In moments, Kaylee mimicked him, followed by Joey, who added his imprint to the landscape. Their laughter echoed in the cloud-heavy sky, and though an icy stream rolled from his neck down his back, he warmed at the joy of seeing Paula with the children.
Her cheeks rosy and eyes glowing, Paula sidled beside him, and he reached out with one arm for an embrace when he realized her motivation wasn’t romantic. Her arm stretched out, but instead of accepting his hug, she slipped a glob of snow down his neck, the icy mush sending a chill down his chest.
Wet and laughing, she fell into his arms while the children giggled and darted to them, their arms wrapped around their bodies as high as they could reach. They joined hands and swung in a circle until his foot slipped and they piled onto the ground in a giggling bundle of jackets, boots and happiness.
“You’re going to freeze to death with that wet mess up your sleeves.” Paula crouched in front of Kaylee, brushing the snow from her clothing and checking beneath for icy particles.
“Not me.” Kaylee spun away. “Let’s swing.”
With piping voices, Joey and Kaylee bounded to the playground while Clint slipped his fingers through Paula’s and followed them. He eyed her bright smile, the sunlight glowing on her face, and the cold from the snow vanished. “Having fun?”
Her face gave the answer. “The most I’ve had in years.” Her eyes searched his. “Maybe a lifetime.”
He squeezed her hand, wanting to see her as happy every day of her life. “I forgot how much fun it is to be a child.”
“And how much fun to play with them.” A telling look wove through his body. “I’ve told you so often being a mother is a natural instinct that comes from being content and loving them and yourself.”
“And their father.”
A lump formed in his throat and speaking seemed impossible. He slowed and planted a kiss on her forehead. “Thank you.”
“I’ve been a determined woman despite my lack of so many things, but somewhere along the line, I knew what was right. I just had to dig deep to find it.” Her hand left his and slipped behind him. “I thank you for that.”
The step she’d taken was more than he had asked for. He’d expected to romp in the snow with the kids and let them enjoy the first snow, but Paula had fired his dreams. They’d made the first step in creating a lasting relationship, and today she’d added the element he’d longed for his entire adult life. A child of his own.
* * *
Paula stood outside the coffee shop, pondering the wisdom of her phone call to Elise. She heard an attitude in her voice, and she anticipated the worst until she reviewed why she’d called, and the sense of need that hung in her mind. Her need or Elise’s? That was yet to be seen. A chill shivered down her back, and she braced herself and tugged open the café door, fighting the wind that had crept up since she’d left the house.
Hoping she remembered what Elise looked like, she scanned the customers and spotted her in a back booth. Before heading toward her, she ordered a mocha latte and added “skinny” to the description. Low-fat milk helped relieve the guilt of indulging in the rich treat. She waited, her eyes glued to the barista rather than connecting with Elise’s gaze.
Struggling with second thoughts, she dug into her bag for her cash, and when she paid for the mug, she noticed the white heart-shaped design floating on the chocolate drink, and her own heart softened. She’d been motivated by sadness for the woman’s inability to face the truth and the future, a situation she’d taken too long to handle. Not knowing what would happen, Paula turned and headed for her table.
Elise’s eyes followed her across the room, an unpleasant look carved into her face, and all Paula could muster was regret for her own misjudgments and mistakes. She managed to frame a noncommittal expression on her face and approach her.
“Elise, thanks for seeing me.” She set her drink on the table and scooted into the booth. “The last time we met was under a tense situation, and—”
“Do you think this is a tea party?” Elise’s eyes snapped as fiery as her question.
“No, but it’s also not to argue. There is none from my viewpoint.”
Though Elise’s response was a snort, her ramrod spine bent almost imperceptibly.
Using one of her mother’s outdated phrases, she’d knocked the starch from her, but that hadn’t been her purpose. She gave Elise a direct look. “I’m not here to cause trouble or to flaunt myself as a winner, and I’m sorry if that’s what you thought.”
Elise leaned forward, her voice a hiss. “I don’t know why I agreed to seeing you. Curiosity, I suppose, trying to figure out what Clint sees in you. I’m still lost.”
Without knowing, Elise had introduced the heart of the matter. “I know you’re lost. I was lost once, too.”
Her haughty look morphed to a look of confusion. “I have no idea what you mean.”
Instead of wasting time with trying to make her understand, Paula began her story. The family background, what happened, and then she came to the why. “Since meeting Clint and beginning to feel better about myself, I faced a truth about me. I wanted love so badly I would do anything to get it. So hungry for it that I closed my eyes to morals and values, and I opened myself to diminished self-esteem that was already feeble. I’m grateful that I dug my way out of the pit.”
Although Elise tried to hide her interest, she let the truth slip. “I’m not in a pit. I’m—”
“You may define pit differently. To me, it’s fooling myself to believe that others did this to me, that I was the innocent party in a horrible plot.” She closed her eyes, fighting back tears. “So I created a plot of my own. For me it was a perfect family, a mother and father who adored me and stood behind me even in my poor judgments. Like a novel, a subplot entered the picture. But this one wasn’t from my imagination, it was from my life. I had the idea that true love, romantic love, could happen if I gave my all, if I paid for it in some way.”
