by Maisey Yates
She had been fifteen. Now she wondered if her mom had imagined that first crush would mean Emma would want to be married at eighteen just like she had.
She was still brooding when Anna pushed open the door, and Emma walked inside, her arms full of pie, only to stop cold.
The room was full of people she knew. And in that moment that it took her to identify them all, they shouted, “Surprise!”
She blinked. “Oh.”
“It’s a surprise party,” Anna said.
“Right,” Emma responded.
She looked around and saw her mom, who was hanging back, reserved, and her grandma. And there was Adam, her boss, behind the counter, as if to announce that he was here, but not really here.
“Happy birthday,” Catherine said, standing up from her table and pulling Emma in for a hug as she shoved a gift box with a balloon on the top into her hand.
The cake was beautiful, sitting in the middle of the table, and she assumed that her aunt had made it. She turned to her. “Thank you.”
Slowly, very slowly, happiness put cracks into her shock. Into the dark cloud that hung over her head, and had for so long.
“Don’t thank me until you try it. But I think you’re going to love it.” She pulled her in for a hug, too.
Her mom stood, then cautiously crossed the room, holding out her arms. And Emma leaned in.
She wasn’t going to be mean. Not at her birthday party.
And she loved her mom. She didn’t think for a moment that somehow that had changed just because they’d had a fight.
There was no point in acting that way.
“Thank you, everyone,” she said, feeling deeply uncomfortable that she had to make anything remotely resembling a speech. “Just...thank you.”
And Adam started bringing out cheeseburgers. So many cheeseburgers. And all of the French fries she could possibly want.
“Thank you,” she said, again.
Her boss was a hard man to know. He was easy with jokes, but she didn’t know anything about him. And he didn’t demonstrate sincere feelings in an open way. But he was kind. One of the kindest people she’d ever known. The way that he supported her aunt with her pies, the way that he had always talked to her mom.
And the way that he’d given her a job, and trained her with patience, but also hadn’t treated her like she was damaged.
He had helped to make this place a haven for her, and she appreciated it.
Her presents came, and it was amazing to get such thoughtful, wonderful gifts from her friends.
Each and every one made her feel like less and less of an unknowable alien. And like maybe she was the only one who’d actually seen herself that way.
A journal and frog earrings from Catherine, along with a set of her favorite pens. A succulent in an owl pot from Prathika. A giant, fuzzy blanket that Noemi, Abigail and Chantelle had gone in on together.
All things she loved. All things she would use.
It made the path back to real life seem not quite so long.
Throughout the entire event, her grandmother was unusually quiet. Emma kept looking over at Wendy, who would offer her a smile, but little else.
Emma realized that she was contributing to the way they saw her. She had hidden who she was.
They had no real idea how much Boston had meant to her, or that she had decided to go, anyway. That she was dating Luke.
And that was her fault.
She’d hidden it. And not to protect them, like she’d believed. To protect herself. She hadn’t wanted to argue. Hadn’t wanted to make the special, secret things in her heart public because there was something about the idea of sharing them that made her afraid she was exposing them to danger.
She didn’t trust life, that was for sure.
It had taken away her father.
But that didn’t mean...she couldn’t keep going on out of fear.
And when she looked at her aunt Anna, she knew well how that ended. With an explosion.
Maybe she could make it all happen without an explosion. If she did it in time.
“Em...” Her mom turned to her once she’d finished with her friends’ gifts. “Your dad has something for you.”
Emma’s heart stuttered. Her mom’s eyes were shining as she reached to the edge of the table and pushed forward a wrapped box. “I don’t know what it is,” she said, her voice thin. “He didn’t tell me. But he bought it two years ago. Because he told me he was afraid he wouldn’t be here. And he wanted you to have this on your birthday. Because he’s with you, even if he can’t be here physically. That was important to him, that you knew that.”
Emma didn’t know if she could breathe around the lump in her throat. And the room had gone quiet.
With shaking hands, she undid the ribbon. She didn’t want to tear the wrapping. She peeled the edges of the tape slowly, then unfolded the plain pink paper, leaving all of it intact and revealing a small, white box.
She opened it and inside was a bracelet, rose gold, with two charms.
A lighthouse, and a round pendant with an inscription.
The Light will always lead you home.
Something clicked inside her. Like a key in a lock.
Her dad had always known she would go.
And he’d known the house, her family, would be there waiting for her, guiding her back, like a ship out at sea.
Her mom was silently wiping away tears and guilt bound up Emma. She was so...unsettled and angry about everything, and her mom was hurting, and she didn’t know what to do about any of it.
Except...
She reached across the table and hugged her mom. Tears slipped down her cheeks and whatever was happening around them faded.
Whatever was going to happen in the future didn’t matter.
Right now...
Right now she was home.
She released her mom and put the bracelet on her wrist, staring at it intermittently.
He wasn’t here, and he should be. He’d given her this instead.
She felt the loss of him more and less all at the same time.
