“So…” Will gave her that look again, the one that always got him exactly what he wanted; the last chocolate chip cookie or the last jump from the rope swing into the lake or one last orgasm after she’d already given him two. Whoa…Whoa!
She shook her head to erase that thought. “No! Oh no, you are not sharing my dinner.” Nic tried to close the door, but he simply stuck his boot in the jam and pushed his way inside.
“Why thank you, Nic.” Will grinned and walked inside, zeroing in on the dining table. “I would love to join you for dinner.”
Nicole glared in annoyance as he waltzed by, right into her house as if he owned it. “I didn’t invite you!” she screeched, just before she got another whiff of the unmistakable Will-scent, catching her off guard and sending her stomach into a nose dive.
“Yes, you did.” He hurried on into the kitchen, dismissing her refusal.
She ran after him. “No I didn’t,” she argued, but knew it wouldn’t do any good.
“You just forgot. You meant to invite me at the grocery store, but you left before you remembered to,” he explained politely, as he began opening and closing drawers, searching through her cabinets.
“Stop! Just stop! I did not forget! Why would I invite a man I detest to dinner? Get out!” Nicole shrieked, and pointed towards the front door. She rolled her eyes and stomped her foot in a childish display of irritation.
Will snapped his head around and looked down at her foot in disbelief. His eyes sparkled with mischief. He grinned. “Now, Nic, where are those manners you are so famous for?” Will tut-tutted, wagging his finger in front of her face. “Your grandmother would be appalled at your inhospitable behavior.”
Nicole’s brows scrunched together as she stood by helplessly while Will went through her cabinets, located dinnerware, and proceeded to serve his plate with her food! When he started towards her table, she’d had enough.
“Just take it and get out, Will.” Nicole closed her eyes and pushed on her temples with her fingers to alleviate the throbbing headache she felt coming on. Being around him was stressful. The flashbacks and memories she kept having weren’t helping either. She needed him to leave.
“Oh, Nic, you’re not being very welcoming to your new neighbor,” Will mumbled around a mouth full of her food. “Come and join me. This is delicious. When did you learn to cook?” He reached for a piece of garlic bread.
“I…” She’d had to learn in order to survive when she had no other options. She felt a tingly sensation behind her eyes. She swallowed and pursed her lips. She wouldn’t let him get to her. “No big deal. I just learned.” She joined him at the table, wishing it were bigger. Their knees bumped as she scooted her chair up. She fought the little kick to her system from his touch.
“Well, it’s very good. You need to give Mom your sauce recipe. I think yours is better.”
Nicole watched in astonishment as he used a huge chunk of her last piece of garlic bread to sop up marinara sauce on his plate and then stick the whole thing in his mouth, and then…he had the nerve to smile at her!
“Wanna know my favorite type of food.”
“I know your favorite type of food, William. It’s those unhealthy hamburgers I’ve smelled your father grilling outside. I’ve seen you out of my window eat three for dinner.”
“Nuh huh. It’s see food!”
Will opened his mouth wide for her to “see” all the “food” inside and fell over laughing when she started gagging until she threw up on his new Chucks.
A smiled play around the edges of her lips. His mom had told him he deserved it. Nicole blinked away the memory and sat up straighter. “That would be difficult since your parents haven’t spoken to me in five years,” she said through gritted teeth.
“Nic,” Will said softly, “they’re really sorry. I asked them not to tell you. I thought it would be best to break all ties. My mom wouldn’t speak to me for months.”
Nicole looked up into his earnest eyes. “I see.” She always wondered why they’d disposed of her, but it didn’t make her any more forgiving.
“At the time, everything was all mixed up in my brain. Juan died, and I did the only thing that made sense to me. I needed to take his place, like he took mine. In my mind, marrying Reca would make amends for his death.”
What could she say? He did what he felt he had to do, but in the process, hurt the one person he was supposed to love. And really, she understood what he’d done. His methods were what she couldn’t get past. All the pain and anguish over the years couldn’t be erased.
