by Sarah Bailey
He sat down next to me and nudged my shoulder with his. He’d likely gone home first and found I wasn’t there then came here to our spot.
“Don’t you know I’d do anything for my little sister?”
Jonah would as well. He’d always been there for me, particularly after Dad had died.
My brother and I had opposite personalities. Whilst I was loud and out there, Jonah was quieter and more introspective. He always knew the right thing to say. We looked alike except he had blonde hair as opposed to my coppery red. The same jawline, nose and green eyes. Something we’d inherited from our dad.
“Are you sure that’s the only reason?”
“Yes, don’t bring that shit up today. It’s not why I’m here.”
I leant my head on his shoulder and sighed. Jonah had a good reason for wanting to get away from London other than because Mum and Grandma drove him crazy. And I knew how much it hurt him so I shouldn’t have even insinuated it was the reason he was here other than to see me.
“What’s wrong, Mer?”
“Everything.”
“I see you’ve not grown any less dramatic in the past couple of months.”
“Shut up.”
He reached over and took my hand, stroking his thumb down the back of it. The soothing motion calmed me. My brother was the only person in the world who understood everything I’d been through. We were super close but him going away to uni had made things that much harder on me.
“I miss you,” I whispered.
Jonah kissed my forehead.
“I’m right here.”
“Right now, maybe, but on a normal day, you’re hundreds of miles away, J. I feel like I’m drowning and I can’t come up for air.”
“Then why don’t you call more often?”
I didn’t want to bother him with my petty bullshit. Like how a boy was messing with my head. It didn’t seem worth Jonah’s time even though I’d been there for him when he was going through his own bullshit with boys. I say boys… it was really just one boy.
“You don’t need me to unload my shit on you.”
“That’s what I’m here for.”
“Yes, but you can’t help me with this.”
No one could. Not when I had a sixteen-year-old pursuing me. Even that sounded ridiculous to my ears.
“Meredith.”
“It’s embarrassing, J.”
“Meredith.”
“Okay, fine… it’s a boy.”
My brother squeezed my hand. He knew all about the Owen incident and how much it screwed with my head. When it came to boys, he got why I freaked out over anything to do with them.
“Do I know this boy?”
“Yes.”
“You’re not going to tell me who it is.”
“Nope.”
If I could see him, I knew Jonah would be rolling his eyes right then.
“Okay, and what exactly is going on between you and this boy?”
I was going to have to tell him why I couldn’t get involved with Cole or he would tell me to stop being an idiot and let it happen.
“Well, nothing since he’s sixteen.”
I raised my head off my brother’s shoulder to look at him. His brow furrowed and his eyes grew concerned.
“Sixteen? Meredith, who is it?”
I shook my head. There was a multitude of reasons why I couldn’t tell him. Bringing that family up to Jonah would only cause problems.
“I can’t, J. All you need to know is, he’s no good for me, I can’t date a sixteen-year-old.”
Jonah’s mouth split into a grin.
“You like him.”
“I do not.”
He pointed at me with his free hand.
“You so do. Your ears are going red. Did you forget I know all your tells?”
“I don’t even know him, how can I like someone I barely know?”
Jonah scoffed.
“Easy, it’s called attraction and chemistry, Mer, you might have heard of it.”
I shoved his arm.
“Be serious.”
“I am and there’s nothing wrong with you dating someone younger than you, at least he’s legal.”
I gave him a sympathetic look. Jonah had a shit time of it a couple of years ago in his last year of school.
“There is when it’s…” I faltered.
“It’s who?” Jonah frowned and then his eyes went wide. “Oh for fuck’s sake, Meredith, you are not serious.”
I hung my head and nodded.
“Look, I realise I can’t stop you being friends with him, but really, his little brother? What the fuck?”
I turned my head away and stared out over the park.
“I didn’t ask for this, J. Cole told me today in the library he likes me and he knows about the whole virginity thing because Celia told him. I’ve never had anyone say they like me or call me beautiful before. I told him I wasn’t interested, but that’s not true and he knows it.”
It’s not like I’d done anything wrong. It was Cole who was coming after me not the other way around.
“You do not need any trouble in your life and this will only end in tears. I guarantee it.”
“I knew I shouldn’t have told you. This is why I wanted to talk to you on the phone.”
Jonah had a way of getting everything out of me. If I’d spoken to him over the phone, I wouldn’t have breathed a word about this shit. I would’ve only told him about how much Mum and Grandma were arguing and he’d have sympathised. But no, he had to come all the way here and force me into a confession I didn’t want to give.
“Promise me you won’t go there. I don’t care if he likes you. I take back what I said earlier. You cannot date a sixteen-year-old, especially not him.”
I’d known that but hearing my brother say it made it feel ten times worse.
“Okay, I promise.”
You know promising your brother something like that is only going to get you in trouble.
I told my brain where to go. Jonah was only trying to keep me safe even if he was slightly irrational about this subject. It was for good reason.
