by Raven Scott
“Joci…” Whispering my name with such veneration, Jacob slid his arms under me as mine tightened as much as they could. Shivering, sweaty, and hot, he felt like everything I hoped he would as his hands pressed flat against my back.
In just five seconds, all the loneliness that’d accumulated, clung to my insides like mold— all the bitterness, and the hatred, and the longing— melted away. Five seconds was all it took to undo five years, and this was that moment that Jacob had talked about. That moment so intense that time stopped.
28
Jacob
Stroking back Joci’s hair, I pursed my lips thinly when her cheek twisted noticeably, her sharp inhale cutting through the air.
“You’re still in a lot of pain, Joci. You don’t have to force yourself to go to my parents’ house.” We hadn’t slept last night, but not for the reason I had expected. Helping Joci into the cute, feminine flannel she’d picked out for Thanksgiving dinner, I frowned under furrowed brows. Every part of her was twitchy, and her hands shook when they popped out of the sleeve cuffs. Wrapped in dark blue and green squares, she turned to me to show off her slightly pale face and red-rimmed eyes.
Determination set her mouth in a thin line, and my protest died on my tongue— but I had half a mind to call my mom and explain that I wasn’t going. Joci’s shoulders were all black and blue, like they’d been rolled over by a car that crushed everything but the actual bones. I couldn’t convince her to go to a hospital; she was confident that it looked worse than it was.
I thought that was horse shit, but…
“I’m okay. It was worth it.” Unease gripped my gut in a vice, but I simply nodded. There was no point I could make that I hadn’t made at some point already. Glancing at my watch, I only inhaled a sharp breath before she held out forearms in a questioning gesture. “How do I look?”
Scanning her slowly, I stroked my chin and spent a second admiring her— sans trembling, of course. Joci looked good in darker colors, and we’d gotten lucky to find a black pair of khakis that matched her low heels.
“You look really nice, Joci. We should put your hair up— I bet that’d be cute.” She blushed so brightly, and I grinned as happiness erupted like sparklers burning and popping in my chest. “You’re always beautiful in whatever you wear.”
“Yeah…” The fact that Joci couldn’t do something so simple as put her hair into a bun— push it out of her face— was mindboggling. I couldn’t even imagine how restrictive it made her life to be unable to raise her arms past her breasts. And the one time she did, to hug me, her shoulders bruised so terribly. She was in so much pain, and she was being very careful to hide the extent.
“Ready to go?” I shook my head to clear my thoughts, not that they went far, and Joci nodded. “It’s a train ride away, thankfully. I’d be pissed if I had to rent a car or something.”
“Why don’t you have one?” Leaving my bedroom, I shrugged as I reached to scratch my jaw. Caleb stood, waiting, ready to pound the pavement in a casual button down and slacks. He glanced at me warily, his gaze flickering to Joci briefly before turning back to his phone. “There’s not many cars in Russia. Only rich people have them.”
“I don’t have a car because it’s not really needed in a city like New York. I live within walking distance of everything, and it’s two or three train stations to everywhere else. I do have a license, though.” Swiping my keys off the small table by the door, I grabbed Joci’s coat to help her into it as I spoke. She struggled noticeably, but all I could do was grind my teeth and swallow the flames that licked up my throat. “It’s gonna be rough, Joci.”
“I’ll go after. How’s that okay?” Relief lifted some of the tension on my shoulders, and I nodded firmly before grabbing my own coat. Patting the pocket for my wallet, I knew I wouldn’t get better out of her. “You said you have 2 brothers with 2 kids, right? And your sister takes care of your parents?”
“Yeah— two older brothers, an older sister, then me, and then Carl’s the youngest. He should show up, but I wouldn’t be surprised if he got high and forgot today was Thanksgiving.” Caleb snorted roughly from his place leaning against the back of the sofa, turning off his phone to gaze at me with a humored expression.
“It’s more like he’ll get high as a kite and come eat all the good stuff and pass out on the floor.” Honestly, it was a 50/50 chance either would happen, but I really hoped Carl missed today. He’d bring his girlfriend, and she was just weird— really into astrology and sells Herbalife, and frankly, she had a really annoying, wispy voice. As happy as I was that Carl was so in love with her, she was riding a constant acid trip and probably hadn’t touched the ground in years.
