by Nikki Blythe
When I read the message, however, my heart dropped like a stone into the pit of my stomach. I fell back in the cushions, reading and re-reading the message.
“Hello, I'm not sure who this is, but this is Neville's FIANCE, and I'd appreciate it if you didn't contact him again. Thank you.”
My first thought was how polite that message had been. I wondered what kind of woman Neville was with, and suddenly it all clicked. He had given me every indication he was off the market, as it were. I was just too stupid, or infatuated to see it.
But why hadn't he just told me that was the case from the very beginning? Maybe he was trying to ward me off, so he didn't cheat on her, but he did a terrible job as evidenced by our yoga mat rendezvous earlier that morning.
What was I going to do? I couldn't very well message him back to demand an explanation.
Instead, I sent a quick message, so his fiance, whoever she was, wouldn't think I was ignoring her request for boundaries.
“I'm sorry, I had no idea. I won't see him again, I assure you.”
Red flag confirmed, it seemed. I should have trusted my gut on this one. I tried to focus on my show, but the episode was about some star-crossed lovers finding their way back to each other. As I was suddenly no longer in the mood for romance, I clicked the television off and tossed the remote on the other end of the couch.
“What the fuck, Freckles?” I asked the giant tabby.
He was too busy stealing spare noodles to care that I was speaking to him. I opened my phone again and sent a text to our group chat.
“So, it turns out that guy I met has a girlfriend. Which I found out only AFTER we had sex.”
There was a momentary pause, then a slew of messages came in from all three of my friends.
“I'm sorry, but what the fuck?” Kyra shot back.
“That's what I said,” I replied.
“Oh, Cedar, I'm so sorry,” Elizabeth sent. “I shouldn't have pushed you to pursue that, I feel so terrible.”
Ivy simply said, “He's a douche, you're better off without that kind of shit in your life.”
I felt a bit better as the girls and I vented our general frustration about men in our group chat. I spent the next hour talking it out with them, and we made plans to go out drinking the next night. I wasn't entirely sure how I would handle the Neville situation going forward, but as I settled into bed later that night, I decided that no matter what, I was done with him.
Chapter Twelve
Neville
My phone buzzed in my pocket and I groaned. I knew who it was before I even looked at the screen.
Faith.
I hit ignore.
She had been relentless since I walked out on her the day before. She was seemingly determined not to let the relationship end, despite my assurances to her that it was over. She had gone so far as to threaten to have my business license revoked by her father. While this was surely possible, as her father was a magistrate judge, I had no reason to suspect she would actually go that far. If she thought her father would do her that favor, she would have pulled that string a long time ago, as she never really viewed my chosen profession as legitimate.
It was the end of my shift, and the sun was peaking in through the wide windows at the front of the parlor. The rays of light highlighted the tiny bits of dust in the air, giving the lobby a sleepy, magical vibe. It was quiet and still, and quite probably my favorite part of the day. I never minded working nights, because I always got to see the sun rise every morning. There was something to be said for the tranquility of the early morning, before the rest of the world began to stir.
I didn't think it was possible that there would be anymore clients for the night. All the bars were closed at that point, so even the drunk crowd wouldn't be ambling in. I wanted nothing more than to crawl under the blanket of my small couch in the break room and catch a few hours of sleep. I crossed the lobby to lock the door, then turned and left the serene lobby, heading toward the break room.
Levi had left some hours before, citing a deep need for sleep in his own bed. He offered to let me stay at his place, worried that if I stayed at the parlor again, Faith might try something. I declined his offer, as grateful as I was. I didn’t want to feel like a burden, no matter how irrational that thought was. Levi had left, repeating the offer several times, and in the hours since, not a single client had walked through the door.
That was probably for the best. I wasn’t exactly in the right headspace to sit in such close proximity with another person for hours on end, anyway. Except maybe Cedar. If she had walked through my door last night, it would have thrilled me. I could have ridden the high from our time together for days.
I wanted to go see Cedar again, and thought very seriously about popping into her studio but I hadn't received a text or call from her after the time in her office, and I had to wonder if maybe I should have called her, or at the very least sent her a text. I had no idea what the proper course of action was, having not had the experience in years. I decided maybe I should have been the one to reach out to Cedar first. Maybe that was why she hadn't contacted me. Maybe I had fucked up not texting her after all was said and done.
Or, what if that whole exchange on the yoga mats had scared her off? What if it was too much, too soon?
It wouldn’t have mattered anyway, because I realized after I left the apartment that I left my phone. I had to run back and grab it, sort of ruining my dramatic exit. It had been a mildly embarrassing experience. When I walked back through the front door, Faith had been sitting on the couch, with my phone in her hand, just holding it out as if she somehow psychically knew that I would be walking back in right at that moment.
Logically, I knew she probably saw me run across the street and timed it, but it was still eerie.
My phone buzzed again. I sighed and opened the messages. Maybe it was Cedar. Maybe I was about to get my wish, and we could have a conversation about the whole thing.
“We need to talk, please,” said the first text, the one I had ignored from earlier. I was right. It was Faith. I shouldn't have hoped it was Cedar. I only let myself down.
