It was my first performance since completing rehab last month. I’d taken a month to reset myself and prepare for the challenges that being on tour would present.
I’d practiced every song the month I was off and worked on some new stuff too. I’d stayed busy, attending my AA and NA meetings, touching base with my sponsor, and enjoyed my time with my wife.
We’d celebrated our one-year wedding anniversary by returning to Vegas for the weekend. That trip was a clean and sober one, and probably the first time I’d ever been sober in Vegas.
It was a good test for me, but I didn’t tell her that.
Catching up to the guys on the road had been nerve-wracking. I’d been afraid they’d tell me I was out. Instead they’d welcomed me with open arms, and the past couple of days had been spent practicing on the bus as we traveled to the next show.
We’d decided that we would keep Zane. He’d filled in on bass for me while I was gone and done a kickass job. Between he and I, we would bounce back and forth between bass and rhythm guitars. We’d all decided it would be a good addition to the band. He was a bad motherfucker on the guitar. I didn’t tell Aiden he might be able to give him a run for his money.
As I sat in the dressing room and prepared for our set, I basked in the feeling of being back. The hustle of the backstage set up. The meet and greet with the VIP fans before the show.
All of it was fucking fantastic. Being sober through it all changed the experience in a way that most couldn’t understand. Living through it all in a haze of drugs or alcohol before was like only being half alive.
Everything was clearer, brighter, more intense. In some ways that was good, and in others it was bad.
My anxiety level from all the constant stimulation skyrocketed, but I was dealing. Barely, but I was making it.
Until one of the setup crew, Rodney, stepped into the room and approached me. “Hey, Logan, man it’s good to see you again. Shit, we all wondered if you were ever coming back. Thought maybe you were ditching us.” He grinned.
“Yeah, I’m here. No plans on leaving.” Nervously, I fidgeted with one of the guitars.
After glancing around to ensure we were alone, he gave me a sly smile. “I got a hookup on some straight Oxy. As always, I wanted to give you first dibs.”
Inside, I was boiling. For fuck sake, I’d barely been back five minutes from a six-month rehab program. This time it hadn’t been a secret. Along with the anger was a sneaking wisp of a thought. Maybe experiencing that feeling one more time wouldn’t hurt.
Instead of giving in to that creeping, deceitful desire, I grabbed on to the anger I experienced first. Before I could do or say anything, though, Levi and Aiden had stepped from around the corner, and Aiden was all up in Rodney’s face. “I oughta rip your motherfucking head off and shit down your neck.”
Stepping forward, I placed a hand on Aiden’s arm to get his attention. The last thing he needed was an assault charge. Especially at my expense. When his head whipped in my direction, his eyes were damn near crazed with anger. “Whoa! Easy there, big guy.”
He didn’t answer, only tipped his head slightly and gave me a questioning look.
Inhaling deeply, I faced Rodney. “Take your shit and leave.”
“Fuck, man, if you didn’t want any, all you had to do was say no. I’m not gonna force the shit down your throat,” he scoffed.
“I don’t think you’re understanding me properly. I mean get all of your shit. Your clothes, your shoes, your shit, all of it, and get the fuck out of here. You’re fired.” Maybe I was overreacting and the guys would end up tripping out on me, but damn, that was empowering.
As Rodney left grumbling, I prayed he wouldn’t try to get vindictive. He’d never win, but it could get ugly.
“I’m proud of you.” Levi’s grin was contagious.
“Thanks, bro. That means a lot. I was afraid you guys might be pissed at me for making that decision on my own.”
“Okay, enough mushy shit. We have about two hours before we go on stage. Let’s go warm up a bit, then spend a few minutes relaxing.” Aiden walked out without waiting for our answer. Levi and I looked at each other and couldn’t help but laughing.
Opting to warm up for about forty-five minutes, we headed into the bus where the girls were chilling.
Aiden bounded up the stairs and with a brief cheery greeting to our women. He put a set of headphones on and dropped to the couch to do God knew what. Levi wrapped an arm around Poppy and tugged her to his bunk. Dominic and Autumn weren’t far behind.
