by Emery Rose
“I won’t say shit to anyone. Swear on my life.” He crossed his heart. “I’m good at keeping secrets. Been doing it all my life.”
Shiloh gave him a smile. “Thanks.”
“No problem.”
“So you like Acadian Storm?” she asked, leaning her elbows on the counter and propping her chin in her hands. He nodded. “Is that song your favorite?”
“Yeah.” He hung his head and rubbed the back of his neck. “It got me through some hard times. Used to listen to it on repeat.”
Shiloh nudged my arm. “Play it again. For Ridge.”
“Nah. It’s okay,” he mumbled. “Just forget it. I need some sleep.” Shoulders slumped, he headed out of the kitchen and I watched his back until he was gone, somehow feeling like I’d been the one to fuck this up. I’d been trying to get through to him and he’d just shared more in the past five minutes than in all the months he’d been living with me.
“Hey.” Shiloh placed her hand over mine and I dragged my eyes away from the doorway and to her face. “You should listen to the song some time. It’ll probably tell you more about Ridge than he could ever put into words.”
“Is that what you do when you write your music? Do you share your truth?”
She studied my face before answering. “I slit a wrist and bleed onto the page.” She laughed but I could tell she hadn’t been joking.
I knew the song. But I’d never listened to it that closely. Now I would. It wouldn’t only tell me what Ridge couldn’t, it would also tell me a lot about Shiloh. And as much as I tried to deny it, I wanted to know everything about the woman standing in my kitchen.
“Uh oh,” Noah said. “I missed.”
I looked over at Noah who was using his hands to scoop up the smoothie that pooled on the counter and dripped onto the floor.
Shiloh burst out laughing. It was just another Saturday morning in my crazy life. I had a son who only stayed with me on the weekends. A brother who had a previous life I knew nothing about. And now I had a rock star looking for calm in the storm.
Funny. I’d always thought I was the storm.
A knock on the front door had Noah abandoning his efforts to clean up the mess. “Hayley’s here. Yes!”
Shiloh cleared her throat. “Who’s Hayley?”
“My best friend. We’re getting married someday.” Noah tugged on my hand with his sticky one. “Daddy, answer the door.”
“Do you want me to leave?” Shiloh asked me.
“You can stay,” Noah said. “Daddy wants you here. Right, Daddy?” I looked down at his upturned face then over at Shiloh.
“Stay. Go. It’s your call.”
Chapter Ten
Shiloh
My Nikes pounded the dirt trail, and I pushed myself harder, my thighs burning as I set a punishing pace on the hilly terrain. I hated running but it was good cardio, and I didn’t have access to a gym or my personal trainer. Besides, as I’d demonstrated time and again, I was good at running.
It had been two days since I’d run away from Brody’s house. From the kitchen, I’d heard Meredith’s voice and started shaking uncontrollably. As if she’d take one look at me and somehow know I was the girl who had abandoned her own baby. As if she’d know I was Hayley’s birth mother. Which was ridiculous. She had no idea who I was. No reason to think I’d come looking for my daughter six and a half years after I gave her up. Hayley didn’t even look like me. She looked like Dean.
All I’d wanted was to spend time with Hayley and when the opportunity had presented itself, I panicked and blew it. When had I become such a coward?
Sweat poured down my face and my sports tank stuck to my skin, but I forced myself to keep running. Like everything about Texas, the sky was bigger, and the sun was brighter here. Last night I watched the stars from the back porch, and I worked on the song I was writing. Rolling Stone had stated that the recurring themes in my music were heartbreak, loneliness, and disenchantment.
I didn’t know if that was accurate. I just wrote whatever I was feeling at the time. Whatever moved me or grabbed hold of me and wouldn’t let go until I put it into chords and lyrics. I always found it interesting to hear which songs spoke to someone. What did Ridge hear when he listened to “The Ghost of You?”
