Because you’re so beautiful…
“Well, thank you, but...don’t believe everything you read,” I told him. “Is that why you called me a filthy American who spreads her legs for a meal?”
He looked regretful. “Uh, I apolo-”
“You already apologized for that; there is no need for more.” And I kind of deserved it. “Maybe most Americans do or do not lose their virginity as teenagers, but I take the rules and laws of my religion seriously. I’m Catholic, I believe that sex should be only after marriage, that your body is sacred and you should never share it with anyone but your spouse. Lots of Americans think the same, not just Catholics.”
“I really didn’t know that.” Embarrassment shone in his eyes.
I smiled. “Someone told me before not to judge without knowledge.”
The prince grinned. “Sounds like a very wise man.”
“Yeah, but I’ve just started to think he’s arrogant, as well,” I giggled.
The prince let out a small chuckle. “He’s not, I promise, just a terrible liar,”
I giggled again.
“That’s a very nice sound,” he said, his eyes watching me and his hand squeezing mine. “You should do it more often.”
My blush deepened and I bit down on my bottom lip. “Yeah,” was all I managed to say.
We lapsed into a comfortable silence for a few moments before the prince sighed and spoke again. “I wish my sister had believed in everything you just said; lots of things would’ve been different if she had.”
Tingle. In my chest. I didn’t know where it came from or why. Didn’t know if it was a sad or happy one. I just felt it. My chest...it tingled.
“We all make mistakes, we are not angels, nobody is,” I defended the girl I didn’t even know.
“I do know that, but without rules and laws–the world would be nothing but a huge ball of chaos, don’t you think, Princess?”
“I agree, but nothing ever justifies killing another human being just because of a moment of weakness,” I told him.
“That doesn’t work in every case.” He pressed his lips into a tight line as he shook his head.
I frowned.
“If that worked, then there should never be a law that allows people to put others in an electric chair and kill them just because in a moment of weakness–like you put it–they killed another.”
“It’s not the same thing,” I said.
“Maybe not the same thing, but it’s a law. Laws are what keep us in line.”
“Yeah, well, some laws are just stupid,” I said in frustration.
The prince shook his head. “Some laws are unfair, but that’s only in the eyes of people who break them. Sometimes, no matter what you do and no matter how great the power you have in your hands, you could never change them, so you just do your best to avoid breaking them, because that’s all you can do.”
It took me a moment to take his words in, and when I understood it–as much as I could–I nodded. They were their laws, stupid or not, fair or not–they were laws. They couldn’t just break, deny or change them.
It was such a sad thing. It made me want to thank God even more, for he had created me away from this world. Because the cruelty in this one made me thankful for mine.
My right hand was about to go to my chest, to hold my cross, only to remember that I didn’t need to–it was already in my hand.
A tear escaped my eyes at the memory of how I’d lost what I just lost, and the prince noticed it immediately.
“Hey,” the prince whispered. “No more tears, please.” He wiped the tear with his thumb again. “I’m so sor-”
“I’m not crying because of what happened,” I interrupted him before he could apologize for his mother’s actions again. “Not that, anyway.”
“What’s wrong, then?”
I held my right hand up in front of him so he could see what I had in it. “I broke it.” I let out a soft sob.
“Oh,” was all the prince said. He took the cross from my hand and held it in his, examining it. “How did you do that?”
“When the queen was here and she–…I gripped it hard, and it broke,” I sniffled.
The prince said something under his breath that might’ve sounded like a curse. “I’m sorry, Princess.”
I nodded. “Me, too. I was just so scared.”
“God!” he said loudly. “I know she can be scary, but you shouldn’t have been scared.”
I looked at him in wonder.
“I told you,” his voice was just above a whisper. “I told you that as long as I breathe, no one can ever touch a hair on your head, Princess. Please, trust this. I really do never break my promise.” Honesty filled his voice and his eyes begged me to believe him, while my heart and mind reminded me that I should’ve remembered that before. I would’ve saved myself from so much worry and fear.
