, judging the distance to the brushy hillside behind them. What if he started a fire right now and hurt Tammy? She was almost killed by the smoke in the room last night….
“Shush,” she soothed. “I bought a newspaper at the bait shop. Let’s see what it says about the fire.” She began digging in the pack. “Luc wouldn’t let me bring my phone, so no checking the internet.” She came up triumphantly with a rolled paper and a thick cylinder. “And I remembered a flashlight. You hold the paper.”
That meant he had to lean in closer. He spread out the roll. He heard a click and a bright channel of light from the cylinder danced across the print. Together, they scanned the paper. There it was. “Fire guts San Pedro hotel.” Thomas felt the dread tighten into ball in his belly.
“No, no, it looks like everyone was okay,” she said, the light zeroing in on the article. “Property damage. Ongoing investigation of how the fire started….” She snorted. “Like they’re going to come up with the source.” She straightened. “Looks like you’re in the clear.”
He let out a sigh of relief. At least he wasn’t a killer. “Thank whoever there is to thank for that,” he said. He swiveled his head to look up at her.
She stared at him strangely. “I’m glad you said that,” she whispered. Her eyes were big and dark and unfathomable outside the channel of light from what she called a flashlight. Her face, where she was leaning over his shoulder, was so close he could feel her warm breath.
She thought they were destined to be together. She said that earlier about people who had this gene that gave them magic. He was very, very glad.
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
‡
So, at least he didn’t want to be a murderer. That was something, wasn’t it? The twilight deepened. Soon the comet would appear above the cliffs behind them. Tammy watched his face grow worried again. “What is it?”
He chewed his lip. “This does not mean I might not kill people in the future. If I start fires all the time…. You, you could be in danger too.”
Okay. If they were going to have any chance together she had to take care of this right now. “Everybody starts out being scared of their power. At least everybody I know.” Who knew what happened with Clan members? “But you get the hang of it.”
He squinted at her. “The…hang?”
“I mean you learn to live with the power, control it, use it,” she said, almost reaching out to touch him before she caught herself.
“What use is starting fires?” His shoulders sagged.
She cast about. “Well, it’s getting cold with the breeze off the ocean now that the sun has gone down. Why don’t you start us a fire?”
He looked at her incredulously.
She grinned and jumped up. “Come on. Let’s go gather some brush before it gets any darker.” She darted up from the sand toward the brushy hills. Hope this isn’t a mistake.
But the feel of him pounding up the sand behind her was like the pounding of her heart. It felt so right. Soon they were gathering small branches into bundles. Thomas broke off some larger branches from several scrub oaks. He really was strong. That sent a shiver down her spine. She also found some driftwood on the way back down to their blankets. After several trips, Thomas knelt to stack the brush into a teepee and lay the larger pieces carefully on the outside. Tammy plopped down on the blanket.
“Okay,” she said purposefully. “Now let’s get started.” He crouched beside her. God, those bunched thigh muscles….
She pulled her hair back behind her ears. This was where the rubber met the road. If he just blew up their little construction in a blast of flame it would scare both of them to death. She thought back to what her brothers and sisters had said about getting their powers, and how they learned to control them. Drew was still working on it. What if Thomas burned down the island, or the boat on the way back or something? But she had to at least appear confident.
“What do I do?” he asked.
“You, uh, relax, first of all.”
“I don’t feel relaxed.” He didn’t look it either. The furrowed brow, the tense shoulders, all screamed that he was knotted up inside and out.
“Well…uh, close your eyes and sit down cross-legged.” Maybe it was just like the yoga she used to do with Kee, or Drew’s meditation. He looked doubtful, but he did what she said. She closed her eyes too. Safer that way. “Now, think about breathing. Feel the air come into your lungs.” She slowed her voice down. “Feel it go out.” She breathed out. So did he. “Now, let go of the muscles in your shoulders. Feel the tension drain away like…like rivulets of water coursing down a rock into a stream, down your arms…out through your fingers. The water runs down your face like tears. Embrace them. Let all the muscles in your face go slack.” She felt like a wet noodle herself. “Have a thought. Doesn’t matter which one. Then let it go. It drifts away, replaced by another thought. But that one drifts away too.” She didn’t speak for a moment as her own thoughts drifted to her family. How she loved them. That was part of the problem, wasn’t it? But that was for later. She let the thought go. The comet would appear soon in the night sky, an ever-present threat of what was to come. It was beautiful, really, that comet. How strange that destruction could be so beautiful…. She let it go. “Now think about fire. A tiny fire, just a spark really, pulsing against the darkness and the cold. Open your eyes.” She opened hers too. “And put out your hand.” He extended his palm toward their laid fuel. “Feel that tiny spark inside?”
He nodded, wonder in his eyes.