“So, Jacob— I’ve been—” Holy shit, really? Holding up my hand as I paused with my other palm on the doorknob, I shot Caleb a nasty glare. Irritation spiked in my veins; we hadn’t even left my apartment, and he was trying to bring up my kicking him out? I could hear it in his tone that whatever he was going to say wasn’t good, and I sincerely didn’t want to listen to it.
“Listen, okay? I— don’t— fucking— care. I don’t want updates. I don’t want anything from you, Caleb. You have ten days to get the fuck out of my apartment, and nothing you say is going to change that. If you have nowhere to go, that’s not my problem. I’ve been nice about it, Caleb, but we’re done, and you trying to get me to not kick you out is only making me want to cut that ten days to one. Got it?” He paled, his face screwing in anger and upset, but I was beyond my cousin trying to scheme his way back onto my couch. “Good. Now, shut the fuck up about it. I’m going to enjoy today as much as possible, and you and the shit circumstance you made for yourself isn’t going to stop me.”
Pulling open the door sharply, I pointed through it, and Caleb sulked his way into the hallway with his head hung low. Rubbing my jaw in agitation, my lips thinned as sourness coated my tongue. I did not feel bad for kicking Caleb out, only for being nasty about it. Frankly, I shouldn’t need to constantly reiterate that I was not going to change my mind. Just because we were cousins, or maybe in spite of it, he seemed to be under the impression that I’d give him another chance if enough people pressured me.
But I’d given Caleb chance after chance after chance, and he never once pulled through on the simplest shit.
“That was mean.” Frowning under knit brows as I locked the door, I ground my teeth as Joci cocked her head at me curiously. “Why does he think making you be mean does work?”
“Because I put up with his shit before, so maybe I’d do it again. That’s the stupid part. I gave him chances, and he never took me seriously. Now, he’s freaking out because he’s not actually trying to find a place to go because he hopes I’ll let him stay.” I always had to remind myself that I wasn’t stupid when it came to Caleb; I knew that everything he was doing, from ‘interviewing’ for a bump up at the restaurant he worked to ‘searching’ for apartments, was only the very bare minimum. He’d asked his boss for a chance to be a server, but he didn’t actually plan to follow through. Maybe, he knew his boss would shoot him down, but he asked anyway just to tell me he was trying. “He’d better start talking to Aunt Jess about moving back home. Come next Monday, he’s out.”
“I have to start looking, too.” Wiggling the door handle, curiosity sparked in my chest as I took Joci’s hand to head for the elevator. Her tight grip and clammy palm sent prickles up my arm, but if anyone could fake it, she could. “My boss gives me money to buy a place. I wanted to before he leaves, but my English teacher says it takes time.”
“Maybe, if you were buying a house, it’d take some time, but apartments are usually a lot easier. I’d be more than happy to let you stay at my place if you couldn’t find an apartment before your boss leaves.” Smiling at her as we reached the elevator, I punched the button but knew it’d take a while. Caleb was already gone— he could get to my mom’s house by himself, and I gave him no more thought than that. “Honestly, I think it’s nice that your boss wants to get rid of
you so bad. Does that sound bad?”
“No. I don’t want him, anyway. He’s an asshole. He’s worse than Anatoly.” There’s that damned name again. “Aleksander does anything he wants. No one can say ‘no’ to him. That’s worse by a lot.”
“Once he goes back to Russia, you’ll be on your own, though. From everything you’ve said about him, he doesn’t seem like the kind of guy to care once a decision has been made. You’ll be here, safe and happy, and he’ll never think of you again. It’s a win-win.” Squeezing Joci’s hand reassuringly, my smile widened when her charcoal-rimmed eyes met mine, glimmering with confidence and happiness and only the slightest shimmer of pain. “I want you to sleep over again without having to ask for permission, first.”