“Eat your food and go, Will.” She turned away from him and looked out the window, fighting the tears that were gathering in her eyes.
Will looked down at his food and pushed his plate back.
Nicole wished with all her might that he would eat and leave. She couldn’t handle any more small talk. Who was she kidding? She couldn’t handle sharing the same air space with the man that broke her heart. But her wishes went unanswered when he quietly spoke.
“The…the day I was supposed to come home, I left the boat and drove to the airport to pick Reca up. We spent the next week in Washington, working through all the red tape of getting the marriage license. My folks came up, and we had a quiet ceremony in a judge’s chamber.”
“Why, Will…why didn’t I deserve even a note about what was happening?” Her voice trembled and her eyes bore into him, demanding an answer.
“I’m sorry, Nicole. I didn’t handle it well. We had to appear to be a happily married couple. I thought it would hurt you less if I just disappeared. I thought you could handle being angry at me easier than being heartbroken that I married...”
The anguish in his voice almost cut her into. Nicole turned away, her hand pressed tightly against her lips, holding the pain inside but she couldn’t stop the raw moan from leaving her mouth.
Will ran his hand through his hair. “I messed up. Maybe I just didn’t know how to tell you, but I never stopped loving you. I knew we would have our time, but I had to do that first.”
Nicole turned back around, blinking the tears away. The time for tears was over. It was time Will understood what his decision cost him. “You don’t even see how insulting that is, do you? There will never be an ‘our time,’ Will. You betrayed me and you destroyed my trust. You broke your word, not once, but three times.”
She moved closer and poked him in the chest with her finger. “You lied when you promised you would always take care of me. You said forever. I guess you only meant until someone else came along.”
She poked him again. “You lied when you said you would marry me.”
She poked him a third time and her hand fell away in despair. “And you lied about loving me.” She looked up into his eyes through the tears in hers and finished sadly. “Because you couldn’t love someone and discard them so easily.”
“No, Nic.” He grabbed her face between his hands and made her look into his eyes. “That’s not true. I love you, and I know that you still love me.”
They gazed into each other’s eyes. Lost in the moment and lost in memories. Nicole stared at his lips, so close. Only a few inches separated them. She knew what those lips tasted like and she craved that taste with all of her being. Slowly her body leaned into his…closer until she could feel the warmth of his breath on her face. She ran her tongue over her dried lips, wanting…needing…just one last kiss. But kissing the man in front of her would be wrong. What she felt was for the man she knew and loved from her youth. Not the man before her that had destroyed her so easily and without care.
Nicole stepped back and broke the trance. She pulled at the bottom of her flannel shirt, giving herself time to recover. “There you go, Will, another lie. They roll off your tongue so easily now.” Her chin came up daring him to defy her. “Because I don’t love you anymore.”
“No.” Will shook his head frantically. “I refuse to believe that.”
“You don’t have a c
hoice. This time it’s not up to you. Go home, Will. And I don’t mean next door. Go home to wherever that is.” Nicole picked up the dirty dishes from the table to end the conversation and to have something to do with her hands and headed to the kitchen, dismissing him. Of course, Will followed with the rest of the things from their dinner table.
He set the bowl and glasses on the counter. “I have several homes now. I bought your grandparents’ house, and I rebuilt the treehouse, Nic.”
“Why would you do that?” She grabbed a rag and went back into the dining room to wipe the table and put distance between them. She couldn’t allow him to be that close again. It was just too dangerous.
He tagged along behind her. “The folks your grandparents sold it to were transferred to another state. We needed a place near my folks since they helped Reca with the baby when I had to travel for work.”
At the mention of a baby, her insides rippled with longing. It should have been their baby. Their child could have been getting ready to start kindergarten. “So you lived in my old house with your wife and child?” She didn’t mean for her words to come out so accusingly.
