Calling Out For You

by Karin Fossum

  "We were six pallbearers and at first I was a little nervous. What if there wasn't going to be enough of us? But Karsten helped out, believe it or not, and Kalle and me and Bjørnsson from work. And two police officers. The last thing we did for Poona was to sing. Did you know that Kalle has a lovely voice?

  "I didn't ask anyone back to the house. Thought Karsten might invite himself, but he left as quickly as he could. Oh, well. It's not easy for him. He's so scared of everything. I'm not afraid of anything any more. Not of God or the Devil or death. That's nice in a way. I will take each day as it comes.

  "I'm back at work. That's why I'm so late. Young Bjørnsson is actually quite a nice chap. It was good to see them all again. At first they were a little awkward with me, didn't know quite what to say. But then they relaxed. I think they really respect me now. Everything that has happened has made them look at me in a new light. Svarstad even dropped by, probably sheer curiosity. But it was nice all the same. He's ever so pleased with the Quadrant. He's the only farmer in the district to have one.

  "Today I bought a chicken. I've never been a very adventurous cook, but I went to an ethnic shop and asked for spices for the chicken. It didn't turn out red like Poona's chicken, but all the same it reminded me a little of the food in Tandel's Tandoori. Did you know that they colour their food? Here we think ourselves above that.

  "It's extraordinary that you can survive on those few drops seeping into your veins. It looks like skimmed milk, but the doctor says it's sugar, fat and protein. Karsten is coming to visit you tomorrow. I know he's dreading it. But then I have no idea what he does when he sits here alone. Perhaps he talks the hind legs off a donkey? Though I doubt that. I have a strong suspicion that when you wake up they'll call me, even though he's your husband.

  "I sleep quite well at night. There is a sadness in me, it feels as if I've gained some weight, but in fact I have lost a couple of kilos. But then I pull myself together and try to remember that after winter comes a new spring. Then I'll work miracles on Poona's grave. They don't give you much space, but God knows I'll make the most of it. I'm taking good care of her few belongings. The clothes in the suitcase, the little banana-shaped bag and the jewellery. The brooch she wore in the coffin and the same outfit as when we got married. It was like glacier lake water, deep turquoise. I remember her face. It's destroyed now, I know, because he smashed it with a stone. Or something like that, they aren't sure. But it doesn't upset me, I never saw it so I can't believe it either. I suppose that's a good thing, Marie. That people can believe what they want?"

  Sejer read Skarre's report from the latest interviews. Anders Kolding had been tracked down in his sister's flat in Gothenburg, slightly drunk but still able to explain himself. He said he needed a break. He hadn't run away from anything. No, I couldn't have turned left, but it's true that I turned the light off. Didn't want to be flagged down and risk getting a fare in the wrong direction. I drove straight back to town, for Christ's sake! Ulla Mark admitted that she had several times broken off her relationship with Gøran. She had always gone back to him, but she stated that this time it was final. Yes, he did sometimes keep dumbbells and other gym equipment in the car. If Adonis was packed then he didn't want to have to wait for the different machines. Lillian Sunde went on denying that she had had any dealings with the accused, yes, she knew the rumours, but that was the sort of place Elvestad was, a rumour mill. Someone had probably spotted them when they danced that time at the disco in town. Linda Carling repeated more or less word for word her earlier statement. A blond man in a white shirt running after a woman in dark clothes. "A red car stood parked in the roadside. It could have been a Golf." Karen Krantz, Linda's friend, was certain that they could rely on Linda's statement. She was terrified of getting it wrong, she said. So what she's telling you is what she saw. Ole Gunwald was quite sure that he had twice heard the sound of a car starting up. Fifteen minutes apart. Why twice? Sejer wondered.

