When she next came to, the light on her closed eyelids was bright. She lay for some moments without opening her eyes, her mind dull but still aware of what had befallen her.Then she forced her lids open. Nell was still sitting in the chair but now she was awake and looking at her.
‘You’re awake,’ her sister said softly. ‘That’s good.’
‘Where’s Alexander?’
‘He’s all right. Daisy is playing with him in the nursery. How-how do you feel?’
Eve didn’t answer this. Struggling to sit up, she said, ‘I have to see Alexander.’
‘I promise you he’s all right, lass. He doesn’t know anything about what’s happened.’
Eve shut her eyes tightly. ‘I can’t bear it, Nell. I can’t. I’ll go mad, I know I will.’
The next moment she was gathered up in Nell’s arms. ‘I know, I know. I don’t know what to say, lass. It’s cruel, cruel.’
Yes, it was cruel. And wrong. Oliver was only a little boy.And Howard, he had been so kind, so good. ‘I want to die too, I want to be with Oliver.’
‘But you won’t because Alexander needs you.’
She clung to Nell as the tears came in a flood that poured out of her eyes and nose and mouth. She couldn’t breathe, she didn’t want to breathe and yet life went on even though she wanted it to stop. But how was she going to get through the rest of her life without her baby? Never to see his little face again, to hear his laugh. She couldn’t do it, she couldn’t. She would go mad, insane.
It was a long time later before she was still and they continued to sit wrapped in each other’s arms. ‘I can’t bear it, Nell. I can’t. Even for Alexander.’
‘You can.’ Nell moved her away slightly, her own face red and puffy. ‘And you will. I know you better than you know yourself.’
‘How could Howard let it happen? How could he let him fall into the water?’
‘Lass, it was one of those things, an accident. There were some blokes on the other side of the river and they said Oliver ran along the side of the stream shouting for his boat and just didn’t stop when he reached the river bank. Howard had been shouting for him to stop but it was like the lad didn’t hear him.’
‘He was so proud of his boat,’ Eve said dully. ‘He would have been frantic at the thought of losing it. But we would have bought him another.’
‘I know, I know. Anyway, Howard jumped straight in after him and was holding him when the current took them away. It happened real fast, they said. And these blokes went in an’ all and between them they got them out but it was too late. One of these blokes nearly copped it an’ all apparently.’
Eve was resting with her back against Nell’s chest, her sister’s arms tight round her. ‘What am I going to do, Nell?’
‘I don’t know, lass, but I do know Alexander needs you. He’s been asking for you all morning.’
‘What’s the time?’
‘Gone eleven.’
‘Eleven o’clock?’ Eve sat up straighter. ‘He always likes to come into our bed for a morning cuddle. Oliver too.’ She made a tortured sound in her throat. ‘How am I going to tell him? He adored his daddy and brother.’
‘I’ll be with you, lass, all the time, and I’ll stay as long as I’m needed. Toby’s mam’s took the bairns and she’ll keep ’em for as long as I want. They’ll be all right with her.’
‘He had just learnt his numbers up to twenty. He was the first one in his class to do it.’
‘Oh, lass.’
Eve turned into her sister’s embrace again and now she hung on to Nell as though she would never let her go.
Chapter 24
The funeral was over. The black carriage pulled by black plumed horses had carried Oliver and Howard to the church where Eve and Howard had been married, and the cortège had been endless. There had only been one coffin, Eve had wanted father and son to be buried together. The previous night she had spent in the morning room where Howard and Oliver were laid out. Only Nell knew that Eve had lifted her son from his father’s side and held him close to her heart through the night hours. It was the last time she would see his little face, his dimpled hands, be able to stroke his thick curls and touch his lips. He had looked as though he was peacefully asleep but it was a cold, frozen sleep, but still she had held him, praying for a miracle the whole time. Praying that somehow his little heart would start beating again, that he would open his eyes, that warmth would flow back into his body.
