by Snow, Jenika
I’d known this boy for so long, had seen him as my best friend, the closest person I had in my life. And I wanted that to be something more, so much more.
But I was afraid, and so I didn’t reach out and take his hand. I didn’t tell him all the things I felt, that I was scared, how I anticipated everything that could be.
Instead I smiled and gripped the handle of the door. “I’ll talk to you tomorrow?” He gave me a short nod, but slowly that stoic expression relaxed with a smile ... although it didn’t reach his eyes.
“Tomorrow,” he said in a low, deep voice.
So I left Cannon in that car and headed inside, knowing that trying to hide this, fight how I felt, was becoming a losing battle.
10
Cannon
I’d found my way back to the auto shop, and as I sat in my car and stared at the building, saw all the lights were off except the main garage one, I knew this was a bad idea.
My hands were on the steering wheel, my knuckles white as I held on to the fucker.
After I’d dropped Stella off, I should’ve just gone home, but here I was, still stewing over that motherfucker saying that bullshit to Stella.
My body was tight, the blood rushing beneath the surface of my muscles. This was a bad idea, not because I thought I’d lose if it came down to a fist fight, but because this would probably cause more issues in the long run.
But I couldn’t let it go, not when there was no doubt that asshole would try to make another go at Stella, saying more obscene and fucking disgusting things to her ... maybe even try and go further.
No, I had to put him in his place, had to let him know that going anywhere near her would end up with my fist connecting with his face.
I wanted to hurt him so fucking badly.
Before I could climb out of the car, I saw the garage light click off, and another minute later, I saw that little bastard come out of the front entrance. He stuck a cigarette between his lips and lit the end, I could see the red glow as he inhaled bright in the darkness.
My heart was pumping fast from my anger, the blood rushing through my veins.
I climbed out of my car and shut the door loud enough I knew there would be no doubt he heard. He lifted his gaze and our eyes clashed. He pulled the cigarette out of his mouth and grinned, then brought it back and inhaled once more, slowly blowing the smoke out after a second.
“Hoped you’d come back, son.”
For long moments we just stood there, this distance between us, gazes locked. He knew what this was about, hell, it was clear he anticipated it like I did.
I flexed and relaxed my hands by my sides, rolled my head around on my neck, and felt the blood rush through my veins almost violently.
After another moment, he took one last hit from the cigarette, exhaled a cloud of smoke, and dropped the butt to the ground. He didn’t break eye contact as he stubbed it out, his smile still in place.
I was so fucking ready for this.
I found myself walking up to him, my focus intent, my rage suffocating. To beat his fucking ass and put him in his place for talking that shit to Stella, for implying that she would do anything with him, was like gasoline to the fire inside of me.
He was a dirty-ass bastard.
He didn’t move, just kept that damn grin on his face. I stormed toward him. My hands were already in tight fists at my side, a low sound of aggression leaving me, the sound of my blood rushing through my veins filling my ears. I felt adrenaline rush through my body.
Then we were toe-to-toe, with this bastard still grinning at me like he was itching for the fight. That’s okay, I was more than happy to give him what he wanted.
I was on him in the next second, slamming his body against the entrance of the building, a grunt leaving him at the contact.
He had his arms wrapped around me now and moved backward, the momentum propelling us down to the ground. The air left me as my back hit the gravel, his weight on top of me. He swung out and connected with my jaw. I instantly tasted the tangy, coppery flavor of blood fill my mouth.
I felt my anger grow.
I used all my force to push him off of me so now I was the one on him, bringing my knuckles down against his cheek.
I pulled my arm back again and slammed my hand into his face, feeling a surge of pleasure wash over me at the fact that he howled in pain.
He exerted some strength and pushed me off of him, my shoulder landing on the ground, a grunt of discomfort leaving me before I could stop it. We both stood, our chests rising and falling, blood dripping down the cut in his cheek and along his jawline.
The flavor of copper still filled my mouth. I turned my head and spit out a mouthful of saliva and blood, ready to go round two, ready to put him in his fucking place.
“This all over some piece of ass?” He grinned again, his teeth stained pink from the blood. “I’m more than willing to share, especially when it’s a hot fucking piece of ass like Stella.”
I growled out and charged forward, using my shoulder to push him back until we were up against a truck, the vehicle stopping us from going any further. He grunted out from the impact and had his arms wrapped around me, trying to get out of my hold.
I kept slamming my fist into his side, the sounds of him roaring out in pain filling my ears.
All I could picture was Stella, her shocked expression when he spoke to her, the things this asshole would’ve probably done to her if no one was looking. I knew this type of guy, an asshole who was used to getting what he wanted, and if he didn’t, he just took it.
I saw red, a blood red rage filling me and becoming my driving force. Stella was mine, and I’d do anything to protect her.
After long seconds, I forced myself to lean back and stare into his face. The motherfucker was still grinning. I reared my arm back, and as I slammed my hand into his nose, I was faintly aware of the sound of bone crunching, could see the river of red dripping from his nostrils to cover his mouth and chin, splattering against his already stained white T-shirt.