Are you really going to let your brother’s fears ruin your chance of a relationship with someone who might actually genuinely like and care about you?
Apparently, I was.
“Good… now, how about I take you to dinner as a treat? Then we don’t have to go home.”
I nodded, knowing the subject of Cole Carter and him liking me was at an end. Spilling the beans to my brother hadn’t made me feel any better. It only made me all the more conflicted and confused.
“Sure.”
I found my heart wasn’t really in spending time with my brother any longer. I loved Jonah to bits but him projecting his own issues on me didn’t sit well. And now I’d fucked myself over by making a promise to him I knew for a fact I was going to break.
I think I might actually be attracted to Cole. I want the chance to explore it.
Admitting it to myself just made my heart ache like a bitch.
Fuck.
Chapter Nine
It took a week for her to come looking for me. An entire week of me wondering if I’d pushed her too hard, or if she really wasn’t interested in me. I was beginning to think I’d have to go to her myself. Giving her time hadn’t been me throwing in the towel. It was to see if she’d come to me or if I had to give her more incentive.
I sat on the benches outside with some older kids who were, admittedly, troublemakers. Half of them vaped, all of them drank and I won’t even go there with the drug use. I didn’t do any of that and yet they saw me as one of their own. Probably because of the number of times I’d caused problems for other kids at school.
My attention was on my phone and not on my surroundings or listening to the chatter. It’s only when everyone fell silent I looked up. Standing there with her strawberry blonde hair braided down one side of her head and her gre
en eyes cautious was Meredith.
“Can we help you?” Davey, who was sitting to my left, asked, his eyes narrowing on the girl in front of us.
“You can’t,” Meredith retorted.
I stifled a smile. The girl didn’t take any prisoners. She’d certainly put Davey in his place if he started on her. It’s me she failed to do so with. I didn’t back down. Pushing her buttons gave me some kind of sick thrill.
Meredith’s eyes fell on me and her expression grew darker.
“Can I talk to you?”
I rose from my seat on the benches slowly, watching her crane her head up to keep eye contact. I could tell the guys were staring at me like ‘why the fuck does Meredith Pope want to talk to you’, but I didn’t have to answer to them.
“Do you want to go somewhere more… private?”
“Yes.”
I indicated across the playground towards where the sixth form block was.
“Let’s go then.”
Feeling the stares at my back, I set off with Meredith next to me. She held her head up although her eyes darted around as if checking if anyone was looking at us. I could’ve told her no one would care, but I doubted she’d listen. She steered me away from the main part of the sixth form building and instead, making a beeline for a quieter area near the trees. When we were out of sight, she turned to me, her face void of any emotion. It made me wonder what she wanted. She fidgeted for a long moment as if trying to gather her thoughts.
“You wanted to talk to me?” I said when she didn’t volunteer anything.
“Yes.”
“About what?”
Her gaze flicked away from me, fixating on the tree behind me.
“I need to know if you meant it.”
“Meant what?”
I had a feeling I knew what she was getting at. Didn’t mean I would let her get away with not spelling it out for me.
“About wanting me.”
“Meredith.”
“Yes?”
“Look at me.”
This shy and timid girl in front of me was not what I’d expected. In fact, this entire situation was not how I expected any of this to go down. Where was the passionate girl who spit fire at me and everyone else she came into contact with?
She met my eyes and I could see vulnerability in those green depths. Something about it made my heart thump. I took a step forward, reaching out and placing a finger under her chin before I tipped her face up.
“I was entirely serious then and I still am now.”
She rubbed her arm with her hand.
“And this isn’t just about getting me into bed or anything like that?”
“No.”
It never had been. I wouldn’t deny I wanted to be between her legs. Hell, the thought of it made me fucking hard. But I’d never pursue a girl for that reason alone. No, my need for Meredith ran so much deeper than that. I wanted in her head. To understand her. And I wanted to make her submit to me.
“So you actually… like me?”
“I thought I made that clear.”
“No, you said you wanted me. That’s not the same thing.”
I cocked my head to the side, trying to understand the motivations of this girl in front of me. Understand why she needed me to state the obvious.
“I like you, Meredith.”
She let out a breath. Her hand clutched her arm as if she wanted to reach for me but held herself back.
“You know my secret… I’ve never been with anyone before.”
“That changes nothing for me.”
Her eyes searched my face.
“No, I suppose it wouldn’t. Better for you if I have nothing to compare it to.”
I almost laughed. As much as I relished the thought of being her first, ultimately, I didn’t give a shit either way. I’d have made sure the only person in her mind and her body was me. I’d have erased the memory of anyone else. This way, I didn’t have to go through that bullshit. I could make her mine and that would be fucking that.
“Are you saying you want me to…?”
Her eyes widened.
“What? No! Jesus, I’m not going to let you have sex with me, Cole.”
I smiled, knowing she hadn’t meant to insinuate she would in the first place.