“Now let that tiny spark flow out through your palm. Just like the tension drained from your shoulders that little spark will travel from your core like the rivulet of water finds the stream. Don’t strain, just let it go….”
He breathed and she breathed with him.
A spark appeared in the brushy center of their little pile and a tendril of smoke wound into the air above it.
They both gasped.
He jerked back his palm and held his hand against his chest as if it were a wounded bird. His eyes were round.
She grinned. “Yep. You’re a Firestarter. And you can control it. You don’t have to make fires when you don’t want to.”
“What if I get emotional? What if I….”
She could feel the tension ramping up in him. The fire burned up brighter, threatening. “Shushhhhh,” she so
othed. “Then you just let it go. Just be in the moment, even if it’s an emotional moment. The emotion is yours. Own it. It doesn’t have to start fires. It doesn’t have to be destructive, even if you feel fear or anger—not if you acknowledge it and let it be what it is.” God, but she was making this up. She was so out of her depth here. She saw him take a big breath then let it out. She felt the tension seep out of him.
“I am afraid of this thing.”
“That’s okay. I get afraid too.” He was accepting his fear. That was good. She chanced a glance to the fire. It settled into a cheerful crackle. “See?”
A tiny smile touched his lips. “You are a wise woman, Tammy Tremaine.”
She chuckled. “A wise woman cannot be named Tammy.”
“Why not?”
She shook her head. “Because Tammy is a diminutive. It’s for little girls.” And wasn’t that just the problem? The thing struck her like a blow. To her family she was Tammy, the youngest, the baby. Only she wasn’t a baby anymore.
“You could take another name,” Thomas said slowly.
Her brows drew together as she considered that. He was setting her free, really, free to be her own woman, a grown woman who made her own decisions. Someone who could be of…of value to herself and others, like she’d just been valuable to him. Not just someone to be cared for like a baby, but one who could take care of those she loved. Like her family and…. She glanced to Thomas. “Tammy isn’t my real name, of course. My real name is…Tamsen. Only Daddy and Mom call me that. And Kemble, just because he always imitates Daddy.” She sighed.
“You could make everyone call you Tamsen,” he said, his face now lit by the fire that spread its warmth over them both. He nodded thoughtfully. “But what would be the point? Tammy is a beautiful name. Magical.” His eyes were alight and his lips turned up, so slightly…. “Because you are magical. One imbues one’s name with who one is. It does not define one. You define it, Tammy. You own it, as you just said to me. It is you.” He turned her words back on her. “To me you will always be Tammy.”
Tammy was shocked and a little in awe of his thoughtfulness. She felt a little silly about thinking a name meant she was a baby. She determined if she was a baby or a strong and useful member of the family. Thomas had given her that too.
Tammy was code for who she was, and she defined that. She saw herself reflected in his eyes and knew that he loved what he saw. They shared a secret—that she wasn’t a baby any more. She was a woman. It was like Tammy had become a secret name, even though it was one she’d owned all her life. A kind of peace entered her. She took a breath and let it go. She let a lot of things go: resentment of her father for being injured, for instance. Of course it was never his fault. But she’d chosen to resent him. How had she never recognized how selfish that was? She’d resented her mother for losing her healing powers, her siblings for having magic when she didn’t, and being imprisoned in her family’s house. She resented that life was more complicated than it had been at fourteen. She’d resented always being the baby. But that had been her choice all along, hadn’t it? How convenient, to have everything taken care of for you.
Now she didn’t choose that any more.
She gave a little mewl of surprise as the fire, and Thomas, and the beach all vanished. Thomas gasped beside her.
Instead, she saw a dim world of gray-blue. A black silhouette of rock bulged up to her right. She must be turning her view from side to side, because the field of vision rotated left and caught movement. A hundred fluttering dark flags drifted by then flashed away.
A fish! She was seeing through the eyes of a fish, a big one, by the reaction of the school of tiny fish in front of her. She moved toward the fleeing school. Oh, my God! She had to get out of here or she was probably going to view this big fish’s evening meal. She tried to pull back, but the vision was stubborn.
Don’t panic. But she was panicking. Those little grunting sounds were hers.
“Tammy! What’s wrong? Your eyes are white.” She felt two strong hands on her shoulders and a shock of electric current that leaped down into her loins. “Ohhhhhh,” he cried. Was that because he felt it too? But the hands didn’t leave her shoulders. She wanted to tell him she was in the grip of her own power, but she couldn’t seem to form any words. In her vision, she slid through the school of shadowy fish, and on over a sandy bottom—just a lighter smear below her, really—dotted with outcroppings of rock covered with waving fronds. She couldn’t really make them out, but the movement was very clear to her.
She felt Thomas gather her in next to his body.
“Is this what you see?” he breathed into her ear.