I managed to smile as I squeezed his hand in gratefulness for the soothing words and gentle touches, nodding my head in response.
He smiled back, then let go of my hand. The feeling of loss that its absence caused hit me hard in my chest, and I had no explanation for it. The next thing I knew, the prince was tying my necklace with the cross charm in it around my left wrist, securing it while making sure it wasn’t too tight around my wrist.
“It’s now right above the main vein that is the nearest one to your heart – where God is.” he smiled.
I stared at my wrist in amazement, my eyes wide and mouth agape. “Oh, my God!” I gushed. “This is…this is perfect, thank you so much.”
The prince grinned widely and nodded his head. “My pleasure, Princess.”
I wanted to hug him tightly; this small gesture meant so much more to me than I could explain. But before I could do so, he got up then offered me his hand. “Shall we eat now?”
I nodded with a grin, taking his hand and standing up, food no longer sounding like a very bad idea.
Just as we were about to make it to the round table, there was a knock at the door and Mona entered after she got permission from the prince. Her eyes held a delight and joy I’d never seen in them before, the smile of happiness almost breaking her face.
“It’s Salma,” she almost squealed the words.
“Salma?” The prince’s eyes widened as he gasped the name in a question.
Mona nodded frantically, the grin never leaving her lips.
In one second, the prince’s hand left mine and he ran out of the main bedroom door as if his legs were on fire, Mona following right behind him.
What on earth just happened?
Did he just leave the room?
Who the heck is Salma?
There was something wrong–terribly wrong–in my head, in my heart.
The thoughts that were in my mind, the feelings inside of me–I had no explanation for them. None at all.
Once the prince had left the room, I felt as if someone had taken something away from me, something big, almost as if it was something I couldn’t live without. Almost.
It was insane. It was not reasonable at all. I couldn’t have those thoughts. I shouldn’t feel those feelings. It wasn’t right.
I swayed myself lazily on the swing that was in the sunroom. It was a bit chilly, but the battling thoughts and the battling feelings inside of me kept me warm. I watched the beautiful stars in the dark sky, shining like small diamonds around the full moon that looked like a giant white pearl. The sight was like everything else in the kingdom: magnificent. But the beauty of it was as pitch black as the sky I was staring at. Beautiful but scary. Beautiful but dark. All dark. The shining, small diamonds were like those who could be nice and kind, even though they were part of it, but…they were lost in a sea of darkness, anyway. And the darkness would always be their roots, their home. And I wasn’t going to let their beauty or niceness fool me.
The prince was as beautiful as anyone could imagine and more. He had the most handsome face I’d ever seen, the most attractive looks, he was nice to me, he prom
ised me safety and protection, but…the name Salma was mentioned and, BANG–he was gone. No explanations. No excuses. Just that. Gone.
The name wouldn’t leave my head. Salma. The way the prince gasped it, like…like he was dead and someone had brought his soul back to him. Like he wasn’t breathing and someone had just given him air. It was sickening. The way he ran out of the room at the mention of her name looked sickening to my eyes. And I was mad. At him, and at myself.
I was mad at him for leaving me like that, without taking a minute to tell me where he was going or for what; it was disrespectful and…rude. He wasn’t supposed to leave the room, so why would he now? And without even bothering to explain? Yeah, I was beyond mad at him.
I was mad at myself for being mad at him, because I shouldn’t be. It wasn’t right. I shouldn’t be mad. Being mad meant that I cared, which I didn’t. I didn’t care for him. I was sure… Yes, I was sure. It was just crazy. Why would I care about him? He was a stranger; I barely knew him. Maybe he was my husband, but I had no idea what he was like. If it wasn’t for the fact that his family was royal and ruled this kingdom, I wouldn’t even know what his last name was.