Her dad... He’d had to plan for a future he knew he wouldn’t see. And he’d done it. It was the bravest thing Emma could even think of. The kindest.
It made her feel like she wasn’t all that brave. Not by comparison. She’d struggled to accept his death. He’d had no choice. He’d accepted it. Planned for it.
And he’d still laughed with her. Smiled with her.
It made her want to be braver now. To smile and cry. To live.
She wiped away her tears and it took a while to recover, as she finished her milkshake and cake.
The party went on, and eventually she...laughed. Without thinking, without pausing first. She felt happy.
It felt normal.
Her dad not being there was strange, like there was a hole at the center of the diner. Friends filled the gaps. In the room, in her heart. For now. For this.
They ate French fries and cake until they were full, and laughed at one of the boys sucking in helium and trying to talk after.
“Idiot!” one of the girls shouted. “Use your phone for that! That’s dangerous.”
That only egged on more of them. But Emma appreciated it because the more ridiculous it got, the better it was.
When the evening wound down she walked outside with her friends and laughed with them halfway down the block to their cars.
She felt him watching her before she saw him.
“Hey,” she said as she hugged Catherine, “thank you. I’ll see you. I have to...” She gestured toward the garage.
“Ah,” Catherine said. “Boyfriend.”
“Who?” Prathika had overheard and leaned in, her dark eyes wide.
“Her boyfriend. The mechanic.”
�
�Ah, no way! He is hot,” Prathika said, with genuine enthusiasm.
Emma hadn’t fully appreciated what she was missing by not telling her friends about Luke. The genuine envy was something she liked a lot better than pity.
“Yeah,” Emma said, blushing a little. “I’m just going to run in for a second.”
“Her mom doesn’t know about him,” Catherine said.
“Well, he’s twenty-one. I figured I’d wait on that.”
“Yeah, my mom would kill me,” Prathika said.
“Mine would just worry so hard she might open up a hole in the ground. I’m just...”
“Bye!” Prathika and Catherine said together, and Emma scurried off toward the garage.
Luke was there, just like she knew he’d be.
“Did you bring me cake?” he asked.
“Oh...no. Sorry. That was dumb, I can go get you some cake...”
“I’m kidding, Em. I don’t need cake.” He pulled her in for a kiss and she sighed, leaning into it.
“I wish you could have been there,” she said.
“Well, if your mom knew about me I could have been.”
Guilt gnawed at her. Both guilt over lying to her mom, and guilt over what hiding Luke meant for him. “I know.”
“I’m not going to lecture you on your birthday. But I do have something for you.”
Her heart skipped. She’d really, really hoped he would get her something and she had spent a lot of time wondering what it might be. When he handed her the small wrapped box her heart skipped.
For a moment she was worried it would be a bracelet. Like it would somehow be...something she had to put aside because her dad had just given her the bracelet and she couldn’t put her boyfriend’s bracelet over her dad’s bracelet.
She turned it over, then started to untie the ribbon. Then the delicate tissue paper. She took the lid off the white box, and revealed a small, delicate necklace with a pearl on the end.
The chain was rose gold.
It matched the bracelet.
Emotion swelled up in her chest and she didn’t know what to say or do. It just felt right somehow.
“It’s not a lot,” he said, “I know. But I know you love the ocean. A pearl seemed right. Maybe someday there will be more than one.”
She pushed herself up on her toes and kissed him again, hard. “It’s perfect,” she said.
So was he.
And it was weird but in the moment she felt caught. Between him and the pearl. Him and her dreams of going away. Of that life she’d created in her head. New experiences and everything else.
He was a new experience she hadn’t realized she’d wanted. And leaving here would mean leaving him.
“Let me,” he said, taking the necklace out of the box and clasping it quickly around her neck.
She touched it, then looked up at him. “I...”
“Your mom won’t notice. You got lots of gifts.”
Pain twinged slightly in her chest. He was clearly slightly irritated about being a secret. And she felt...well, she felt bad about it, too.
About all the secrets.
The bracelet was heavier on her wrist then.
How could she see the light if she was keeping everything in the dark? Her dad had trusted her. To know who she was and what she wanted.
She had to fix this with him. But she had to fix some things with her family first.
“I wasn’t going to say anything about my mom. I was just going to say thank you. Again. I love it.”
“Good,” he said, shoving his hands into his pockets and taking a step backward.
“I have to go.” She looked out the window of the garage and saw her mom, aunt and grandma walking out of the diner, holding gifts and balloons. “Everyone is leaving.”
“I’ll see you tomorrow?”
“Yeah. And I’ll text tonight.”
He reached out and touched her hand, and Emma smiled. Then she went to the door and ducked outside, running across the street toward her family.
Her mother, grandmother and aunt were loading everything into the back of her mom’s car. Emma watched them for a moment, then touched her necklace. Immediately, her mother’s eagle eye went right there.
“Where did you get that?” she asked. “It’s pretty.”