Dean and I wrote that song as a duet two years ago. It was the last one we ever wrote together. The song told the tale about the end of a relationship. About loving the idea of someone more than you loved the actual person. About trying to hold on to something, or someone, even when you knew they weren’t good for you because you were too scared to let go. It was about addiction and toxic relationships and the toll they took on you and everyone around you. Heartache and loss--the emptiness that cracked your heart wide open. When we sat down to write the song, Dean had just come out of thirty days in rehab and was more vulnerable than he’d ever been.
The song was raw and gritty and honest, something Dean rarely was when he was jacked up on coke or drunk and belligerent. But when Dean was stone cold sober, he was always sorry. He’d apologize and act repentant until I forgave him. It was a vicious cycle we’d repeated more times than I could count. When we released the single, Dean had second thoughts about putting it out in the world. Once it was out there, there was no going back. The music didn’t belong to us anymore. It belonged to everyone who listened and felt a connection with it.
After the album dropped, we went on tour. Our last tour together. It was no small feat that we all made it out alive. All we did was fight and argue. The whole atmosphere had been so claustrophobic and so fraught with tension, it felt like I was suffocating the whole time. By then, Dean had asserted himself as the lead singer and I only sang on a few tracks. The rest of the time I was his backup singer and guitarist.
I hadn’t been living the dream. I’d barely been making it through each day. The drugs and the drinking, the fame and the money and all the groupies and fan girls that found their way into bed with Dean and Landry and Gus, had been too much to handle. When I finally said I couldn’t take it anymore, Landry chose Dean and the band over me, showing me exactly where his loyalties lay. The guys resented me for leaving and going solo but if I hadn’t, that lifestyle would have destroyed me.
Now I was a solo artist, hoping and praying I’d live up to the hype surrounding my debut album. The bigger you got, the higher you climbed, the harder the fall. I couldn’t fail. I wouldn’t.
I crested a hill, having reached my destination, and dropped to the ground, panting from the exertion of running. When I caught my breath and my heart rate started to slow down, I unscrewed the lid of my water bottle and drank greedily. The Texas sun was no joke. After I drank my fill, I lifted a small pair of binoculars to my eyes that I’d bought the other day and searched for the wild mustangs. America’s living legends.
I zoomed in on a rider on horseback. Brody. What the hell was he doing? He was leading another horse alongside him as he rode hell for leather. Crazy cowboy. I followed his progress as he rode across the valley, through the brush and skirted around a limestone formation. The land he kept the wild horses on was more rugged than the rest of his land and parts of it looked like the desert. The way the sun hit him made him shimmer like gold. Like an apparition or a mirage. He and the horse he was leading rode right through a creek that meandered through the trees. After that, I lost sight of him and lowered the binoculars, wishing I could have captured that scene on a video and set it to music.
I sat under the shade of the tree and drank my water until the sweat dried on my skin and my flushed cheeks cooled. Then I stood up and I ran back the way I’d come. When I reached the end of the dirt trail, I looked over at the barn as Brody rode up with the other horse in tow and stopped in front of a tall, lanky man who appeared to be in his thirties or forties. After Brody dismounted, his eye caught mine and he tipped his chin in greeting. I gave him a little wave then turned left and headed back to the guesthouse.
Brody’s life was here. Mine wasn’t. It would be stupid
to think we could ever mean anything to each other. What was the point in getting close to someone only to leave them in five weeks’ time? But still. A big part of me hoped he’d seek me out. That he’d actually want to spend time with me without my having to chase after him or insinuate myself into his life.
I hadn’t decided what I would do about Hayley yet but maybe next time, if there was a next time, I’d have the courage to face her.
I suffered from insomnia on and off, but lately I was barely sleeping at night. I guess I’d always been a night owl. It went along with the job. After a performance, I was too keyed up to sleep. So I’d gotten in the habit of napping whenever I could. After I got back from my run, I took a shower, changed into cut-offs and a T-shirt and fell into bed. What felt like five minutes later, I was woken by a knock on the door. Again.
Without bothering to ask who it was, I swung the door open, expecting to see Brody. My smile slipped. A pretty brunette with green eyes gave me a smile.