She looked into Elise’s eyes, wanting to stress her point. “Your plot is perhaps opposite. Maybe you really did come from a perfect family.”
“It doesn’t matter what kind of family, and it’s not your business.” She’d risen on her haunches again.
“It’s only your business, but analyze it. Sometimes families not only stand behind us but they shower us with so much we begin to think they owe us. I’m sure you know someone like that.”
Discomfort spread across Elise’s face, and Paula knew she’d hit the mark. “The problem is parents love their children because they’re an extension of themselves. Some resent their children for the same reason.” Her expression grew questioning.
“My mother didn’t need a child in her shaky relationship. My father split when I was a toddler as far as I know. I’d never met him, and my mother, I suspect, unconsciously blamed me both for the marriage and the lack of love and support. The same thing I sought as an adult.”
Elise’s questioning expression remained unchanged, and her attention grew as she listened. “I had a good family. I don’t see anything wrong with wanting the same.”
“I’d want the same, too, but I didn’t have that.” Paula gave her a pointed look. “And you had a man who offered you that same kind of love and happiness, but you decided that wasn’t as important as another image you had.”
“What image are you talking about?”
Paula shrugged. “You have to answer that. Wealth, adventure, glamour, position, all of the above. Somewhere along the line, Elise, you forgot to value partnership to build a marriage, companionship, security or faithfulness to a man who adored you. How did you lose that?”
Elise closed her eyes and turned away.
Facing the truth took time and Paula sat back, waiting to see if Elise would walk out on her or be willing to learn.
“I believed in a fairy tale.” Her voice w
as a whisper.
Paula nodded, remembering each time her fairy tale crashed to the ground. “I wanted that, too, and to your loss, I found mine. I’m not here to rub it in or chastise you for your blatant behavior with Clint. He doesn’t feel that way. He only felt uneasy and sad.”
“Sad?”
“He has a good heart, and though firefighters have a strong, capable reputation, they’re also sensitive and kind. If you only knew what he put up with until recently, you’d understand me. He didn’t give up on me. He persisted. He saw my hurt and my lack of faith in anything, and he served as an example of what life can be if we open ourselves to it. Love takes work and fortitude. That’s one way it differs from the fairy tale.” Her mind flashed back from her first meeting with Clint, her struggle to stay aloof, her failure to remain that way and yet the determination to back away.
“My parents didn’t seem to work at their marriage.” Elise’s frown deepened. “I never saw them disagree or argue.”
“They never allowed you to see it. Some people handle their issues in private, wanting their children to only see a happy home. Perfection is another fairy tale. No matter how hard we try, we can’t always cut it.”
She nodded, staring at the tabletop as if digging back in time to locate the clues.
“I was like elastic with Clint, or a pendulum, swinging madly in one direction and then catapulting in the other. He’s one of the most patient people I know. If you’d given him time, you may have learned to understand him and see the beauty of him.”
Shaking her head, Elise brushed a tear from her cheek. “He deserves you, Paula.”
Paula’s body jerked with the sting of her statement.
Elise’s expression softened, a faint grin curving her lips. “I mean that in a good way. I would never have been good for him. Maybe one of these days I’ll see what you’re seeing, but I think I knew from the moment I accepted the ring that I’d made a bad move.”
“Then why did you—”
“Come back?”
Paula nodded.
She shrugged. “I don’t know. Somehow I thought he’d be better than nothing. You’re right that he’s kind and thoughtful. Sometimes it drove me crazy. I wanted spice and I got sugar. Know what I mean?”
Though Paula understood the analogy, she didn’t comprehend her way of thinking. “Then you really did him a huge favor by saying goodbye. He’s said that to me, but I wasn’t as confident as he was.” Opening her heart and thoughts to Elise began to take a toll. Her knee had begun to bounce, and her mind tripped over the thoughts she’d shared and the emotion she’d shown. “I wasn’t confident then, but I am now.”
Inching her head upward, Elise’s eyes caught hers. “This is strange coming from me, but thank you.”
The apology left her speechless. She swallowed with no avail, her throat locked with astonishment. “Thank you. I hope you find someone who’ll be perfect for you.”
Elise shrugged again. “Perfect isn’t possible, but that would be nice. Maybe I will one day, but you’re right. I can’t make it happen. I can only leave the door open.”
Grateful for the words that filled her heart and mind, Paula nodded.
“Would you say goodbye to Clint for me? I think I’ll head back to the big city. I know one thing about myself. I’m not a small-town girl. I like a little excitement.”
Paula grinned and promised she would relay her goodbye to Clint, but as Elise rose and headed for the door, she chuckled. She liked a little excitement, too, and she’d found all the excitement she could handle right there in Clint’s arms.
* * *
Clint leaned back in Paula’s easy chair, relieved when he listened to the full story of her talk with Elise. “You think it went well.”
