by Diana Palmer
“Ahh, no, Hawk, I’ll talk to her, at the right moment.” She knew her smile wasn’t sweet. “I’ll be gentle, but firm.”
The right moment appeared the following week. Kate was on the phone. She had received a call from her father, the fourth since Kate had told him she had married Hawk and moved with him to his ranch in Colorado. She was actually gushing in an attempt to finally convince him she was safe, well and over-the-moon happy.
No sooner had she cradled the phone, with a sigh of relief, when it rang again. It was Vic calling from Vegas. After chatting a bit, enquiring about Lisa, Bella and everyone at the restaurant, she told him to hang on while she searched out Hawk who, fortunately, was working in the stables that day.
At a near run, she went to the stables only to stop short at the low, supposedly sexy sound of Brenda’s voice.
“You know, Hawk, it would be fun to take a ride when you’re finished here,” she said, moving so that the side of her breast made contact with Hawk’s arm as he brushed down the mare, Babycakes. “Just you and me. Wouldn’t It?”
“Brenda …” he began, strain underlying his tone.
“I don’t think so,” Kate said, striding forward to wedge herself between Hawk and the girl. “Vic’s on the phone, Hawk,” she said, taking the brush from his hand. “I’ll take over here.”
He frowned with concern. “Lisa?”
“No, no,” Kate shook her head. “Just a friendly call.”
“Good,” he said, loping from the stable as he headed for the house.
Kate began applying the brush. She imagined she could hear Brenda getting ready to explode. “I thought you were going for a ride, Brenda.” Kate continued brushing. “I’m afraid you’ll have to ride alone now.” She shifted to level a warning look at the girl. “And in the future … if you get my drift?”
With a snort almost as loud as Babycakes could make, Brenda stormed from the stables.
A few minutes later Hawk startled Kate by silently stepping up next to her. “How can a man walk so damned quietly in those heeled boots?” she demanded.
He grinned. “Practice.” He lowered his voice. “Is the temptress in training gone?”
Kate nodded, sighing. “She wants your body.”
He tossed his head, exactly as his stallion did. “Who doesn’t?”
She rolled her eyes, and changed the subject. “Did Vic want anything in particular?”
“No,” he shook his head and gave her a wry look. “He said you sounded okay and told me flat out I’d better make sure you remained okay.”
“Or what?” Kate had to laugh. “Vic’s in Vegas and we’re here. What was he intending to do about it?”
“He said he’d have to come rescue you from me.”
“Right,” she drawled. “I can just see Vic, running off to the mountains to rescue me, leaving his precious, pregnant Lisa at home alone.” Shaking her head as if in despair of the silly men, Kate went back to the house.
Fortunately, they didn’t see hid nor hair of Brenda for several weeks. Kate was settling nicely into a routine, inside and outside of the house. She was beginning to feel if she belonged there, in the mountains, in the house, with Hawk.
Dangerous feeling, she told herself. She didn’t belong there. She was there simply because of a good and kind man … who didn’t even believe in romantic love.
Kate had learned of his attitude one evening while he was watching a game and she was reading a book, a historical romance novel. During halftime, after fetching glasses of wine for them both, he asked her what she was reading. Not thinking anything of his curiosity, she told him, adding a brief resume of the story. To her surprise, he raised a skeptical brow.
“What?” she asked.
“That stuff—fantasy, love till the end of time. You don’t really believe in that, do you?”
If she hadn’t, she was beginning to, Kate thought. Aloud she merely answered in a teasing tone, “Could happen.”
“Uh-huh.” Without another word, he turned his attention to the second half of the game.
“You don’t believe in love?” Kate said, snagging his attention away from the TV. “What about Vic and Lisa and Ted and Carol? They appear very much in love.”
“Okay, yes, I know they are in love, but they have their problems, too. It’s certainly not the fairytale, happily-ever-after stuff.” He shrugged. “Personally, I’ve never experienced the feeling.”
Kate fought against the crushed sensation his words caused inside her. She wanted to cry out against the ache in her chest, the sense of loss and deflation. But she didn’t cry out, instead lifted her head and simply said, “Too bad.” Picking up her book, she walked away. “I’m going to bed.”