Shining, small diamond, though pretty and nice, left the room once Salma was mentioned. Because the darkness of its home was what was inside of it. Shining little stars were nothing but balls of boiling fire. You could not be near one and you should not touch. You’ll get burnt. Smart people knew better. Smart people knew the truth of things from the inside, no matter how good it looked from the outside. And I wasn’t a fool.
Salma.
Who was Salma?
I had no idea. I only knew that it was a girl’s name. Who she was, or what the relationship was between the prince and her was a big mystery to me. My heart–for some reason–wanted to plant the idea in my head that she was his sister. But I knew he only had one brother and one sister, and that was it. Salma couldn’t be his sister. My mind kept wondering if she was that cousin he was supposed to marry before I was forced on him by our circumstances. But Salma wasn’t her name; it was Tala or Tina or whatever, something like that. I was sure it wasn’t Salma.
Who the heck is Salma?
I huffed and squeezed my eyes shut, rubbing my forehead with my left hand as I laid my aching head on the back of the swing. The thoughts and the questions were making my head pound and throb. It was really maddening. The only comfort I found came from my silver cross that was touching my cheek softly as it dangled from my wrist, reminding me that God was with me and that I should shrug the bad feelings away.
Salma.
Who are you? Relative? Friend? Cousin? …Lover?
I sighed in annoyance and got up, pacing the sunroom back and forth while playing with my wedding rings one way and cracking my knuckles one at a time in frustration the other.
My eyes caught something hidden among the decorations on the back wall that looked like a knob–the kind of secret knob that surrounded the walls of the bedroom–and I knew then that this was the hidden door in the sunroom. It wasn’t curiosity that made me go over there and put my hand on it, ready to turn it. It was pure boredom, and the fact that I wanted to do anything to pull me out of my thoughts and distract me from thinking of why I was feeling those stupid feelings.
I was right in my guess. When I turned the knob, a door opened and I pushed a little, testing my surroundings and taking a look left and right to see where it led.
I was surprised to find it to be a big kitchen with stainless steel sparkling everywhere. The marble on the table and counter was colored black, making a beautiful harmony with the silver cabinets, such that you couldn’t tell which was reflecting its colors on the other.
Just as I took a step inside, Mona came out of nowhere, looking sort of panicked as she saw me and making me feel worried myself, thinking it was very wrong of me to leave the sunroom or the bedroom or whatever the heck their rules were. But then, I thought that I shouldn’t be worried: the prince had already left the room. I might as well, even if it wasn’t an emergency for me, because I bet it wasn’t an emergency for him, either.
“Princess Marie, my apologies,” Mona said quickly, causing me to frown. “I didn’t hear you calling. I’m very sorry. Did you need something?”
My frown relaxed, and I attempted to smile at her. I failed. So I settled for reassuring her that she hadn’t done anything to apologize for. “I didn’t call you.”
“Oh.”
“I was just…you know, looking around,” I shrugged.
“Oh,” she said again. “Can I get you something? Is there anything I can do for you?”
“Um…no, I’m fine,” I told her. “I’ll just go back to the room.” There was nothing interesting there to see. Well, there was, but I wasn’t in the mood.
“As you wish, Princess,” I heard Mona saying after me. I headed back to the bedroom using the sunroom doors since it was the only way I knew. I wanted to see the whole place, but I was in no mood for that at all.
I paced the bedroom back and forth just like I had in the sunroom, abusing the heck out of my fingers as I fisted my hands together, gripping tightly and causing my frustration to get even wilder.
On the bed, I found myself once again wishing for nothing except for Janna to do what she had promised she would–fast, so I could stop this craziness inside of my mind and my heart. It was getting really ridiculous and it needed to stop. As soon as possible.
I wanted to get some sleep, hoping that with sleep the stupid night would just pass and I’d find a new day that might bring me freedom along with it.
A new day might bring me the prince, as well…I shrugged the thought away. It was meaningless, just like any other thought I had ever had about him being good.