“It wasn’t like that, honey. We didn’t live as man and wife. We lived as roommates. I never betrayed our love. I’ve always been faithful to you.”
Nicole’s chin came up; she wanted to hurt him. She wanted him to feel just a little bit of what she felt. It was childish she knew, but she couldn’t stop the words from leaving her mouth. “I can’t say the same.”
“You mean…” He stumbled backwards.
“Let it go, Will. You don’t have the right to ask me that.”
His head dropped in defeat. “No, no I don’t. You’re different, Nic.”
“And I have you to thank for that.”
He took her by the shoulder and pulled her into his chest. “Please, Nic, give me a chance to make it up to you. We can’t be over.”
Nicole’s spine stiffened. Being in Will’s arms again felt so extremely right, yet so very wrong. His arms had always been her haven. The one place that no matter what went on in her crazy life she knew she’d find safety, love, trust. Nicole never thought she’d be embraced by them again. The overwhelming need to rest her head against his chest and listen to the beat of his heart brought tears to her eyes because it wasn’t the same. It would never be the same. Will had seen to that.
Nicole pushed against Will’s hard chest and he dropped his arms. “You really thought you could put me on hold and then come back into my life and pick up where we left off. It doesn’t work that way, Will. You left me waiting and worrying about what happened to the man I love. The man I was supposed to marry in only a few short days. All the scenarios that went through my head of what happened to you…never did I think you married someone else. I thought you were dead! I became so depressed I couldn’t eat or sleep. I only existed. I couldn’t function for months because I was worried about you! I lost my job, I lost the respect of the community, and I lost the will…to live.”
Will reached for her again, but she stepped even further away.
“No, Nic. I never meant…” Will scrubbed his hand through his hair. “I know you’re angry and hurt. I get it. What I did to you was wrong. I’ll spend a lifetime making up to you for the pain and worry I caused.” He took a step closer and met her gaze head on. “But you said, ‘what happened to the man I love.’” Another step put him only a breaths distance away.
She could feel the heat of his body pulling her closer. She couldn’t escape his eyes. The blue of his iris darkened intensely; she knew that look. She’d been on the receiving end many times. She unwillingly swayed towards him as memories invaded her mind. Memories of Will pulling her into his arms and into his body until they’d become one synchronized mass of frantic need. No…no. She couldn’t go through the hurt again. She wouldn’t survive a second time.
Nicole took a step back. “No, Will. I don’t.”
“You still love me, Nic. I’m not going anywhere.”
“Args!” Nicole threw her hands up. “Well, I am.” She grabbed her keys by the door and peeled out of the driveway. She had to get away from him before she threw herself into his arms and begged him to make love to her because he was right…she’d never stopped loving him.
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
Will sat down on her couch and put his head in his hands. She was hurting, he got that, but he refused to believe they were over. So many times over the years he wanted to go to her. But he hadn’t. He couldn’t. His hands had been tied, and he’d thought contacting her would only have made the situation worse. At the time he couldn’t offer her the one thing she wanted. The one thing they wanted—because he’d already married someone else. Will had never thought of it in Nic’s terms, as giving the life she should have had to Reca.
He lifted his head, refusing defeat. He looked around her living room. Their houses were identical in layout, but his house had a much more updated feel than hers. He didn’t mean to snoop, but something didn’t feel right. A quick check of her bedroom also left him puzzled. Everything in Nic’s house seemed utilitarian. Even her room at her grandparents’ had more of Nic in them than these rooms did.
Her closet held no dresses, frilly blouses, or any of her adorable sweater sets. Instead plaid button-up shirts, jeans, and boots were all he found. Her underwear, which he knew he shouldn’t be looking at, were plain white cotton panties and bras. Nothing in her closet screamed, “Nicole.”