The days sped by. They had a light snowfall in early November. The snow didn’t last. They gathered at Ted and Carol’s house for Thanksgiving. Hawk provided the huge turkey he had in his freezer chest.
As the season turned from chilly fall to cold winter, Kate worked with the horses until Hawk taught her how to keep the records of the ranch and the bloodlines of the horses on his computer.
Two weeks before Christmas, Hawk drove Kate into Durango. He went shopping for groceries and ranch supplies, leaving her to do her Christmas shopping. First she bought gifts for her father, stepmother and the children, and Vic, Lisa and Bella, and had them packaged and sent to Virginia and Las Vegas. Then she shopped for what she thought would be thoughtful but not personal gifts for Hawk.
As a rule, Christmas shopping had always been fun for Kate, but not this year. She simply couldn’t get into the holiday mood. By next year she’d be gone—who knew where. She wasn’t even sure she had done the right thing buying gifts for Hawk. She didn’t even know if he celebrated Christmas.
Glancing at her watch, Kate saw that it was almost time to meet Hawk at the truck. Well, she thought, shrugging, what’s done is done. She could always take back the gifts if he didn’t want them. The very idea made her sad.
Kate felt a lot better about the whole holiday thing the next week when Hawk dragged a large pine tree onto the porch to dry.
When he set it up in the living room a couple days later, Kate got even more into the spirit of the holiday. If there was only to be one Christmas with Hawk, Kate was determined to make the best of it.
Christmas morning, both Kate and Hawk slept in late. Well, they weren’t asleep all morning. Tossing back the down comforter, they worked up a pleasant sweat exchanging certain Christmas gifts.
Later, freshly showered and dressed, they breakfasted on coffee and Christmas cookies as they sat together on the floor to exchange material Christmas presents.
There were small items with Hawk’s name on the tags: new tough leather work gloves, a braided belt and a handheld computer game. He was very obviously surprised and pleased with the handmade cable-knit sweater in the Black Watch colors, imported from Scotland, that Kate had ordered for him online.
There and then, he pulled off the sweatshirt he had minutes before put on, replacing it with the sweater she had chosen for him.
After he had finished opening his gifts, Hawk slid a small pile of presents toward Kate.
As excited as a kid, Kate dove into the pile. Carefully unwrapping each gift, she revealed a delicate handwrought sterling silver bracelet, which she immediately insisted Hawk fasten on her wrist. The next package contained an Amazon.com gift certificate for a hefty amount, which she exclaimed over. The last package held the cashmere scarf Hawk had bought in Vegas, supposedly for his sister. The scarf earned Hawk what he declared to be a teeth-rattling kiss.
One morning a few days later, Kate had been out helping in the stables, and noticing it was time to start lunch, she headed for the house. Upon entering, she noticed at once that the door to Hawk’s bedroom was open. Kate clearly recalled shutting the door before leaving the house.
Walking quietly down the hallway, she stepped inside the room, to find Brenda rifling through Hawk’s dresser drawers, touching his clothes.
“What ar
e you doing in here, Brenda?” Kate’s voice was soft but icy.
“I … I …” The girl stopped trying to answer and glared at Kate. “He belongs to me, you know.”
“Really?” Kate smiled.
Brenda flinched at Kate’s cold expression, then lashed out in anger. “Yes, he does. He is mine. Who are you but a Vegas tramp who thought she had bagged a rich rancher?” She was breathing heavily. “Well, I’m telling you, bitch, when he’s tired of his new playmate, he’ll toss you out and I’ll have him back.”
“You’ve got a lot to learn, young lady,” Kate said, holding on to her temper. “Hawk is my husband. Other than being the daughter of his friend, you mean nothing to him.”
“That’s a lie,” Brenda shouted. “I’ll be around long after you’ve been tossed out.”
“Oh, Brenda,” Kate sighed. “I think what you need is a swift kick in the ass to jar some sense into you.”
“And I’ve got the boot to do it,” Hawk said from the doorway. “Go home, Brenda, and don’t come back until you’ve learned how to act your age.”