“Me too.” Her cheeks rounded and tinged pink, and I inhaled a deep, stable breath as the elevator doors slid open. Gesturing Joci in first, I couldn’t help but wonder if all this happened because she put on a proper piece of lingerie. Looking good, being around someone that made her feel good, and having something better to look forward to…
After five years of being shit on, did Joci really mean what she said last night, or did she only say it because she felt like a person, not a thing?
29
Joci
“You sure that’ll be enough?” Gulping down the handful of pain pills I’d bought, I lifted my water bottle to my lips with a nod. Jacob pulled a face but didn’t protest, and I sighed as I felt the gel capsules flow down to drop into my stomach. “I’m not going to let you chicken out of going to the hospital tonight, Joci.”
“I know. It’s okay. I can do this.” I tried my damnedest to stop my voice from trembling, but I knew Jacob heard it. He always understood me, and I pushed down the spout on my bottle to smile reassuringly— or how I hoped came across as reassuring. We were a block from his mom’s house, but the only chance I had to back out was when Jacob had invited me. This was just like with my job; all I had to do was pretend I was okay, and no one would dig too deep.
If his mom was really as drama averse as she seemed, everything would be fine.
Walking down the cold, empty sidewalk, tension buzzed up and down my legs and wrapped tightly around my spine. I didn’t know what to expect, but family gatherings couldn’t be that different. Faint memories played behind my lids when I blinked— faded half-forgotten visions of a life that wasn’t mine anymore.
My shoulders hurt, but the pain wasn’t so bad that I couldn’t ignore it. Sure, the bruises were ugly and looked bad, but I was okay. As long as I kept telling myself that, I could get by.
“There it is.” The hairs on the back of my neck stood up as Jacob pointed down and across the street at a little house with white siding. It was a cute, small house, two stories, with a narrow stair leading up to the screen door. There was no front yard, but a garden gnome sat on the flat surface of the railing by the sidewalk. Crossing the street, Jacob and I walked slowly, and my heart beat harder and harder. All I could see was the gnome’s green hat, and I gnawed on my bottom lip furiously.
Jogging up the six steps, Jacob knocked hard on the door, and already, the excited talking and sound of kids filtered through the cracks. I held my breath as anticipation gripped my heart in a vice, and he squeezed my hand gingerly. Tangling our fingers together, I clenched and released my jaw against the anxiety that clawed at the back of my tongue.
“Jacob! It’s good to see you!” Who I guessed was Jacob’s father opened the screen door with a warm smile— the same as his son’s. My heart lurched into my throat, and dull, blue eyes flickered to mine to brighten.
“Hey, Dad. This is Joci— my girlfriend. Mom probably mentioned her, right?” A deep, wry chuckle floated through the entryway, and I fixed a smile on my face. The tension in me rolled off my skin thickly, seeping through my clothes, and he held out a large hand for me. I took it without thinking, and the hairs on my arms bristled as goosebumps swept up and across my chest.
“You’re all Lisa has talked about, but don’t let her get under your skin.” He talked too fast for my frazzled brain to keep up, and I shot Jacob a puzzled look. Pulling back his hand, he gestured us inside, and I rubbed my palm against the butt of my pants absently. “So, how was the ride here, Jacob? Where’s Caleb? I thought you were coming together?”
“He’s mad I haven’t cracked yet and let him stay. I’d really rather not talk about it, Dad. If he’s not here within the next hour and a half, he probably won’t be coming. I wouldn’t put it past him to wait for another train with his petty ass.” Gingerly wrapping his arm around me, Jacob shook his head as he grumbled bitterly— that much, I could understand. “What’s Mom been telling everyone?”
“That you bought her off the internet for bigger and bigger amounts of money every time she tells someone, but— to be honest, I haven’t really paid any mind to it.” The house was alive with movement and noise, and I walked stiffly into the living room as Jacob’s father spoke. “I’d like some answers, but I know for sure you’re not stupid enough to buy a hooker, let alone someone from another country.”
“I’m from Russia.” Speaking up, I tensed when I suddenly became acutely aware of my accent, and Jacob’s dad smiled at me warmly. I could see the confusion in his eyes flash so briefly, and flames of embarrassment licked my face and threatened to melt my cheeks. “America is really nice.”