“Not at first. When I walked in she had an attitude, but I suppose I did, too. I arched my back like an angry cat.”
He scowled, not certain he understood. “Then how did—”
“I was wrong. As I talked to her, I began to feel pity again. Can you believe it?” She bit her lip and closed her eyes. “I was right about seeing some of my problems in her, Clint.” She drew in a lengthy breath. “And not a good me, but one who let her self-esteem sink while she begged for attention, begged someone to love her.”
Emotions coiled in his chest, recalling Elise almost begging for his love. It was a side of Elise he’d never seen.
Paula straightened her back. “The good news is it ended well. She listened, and I think she understood.”
“I suspect she did. You had nothing to gain by talking with her unless you’d gone there to gloat, and I know that’s not what you did.”
She looked away. “Gloating would have been easier than offering advice, but that’s what I did.” Her head turned his way and she smacked her hands together. “So let’s cheer up and talk about something more pleasant.”
“Great idea.” She offered the perfect lead-in for what he hoped she would welcome, but with Paula he never knew. “My folks are coming to visit next weekend.”
She looked at him as if waiting for more.
“It’s Thanksgiving, and they’re anxious to meet you.”
Tension returned to Paula’s face, and he looked away and focused on the cabinet he’d built for her. He waited a moment, hoping she’d say something, but she didn’t. “What do you think?”
Paula stared at him, as if trying to digest his simple request. “You know how I am about meeting people I don’t know.”
“I’ve told Mom and Dad about you, and naturally they’re curious. I thought it was time you should be introduced.” He tried to understand her hesitation. She’d never had parents like his, and maybe she worried it would bother her.
She looked more thoughtful. “For Thanksgiving, you said?”
He nodded.
“The dinner will be at your house, I hope.”
“The dinner. Yes.” He swallowed, wishing she were more excited. “And it’s my birthday, too. This year it’s the day after Thanksgiving.”
He watched her shoulders ease, and finally she grinned. “You’re still admitting you have birthdays? I gave that up when I turned thirty.” Her grin broadened. “We’ll have to do something special to celebrate. How about if I bring the birthday cake?”
Seeing her enthusiasm change, he told her the second part of his plan. “Since you want to do something special for my birthday, I thought you would like to host the birthday party. You don’t have to fuss. Maybe we’ll have pie left from Thanksgiving and—”
“You should have a cake, but I’m not much of a baker.” She rolled her eyes. “But I spotted a place that sells cakes for all occasions. Much better than I could make, I’m sure.”
“It’s probably the same place I get them.” Although he didn’t want to admit he’d told his parents how much she meant to him, he rested his hand on her shoulder, admitting the rest. “My first motive is letting them see your new house, and the second is I want them to take a look at my latest handiwork.”
She turned toward the cabinet he’d made for her and nodded. “You should be proud. It’s beautiful.” She shifted closer to him and touched his cheek.
Contentment eased through him.
“But here’s my problem.”
The but jarred the warm moment.
“I’ll serve dessert, but if you want them to visit here, it means I need to do something festive with the house. A wreath, at least, or something.”
Though his parents wouldn’t expect decorations, he knew Paula, and he was glad this was motivating her. She’d already hinted not to expect her to put up Christmas decorations, and if his parents’ visit motivated her, then he would give her an extra push. With no family traditions in her life, he longed to see that change now that he hoped to be part of her future. He slid up his sleeve and peered at
his watch, an idea brewing. “What are you doing now?”
“Talking with you.” She patted his shoulder, a crooked smile on her face. “I’m not busy, but why are you asking?”
“If you have no plans, then let’s go.” Before she asked what he meant, he reached for his jacket, slipped it on and pulled up the zipper.
“Go?” Her expression shifted from uncertainty to understanding. “You mean shopping for a wreath?” She shook her head. “I can do that on my way home from work.”
“But can you purchase a tree?”
Her eyebrows arched high above her eyes. “You mean Christmas tree? But I told you I don’t do decorations. Anyway it’s too early for that?”
“Maybe you didn’t do it in your old life, but this is your new one, remember?” He managed a playful grin. “Anyway, we have to put up two.” He pointed to her and then pressed his index finger into his chest. “Yours and mine.”
“But that means ornaments. I don’t own any. I left behind all the scraggily ones my mother had packed in a box for years and tossed into storage unprotected. She never put up a tree. I saw them when I was packing—covered in dust, chipped and broken.” She lowered her eyes. “And they reminded me of the way my life had been until I moved here.” She raised her chin, her eyes meeting his. “And before I met you.”
He shifted closer and wrapped her in his arms. His pulse raced, seeing the look on her face. “I want this Christmas to be a reflection of us—the happy us.”
Tension melted from her body as a new look washed across her face. “Okay, it is our first Christmas together.” She lifted her index finger and shook it at him. “But decorating’s your baby, not mine.”
His arms slipped from their embrace, and he pulled gloves from his pocket, a soft chuckle as he thought of a comeback. “My baby? It takes two for that.”
She only shook her head and grinned.
Rescued by the Firefighter Page 17