“Damn you both,” Brenda cried out like a spoiled kid, tears running down her face, sniffing, as she ran out of the room. They heard the front door slam.
Drawing a deep breath of relief, Hawk smiled at Kate. “Thanks, Kate. I do believe the message finally got through to her. I appreciate it.”
“Anytime, cowboy,” she said. “Now, what do you want for dinner?”
He laughed. She joined in with him.
The next day Jack drove Brenda to the airport to put her on a plane. She was going back to her mother’s home.
Winter brought with it heavy snow. On the morning of the heaviest snowfall, Hawk confined Kate to the house. He didn’t advise her to stay inside, he issued a flat order. The name Jeff immediately sprang into her mind.
“Hawk,” the sharp edge of her voice stopped him in his tracks as he headed for the back door.
“Yes?” He turned frowning.
“I’m an adult, a full-grown woman. I will not be ordered around, not by you or any other man.” Placing her hands on her hips, she stared defiantly at him.
Hawk’s drawn eyebrows rose. “Kate, I’m only insisting you stay inside because I know how treacherous the terrain can become outside in this weather. It’s for your own safety.”
Kate lifted a hand to flick a shooing motion at him. “You go to work, and leave me to worry about my safety.” Without waiting for any argument from him, she stormed down the hallway and into their room to make the bed. She fully expected him to follow her. Her shoulders slumped and she felt like crying when he didn’t.
Damn, she didn’t know what she wanted anymore.
Now there was a rift between her and Hawk, but Kate knew she had to carry on. A deal was a deal. Only their deal was now a mostly silent one. They spoke only when necessary. The quiet wore on Kate’s nerves. Tired of it, she went outside to stomp around in the pristine snow, slamming the door behind her.
Hawk was there waiting for her when the cold finally sent her back into the house, wet and shivering.
“Feel better?” He looked tired. He sounded tired.
Kate felt ashamed for acting out like a spoiled kid. “I’m sorry, Hawk, but I will not be penned up in the house, snow or no snow.”
“I can understand that,” he said, his tone inflectionless. “I don’t like it myself. But when I’m working some distance from the house, will you agree to confine yourself to the path the men and I made from the back of the house to the stables? I’m sure Babycakes would appreciate your company.”
Kate knew that once Hawk had given her the mare to use while she was on the ranch, he had not taken Babycakes out with him to work.
“Yes, I’ll agree to that.”
“Thank you.” He started to turn away. “I’m going to get a shower before dinner.” He glanced back at her. “That is, if we’re having dinner.”
The shame making her uncomfortable turned to a flash of anger that zipped through her. “Of course we’re having dinner,” she said heatedly. “Haven’t I prepared dinner every evening since I’ve been here?”
“Yes, Kate, you have.” He gave her a half smile. “Thing is, I’ve gotten used to coming into the house to be greeted by the delicious aroma of whatever you’re cooking. I don’t smell a thing today.”
Pleased by his appreciation of her cooking efforts, Kate smiled back at him while shaking her head in exasperation. “I made dinner earlier … so I could go romp in the snow. The meal is in the fridge; all it needs is warming up. It will be ready by the time you’ve finished your shower.”
“Oh … okay.” His smile now rueful, he retreated to the bedroom.
From that day forward there was a change in Hawk, in the atmosphere whenever they were together. Though he was unfailingly polite, there was very little laughter or teasing, and what smiles did touch his lips were strained.
Kate couldn’t help but notice the only time he touched her during the day was obviously accidental. The nights were different, too. His lovemaking steadily grew a bit rough with an almost desperate intensity, driving Kate to heights of breathtaking pleasure she had never experienced, never dreamed could be experienced. Yet when she finally came down from the shattering high she felt empty and alone.
Longing for the easy companionship they had shared before, Kate racked her mind for a reasonable explanation for the change in him. Thinking a breath of fresh air might clear her mind, she took some sugar cubes and an apple then went to the mudroom at the back of the house and pulled on her boots and heavy jacket.
Leaving the house, Kate made her way along the path that was now almost bare due to the sudden shift to milder weather a couple of days ago. Entering the stables, she went straight to Babycakes’ stall. The mare was obviously happy to see her as she nudged Kate’s shoulder before lowering her head to snuffle at her jacket pocket.