But now everyone who had come back to the house had left and only Nell and Toby remained with Eve. Howard’s parents and one of his brothers had put in an appearance at the church, but Eve had barely spoken two words to them. They had cut Howard from their lives when he was alive and it was too late now to show remorse. Not that they had. They had been very cool and distant, three aloof cold-eyed figures who had neither offered comfort nor appeared to need it. It had been the first time Eve had laid eyes on any of Howard’s family and when they had introduced themselves at the graveside she had inclined her head and thanked them for coming and moved on. She wanted nothing to do with them.
Contrary to what she knew was expected of her, she had not brought Alexander to the church. Neither had she made her son kiss his father and brother when they had been laid out in the morning room, as was the custom. She didn’t care what people thought, she knew Alexander better than anyone and he was unlike Oliver in that he was highly strung and sensitive. She had sat him on her knee the day after the accident and explained his daddy and brother had gone to heaven together and that she and Alexander had to look after each other now. One day they would all be together again but until then Mammy would always be here for him. He had been satisfied with this. Anything else she did not consider necessary for a two-year-old.
‘Eve, you must eat something.’ Nell was holding her hands as they sat on the couch in the drawing room and Toby was sitting in an armchair opposite them, his rough big-nosed face troubled. For a moment at the graveside he had thought Eve was going to throw herself into the ground with her son and husband. Indeed she looked as though she had died herself. She had never had much flesh on her bones but now her skin seemed as though it was stretched to breaking point over her nose and cheekbones, and her green eyes were almost black with the depth of her suffering. He knew Nell was worried to death about her sister.
‘I’m all right, dear.’ Eve squeezed Nell’s hands. ‘I couldn’t eat right now.’
‘You haven’t eaten for days, just the odd bowl of soup won’t sustain you.’
‘I’ll eat tomorrow.’ And then Eve seemed to rouse herself as she said, ‘You must go home with Toby today, Nell. Your bairns need you and you can do nothing more here. I don’t know how I would have got through the last few days without you and I can never repay you for your care and love, but I have to get on with life now. For Alexander.’
‘I’m staying a bit longer.’ Nell glanced at her husband who nodded. ‘Just until . . .’ She had been going to say until Eve was more like herself, but would she ever be herself again after this? ‘Until you’re eating a bit and sleeping again.’
‘There’s no need, Nell. You can’t leave the bairns any longer. It’s not fair on Toby’s mam.’
‘Lass, I’m not budging for a while. All right? Toby’s mam’s coping fine with ’em. Apparently she’s got our Betsy out of nappies in the day and I’ve been trying to do that all summer. I’m staying a bit longer and we’ll see how things go.’
‘You’re very good.’ Eve glanced at her brother-in-law. ‘Both of you.’
‘Good be blowed.You’re my sister and I love you,’ Nell said stoutly.
Toby cleared his throat. ‘Nell will stay as long as you want her to, lass. We’re agreed on that. A week, a month, it don’t matter, so don’t fret.’
The kindness in his face brought tears to Eve’s eyes but she blinked them away. She had cried an ocean over the last week. She had to try and pull herself together. At least during the day. At night when she was alone she co
uld cry but it upset Alexander if he saw her weeping.
‘I’m going to have to be away.’ Toby got to his feet. There had been two strikes at the pit already this year and they couldn’t afford for him to lose more than one day’s pay. Mind, with the owners having backed down on their demands for longer working hours for less pay due to this subsidy the government had brought in, there’d be more trouble ahead.What happened when the nine-month period was over? Nowt would have changed. But now wasn’t the time to be thinking of all that. As he looked at Eve’s white, strained face, the thought that had been with him all day surfaced again. He had a lot to be thankful for.
Eve and Nell stood up too, Eve leaning forward and kissing her brother-in-law on the cheek. ‘Thank you so much for coming, Toby. Do something for me, will you?’
‘Aye, lass. Anything.’
‘Take this for your train fare and for your mam to help out with having the bairns.’
As she stuffed the notes into the pocket of his jacket, Toby turned bright red. ‘Eeh, no, lass. No. I couldn’t do that.’
