by Emery Rose
Her voice was my favorite sound, and I didn’t think I’d ever tire of listening to it. It still reached deep inside and rattled my bones. Made my heart ache in a way I couldn’t explain. Nobody had ever touched me the way she had. Not even Lila had ever had this kind of power over me. There was nothing I wouldn’t do for Shiloh.
Sometimes I still couldn’t believe she’d chosen me. She could have had her pick of any guy she wanted. But still. She’d chosen me. Was I worthy of her love? Hell if I knew. But I’d fight for her and I’d do everything in my power not to fail her. I’d prove to her that I was nothing like her father who had abandoned her. Or her brother who had betrayed and manipulated her. Or Dean the fucking douche who had tried to break her.
Maybe we shouldn’t have made sense. Maybe there was no world in which we ever should have gotten together. But somehow, we were two imperfect, flawed people who fit together perfectly and made each other’s worlds a better place.
Shiloh and I belonged together. It was just that fucking simple. And I’d do whatever it took to hang on to the good thing I found.
What the hell had she done now? I looked down at the papers in my hand then around at my family. Nobody looked surprised by Shiloh’s grand gesture. They’d all been in on this. Every single last one of them had known about it before she’d sprung this surprise on me. My gaze returned to Shiloh. “I told you not to come here and start flashing your money around. Remember when I told you that?”
She nodded. “I remember,” she said calmly.
I grabbed her arm, pulled her off the sofa, and dragged her away from my family who were all gathered in the living room at Patrick and Kate’s house. We stopped by the staircase in the hallway, out of earshot, and I crossed my arms over my chest.
“Then do you mind telling me why you handed me the deed to the Armacost ranch?” Wrapped in a fucking bow, might I add.
“Merry Christmas.” She gave me a big smile, still not understanding that I didn’t see this as a good thing. Then she hastened to add, “It’s not what you think.”
I threw my hands in the air. “Oh, here we go again. That’s what you said when you were planning to record a duet with the douche.”
She planted her hands on her hips and stared me down “Do you remember when you told me you wished you could rescue all the horses? But you didn’t have enough land?”
“That wasn’t an invitation for you to go out and buy it for me,” I said through clenched teeth. “Are you trying to rub it in my face that you have more money than me? I don’t want your fucking charity.”
“Well, as a matter of fact, it is a charity.”
My eyes narrowed on her. “What are you talking about?”
“Gideon helped me set it up. Actually, he did all the work. Submitted all the paperwork and… well, it’s all set up as a not-for-profit horse rescue. And Jude said he can help with the volunteers. We did the research and working with horses is really good therapy for veterans with PTSD. Don’t you see? You can make your dreams come true and you can help so many horses and people and… I have the resources, Brody. How could I not do this?”
I didn’t have an answer for her. On the one hand, I couldn’t believe she’d done all this for me. On the other hand, I hated feeling like a charity case. I hated it that she had the money and the resources I didn’t. “I’m supposed to be the one taking care of you.”
She laughed like that was a great big joke then slugged me on the shoulder. “What century do you live in, Cowboy?”
“Doesn’t matter what century it is. Some things haven’t changed. I’m the man. You’re the woman.”
“Wow. You’re still so good at figuring out the different genders, Tarzan,” she teased. “But I don’t see your point.”
I blew out a frustrated breath. “What part don’t you get?”
“The part where you won’t accept that money is not what I need from you.”
“Put it in your own name. I want no part of it.”
“Seriously? Do you know how ridiculous you sound right now?”
I glared at her. “Now I’m ridiculous?”
“You’re acting ridiculous. I don’t know the first thing about horses.”
“I want your name on that fucking deed. I’ll work for the non-for-profit or whatever the hell you set up. But that land doesn’t belong to me.” I pointed my finger at her. “It belongs to you. You shouldn’t have done this.”
“Well, I did. And I don’t regret it. Not even a little bit. It’s a good thing, Brody. You’re just looking at it all wrong.”
“Dad?” a voice from behind me said.
Who the hell was Dad?