“Neville, I have to tell you something. It's for your own good,” came the second text.
“What, Faith?” I replied.
It had taken several tries not to shoot off a vitriolic, angry text. I decided on short and curt, because anything else left too much room for me to be emotional.
I waited for a moment, and a massive wall of text came through, telling me she must have written it all and had just been waiting for me to reply so she could send it.
“Look, yesterday, when you left your phone, I noticed you got a text from a woman. I responded that you are currently engaged, because she was talking about how much she loved whatever y'all did yesterday. I wanted her to know you're spoken for. I just wanted you to know that she went crazy. She started talking about how horrible you were, what kind of liar you must be and all sorts of horribleness.
“She even went so far as to say she wanted to hurt you because you hurt her. She said she would have her friends help her to exact some sort of sick revenge. I'm sorry, Neville.”
I froze. Nothing she was saying added up. There had been all of fifteen minutes in between me leaving my phone in the apartment, and me going to pick it back up. Besides, Cedar was the calmest person I knew, even though I'd only known her a few short weeks.
I switched text conversations so that I could see Cedar’s. There were no new messages. A wave of relief washed over me. Of course Faith was lying. It was what she did best, after all.
“There aren’t any messages from Cedar, Faith. Stop this madness, I beg you,” I shot back.
“I deleted all the messages from your phone before you came to get it.”
“If what you're saying is true, why would you delete the evidence? Wouldn't you want me to see her go ‘crazy?’”
“Because I wasn't going to tell you at all,” she replied. “I just wanted us to get things back
on track as far as our relationship is concerned.”
“Faith, we no longer have a relationship. We're done. I told you this. It wouldn't matter what anyone outside of our situation said, because I'm just done with the whole thing. I'm not budging on this.”
“I’m not giving up on us, Neville,” she sent. “But even if I wasn’t determined to save our relationship, you should know about what your little girlfriend said. Think about it, how would I even know she existed if she hadn’t texted you?”
I thought about it for a moment. She was right. I hadn’t told Faith about Cedar at all. I hadn’t even mentioned her.
When I didn’t reply, Faith sent another message.
“I can forgive you for cheating on me. I know I haven’t been the easiest person to be with, but know that I love you, and I will always fight for us to be together.”
I had to fight a wave of nausea after reading her message. I was forever going to be trapped in the muck of this relationship. She would never let me go.
“Don’t fight for us, Faith. I don’t want to be with you. Leave me alone.”
No reply came after that.
I milled about, frustrated and lost in thought for the next hour or so. Several times I picked up my phone to type out a message to Cedar, but deleted it before I could hit send. Irritated, I shifted my thoughts to something else. Anything else.
I guess I could tell Levi we could resume normal hours if I wasn't having to go home to Faith every night. The only reason we even stayed open as late as we did was because Levi wanted to keep me out of that apartment as much as he could. He had been telling me for months, maybe even years, that my relationship with Faith was an unhealthy one. A toxic one, even.
I should have listened from the get-go. After all, Levi was from this town, whereas I only just moved here after meeting Faith. This wasn't my hometown at all, and Levi had gone to school with Faith. He knew men who had dated her and had never been the same afterwards. I thought I was different. Special, in some way, that I could tame the beast that was Faith.
I smiled forlornly as I remember the first few months of our relationship, when we would go walking the trails in the city park. She had a dog when we met. A small furry mutt of some variety or another named Sammy. The Faith in my memory had been so beautiful, with her blonde hair flying in the wind as she chased after Sammy, who had gotten off his leash.
Something nagged at the back of my mind, as I remembered the sudden disappearance of that dog. After our first year together, I never saw it again. Sammy had gone missing shortly after one of our very first big fights, when Faith had admitted she was jealous that her dog seemed to like me more.
Given what I knew of her personality, the thought of what could have really happened was chilling.
Faith wouldn't give up this fight, she wouldn't be willing to let me go, but I was determined to have my freedom. I would escape this relationship, even if it meant getting the law on my side. Granted, that was a difficult proposition, given the fact that her father was a judge, and her mother was a doctor, and both were respected members of the town.
I wondered idly, as I double-checked the lock on the front door and turned to walk to the back of the parlor, whether I would have to leave town to attain my freedom. It seemed there would no longer be a chance for me to be with Cedar. Either Faith was lying about Cedar's reaction, which was possible, but I was dubious about that. Faith had no reason to lie - the relationship was ended. Even if Faith was lying, she definitely wasn't lying about having sent Cedar the text. There was no way that Faith didn't send that message, as vengeful as she was.
So, Cedar would think me a scoundrel and likely never want to speak to me again. Either that, or I should expect a petty revenge trip from her and her friends. She talked about her friends when we sat in the silence of her office. They sounded like lovely people, loyal and caring. They would likely have no qualms about helping her to take care of the boy who hurt their friend.
I thought perhaps I should message her, but what good would that do? All it would serve to do was leave me feeling rejected, and at the moment, I needed to focus on my freedom. Yesterday with Cedar had been amazing. She was amazing. She was absolutely everything I looked for in a woman.