Stopping at the top of the bus stairs, I could only gape at my beautiful woman.
“Hey, handsome.” Her shy smile sent my heart racing. It was the little things about her that drove me over the edge, like the fact she had on very little makeup and yet she was probably the most beautiful I’d ever seen her.
Getting my feet to move, I took her hand and pulled her from where she was still sitting next to Aiden. Too damn close for comfort. “Hey, beautiful, come lie with me for a bit?”
Nodding, she bit her bottom lip as a small tip of her lips hinted at the grin she was holding back.
Falling into my bunk, I folded her in with me and shut the curtain. Enjoying the feel of her in my arms was my new drug. I dared anyone to tell me I needed rehab from her.
“You get your edits submitted?” She’d been working nearly all night as we’d traveled.
“How do you think it’s going to go tonight?” She spoke softly, and it was like we were in our own little world. Yeah, a curtain separated us from the rest of the band, but it was enough.
“Fan-fucking-tastic. That’s how it’s going to go.” Pressing a kiss to the back of her head, I knew true peace, if only for that moment. Rolling to face me, she studied me with her beautiful blue eyes.
“You’re feeling okay?” Taking a deep breath, I tried not to be upset with her question.
“I feel great, babe. Do I still have cravings? Yeah, occasionally. But I have you, the guys, my sponsor, Mom, Dad, and the video sessions with my therapist. I have a solid plan for staying sober this time, and I’ve been as honest as possible with everyone. I’m going to do this. Failure is no longer an option.” Her hand caressed my cheek. The rasp of my short beard seemed amplified in the enclosed space. It caused her to grin and do it again.
“I love you.” Never wavering, her gaze held mine. Those three words meant the world to me and sent my heart tripping.
“I fucking love you too, baby.” They say great minds think alike, and I’d have to say they are right, because at the same time, we both leaned in to each other. The kiss that started out tender and sweet quickly morphed.
As our tongues twisted and tangled, our hands wandered. Clutching and grasping at each other’s clothing, I’d never been so happy that she had on a dress. It was a soft, sweatery thing, a lot like the one she’d worn the night we got married in Vegas.
Pulling it up over her hips, I rolled her under me. When her fingers plucked at the button of my jeans, I held myself up so she could undo them and push them down.
Once my cock was free of the confines of my pants and boxers, I rested on one elbow to slip my fingers into her panties. “Jesus. You’re already so wet.”
“Always for you,” she breathed. “Hurry.”
Not wanting to disappoint or waste precious time, I pulled my hand out, slid her panties to the side, and pushed inside her. “Fucking heaven.”
“Shh,” she cautioned.
“You know I don’t give a fuck who hears us, but I’ll play along. For you.” Teasingly, I bit her neck.
Arching that graceful neck to allow me better access, she began to grind against me as I slid inside her to the base. Trying to be quiet was a bitch when all I wanted to do was throw her legs over my shoulders and fuck the living hell out of her.
Head thrown back, swollen lips parted, and eyes hooded, she was a goddess among women. Gripping her hip with one hand, she spread her legs wider to allow me better access and hook
ed her ankles around me.
Losing control, I buried myself deep over and over. The slapping of our skin coupled with her soft moans was definitely not keeping our activity a secret. Thankfully, by that time she was oblivious to anything but how good we were together.
It didn’t take long before she was squeezing my cock like she held me in a fist. The first pulse was my downfall, and I plunged hard as I poured everything I had into her waiting and wanting depths.
Nails digging into my ass, she throbbed around me until the ecstasy began to slowly ebb.
Deep in my heart, I prayed we’d made a baby, but I knew it was probably too soon.
“Is it always that good?” Panting, she questioned.
“Never. Only with you.” As breathless as she was, I grinned.
When a hand smacked my ass, I pushed into her again out of reflex.