I turned to look at Noah. “Dad?”
He nodded. “It’s cooler. I’m not a baby anymore.”
“Next thing you’ll be asking to borrow the car,” I muttered. Slow down. Don’t grow up so damn fast.
His brow furrowed. “You have a truck, not a car.”
Kids were so literal. “What’d you need?”
He crossed his arms over his small chest and scowled at me. “You shouldn’t be mad at Shy.”
“And why’s that?”
“Because she wants you to be happy. And she wants you to fix all the broken horses.” His gaze swung to Shiloh. “Right, Shy?”
She smiled. “That’s right, Noah.”
“You should tell her you’re sorry for hurting her feelings.”
I wanted to ask who sent him out here to deliver that message. Or had it been his idea? My boy didn’t miss a trick. “Thanks for the advice.”
He tilted his head and studied my face. “Are you gonna do as I say?”
“I’m the dad. You’re the kid. So you do as I say, not the other way around.” He frowned, not appreciating that I’d pointed it out.
“You’re not allowed to fight on Christmas. It’s a family rule.”
“We’re not fighting. We’re just talking,” Shiloh said. “Would it be okay with you if we had a few minutes alone to talk some more?”
He considered her question for a minute as if it was up to him. “I guess so. But don’t take too long.”
I waited until he was out of earshot before I returned my gaze to Shiloh. This morning I’d given her the filly, Phoenix. And now she’d given me two hundred and twenty acres of land. How could I ever compete with that?
“It’s not a competition, Brody. I wasn’t trying to flash my money around. I’m not trying to make you feel bad. I want you to have this so badly.”
“Stop reading my mind.”
She shrugged one shoulder, her lips tugging into a small smile. “I can’t help it. I’m so attuned to you and your moods and this big heart of yours.” She placed her hand on my chest. “Look at this way. I’m not doing this for you. I’m doing it for all those horses that need a good home. And for the veterans with PTSD. And anyone who is lucky enough to see the work you do. Don’t let your stubborn pride get in the way of all the good you can do.”
With that, she walked away and left me standing in the hallway, trying to figure out how I should feel about this. Goddamn this woman. She’d already changed me so much, had me doing and saying things I’d never in a million years expected I’d be doing and saying.
Voices and laughter came from the family room and even among my loud, rowdy family, her voice and her laugh were all I heard. I walked out the front door and stood on the porch, taking deep breaths of frosty air. Christmas lights framed all the windows and Santa’s sleigh and reindeer were parked in the front yard.
Ten or fifteen minutes later, I was still standing on the front porch, the cold seeping into my bones, hands in my pockets when the front door opened and closed. Kate came to stand next to me. She was wearing a red and green Christmas sweater and a beaded Jingle ball necklace Noah had made her at school. She’d always made a big deal out of the holidays, especially Christmas. “We’re about to play Charades. It’s not the same without you.”
“I hate Charades,” I muttered.
Sh
e laughed. “I know. That’s what makes it so much fun. It’s not about whether you like it or not, it’s about having the whole family together. Nobody wants to play without you.”
I felt like a sulky teen, having to be coaxed into doing something I didn’t want to do.
“But you know… you always said you didn’t like Charades. You all pretended to hate it. But that never stopped y’all from having fun. You were all so competitive.”
“Still are.”
“I know.” She smiled. “Just like I know you all have your share of issues and arguments, but the love is always there. Sometimes you have to be willing to lose something in order to be the winner.”
“What are you saying?”
She patted my arm. “I think you know exactly what I’m saying. Your pride won’t keep you warm at night and it won’t be there when you need a shoulder to lean on. You boys were all raised to be such macho men.”
A laugh burst out of me at her choice of words. “Macho men?”
She waved her hand in the air. “Whatever they call it these days. But let me tell you something, Brody McCallister.” She wagged her finger at me, her voice stern. I stifled my laughter. Kate was all of five foot nothing and the nicest person you’d ever have the privilege of meeting. Growing up, whenever she’d reprimanded me, it had cracked me up. Still did.