“Hi. Sorry to barge in on you. I’m Lila. I just wanted to stop by and introduce myself. Ask if you needed anything...” Her voice trailed off.
I cleared my throat. “I’m good. Thanks. I’m... Viv.”
“Viv,” she repeated, nodding her head. “Right. Um... you met my son, Noah the other day. He seems to think...” She stopped and laughed then shook her head. “Never mind. Six-year-olds have wild imaginations.”
“You’re Noah’s mom?” She nodded. Oh wow. Okay. This just got interesting. Was Brody still in love with her? Was that why he only did casual hookups? “So... what did Noah think?”
She laughed. “Just forget I said anything.” She lifted the bag in her hand. “I brought you a Welcome to Cypress Springs present.”
I looked at the bag in her hand and the coral flowers she was holding in the other, a diamond and wedding band shimmering on her ring finger. “The peonies are from my garden. Coral charm,” she said with a smile. “Not sure if Brody told you about this barbecue place yet but they have the best tacos you’ll ever eat.”
“Thank you.” She handed me the bag and I peeked inside. The scent alone had me drooling. “Oh god, that smells so good. I love tacos. And now I’m starving.”
She handed me the flowers tied with string. “Good. I hope you love them.” She looked over her shoulder at her SUV. The back windows were open. “Well... my son is in the car, so I’d better get going. I just wanted to say hi.”
“Okay. Thanks for the tacos.”
“Anytime. See you around.” She hesitated a moment but then turned and started walking away. I nearly had the door closed but stopped myself from shutting it.
“Hey. Lila.”
“Yeah?”
“Have you eaten lunch yet?”
“No.”
“There’s enough here for both of us. Join me for lunch?”
She didn’t even hesitate for a second. Her face lit up with a smile. “I would love to. Let me get Levi and I’ll be right in.”
I carried the food into the kitchen and set the breakfast bar for our cozy lunch, my mind going a mile a minute. What had happened between Brody and Lila? A few minutes later, after I’d swapped out the wildflowers in the mason jar for the fresh flowers she’d brought, she came in with her baby in the car seat and set it on the floor, dropping a diaper bag on the leather sofa.
“He’s gorgeous.” I leaned over for a better view of the sleeping baby with chubby cheeks, dark hair and full pink lips that were pursed.
“Thank you. He looks so much like his daddy.” She sighed. “Isn’t that always the way?”
I laughed a little. “Yeah, I guess it is. Noah looks exactly like Brody.”
“Yup. I’m hoping for a girl next time. Way too much testosterone in my life.”
“I hear you. I’ve been surrounded by boys all my life.”
“Same.”
I poured two glasses of water and set them on the breakfast counter then pulled up a stool across from her. She slid one of the tacos in front of me and a plastic container of sauce. “Try this one. It’s the brisket taco. Be liberal with the pico de gallo. It’s amazing.”
She watched me take my first bite. She wasn’t joking. I might have moaned. The taco was delicious, and I told her so. I’d eaten half of it when I caught her staring at me. I dabbed my mouth with a napkin, thinking I’d gotten sauce on it. Her cheeks flushed. She adjusted the sleeves of her blousy off-the-shoulder top then took a drink of water.
“Okay, look, I need to get this out of the way because I suck at keeping things to myself.” She took a deep breath and let it out like she was gearing up to tell me the world was ending, and we only had twenty-four hours to live.
“I know who you are. Nobody told me. And don’t worry I won’t fangirl all over you,” she hastened to add. “Well, maybe just a little because I’m a huge fan. Huge. And I swear I’m not the type to fangirl over anyone. But I’ve been listening to your solo album non-stop. Just ask my husband. No offense but he’s sick of listening to it. I love every single song on it. I don’t even think I could choose a favorite but if I had to, it would be “Fragile.” I can’t believe I’m sitting across from Shiloh Leroux right now.” She stopped and took a deep breath. “Phew. Okay. I’ve got that out of my system. I’m good now. Let’s carry on like I never said anything.” She picked up her taco and took a huge bite.