But I couldn't be with her if I didn't know who I was as a person, if I didn't focus on healing from years of abuse - and that's what it was, I was finally ready to admit to myself.
I sighed as I turned the lights out. I glanced at the clock as I entered the break room and saw that it was only just turning seven.
Perfect. I would sleep until noon, then get my day started. It was time to establish my new normal.
Chapter Thirteen
Cedar
“Girl, you need to tell us everything!” Kyra slurred drunkenly.
“Everything?” I parroted. “I don't know. Nothing worth talking about happened, apparently. I let myself fall for a guy before finding out what he was really like, and in the end we had sex only for me to have my heart shattered, again.”
I wrapped my hands around my Mai Tai. I was feeling very sorry for myself, even two weeks after the Great Neville Debacle.
It shouldn't have bothered me as much as it did, but for some reason, I had let myself believe that Neville was the man to help me overcome my distinct aversion to romance.
In the time since his fiancée had texted me, I spent several days moping around. I'd canceled classes the next day and simply laid around the apartment with some ice cream and a Bridget Jones' Diary marathon. Freckles wasn't too pleased that I was home, as he ruled the roost while I was at work, but he got over it.
I had strongly considered getting another cat, seeing as I was clearly doomed to be a spinster cat lady.
I wondered mildly as I sipped at the fruity cocktail in my hands, how many cats should a woman own to gain the title? More than two, surely. And perhaps I ought to start feeding the strays and catching them to get them vaccinated and fixed. Perhaps that was the best course of action for my new career as a spinster.
“Oi!” Called a sharp voice. “What are you doing, moping?”
I glared at Ivy, who was just as drunk as Kyra.
“I'm allowed to mope, you know.”
“Uhm, no you are not. You got laid, and none of us have in a while, and we want details, please and thank you!” Elizabeth giggled from her side of the table.
“Oh, all right,” I said.
I took a deep breath while three pairs of overly eager eyes stared at me over their drinks, waiting.
“So, he came by the studio for the class he signed up for with his friend, Le-”
“Wait,” interjected Kyra. “He signed up for one of your classes?”
“Yes, apparently it was all his friend's idea, but he didn't show up for class. Anyway, he said he wanted to talk, and I had a few minutes between classes, so I asked him to come to the office with me.”
I let the pause hang in the air, watching as all of their eyes widened in surprise.
“Girl, you invited a man you know is at least moderately interested in you to your office? You should have bought billboard space with the enormity of the message you were sending to that poor boy,” chided Elizabeth.
Ivy nodded in agreement.
“Oh, stop. Anyway,” I continued. “After that, we talked a bit more, and one thing led to another, and we were kissing.”
“Just kissing?” Asked Ivy, her eyebrows waggling.
I laughed. “No, it definitely went further than that. Afterwards, we spent a few hours together talking and getting to know each other more. It was really nice. Everything about that morning was just amazing, and it even had me thinking I could do with more of those kinds of interactions in my life.”
“But?” Asked Kyra, before taking a gulp of her whiskey.
“But, later that same night was when the whole text mix up happened.” I shrugged.
I took a sip of my drink.
“Hmm,” Ivy hummed. “Have you reached out to him since th
en?”
“No, because one of two things is the case. Either he really does have a fiancée, or he was just trying to get in my pants, in which case, he wouldn't need to continue talking to me, would he? Objective achieved.”
“You really think that's what happened?” Elizabeth asked.
Her soft voice almost was almost inaudible over the music of the bar. It was country night, and “What Ifs” by Kane Brown was playing in the background. It was hitting too close to home for comfort. I frowned.
“What does it matter, really?” I asked. “Either way, it's pretty clear that I have no horse in this race. I was way more into him that he was into me, or more than he should have been, anyway. Either he's a liar and a cheater, or he's just a scoundrel who doesn't deserve for me to give him the time of day.”
“That's my girl!” Kyra called, clapping me on the back forcefully.
She beckoned for the waitress to come and refill our drinks, and the night resumed some semblance of pre-Neville normalcy. It was nice to just get out, have a few drinks, and dance the night away. It was after the third straight song of dancing that Elizabeth, our innocent and kind friend grinned mischievously.
“I think I want to get a tattoo!” She called over the music.
“Yeah? Of what?” I called to her.
“I want to get one of my favorite quotes on my arm.”
“That one from Lord of the Rings?” I asked.
She nodded.
Kyra looked over and her eyes widened. “Yes! Let's all go get tattoos! It'll be fun! I already have what, six? What's one more?”
“Seven,” Ivy responded, as she grabbed my arm and led all three of us back to our table. “You're forgetting about the one on your back.”
“Oh, yeah,” Kyra said.
“Aren't we all a little too drunk for tattoos?” I asked in a moment of brief clarity.
“No!” The girls cried, shaking their heads.
Before I could protest, we were on the street, taking in the warm spring night air. I couldn’t recall leaving the bar. Perhaps I was more drunk than I cared to admit.