Everywhere he looked her home had the same serviceable and non-descript theme. Will knew her favorite color to be blue. They’d talked and dreamed enough about decorating their home someday that he knew, if she had a choice, blue would have been a big part of the decor. Yet the color blue couldn’t be found in any shape or form in her home. No blue comforter on her bed or towel in her bathroom. The walls were off white. Her brown furniture against brown the floor tile and tan carpet were depressing. How could Nic live in such a gloomy home?
And where were her pictures? She loved taking pictures and framing them so they could remind her of…he stopped and leaned against the counter. The simplicity of the answer hurt Will to the depths of his soul. Nic had stopped being Nic, the day he’d left her. Why would she have pictures sitting around that hurt each time she looked at them? He’d drained all the color from her world. He had so much to make up for.
Will took out his cellphone and flipped through the pictures that had comforted him so many times over the years; pictures of Nic. In every one of them she smiled or laughed. He remembered her full of color and full of life. And in her eyes, nothing but her love for him shown through. Would he ever see that look again?
He paused on the last picture she’d sent to him. Nicole sat in her grandparents’ dining room surrounded by wedding presents, smiling so confidently into the camera. Their wedding presents. She had sent him the picture only a few weeks before he was to return home. It was the one picture he didn’t like to look at because he’d already made his decision to marry Reca. Why hadn't he called her to explain? She would have understood. Instead he’d made the colossal mistake of thinking it was best to just disappear.
The day the ship came in had been one of the hardest days of his life. He closed his eyes and remembered the pain of that day. He’d walked down the ladder and to his truck, numb to all the celebrating and cheers happening around him. He’d driven two hours to the airport on autopilot. It was a miracle he hadn’t caused a wreck because the entire way he’d only thought of Nic. How she would react when he didn’t show. She would be concerned and worried. Eventually she would be downright mad at him, and that he knew would get her through their time apart. He wanted her to be so mad at him that she wouldn’t have time to focus on his being gone. At least that had been his warped sense of right at the time.
It seems he may have done a better job than he’d anticipated. He had to hold on to the hope that if Nic didn’t feel anything for him anymore, then she wouldn’t be spitting mad at h
im.
He needed to stay his course. His plans were in place and he knew what he needed to do. By staying he would prove to Nic she could trust him, and he would whittle away at her defenses little by little until the wall she’d built between them no longer existed.
He smiled when his phone rang and he saw the name on the display. “Hi, Mom.”
“William, have you apologized to our girl?” That was his mom. No “Hi, how are you?” Just getting right to the point.
Will smiled. “Yes.”
“When are you bringing her back home?”
Will scrubbed his hand over his face. “That’s going to take a while. I have apologized but I can’t say she accepted my apology. In fact at the moment, I doubt she’s even speaking to me.”
“William, what have you done now?”
“I may have miscalculated.” He begrudgingly admitted. “I hurt her, Mom. I hurt her very badly. It’s going to take a while to get back in her good graces.”
“Oh honey, I knew…” she started, but Will interrupted her.
“I know. I’m the biggest fool there is, and I made a huge mistake. One that I hope in time Nic will forgive. I let her down and I broke her trust.”
“How is she doing?”
Will paused and answered honestly. “On the outside she seems fine, but underneath I don’t think she has ever recovered, and I have nobody but myself to blame for that.”
“Have you talked to Reca since she got back from overseas?”
Will heard the concern and caring in her voice. While his mom hadn’t approved of what he did, she had grown close to Reca.
“Yes. She moved her family into her new home. And she’s met someone.”
“That’s wonderful. She deserves a happy ending after all she’s been through.”
“She’s a strong woman. I’m sure she will be fine. I wouldn’t have let her move away if I didn’t think she would be okay. She never felt she deserved the life I gave her, especially after she lost little Johnny.”
“My heart is still broken over losing that adorable little boy. We need to focus on the two precious years he was ours. Not on his death. He’s free from pain now, and he’s with his father.”
You Promised Me Forever (The Dirty Ankle Series Book 1) Page 14