I was taking off the heeled sandals which matched my dress as I sat on the edge of the bed when there was a knock at the door. I ignored the tingle in my heart and the disappointment I felt when Mona asked for permission to come inside, and not the other person I’d expected–or better yet, stupidly hoped that it would be him by the door.
She smiled at me before going to the tray, intending to take it back, but stopped when she found that all of the food was untouched.
“Uh, you still haven’t eaten anything, Princess.”
“Yeah, I’ve noticed.” I rolled my eyes, not bothering to look at her as I focused on the task in my hands.
Mona came to stand in front of me then kneeled. “Are you waiting for Prince Mazen to come back so you can eat together?”
Yeah, right!
I didn’t reply. Her hands came toward the ankle strap I was fumbling with. “Please, let me,” she said.
“I can take my shoes off myself.” I shrugged her hands away with mine.
“As you wish, Princess,” she said after a pause, getting up, but not leaving; it was driving me mad. Everything was driving me mad.
“Um, it’s been less than an hour since Prince Mazen left. He might stay out longer than that; he always forgets time when he’s with Salma.”
I looked up at her, anger filling my gaze even more when I saw a hint of a smile on her lips, a smile that disappeared the second she saw the look in my eyes.
“Uh, I mean…I mean, you should eat something now an-”
“Take the freaking food, and get the heck out of here!” I said through clenched teeth, screaming the last words with all of my might.
Mona flinched back at my tone and panic appeared yet again in her eyes, along with the sparkling of tears that were about to fall. She then nodded and walked away with fast steps, taking the tray, then leaving the room and closing the door behind her.
I emptied my lungs in a strong loud huff, throwing my sandals across the room one by one when I was finally able to take them off.
Less than an hour? Why does it feel like ten hours since he left?
He always forgets time when he’s with Salma? Why the heck would she tell me that? Just why? I didn’t want to know. I. Didn’t. She just assured me that she was-…
“UGH!” I gripped my hair and clenched my teeth some more. I was truly going insane.
The stupid dress I was wearing was impossible to sleep in, so I took it off–maybe also ripped it a little. When it was thrown to the floor, I found myself in the nightgown that was attached to the dress from the inside. It covered less of my body than I wanted it to cover, but I really didn’t care. I just wanted to sleep and have this stupid night end already.
The complete silence was something I’d noticed since the minute the sound of the wedding ceremonies stopped. Right after that moment, I’d heard absolutely nothing coming from outside of the bedroom, or even the whole wing. I would’ve appreciated that now that I wanted to sleep, but every time I lay on my side, I’d hear my heartbeat pounding really hard and strong in my ears. I’d sleep on my other side and have the whole thing playing in my ears again. On my back, it wasn’t really any better. My head was pounding, anyway.
I spent what felt like too long tossing and turning in bed, gripping my hair in frustration sometimes when I wasn’t rubbing my stinging eyes or my forehead. It was really, really annoying.
Eventually, I guess sleep found me, but it still left me too soon, because when I tried closing my eyes again, I couldn’t go back to sleep, even though it was still dark outside, as I was able to see out of the window opposite me.
I sighed and looked around wherever my eyes could reach from my spot on the pillow, not really focusing on anything in particular. Moments later, my eyes caught something on the nightstand beside the bed. I sat up to look at it and see what it was, frowning when I noticed that it was a jewelry box similar to the countless ones I had received over the past few days–and getting confused because it was a new one I hadn’t seen before.
I looked around the room, my frown and confusion transforming into anger and rage when I saw the prince sitting in one of the armchairs across the room, sleeping peacefully as if there was nothing going on at all.
I got out of bed and went to where he was sleeping. Though I didn’t want to do anything but yell at him for being so rude and disrespectful to me, I couldn’t do it for some reason. Maybe I was so mad that I couldn’t even talk, maybe I didn’t know where to start with my yelling, maybe I…didn’t want to disturb him. I just couldn’t. And it drove me even madder. Of course.
[Colorblind 01.0] Black Keys Page 15