“Why are you here asking me if I like you then?”
“I needed to know.”
“Why?”
Her eyes flashed. Those damning eyes I couldn’t get enough of.
My little queen. So beautiful. So strong-willed.
“I just do, okay?”
“Now who’s not giving straight answers?”
Meredith’s eyes scanned the area before she let out a huff.
“I should not be doing this.”
“Doing what exactly?”
She waved a hand between us.
“Standing here talking to you like this.”
“I didn’t realise talking to me was such a crime.”
The way her face contorted with irritation amused me.
“Why did I even think this would be a good idea? You’re obviously not going to take me seriously and if that’s the case, this is so not worth the fucking fallout it will inevitably bring down on me.”
I reached out, snagged her arm and pulled her closer. She blinked and tried to back away. My voice pitched low and my grip on her tightened, “You haven’t even told me what this is about, Meredith. So don’t you start flying off the handle with me.”
She glared at me, but it didn’t stop me holding onto her to make sure she didn’t run away. This girl was going to tell me why she brought me over here in the first place whether or not she liked it.
“I came to tell you I’d let you prove to me why I should give you a chance but now, I’m not sure you deserve it.”
Oh no, you are not getting away with that shit, Meredith.
“No, I do deserve one and I will show you why.”
I backed her up against the tree behind her. My hand curled around her braid and held fast, tugging her head to the side. Leaning down as I pinned her in place, my lips met her earlobe.
“You don’t allow boys near you, let alone to touch you in any way shape or form but here I am, right up against you and you’re not pushing me away. You want this but you’re too fucking chicken shit to admit it.”
Her hands came up and clutched my arms.
“Stop. Fucking. Lying. To. Me.”
A pant escaped her lips, the sound fucking tormenting me.
“I want you to look me in the eyes and tell me you don’t feel this. That you don’t want me to touch you, taste you and tease you until you’re a panting, writhing mess beneath me. Because that’s where you fucking belong. Under me.”
The more I ran my mouth, the more I could feel her arching closer as if she wanted it all.
“I’m not a nice boy, Meredith. I think dark, deviant and downright depraved things about you but I will treat you right. The way you need.”
“You make it sound like all you want to do is fuck me.”
Grazing my teeth along the shell of her ear, I pressed closer, feeling her soft, small body mould to my larger one.
“I want inside your head. This isn’t some kind of joke or game to me. I want everything about you. I crave it. Let me have you. Let me show you why you need me too.”
Another pant left her lips. Those beautiful lips.
“I’ll take care of you. If you were mine, you’d be my queen and I’d treat you so fucking well.”
The harsh sounds of our breathing filled the silence descending on us as I finished my last words. Meredith’s nails dug into my forearms. I didn’t tell her to stop. No, I fucking liked it. The sharp points of pain made me ache for her.
“You’re actually crazy,” she whispered.
“Perhaps.”
I pulled back to stare down at her flushed face. Even the tips of her ears were red and it spread across her
chest, dipping below her t-shirt. I couldn’t help smiling. This wasn’t anger. I recognised that in her all too well. No, Meredith found this arousing. The glazed-over look in her eyes painted the picture for me.
“Tell me you don’t want me and I’ll leave you alone.”
“I…”
“You can’t do it.”
Her tongue snaked out, running across her lip.
“You can’t tell anyone. Not a single soul, Cole. No one can know. If you promise me that, then I’ll give you a chance. One chance so don’t waste it.”
I was about to open my mouth when she cut me off.
“And just so we’re clear, this is not an invitation into my bed or even to kiss me. You want those things? You earn them.”
My eyebrow raised. If that’s how she wanted to play this, then fine, I’d earn the right to kiss her.
“If you expect me to promise not to tell anyone, I want something in return.”
“What?”
My lip curved up at the side.
“Firstly, you are going to tell me why this can’t be out in the open. Secondly, no more fucking lying to me. And lastly, this means I have the right to call you mine.”
Meredith’s eyes narrowed.
“I don’t recall signing up for possessive arsehole bullshit.”
“Not possessive, just making sure you know who you belong with.”
“You’re lucky you said belong with and not belong to. I’m not a possession.”
I let go of her braid and stroked a finger down her cheek.
“Trust me, I’m aware.”
My little queen, I’ll only make you kneel and beg when you’re ready to submit to me. And I’m going to make you beg so fucking hard.
She chewed on her bottom lip for a long moment.
“I don’t like people knowing my private life nor do I want gossip or rumours. So this thing… it’s between you and me only.”
I was relatively sure that wasn’t the whole truth, but something about Meredith’s expression told me not to push her too hard. That she was even giving me a chance without putting up a huge fight was a fucking miracle.
“This thing is called a relationship, Meredith.”
“It remains to be seen whether or not this will be a relationship.”
Her fucking smart mouth. I wanted to teach her a lesson, but that wouldn’t serve my purposes right now.