He howled in pain, covering his nose before letting his body sink to the floor. I took several steps back, still having that hazy red shade of anger covering my vision. I was clenching and releasing my fingers into tight fists at my sides, my chest rising and falling, the air sawing in and out of my lungs.
“Don’t look, talk, or even fucking think about Stella. If you do, I’ll come back and finish this.” I looked him right in the eye, his body slouched against the truck now, his hand covering his nose. “I mean it, motherfucker. You look at her and I’ll break your fucking legs.”
I turned my head again and spit a mouthful of blood, my heart racing, sweat covering my body. I didn’t give him another glance as I turned and headed to my car, got in the driver’s seat, and cranked the engine over.
I left the parking lot and headed home, but really where I wanted to go was right to Stella.
11
Stella
“You’ve been so quiet lately.”
I looked up and stared across the table at my mom. She brought a fork full of salad to her mouth, the green leaves stuck to the prongs. She smiled, and I knew she wanted to have the type of relationship where we were not just mother and daughter, but best friends.
As close to my mother as I was, how I knew I could talk to her about anything, this was about Cannon.
But I couldn’t talk to her about Cannon. I couldn’t talk to anyone, not because I was ashamed, but because I was afraid someone would tell me that it was a bad idea, that he and I could never be together.
“Just thinking, I guess.” I shrugged.
“Are you doing anything fun with your friends for your birthday?”
I shook my head and started eating. “No, nothing planned.” She didn’t know that I didn’t really have friends, that Cannon was it for me.
Truth was, I just wanted to spend time with Cannon. But how did I bring that up? How did I tell him any of this?
“I wish I could afford to throw
you a huge eighteenth birthday party.”
I heard the disappointment in my mom’s voice and I set my fork down, waiting until she looked up at me. “Mom, you know I’m not the type of person who wants flashy things. I’ve never been like that. As long as I get to see you and spend time with you on my birthday, that’s all I care about.”
And I truly meant those words. I could’ve just been saying them, blowing smoke up my own ass regarding that, but it was the absolute truth.
“You’re such a good girl, Stella. I don’t know how I got so lucky to have you as a daughter.”
I smiled.
“What about Cannon?”
My heart jumped to my throat. “What about him?” She gave me this smile that had me shifting on my seat.
“Spending time with him for your birthday?”
I shrugged. “Maybe? Hopefully?” I hadn’t meant to say that last word out loud, but it spilled from me before I could stop it.
I felt my cheeks heat, but thank God my mom didn’t press. She went back to eating, the silence descending, my thoughts once again getting lost on things I couldn’t have.
Or maybe it wasn’t so much the things I couldn’t have. Maybe it was my fear holding me back. Maybe it was the fact I really didn’t know how Cannon would react if I confessed anything to him. It’s not like I’d asked him, not like I’d told him anything.
Maybe I should just take that plunge. After all, what’s the worst that could happen?
* * *
After eating dinner with my mom, Cannon picked me up and dropped me off at work, telling me he’d be back when I got off. But as I climbed out of his vehicle and looked back at him, I could see this angry, intense expression on his face as he stared at the shop.
I wanted to go talk to him, to see what was wrong, but as fast as his annoyance surfaced, he put that wall back up. Cannon waved at me and left the parking lot, and I stood there wondering what was going on, despite having this nagging feeling in the back of my head.
The sound of music coming from the garage was loud and obnoxious, as usual.
I headed inside and took my place behind the counter, starting right away on the paperwork and invoicing, but in the back of my mind, I was a little worried about seeing Ryan again after what had happened.
I didn’t know if what had happened—what could have happened—would make things worse. A part of me knew Ryan probably was not the type of guy to just step back in the face of intimidation.
And that’s what had me worried most of all.
For the next twenty minutes I worked, but every time I heard someone shouting in the garage, or heard a car pull up, my heart did a little flip. The bell above the front door rang and I looked up, seeing Ryan walk in. My throat tightened as I waited to see how this interaction would go.
He wore a pair of sunglasses, but there was no mistaking the bruise lining one side of his face, or the white bandage and tape straddling the bridge of his nose.
I half expected him to stop and look at me, maybe make some snide comment, but he didn’t even glance my way. It was as if I was invisible, not even there. He headed into the garage, the music pouring in only for a moment before he shut the door behind him.
I sat there a little confused, but extremely relieved. I didn’t know what had happened to make Ryan completely ignore me, to not even acknowledge the situation with Cannon. But I was even more curious about what the deal was with his face.
Could that have been a byproduct of Cannon’s aggression? He’d been so upset last night that I had thought about him, worried that he might go back and start something with Ryan. But I’d assumed he was smarter than that, that he wouldn’t resort to violence with a guy who wasn’t even worth it.
As that thought crossed my mind, picturing Cannon actually coming back to see Ryan, I shook my head. No, no way Cannon would’ve done that.
But even though I thought that, a part of me still questioned ... what if?