The awkwardness in the air spiked when Jacob’s dad simply nodded, and I cringed internally as he took a big breath.
“Well, I’m sure it’ll be great to get to know someone that’s not a native New Yorker. You want a drink, Joci? Jacob?” He sauntered off when Jacob nodded, and I closed my eyes to rub my outer thighs nervously. Jacob turned to me with pride shimmering in his blue eyes, his lips quirking up.
“Not so bad, huh?” I could only gulp down the dense lump in my throat, and he caressed my lower back soothingly. “It’ll get better.”
“Yeah. Yeah.” Gazing at the dozen or so people milling around the living room, some with cups in their hands and others without, I pursed my lips thinly. “Not so bad.”
“Jakey!” The stillness around us shattered at the high-pitched squeal, and I sucked in a sharp breath when a little body came bolting out of nowhere. Crashing into Jacob’s legs, the little boy smiled up without noticing me, his pudgy face glowing with happiness and excitement. “You’re here!”
“Hey, Pauly. What’s crack’a’lackin’?” The little boy giggled hysterically; he couldn’t have been older than five, maybe, with bright brown eyes and curly, rich brown hair. “You being a good boy?”
“Yes! Look! I lost a tooth!” Jacob’s arm slithered from around me, and he bent to pick up his nephew with a grunt. I was never around little children, and awkwardness flooded my veins as I just stood there. Paul opened his mouth wide, and Jacob made a show of looking inside.
“Wow! Awesome! Did you get any money from the Toothfairy?” Setting Paul down when he nodded furiously, Jacob smiled and patted his head. “Hey, where’s your dad?”
“Right here.” Everything happened so fast— people talked too fast, moved too fast— and I couldn’t keep up. “Hey, Jake. How’s life?”
They shared a hug, and I ignored their conversation to look around at all the unfamiliar faces. Jacob’s family wasn’t huge, but it was obviously too large for this house. Clearly, it was a struggle to get everyone in such a small space. Even the couch was only big enough to accommodate two or three people comfortably.
Yet, everyone around me seemed very comfortable and laid back, smiling and talking as if they weren’t crowded together. The houses I was accustomed to working for Makovich had an overabundance of space; Aleksander could fit his whole family in his mansion and still have extra room.
“Joci.” Blinking at the call, I turned to Jacob and his brother to hum in question. “This is my eldest brother, Roerich.”
“Oh. Hi— oh!” Roerich pulled me into a light hug, and my eyes widened in shock as I sucked in a whistle of a breath. Flames e
ngulfed my shoulders and shot down my arms, but I was too surprised to be pained by his faint squeeze. He pulled back, his greyish eyes bright and his smile wide to reveal a single dimple on his right cheek.
“Mom’s been taking about you nonstop to anyone that would listen, so I was really excited to meet you. How long have you been in America?” My brain short-circuited, and I opened my mouth only for nothing to come out. Roerich watched me expectantly, his arms falling from around me to leave me tingling with apprehension.
“Um— Uh… A-Americ-ca… yes…?” Casting Jacob a pleading look, I clamped my mouth shut only for my lips to screw in utter mortification. Kill me now— holy fuck.
“She’s only been here a week. What did Mom tell you?” Drawing the attention off me, Jacob hugged my waist again, and I breathed for the first time in a while. Roerich was obviously an upbeat and cheery guy, giving me no hope to keep up with his words as they spilled from his mouth.
“That you paid $25,000 dollars for a Russian Mail-order Bride, and you’re using her as an excuse to be an asshole and kick Caleb out for no reason. There was a bunch of other stuff about how you got all that money because there’s no way a senior program developer makes that much, right? And that you’re probably not going to recoup any of your money when she skips out on you.” Roerich shrugged, his smile morphing into a slippery smirk. “The usual overblown gossip.”
“Jesus— I knew she’d blow it out of proportion, but that’s nuts. Do you know if Aunt Jess is here?” I could follow Jacob, a little, and Roerich shook his head as he reached to rub the back of his neck. Clearly, they were brothers; they had the same build, the same hair color, and the same nose and jaw line.