‘Please, Toby.’ As he made to fish the money out of his pocket, Eve put her hand on his arm. ‘I’ve got it, you know that, and it will make me feel better about having Nell here because I do feel bad at keeping her from you. I . . . I don’t know what I’d have done without her and then you coming today . . .’
‘Don’t cry, lass.’Toby looked helplessly at Nell. ‘It’s the least we can do. We’re family, aren’t we?’
‘Then if we’re family and you look on me as a sister, please take it. You’d do the same if the positions were reversed, and . . .’ she gulped in her throat, wiping the tears from her face with the back of her hand, ‘what’s money, Toby? It’s nothing compared to people, is it?’
There was a moment of deep silence. ‘No, lass, it isn’t,’ said Toby gruffly.‘And if it makes you feel better then I’ll say thank you most kindly. Me mam’s struggling a bit if the truth be told, this’ll be a godsend sure enough.’
Nell’s eyes mirrored her thanks to her husband. Only she knew what it would have cost him to say what he had. Leaving Eve in the drawing room, she saw Toby out.They clung together in the hall for long minutes.When he eventually disentangled himself, he said softly, ‘Come on, old girl. Dry your eyes.’
‘It’s so sad and it don’t seem fair.’ Nell scrubbed at her face with her handkerchief. ‘Why our Eve? You answer me that. And the bairn,Toby. She worshipped him, same as she does Alexander.You-you make sure you tell our lot how much I love ’em when you get back, all right?’
‘They know, lass. They know.’
‘Aye, but tell ’em, won’t you?’
‘I will, I do.’
‘And you.You take care of yourself.’ Again she was clinging to him. ‘Promise me you won’t take any chances what with them cutting corners on safety and the rest of it. What do the owners care if the roof comes down as long as they’re all right in their big grand houses. Promise me, lad.’
‘I promise.’ It was a futile promise and they both knew it. Some of the lads at the pit were good talkers and clever with it, and they’d told anyone who would listen about the history of coal mining and the struggles of the working class and the Labour movement. They knew that the Earl of Durham owned 12,500 acres and got more than forty thousand pounds every year from royalties just because coal was mined under his land, for instance. It had shaken Toby when he’d heard that. Especially in view of the fact that even the most basic safety procedures had been whittled away over the last years until every damn mine in the country was a death trap. They’d save a pound for their pockets and take a man’s life and think nowt about it. That was what they were up against. He said none of this, however, holding Nell tight one last time before gently moving her to arm’s length. ‘Goodbye, lass,’ he said softly. ‘Try and not worry too much. Your Eve is a fighter, she’ll come through.’
‘I know, but at what cost?’
Toby opened the front door. It was a cool night but pleasant. Nell watched him walk away until he reached the corner of the street where he turned and waved, then he disappeared from view.
She wiped her eyes again and straightened her shoulders. Then she shut the front door and went in to her sister.
The solicitor called the following afternoon. He was a quiet, sympathetic individual and spoke in plain terms. Mr Ingram’s will was very straightforward. Mrs Ingram inherited everything. ‘Everything’ consisted of the engineering works, this house and all it contained, a number of stocks and shares and a sizeable amount in the bank.There were also several insurances and things of that nature which would add up to a substantial sum. But he would not burden her with too many details at present.
He took a sip of the tea Daisy had brought in and cleared his throat.
Perhaps when she was feeling a little better she would like him to call again. They would need to discuss how she saw the future with regard to the engineering business and other matters that would not wait too long. But for now she could rest in the knowledge that she was financially secure for the rest of her life.
Eve thanked him and he left. As he was to say later to his wife over tea, you would have thought he had been discussing the weather, so little interest did Mrs Ingram show.
It was three weeks after the funeral and Nell’s first evening home. She hadn’t wanted to leave Eve but her sister had insisted. ‘She said she had to get used to being on her own with Alexander at some time,’ Nell said to Toby as they sat in front of the kitchen range having a cup of cocoa together before bed.‘And with Elsie and Daisy living in, she said she’d always have someone to talk to if things got too bad.’
‘Well, she’s right, lass.’