She tried to tell him she was trapped, but all she could do was make some distressed grunting sounds and jerk ineffectually against him.
“Easy, easy,” he said in a soothing voice.
He was right. Isn’t that what she’d just been telling him? Relax and you can control it. And it had worked for him, miracle of miracles. She made herself go limp and thought about breathing, all the while the dark world of the ocean at night moved by her. She had to let go, counter-intuitive though that was, in order to have the vision let go of her. Wasn’t that what she had done when she saw through Lance’s eyes, Cally’s? She just thought about wanting out.
She half-expected it to blink out. Instead it slowly faded, and was replaced by the crackling fire against a background of black waves laced with white foam as they broke against the beach. She looked up at Thomas. “You…you saw it too?”
He nodded, raising his brows in amazement. “When I touched you.” He blinked several times. “We were seeing the ocean through the eyes of a fish, weren’t we?”
“Yes. A big one. Maybe a shark, or a sea bass. I’m not sure.” She felt a little shaky, like her world had just been jerked out from under her. “I…I couldn’t get out.”
He held her against his side, and leaned his cheek on her hair. She felt like her insides were melting. And tingling with sexual need. “But you did get out. I felt you relax and the vision disappeared. Your eyes went from white back to the color of a shallow bay in the afternoon.”
“My eyes were white?” God, but that sounded like a bad horror movie.
“Opaque, like ivory. I think it is a sign that your power is working.” There was a moment of silence as she enjoyed the feeling of his hard body next to hers. “This is a very good power,” Thomas said after a moment. “You could know many things.”
She pulled back, sorry instantly on some cellular level for the loss of contact. “Like a spy? I don’t want to be a spy. That’s so…well, morally questionable.”
He looked at her in surprise. “But spying isn’t all court intrigues like the Borgias. Spies have also been great heroes, saving lives and making their country strong. I think of Sir Francis Walshingham. Why he….” He seemed to catch himself and pulled her back in against his body. That just felt so right. And so dangerous. She was a quivering mass of Jello inside. “Just know I think you would do good things with knowledge you gained from animals,” he continued. “You are a kind and good person, Tammy. You would be a hero-spy if you could choose which animal you could share vision with.”
“I can choose,” she said grudgingly. “Well, sometimes. I chose to see through the eyes of my dog and my horse. It’s just that tonight…it engulfed me.” The feel of his body was driving her crazy. That’s when she noticed that the fire was burning up brighter.
“Uh, Thomas….” She pointed to the fire and scooted out of his embrace. Not what she wanted but they had to be sensible. Neither of them had very good control of their powers yet. He looked sad but he let her go. The fire settled back to friendly instead of an incipient firestorm.
“This is going to be difficult,” he muttered, frowning. “I want to touch you, but without burning you.” He turned his head. In the light of the fire she could see how blue his eyes were. “Would you allow that? If I didn’t start a fire?”
She swallowed. Was she just go
ing to give into this thing? Would she lose herself if she did? Was there any hope to avoid being tied by destiny to this unlikely member of the Clan? Did she want to avoid it? She was a woman now. She must make her own decision. In her heart of hearts she knew there was no avoiding her connection with this man. Her siblings hadn’t been able to avoid their destinies. And if they tried, it nearly shredded their souls. But she didn’t want to avoid the connection. Remember what Greta said. Love is rare, and when you find it, no matter how difficult, you have to go after it.
God help her. She nodded.
His rare smile lit up his face. “Then I will learn to control it. We will go to Morgan. She will know how this thing is done. We can start in the morning.”
“Wait a minute, bud. I’m not going anywhere near the Clan. If we need some advice, I’ll swallow my pride and we’ll go to my family.”
“The Tremaines?” He looked aghast.
That actually might not work out well either. It wasn’t because her family was evil, as he thought they were. They were well-intentioned and that was just the problem. Overprotective, in spades. And if they knew he was Clan…. She’d just have to put her foot down and not let Tris or Kemble badger him. Daddy would help. He’d understand. And if her mother was playing matchmaker, Tammy would just tell her to lay off. “They aren’t so bad,” she countered.
“Neither is Morgan,” he said stubbornly.
She took a frustrated breath. “Mexican standoff.”
“What?”
She rolled her eyes. “We are at an impasse. You’ll never believe my family is not evil, and I’ll never believe the same about Morgan.”
“Does this mean we won’t learn to control our powers so we can hold each other?” The pain in his voice was palpable.
She shook her head. “We just have to practice without their help.” Actually, a thought occurred. Maybe she could kill two birds with one stone. Dangerous though. “I could practice seeing through the eyes of animals. You could touch me. Just a little bit. That way you can see with me. I…I think you would be a steadying influence.” That might be a lie. She wasn’t sure. “Then later I can help you test your ability to control the fire.”
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