“Come on, fucker, we’re almost on. Sorry to interrupt, Stella, but lover boy has a job to do.” Aiden’s laughter followed his announcement.
“You’re such an asshole,” I yelled back at him.
Stella’s lips were pulled between her teeth, and her face was bright red. When she lost the battle, laughter burst from her. “Well, that was embarrassing.” She pushed up with her hips, causing me to groan at the aftershock of pleasure. “Get up so I can clean up.”
“No way. I want to be on stage knowing I’m still inside you, because I’m going to be out there with you all over my dick.” The widening of her eyes had me chuckling as I slipped reluctantly out of her and tucked my still wet junk away.
I pressed her panties against her swollen pussy; they immediately became wet. “I fucking love that. Don’t you dare change.” Extricating myself from the bunk, I helped her right her dress and knelt to zip her tall boots for her.
Staring up at her, I laced my fingers with hers and stood. “Come on, baby. I have to work.”
She held my hand the entire way to the stage, and I left her with a soul-stealing kiss as I stepped onto stage for the first time in forever.
The crowd screamed and chanted as we took our places and the first notes rang through the air. Levi’s voice hypnotized the audience like it did every time we performed. The deep, resonating tones of my bass vibrated through me to my bones, and I lost myself to the music.
The guys and I had talked and decided there was no point in hiding where I’d been. After the third song, I’d asked to be able to speak to our fans.
“Hey, Chicago! How the fuck are you?” Levi spoke to the crowd. Their answering roar had him chuckling. “Wow. That was weak! Let’s try that again. How the fuck are you, Chicago?” The sound that rose was off the charts then.
“That’s what I’m talking about! Did you all see who’s with us again?” He motioned in my direction, and I raised my arm, flashing the rock and rock sign. “That’s right! Logan is back with us on bass. He has some shit he wants to say. Come on up, man.”
I’d already handed my bass to one of the stage hands. As Levi handed me the mic, I was afraid I’d drop it, my palms were so sweaty. His supportive squeeze of my shoulder helped bolster by confidence. A quick glance to the side stage where Stella stood with her hands clasped in front of her mouth gave me the rest of the courage I needed.
“Hey, everyone. Thanks for the awesome welcome back.” Inhaling a deep breath, I dove in. “I’m sure there’s been a lot of gossip and shit going around about where I’ve been. I’ve stayed away from all of that, but I want you to hear it from me directly. No bullshit. No sugarcoating. No dramatic spin. I was in rehab. Not for the first time, but hopefully for the last. I’m seven months sober.” The screams of support and congratulations were humbling. “Thanks. You have no idea how good it feels to be back here in front of you all tonight. But I need to give credit where credit is due. Besides a fan-fucking-tastic program I went through, I have the best damn support system a man could ask for. The guys in the band. My family. Thank you all. Zane, thanks for covering for me and agreeing to stay with us. You’re a fucking rock star.” Everyone laughed at the pun, and Zane ducked his head with a modest grin.
“But the biggest thank-you goes to my best friend and wife, Stella.” As I turned her way, I caught her slap a hand over her mouth, and tears spilled from her bright eyes. “Thank you for believing in me and sticking with me through all of this. I let you down, and you still want to be with me. That’s… fuck, I have no words.” I turned back to the crowd.
“If you know someone who is in need of help or it’s you, there is hope. Whether it’s drugs, alcohol, or a combination of the two, trust me, I know it’s hard, but be there for them. Keep encouraging them to get help. It’s a tough battle, but it’s worth the fight.”
Behind me on the LED screens, they brought up the National Addiction Hotline number. I said a few more words before I couldn’t keep my emotions in check, so I thanked everyone again and handed off the mic.
The rest of the concert was kickass as I knew it would be.
I knew the road ahead was going to be a rough one full of ups and downs, but like I’d told our fans, it was worth it. I was sober. I was dedicated.
And I was back.
The last year had been rough, like I’d expected it to be. There were days when I wanted a drink or the oblivion of a fucking pill so goddamn bad, I shook. The difference between this time and all the past times was that I was dealing with my abuse, which had been the root of my addiction.