“It’s high time you let go of all that outdated thinking about what it means to be a man. And if you let that girl go, you’ll be making the biggest mistake of your life. Sit on that thought for a minute.” She lifted her chin in the air and walked away. “But don’t take too long,” she called over her shoulder. “We’ll be expecting you in the family room for Charades.”
After she was gone, I laughed and scrubbed my hands over my face. Where would I have been without Kate McCallister? Patrick liked to think he was the boss around here, but growing up, I’d always known it was Kate who had the real strength. She’d kept us all in line, had made sure we always knew we were loved, and somehow handled Patrick without him ever realizing she was doing it.
So I returned to the family room, and I took in the scene. The floor was littered with wrapping paper, the tree decorated with all the ornaments we’d made when we were kids, strung with popcorn ball garland and Gingerbread men Kate and Noah had made, the multicolored lights twinkling. Everyone was talking over each other, as per usual. Levi was having more fun playing with an empty box than with all the toys scattered around the floor. Now he was in the box and Noah was whipping him around the carpet, probably giving the poor kid whiplash. Jude and Gideon were on the floor, battling it out with Avengers superheroes on the LEGO Helicarrier. Ridge and Jesse were shooting each other with Nerf blasters. Patrick was on his recliner, reading the instruction manual for Noah’s new Nintendo gaming system.
I took my seat on the sectional next to Shiloh who was talking to Lila and Kate about baby names. Jude and Lila were having a girl, and everyone was thrilled. A few days ago, Shiloh and I had been invited to dinner at Jude and Lila’s and they’d announced the news. On the drive home, Shiloh and I had talked about Hayley. She told me she had entered her name in a database, giving Hayley the option to look her up when she got older, if she chose to.
“I’ve made my peace with it,” she’d said. “I can’t go back in time and change what I did. And now that I’ve seen her, I know I did the best thing I could for her.”
Now, she gave me a little smile then slipped her warm hand into my cold one and laced our fingers together.
“Don’t ever pull a stunt like that again,” I said, my voice low. “I don’t want you spending your money on me.”
She smirked. “You can punish me later.”
“Witchy woman.”
“Stubborn cowboy. I’m on Lila and Kate’s team for Charades. Girls against boys. We’re gonna kick your asses. I happen to be a champion Charader.”
A laugh burst out of me. “Charader?”
“Uh huh.”
“You’re crazy.”
“About you.”
I still wasn’t happy about what she’d done for me, but I’d have to find a way to swallow my pride and make peace with the fact that my girlfriend was richer than I’d ever be in this lifetime. But fuck, it was a tough pill to swallow.
“Happy New Year.”
“Happy New Year.” Shiloh clinked her glass of whiskey against mine and we drank to the new year.
It was just the two of us, celebrating New Year’s Eve, a holiday we both claimed to hate. Too many expectations and hopes pinned on one night. We were lounging on the sofa, her legs draped over my lap, her black hair all messy and disheveled from my hands running through it when I’d fucked her from behind. She was wearing my flannel shirt over a pair of sweats with thick cotton socks on her feet. Every item of clothing on her body belonged to me. I found it ridiculously sexy. Especially when I’d slipped my hand inside the sweats earlier and realized she wasn’t wearing any underwear.
Supposedly, we were having a movie marathon. How very rock and roll of us. But neither of us had really been watching the movie. The coffee table was littered with cartons from our Chinese takeout and neither of us had made a move to clean it up when we’d finished eating.
And I thought this was what it was all about. Finding that one person you could just hang out with, in all your messy fucked-up glory and they didn’t judge you for it or expect you to behave a certain way.
This was what love looked like.
So I just came right out and said the words I’d never said to anyone. I wasn’t even looking at her. I was staring at the TV screen. “I love you, Shiloh.”
She was quiet for a moment then she leaned over and wrapped her arms around you. “I love you too, Brody.”
And that was how we rang in the new year. Best fucking New Year’s Eve I’d ever had.