I sat back on my stool and laughed. I was laughing so hard I was snorting. Oh my god. This girl was the best. I already adored her and could understand why Brody would have loved her. When I finally pulled myself together, she gave me a rueful grin. “I sounded like a crazy woman, didn’t I?”
I shook my head. “No. Not all. And thank you. It means a lot to me that you love that album.” I hoped my words sounded sincere because I truly meant them. I’d poured my heart and soul, my blood, sweat and tears into that album. It had been my therapy at one of the lowest points in my life. Everything had been broken, including me. Bastian told me to put it all into my music, every ounce of pain and heartache and anger and sadness.
“Fuck ‘em. Rise from the ashes of the motherfucking house they burnt down around you. This album is going to blow them the fuck away.”
Beautiful Bastian. He’d been so right. And once again, music had saved me.
“So you and Brody...” I waved my hand in the air to erase the words. “Sorry. It’s none of my business.”
She chewed on her lower lip. “It’s a crazy story, actually, and we don’t really have that kind of time. But I’ll give you the Cliff Notes. We’ve been best friends for most of our lives. Me, Brody, and Jude. Jude is Brody’s cousin but they’re more like brothers. And I’ve been in love with Jude since I was nine years old. He enlisted in the Marines right out of high school. Five years later, he came back a different man.” She looked over at Levi who was still asleep then returned her gaze to me. “He was messed up when he got back from Afghanistan and we went through so much. And then one day he just up and left me. A year after he left, Brody and I got drunk. Drunker than I’d ever been in my life. And I ended up pregnant.”
“Wow. I didn’t see that coming.”
“That’s life. You never do.”
“Are you married to Jude now?”
She smiled. “Yeah. He came back two years ago. It wasn’t easy but we forgave each other.”
“That must have been so hard. For both of you.”
“So hard. But Jude is my one true love. Nobody could ever take his place.”
“That’s really amazing to find your one true love so young.”
“It is but it wasn’t all smooth sailing. It took twenty years for us to get our acts together.” She laughed a little and shook her head.
“And now you get to live happily ever after.”
“Well, most days. We love each other but neither of us has changed much. He still thinks he knows everything, and I still fight him every step of the way.” Her eyes sparkled. “Keeps him on his toes.”
I laughed and wiped my han
ds on a paper napkin. “God, I’m so full.”
She groaned and rubbed her flat stomach. “Me too.”
We tossed the empty containers in the bag and Lila stuffed them in the garbage can while I rinsed the plates and stacked the dishwasher.
“What do you think of Brody?”
“I think Brody ...” I couldn’t even put it into words. He was so many things. “Is pretty special.”
She nodded, a small smile on her lips. “He’s so special. Brody is a good man. But he’ll try his best to convince you otherwise. The reason I mentioned Noah is because Brody has never introduced his son to any woman. Noah thought it was a pretty big deal that he got to meet you.” The way she said it made it sound like a big deal.
“Just for the record, I showed up at his house uninvited. I needed to borrow his blender.”
“But he didn’t kick you out.”
“If Noah hadn’t been there, he probably would have.”
Lila tapped her finger against her lips, a sly smile on her face. “I wouldn’t be too sure about that.”
We both looked over at Levi who was kicking his legs and waving his arms, making gurgling noises. By the time Lila took him out of the car seat, he was howling.
“Can I help?” I asked as she laid him on top of a plastic mat she pulled out of her diaper bag then deftly changed his diaper, undeterred that he was red-faced, kicking and crying.
“I’ve got it. But thanks.”
Minutes later, peace was restored. Levi was greedily sucking on a bottle of formula while Lila held him in the crook of her arm. We’d moved to the back porch and were sitting on the Adirondack chairs facing the lake. Like two old friends instead of strangers who had just met a short while ago.
“What I wouldn’t give to dive into that water right now,” she said with a sigh.
“Go ahead. I’ll look after Levi.”
“Tempting. But I have to get going. I have a few errands to run before I pick up Noah from school. Sundays and Mondays are my only days off, so I always try to cram it all in.”