I’d learned to accept responsibility for my choices. I’d stayed faithful to my meetings, my counseling, and my marriage. I’d proved to myself I could do it.
Was there the chance I could relapse? Of course. But I was doing everything in my power to prevent that.
“Hey, baby? You here?” Stella’s car had been in the garage when I came in, but the house was silent.
We’d bought a house not far from Levi and Poppy. Stella had balked initially because it was so big, and she was worried we wouldn’t be able to have babies to fill it. It didn’t matter how many times I told her we’d adopt if she wanted babies but we couldn’t have them conventionally.
She wasn’t in our bedroom. Nor was she in the kitchen, living room, laundry, or the back yard.
Returning to the front door, I pulled out my phone to call her to see if maybe she’d gone somewhere with Poppy or Autumn. Practice had run a little longer, so maybe they went to hang out and have some girl time.
The stairs were in front of me, and I saw the glint of something on every third stair. Stooping down, I saw it was a safety pin. Then another and another until I got to the top of the stairs.
What the fuck?
A few more led me to the room she was planning on turning into an office because it had a great view of the water and the lighting was beautiful. When I opened the door, she was there.
My heart stuttered at the worry on her face as she stood with her hands behind her back. When her eyes flickered to her desk where a bundle of white fabric was piled, I stared, trying to figure out what it was. Before I figured it out though, I also saw the white stick next to it. A flashing YES was on the little screen.
Eyes wide, I moved in a daze to the desk. Picking up the stick, it dawned on me that the white bundle was a wrapped package of cloth diapers like Poppy had used with Ian. Blinking rapidly, I looked from the stick to the bundle to my wife.
“Is this—?” I couldn’t finish because my words clogged in my throat.
Her nod was the answer I got.
“Are you mad?” she whispered.
“What? Mad? Why in the holy fuck would I be mad?” I didn’t understand.
“Well, you said you thought we should wait until you’d been sober for two years, and it’s not quite that.”
Dropping the test stick to the floor, I swooped her up and spun her around. “It’s close enough. Holy shit. We’re gonna have a little Logan? You’re serious?”
She laughed. “Yeah. I didn’t want to say anything because I was worried you might be mad, and then I didn’t want t
o get your hopes up if you weren’t and I wasn’t. But I went to the doctor today. She confirmed it. I took that test just as a prop. It seems kind of silly now. She estimates I’m about eleven weeks.”
Eleven weeks. My baby was almost three months old. Setting her down, I dropped to my knees and held her hips as I spoke to her still flat belly. “Hey, little guy. I’m your daddy. I’m so fucking happy you’re in there.”
“I’m pretty sure we shouldn’t be cussing at our baby,” she teased.
“Shh!” I shot her a mock glare. “I’m having a discussion with my little peanut.” Looking back to her stomach, I placed a kiss below her bellybutton. “You may be bigger than a peanut, but you’re my peanut regardless. I’m going to do my best to never disappoint you or your momma. You just made my life complete.”
A soft hand ran through my hair as I wrapped my arms around my wife and laid the side of my head against her.
“I love you, Logan MacKenzie.”
“I fucking love you too, Stella MacKenzie. And I love you too, Peanut MacKenzie.”
“We’re not naming it Peanut.” Her laughter shook her petite body.
“We’ll see about that.”
In case you’re wondering, we didn’t name it Peanut.
The End
The Demented Sons MC
Colton’s Salvation
Mason’s Resolution
Erik’s Absolution
Kayde’s Temptation
Straight Wicked
Make Music With Me (Levi)
Snare My Heart (Dominic)
No Treble Allowed (Logan)
String Me Up (Aiden—Coming Soon!)
Also look for her in the Twisted Tales of Mayhem Anthology
Styx and Stones
These get harder each time because I want to say so much. This is book seven. S-E-V-E-N. Can you believe it? Time has flown.
No Treble Allowed: A Straight Wicked Novel Page 24