Emma hesitated for a moment, and then decided she wasn’t going to hide it. “My... Luke gave it to me.”
“Who’s Luke?” her mom asked.
“He’s my... Over there,” Emma said, waving her hand. “He’s my boyfriend.”
Rachel blinked. “You have a boyfriend?”
“Cute Mechanic is your boyfriend?” Anna asked. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
“I—I didn’t tell anyone!” Emma said. “And I’m sorry. I should have told you. I should have told all of you. I just... Mom, I’ve been trying so hard not to do anything to upset you.”
Her mom looked like a harsh breeze off the sea could have blown her over.
“Emma,” she began, “you don’t have to protect me. My job is to protect you.”
Her grandmother had a slight reaction to that statement that Emma couldn’t read. And her aunt Anna folded her arms over her chest and shrank away.
“No. I wanted to protect you. Because you did so much for Dad, and you’ve done so much for me. And... I never wanted to add to your burdens.”
“You’ve never been a burden to me. You’ve been the brightest, most wonderful spot of my life in all of this.”
“But I know that you don’t want me to leave. And I know that’s why you were upset about me taking the job here. I was afraid that if you knew I had a boyfriend you would get worried. And you would ask me questions about...”
“Right,” her mom said, looking a little bit pale now.
“I just wanted something for myself. Something that wasn’t going to add to...everything else. Something separate.”
“I understand,” Rachel said. “Emma... I don’t want you to feel like you have to keep secrets from me.”
“Well, I’m eighteen now. I’m grown up. It’s time I started acting like it. The bracelet that dad gave me... It said the light will always lead me home. It will. This is my home. But I need to...” Emma blinked furiously, tears filling her eyes. “I lied to you about Boston. I did get accepted.”
The ripple of shock that went through her family was visceral, tangible.
“I know,” Emma said. “I shouldn’t have lied. But then... I accepted. I accepted the offer to go. I did it without telling you. And... I was waiting... I messed it up. I know I did. But I’m not going to lie anymore. I thought that lying would protect you. But it was just keeping us from being close. It was making me miserable.”
Emma couldn’t read her mom’s expression. She looked large-eyed and shocked. “I want to talk more about this. Maybe we should head home—”
“It takes a lot of guts for you to come down here, Anna.”
The four of them turned and saw a woman Emma vaguely recognized from church. Hannah somebody.
“I wasn’t aware that it took bravery for me to walk around in my own town,” Anna said.
“Hannah,” Wendy said, her voice measured, but Emma recognized it as dangerous. “I suggest that you move on.”
“I more than suggest it,” Emma’s mother said. “You have nothing to say to anyone in my family. Least of all my sister. I can only assume that if you’re so obsessed with her life your own must be boring and pathetic. Perhaps you should get back to it.”
“I’m definitely not going to take any lectures from you, Rachel Henderson,” Hannah said. “Everyone knows that you are exactly the same as your sister. Everyone knows that you were down here talking to the diner owner when you should have been taking care of your husband. For all the world to see. Anyone could walk by on the sidewalk and see yo
u sitting on a bar stool giggling like an idiot. And that’s just what you let us see. God knows what the two of you were doing in private.”
“How dare you,” Rachel said, her voice choked with rage. “I loved my husband.”
“Get away from me and get away from my family,” Anna said. “How can you say that about my sister in front of her daughter. On her birthday. You’re just angry because Laura pointed out what a hypocrite you are. It’s tough to feel superior when you’ve already been knocked down to the ground. I don’t know what your issue is—”
“Honestly,” Hannah said, “I don’t think anyone would ever patronize your family inn if it weren’t for Wendy.” Hannah turned to Wendy then. “You should be embarrassed. You shouldn’t defend them. Anna especially has embarrassed you and undone all of the good reputation you spent years building.”
“My good reputation?” Emma’s grandmother asked. “My good reputation.” She repeated the words as though they tasted bitter. “Is that why you’re so angry? Because of my reputation?” Her voice was hushed, but it was deadly, and they all hung on her every word. “Well, let me tell you, my reputation is a lie.”
That hung heavily between them, settled in the silence like a fog and wrapped itself all around Emma.
A lie.
Wendy took a step toward Hannah. “And if you’re going to come down here and imply that something is wrong with either of my daughters, then you should know something is wrong with me. I had an affair with a married man, Hannah. Would you like to call me a whore? Go right ahead.”
Her grandmother stood there, her chin tilted upward, her expression one of fire.
Anna, Rachel and Emma were struck completely silent, just like Hannah was. The waves in the distance, cars moving by on the nearby highway, all seemed deafening.
“Then it runs in the family,” Hannah said finally. “And now I don’t feel bad for any of you.” She turned and walked away, leaving them standing there. It felt like a bomb had gone off—Emma’s ears were ringing, and the silence around them deafening.
“Let’s go home,” Wendy said. “There are some things that I need to tell you.”