  Day after day, hour after hour Gøran was questioned by Sejer. Gøran knew every last cut and scratch in the pale table. All the marks on the ceiling, every line on the walls. Exhaustion came over him in sudden jolts. A weariness which took his breath away. Eventually he grew to recognise the attacks in advance, the way they sneaked up on him. Then he would lean forward on to the table to rest. Sejer let him sit like that. Sometimes he would tell him stories. Gøran listened. The past and the future no longer existed, just that one day, August 20th. And the meadow at Hvitemoen, over and over. New ideas, new angles, sudden unpredictable leaps. I was with Lillian. He had said so many times, but now he no longer believed it himself. Lillian says no. Why is she saying that? August 20th. He was alone in the car driving along the road. Terrifying images leapt into his mind. Were they his own, were they real or imagined? Had they been planted there by this stubborn grey man? He groaned. His head felt heavy and wet.

  "I can help you discover the truth," Sejer said. "But you have to want to do it."

  "Leave me alone," Gøran said.

  He felt something swell in his mouth together with an intuitive fear that he would let himself down if he opened up and spat out the words, once and for all.

  "My dog's back on his feet," Sejer said. "He totters about and has started to eat a little. It was quite a relief. I feel invigorated."

  This made Gøran groan even more. "I need to work out," he said. "I go crazy when I don't work out!"

  "Later, Gøran, later. Then we'll deny you nothing. Gym. Fresh air. Visits. Newspapers and TV. Possibly even a PC. But we've got work to do first."

  "I'm stuck," he sobbed. "I don't remember."

  "It's a question of willingness. You need to cross a threshold. As long as you sit here hoping it was all a bad dream, you won't allow yourself to remember."

  Gøran buried his head in his shirtsleeves and sniffled.

  "But what if I didn't do it?" he whimpered.

  "If it wasn't you, then we'll know, Gøran. From our findings. From what you're saying."

  "Everything's a mess."

  "Were you with someone?"

  "No."

  "Did you ask Einar to help you get rid of the suitcase?"

  "She didn't have a suitcase!"

  The words rang out in the room. Escaped involuntarily from his lips. Sejer felt a chill down his spine. He remembered it now, he was there in his mind. He saw her come walking.

  She didn't have a suitcase!

  "But the bag," he said calmly. "You do remember the bag."

  "It was yellow," Gøran groaned. "It looked like a fucking banana."

  "Yes," Sejer said. He said it softly, almost inaudibly. "There she comes walking. You see the yellow banana. Was she hitchhiking?"

  "No. She was walking along the road. Then she heard the car and stopped. I wondered why and braked automatically. Thought she might ask for directions. But she asked about Jomann. If I knew him. I said no, but I know who he is. I can give you a lift. She got in. Sitting straight up in the passenger seat.

  "'He's not at home.'

  '"We can look,' I said. And asked what she was doing there."

  Gøran was talking to the table. Sejer listened, not daring to breathe.

  "'Is my husband,' she replied smiling. Squeezing the silly bag between her hands.

  "'Bloody hell!' I laughed. 'That dirty old man!'

  "She looked offended. 'Not polite to say so. You are not very polite,' she said.

  "'No,' I said, 'I'm not very polite, sod it. Especially not today. And neither are women.'"

  Gøran paused. Sejer felt a trembling in his body, which slipped away and was then replaced by unease. What he was witnessing was the actual story. It made him both relieved and sad. A cruelty he didn't want to see, but had become a part of. Forever, perhaps.

  "I remember her plait," Gøran said. "I wanted to pull it right off."

  "Why?" Sejer said.

  "It was so long and thick and tempting.

  '"You angry?' she asked, pretty cautiously, and I said, 'Yes, very angry
. You women are so stingy.' Then she got a strange look on her face and shut her mouth.

  "'Or maybe you're not stingy?' I said. 'Not if you're prepared to settle for old Gunder, and in that case I should be good enough for you.'

  "She looked at me blankly. Started fiddling with the car door. I said, no, leave the fucking door, but she panicked and pulled and pushed like a maniac and I thought: she's one of those emotional women who don't know what they want. First she wants to get in the car, now she wants to get out. So I drove on. As we passed Gunder's house she gave me a really distressed look. Started screaming and shouting. So I slammed the brakes on. She wasn't wearing a seatbelt and went slap into the front window. Not that hard, but she started howling."