12
Stella
I leaned against the lockers and waited for Cannon to show up, wanting to make sure he was okay after he’d dropped me off. He’d been a little distant since then, but I knew he was working extra hours at the landscaping company in between football practice.
I hoped that was the reason he’d been quiet, and not acting weird around me because he somehow felt uncomfortable because of Ryan and the confrontation.
I pulled my phone out of my bag and looked at the screen. Class started in five minutes, and usually Cannon met me in the parking lot. But he’d sent me a text saying he overslept, was running late, and not to wait for him.
I hated the fact I worried so much, that I was paranoid. It twisted up my stomach, made me feel nauseous, and was impossible for me not to constantly think about it. I rested my head back on the locker, staring straight ahead, seeing students walk back and forth, the loud clatter of conversation filling my head. The sound of Rachel’s high-pitched laugh had me exhaling slowly and bracing myself.
I turned my head and looked at where she was, her locker catty corner to where Cannon’s was. She stood with a couple friends as she put her books away, her long blond hair pin straight, shiny … perfect. She wore this light pink top that showed just a little sliver of her midsection, her jeans high-waisted and formfitting, stopping right above her ankles. She wore a pair of these strappy, glittery sandals, seeming kind of out of place for our school, but when it came to Rachel that was exactly how she was.
She was flashy and screamed she needed attention.
She flipped her hair over her shoulder and looked at me, her fake lashes in place, the highlight on her cheekbones catching the light in this holographic glow. She raked her eyes up and down me, no doubt doing inventory on how I wasn’t like her, on how I was lacking.
And when she turned to face me, all I wanted to do was tell her to fuck off.
Her gaze moved away from me and down the hall, and as I saw her grin widen, I followed her line of sight to see Cannon coming toward his locker. A few of his buddies trailed behind, one of them tossing a football up and down, their letterman jackets telling everyone their status.
I straightened, and as he came closer, I saw the bruise underneath his eye, a nasty black and blue one that looked pretty damn painful. It was clear it was no coincidence that he and Ryan were both sporting battle wounds.
He had yet to notice me, his focus on his phone, a crease between his eyes. A second later, he shoved his cell in the front pocket of his jeans and looked up, our gazes clashing and his expression softening as he smiled. He stopped in front of me, waving off his friends, and although there were people all around us, I felt like we were alone, the silence settling, this heaviness on my shoulders.
Before I could say anything, I felt Rachel step up beside us before I heard her annoying voice.
“Omg, Cannon,” she cooed and reached out to touch him. But before she could make contact, he tilted his head to the side so she wouldn’t touch him.
Good.
“What, Rachel?” He sounded annoyed.
“What happened?” Her fake concern grated on my nerves.
“It’s nothing.” He looked at her but showed no expression. It was clear Rachel was still trying to weasel her way into Cannon’s life. “What did you need?” Although he wasn’t being rude, his voice was void of emotion.
She pursed her lips. “Just wanted to make sure you were okay. I bet the other guy looks worse.” The bell rang before Cannon could say anything, if he was going to, and she gave him a coy smile before turning to leave. “See you later,” she said and looked at me after she said it.
Bitch.
I looked at Cannon and sighed. “Your eye,” I said softly and lifted my hand, gently touching his cheek. He didn’t flinch, didn’t pull away and that melted me even more.
I didn’t know why I felt so threatened by Rachel. It was clear she was nothing to Cannon.
His blue eyes bore into mine. “It’s nothing,” he said in a deep, gravelly voice.
I noticed a cut on his upper lip and a light bruise moving along his jaw. I dropped my hand back to my side, looking into his eyes, wanting him to tell me what happened so I didn’t have to pry about it.
“It’s nothing.” He turned from me and opened his locker, shoving his books inside.
I stared at that bruise, that split lip. It was clear he wasn’t going to just admit it. “Why can’t you just tell me it’s because of Ryan?” I saw the way his body tensed, how he froze. After a second, he finally looked over at me and exhaled slowly. “You went back there, didn’t you? After you dropped me off?”
He didn’t move, didn’t respond for a suspended moment, but then he slowly nodded.
“Yeah, it’s because of him. I had to,” he said as if there’d been no other choice.
I leaned my shoulder against the locker. “Why? Why couldn’t you just leave it alone?”
He lifted his hand and rubbed his other eye, as if he were frustrated, maybe with himself, maybe with me because I was asking.
“I told you he wasn’t worth it.”
“I had to do it because I couldn’t stop myself, Stella. I had to protect you.” He dropped his hand to his side and stared into my eyes. “The asshole wouldn’t stop. He would’ve kept going until it got worse, until he did something and I wasn’t there to protect you.”
My throat tightened at his words.
“I’m not sorry I did what I did, because I’d do it all over again. I’d beat his fucking ass until he couldn’t walk, Stella.” He took a step closer until there was only a small sliver of space between us. “I’d do it all over again to make sure you were safe because you mean that much to me.”
13
Stella
I sat in the bleachers, the Friday night lights bright against the football field, the players moving back and forth, each one trying to gain dominance, get the ball.