“You know me too well, Miss Babycakes.” Laughing, Kate drew two sugar cubes from her pocket and gave them to the eager horse. When the animal was finished with the treat she looked up, her big brown eyes staring right into Kate’s as if sensing her unhappiness and silently asking why.
Kate’s eyes and nose began to sting an instant before she burst into tears. Once again the mare nudged her shoulder. With no one else to talk to, Kate poured her heart out to her temporary pet.
“Oh, Baby, I don’t know what to do.” Raising her arms, Kate cradled the mare’s large head atop her shoulder. “There’s no one else for me to talk to. I don’t know Carol well enough and I can’t call Lisa, she’d get upset and that’s the last thing she needs at this stage of her pregnancy. I won’t call my father because I’ve let him believe I’m so happy and so very much in love.”
Kate sniffed and, moving back, she dug in her other jacket pocket for a tissue. She blew her nose. Before she was through, Babycakes nudged her again, as though telling her to go on with her tale of woe.
Smiling, crying, she stroked the long nose, swallowed and allowed the misery to spill out. “There’s been a distance between us for weeks now and I hate it.” The tears flowed freely. “He told me he didn’t believe in love.” A sob caught in her throat. “And he told me long ago he enjoyed being alone.” The horse whinnied as if in commiseration. “I’m afraid he’s beginning to think of me as an intrusion into his life.” For a moment Kate closed her eyes, swiping her hand over her wet cheeks.
“I’m a fool, Baby,” she murmured. The mare shook her head, eliciting a weepy laugh from Kate. “Yes I am, a foolish idiot. I suggested the bargain as the perfect answer to my problem and now I have a bigger problem, a much bigger problem. I am so deep in love with Hawk I can’t bear this coolness between us.”
With a final sniff and a final stroke of the mare’s long nose, she took the apple from her pocket and fed it to the horse. “Spring’s almost here, Baby. I want winter back. I want the Hawk I knew in Vegas back.” The mare finished chomping the apple and Kate turned away.
“
I want, I want,” she muttered, sighing as she left the stable. “And I’m talking to a horse. Sheer idiocy.”
While Kate grew more quiet, more withdrawn, Hawk was wrestling with uncertainties of his own. Throughout the past few weeks the coolness in the house had nothing to do with the heating system, and everything to do with the chill between him and Kate.
Riding in late one warm afternoon in the beginning of April, Hawk walked his horse to cool him down. After grooming the roan, he stabled him then walked down the aisle of stalls to the one holding Babycakes, the mare he had given to Kate for her exclusive use while she was at the ranch. Now he couldn’t think of the animal as anything other than Kate’s.
Stepping into the stall of the gentle chestnut, Hawk took up a brush and began to groom her. Also, without thinking, he began softly talking to her.
“I’m in deep crap, Baby,” he murmured, using Kate’s nickname for the horse. “And I’m afraid you’re going to be mad as hell at me.” The horse nickered. “You may not believe it now,” he said, as if he had heard a “no way” in the horse’s noise, “but you’ll understand when your mistress is gone.”
The mare shook her big head. Damn, Hawk thought, for all he knew, maybe the horse did understand. Mocking himself for the very idea, he nevertheless continued talking.
“It’s my fault she is going,” he went on. “I deliberately built a wall of virtual silence between us.” The horse snorted. “Yeah, I know, pretty stupid. But, much as I hate to admit it, even to you, I was getting scared. It started after we had a silly argument about her staying inside during the worst weather. As gentle as Kate is with you, Baby, you wouldn’t believe how she blew a gasket at me for daring to give her orders.”
For a moment Hawk smiled in memory of how magnificent Kate had looked in her defiance of him. Another memory flashed and he sighed.
“But it was the night I laughed at the book she was reading, calling it a fantasy of happy-ever-after and telling her I didn’t believe in that kind of thing. She walked away from me, and since then has stayed away from me, there but cool and distant. I could kick myself in the ass. When she walked away a knot settled in my gut. It’s been getting tighter and tighter with each passing day.”