  Gøran inhaled deeply. His breathing grew faster. Sejer imagined a car, askew on the road, and the agile woman, pale with fear, with her hand on her forehead.

  Gøran's voice changed suddenly. It became lifeless, almost commentating. He straightened up and looked at Sejer.

  "'Do Indian women have just as much room down there as Norwegian ones?' I asked her, and stuck my hand down between her thighs. She went off her rocker. Lost it completely. She got the door open and stumbled out. Ran out into the meadow, terrified."

  And Linda, Sejer thought, is approaching on her bike, perhaps she is right around the bend. Any second now she'll see the car.

  "I grabbed one of the dumbbells from the back seat and ran after her," Gøran said dully. "I'm in good shape. Running was easy, it turned me on, but she was fast too, she ran like a bloody rabbit through the grass. I caught up with her at the edge of the wood. It was weird, I saw a light flash in one of Gunwald's windows. But it didn't worry me."

  "Did she scream?" Sejer said.

  "No. She was busy running. All I heard was her feet through the grass and my own breathing."

  "So you caught up with her. Then what did you do?"

  "I don't remember any more."

  "Of course you do. What were you feeling?"

  "I felt incredibly strong. My body was on fire. Besides, she was pathetic."

  "In what way?"

  "Everything was pathetic. Her going to Jomann's. The way she looked. Her clothes and jewellery. All that tinsel. She wasn't young either."

  "She was thirty-eight," Sejer said.

  "I know. It said so in the paper."

  "Why did you hit her?"

  "Why? I was holding the dumbbell in my hand. She curled up with her hands over her head waiting for the blow."

  "Couldn't you have turned round and left?"

  "No."

  "I need to know why."

  "Because I'd reached a boiling point. I could hardly breathe."

  "Did you hit her many times?"

  "I don't think so."

  "Could you breathe again once she collapsed?"

  "Yes, I could breathe again."

  "Did she get up again, Gøran?"

  "What?"

  "Did you toy with her?"

  "No. I just wanted to finish the job."

  "There were traces after you ran all over the meadow. We need to get this right."

  "But I don't remember any more."

  "Let's move on. What did you do when she finally lay still in the grass?"

  "I drove to Norevann."

  "What did you do with your clothes?"

  "Threw them in the lake."

  "You put on your gym clothes?"

  "I must have."

  "And the dumbbells?"

  "I put them in the car. One of them was bloody."

  "You had scratches to your face. Did she scratch you?"

  "Not that I remember. She hit my chest with her fists."

  "How long were you by the lake, Gøran?"

  "Don't know."

  "Do you remember what you were thinking as you got back in the car and drove home?"

  "It's difficult. I drove to Lillian's."

  "You're getting fact and fiction mixed up again."

  "But I know that's how it was. I would see her in the rear-view mirror. She waved from the window, hidden slightly by the curtain."

  "Why did you return to the crime scene?"

  "Did I?"

  "Had you lost something? Which you absolutely had to find?"

  Gøran shook his head.

  "No. I panicked. What if she was still alive and able to talk? So I got up and went back to the car. Got in and drove back. Then I spotted her. She was staggering around the meadow like a drunk. It was a nightmare. I couldn't believe that she was still alive."

  "Go on."

  "She was crying for help, but very feebly. She'd almost lost her voice. Then she spotted me. It was strange, but she raised her hand and called for help. She didn't recognise me."

  "You'd changed your clothes," Sejer said.

  "Yes. Of course."

  He lost his concentration for a moment. "Then she collapsed in the grass. She was in a totally different place to where I'd left her. I grabbed one of the dumbbells and ran out into the meadow. Bent down and stared at her. That's when she recognised me. Her eyes at that moment, they were indescribable. Then she called – it seemed – for help, feebly, in a foreign language. Perhaps she was praying. Then I hit her many times. I remember thinking it was strange that there could be so much life in a person. But in the end she stopped moving."