Chapter Thirty-Seven
Shiloh
Brody promised to meet me in Miami at the end of February. We’d be in Miami for three nights, the first of which was a night off. It had been three and a half weeks since I’d left Cypress Springs. Three and a half weeks of touring with Acadian Storm. I’d gone out of my way to avoid Dean and Landry as much as possible. The few times our paths had crossed, when I was finishing a soundcheck and they were waiting for their turn, Landry had looked sheepish and Dean had looked straight through me as if I didn’t exist.
The day before Brody arrived, I was in Tampa and I’d just finished my soundcheck. I had a few hours to myself before the concert, so I was heading back to the hotel to get some rest before the show.
On my way out of the arena, I ran into Ari Bell in the hallway. Her chin-length hair was dyed platinum blonde, her big brown eyes were kohl-rimmed. When she spoke, her voice sounded breathy. But when she sang, she was a vocal chameleon. Dark and sensual. Bright and angelic. Mesmerizing.
“How’s it going, Shiloh?”
“Great. Couldn’t be better.” I had zero interest in hanging around to chat with her. I brushed past her. “Catch you later.”
“Wait. Just a second. I just… I needed to talk to you.” With a sigh, I turned around to face her. Her eyes darted up and down the hallway. A few members of the road crew were hanging out talking and James was waiting at the end of the corridor to take me back to the hotel.
“Landry feels really bad about everything.”
I had no idea why she was telling me this. And I didn’t think Landry felt bad. Since our phone call back in October, he hadn’t called me or tried to apologize. “Why are you telling me this?”
She lowered her eyes, and I knew. Landry and Ari were sleeping together. “Wow. How long have you two been together?”
“It’s kind of new,” she hedged. And I didn’t know what to believe. Had they gotten together before or after Landry asked Ari to join Acadian Storm? And why should it even matter? “It’s not public knowledge so…”
“Right. Well, don’t worry about it. My lips are sealed.”
“He loves you. And
he misses you.”
“He has a funny way of showing it.” The words had just slipped out. I didn’t know why I was having this conversation with her.
“I’m sorry. I thought you knew about us.”
“There’s a lot of things I don’t know about Landry.” She gave me a sad little smile and I walked away before she could apologize again. My problem wasn’t with her, it was with Landry. And yeah sure, Ari had given Dean a blowjob but by then my relationship with Dean was all but over. Oddly, that had hurt less than finding out, once again, that my brother had been lying and keeping secrets from me.
On the drive to the hotel, I tried to shake it off. I tried to tell myself it didn’t matter who Landry slept with or what he did in his private life. Hadn’t I been equally guilty by not telling him the real reason I’d gone to Texas back in May?
Now I regretted confiding in Landry. Back in October, when I saw him in L.A., I’d told him about Brody. I wish I’d kept it to myself. How many lies had he been feeding me all these years? God, he really was so much like Rhett. Our dad was the biggest liar. And he’d had no problem taking money from me. As if he’d earned it. As if I owed him just because I’d made something of myself. Like father, like son.
Try as I might, I couldn’t shake off this feeling of betrayal. The more I learned about Landry, the less respect I had for him. And that made me so sad. My own brother was using me for his personal gain.
I pushed it out of my mind. I didn’t want any of these bad feelings to ruin my time with Brody. Not when I only had him for three days. God, I’d missed him so much. The last time I’d left him was the hardest. Probably because we’d spent six weeks together and I’d gotten to see him every single day. Sleeping with him every night and waking up with him at the crack of dawn every morning to go horse riding. And every time he’d told me he loved me my heart felt like it might burst. Because I knew it was a huge deal for him to say those words.
The only cloud in our silver lining, if you could call it that, was that our relationship wasn’t a secret anymore. We’d been caught together when we were in New York City before Christmas and the photos were everywhere. And it hadn’t taken people long to figure out that he was the same guy I’d been with in London and Paris. The same guy I sang for at Madison Square Garden. Let them talk. Let them speculate. I wasn’t about to announce it to the world. I would do the best I could to protect Brody’s privacy, something I knew he valued.