‘But it’s not the same as your own flesh and blood, is it?’
‘No, but what were you going to do? Live there for the next umpteen odd years? I know it’s hard but the bairn and Howard are gone, lass. It’s done.’
‘Believe me, no one knows that more than Eve. The loss of Oliver hit her immediately - well, that’s natural, isn’t it, with your own bairn. But I don’t think she’d realised how much she was going to miss Howard. He was such a nice man.’
‘Aye, he was.’
‘She’s . . . well, she’s sort of lost, Toby. I’ve never seen our Eve like it, not even in the worst of times.’
Toby reached out and took his wife’s hand. ‘Like I said before, she’ll come through.’
Nell looked at him, a quiver in her voice as she said, ‘It’s frightened me, all this, Toby. I know I lost me mam and then our da and me brothers, and poor Mary, but this is different somehow. I can’t explain it but it is. Perhaps it’s seeing Eve so crushed, she’s always been so strong and unmovable. I feel like nothing is solid. Aw,’ she made a flapping movement with her hand, ‘you must think I’m daft.’
‘Course I don’t.’ He put his cup of cocoa down and stood up, pulling her out of her chair. ‘Come here,’ he said softly. ‘You don’t know how much I’ve missed you, me an’ the bairns. Nothing’s been the same.’
‘Let’s go to bed.’ Nell cradled his rough face in her hands. ‘I’ve missed you too.’
They were at the foot of the stairs when there was a knock at the back door. ‘Who the dickens is that?’Toby looked at her in surprise. ‘It’s nigh on ten o’clock. Look, you go up and I’ll get rid of ’em, all right?’
Nell was still standing in the hall when she heard Caleb’s voice. When she entered the kitchen he was saying, ‘I just wondered how she was, that’s all, but it’ll do tomorrow.’ And then he looked at her. ‘Oh, hello, Nell. I’m sorry, I should have come earlier but I only just found out you were back. I was wondering how Eve was.’
‘You’ve heard then? About the accident?’
‘Yes, I heard. You wouldn’t expect anything else in this place, would you? You can’t blow your nose but someone times how long.’
Nell stared at him. He sounded bitter but if half the stories about him were true, it was more than en
ough. He’d played fast and loose with more than one lass, had Caleb, since Mary had gone, and that sort of carry-on was bound to get about.You shouldn’t speak ill of the dead but how a man like Caleb hadn’t seen Mary for what she was, she didn’t know. But that was men. A pretty face and they were like bees to a honey pot. Quietly, she said, ‘She’s none too good but then you’d expect that, wouldn’t you, losing her bairn and man in one fell swoop.’
‘There’s still another child, isn’t there?’
‘Aye, and I thank God for it else I think she’d have followed Oliver and Howard, the way she’s been since it happened.’
‘I’m sorry.’ He stood for a moment, biting his lip.
It was Toby who said, ‘Sit yourself down, man. Me an’ Nell have a cup of cocoa about this time, do you want one?’
‘No, no, I won’t keep you.’ Looking directly at Nell, he said, ‘Pass on my condolences next time you speak, would you?’
Somewhat stiffly now, Nell said, ‘Of course.’ Caleb had turned to go when she added, ‘Course the only good thing in all of this is that he’s left her a small fortune, set up for life, she is. She could buy and sell anyone in this town ten times over.’
‘Is that so?’ Caleb’s voice was flat.
‘Aye, it is so. Mind, that don’t help when you’re grieving like Eve is grieving, but she’ll be beholden to neither man nor beast for the rest of her life so that’s something, isn’t it?’ She waited for a response but he just stared at her. ‘Howard, her husband, saw the worth of her, that’s the thing. Doted on her, he did. On the family an’ all. He knew he’d got a diamond in Eve. Which makes it all the more unfair now.’
Their eyes joined and held, and it was Toby who broke what had become a tense silence by saying, his voice over-hearty, ‘Are you sure you don’t want a drink, Caleb? There’s tea if you’d prefer it. Cocoa isn’t to everyone’s taste.’
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