  "The dumbbell, Gøran? What did you do with it?"

  "Don't remember. I might have thrown it in the lake."

  "So you went back to Norevann?"

  "No. Yes. I'm not sure."

  "And afterwards?"

  "I drove around for a bit."

  "So you went home at last. Tell me what happened then."

  "I chatted to my mum a bit and then I took a shower."

  "And your clothes? Gym clothes?"

  "I put them in the washing machine. Afterwards I threw them out. I couldn't get them clean."

  "Think about the woman. Do you recall what she was wearing?"

  "Something dark."

  "Do you remember her hair?"

  "She was Indian. I guess it was black."

  "Was she wearing earrings? Do you recall them?"

  "No."

  "Her hands, which she hit you with."

  "Brown," he said.

  "With rings?"

  "Don't know. Don't know any more," he mumbled.

  He flopped on to the table.

  "Do you confess to murdering this woman, Poona Bai? On August 20th at 9 p.m.?"

  "Confess?" Gøran said, frightened. It was as if he suddenly woke up. "I don't know. You asked to see my images and that's what you got."

  Sejer looked at him calmly.

  "What shall I write in the report, Gøran? That these are your images of Poona's murder?"

  "Something like that. If that's all right."

  "It's not very clear," Sejer said slowly. "Do you consider this a confession?"

  "Confession?"

  Once again there was a frightened expression in Gøran's eyes.

  "What do you think it looks like?"

  "Don't know," Gøran said anxiously.

  "You've given me some images. Can we call them memories?"

  "I suppose we can."

  "Your memories of August 20th. A genuine attempt to reconstruct what happened between you and Poona Bai?"

  "Yes. I suppose so."

  "So what have you in fact given me, Gøran?"

  Gøran leaned across the table. In despair he sank his teeth into his shirtsleeve.

  "A confession," he said. "I've given you a confession."

  Chapter 23

  Friis tried to keep himself under control.

  "Do you understand what you have done?" he said hoarsely. "Do you understand the seriousness?"

  "Yes," Gøran said. He lay dozing on the bunk. His body was entirely filled with serenity.

  "You have confessed to the most serious crime of all, carrying the law's most severe penalty. Despite the fact that the police doesn't have a single conclusive piece of ev
idence. It is highly questionable whether they are able to bring a case on this weak basis at all. In addition they have to find a jury willing to convict you on postulations and hearsay."

  He paced the floor angrily.

  "Do you really understand what you've done?"

  Gøran looked at Friis in surprise. "What if I did it?"

  "What if! You said you were innocent. Have you changed your mind?"

  "I don't care about that any longer. Perhaps I did do it. I've been sitting in that room for so many hours thinking so many thoughts. I don't know what the truth is any more. Everything is true, nothing is true. I don't get to work out. I feel like I'm drugged," he snuffled.

  "They've put pressure on you," Friis said earnestly. "I'm asking you to please withdraw your confession."

  "You could have sat in there with me! Like I asked you to! That's my right!"

  "It's not a good strategy," Friis said. "It's best for us if I don't know what happened between the two of you. That way I can cast aspersions on Sejer's methods. Do you hear me? I want you to withdraw your confession!"

  Gøran looked at him in amazement. "Isn't that a bit late?"

  Friis started walking up and down the cell floor again.

  "You've given Sejer the one thing he wanted. A confession."

  "Are you looking for the truth?" Gøran said.

  "I'm looking to save your skin!" he said sharply. "It's my job and I'm good at it. Heavens above, you're a young man! If they convict you, you'll be going down for a long time. The best years of your life. Think about it!"

  Gøran turned towards the wall. "You can go now. To hell with it all."

  Friis sat down next to him. "No," he said, "I'm not going. Under duress you have confessed to a crime you didn't commit. Sejer is older than you, an authority. He has exploited your youth. It's a miscarriage of justice. You're probably completely brainwashed. We will withdraw the confession and they'll just have to lump it. Now lie down and rest. Try to get some sleep. There's still a long way to go."