What had she done? The why was easy—no point in wondering about that. The why was the incredible sexual chemistry that had always existed with Rafael and the things that happened to her body when he touched her. But the what…now there was a question.
What on earth was she supposed to say the next time she saw him? How was he going to take her seriously if she fell into bed with him every time he smiled pretty? Because the man smiled pretty on a daily basis. He was born to smile pretty.
She leaned back in the seat and did her best to hold back tears. Lately she’d produced as much waterworks as a class 2 hurricane and her emotions were about as unpredictable. She had a good excuse, but still, where was her pride? Bad enough the man could make her come without breaking a sweat, worse if he also got to her heart.
Except her heart was the main problem. Her brain was firmly on the side of “Rafael, bad.” Her body was weak, and despite physical evidence of the bones in question, spineless. Still, she could control her body simply by never being alone with him again. Wanting didn’t necessarily have to lead to doing. But her heart. Her traitorous still-in-love-with-him heart…what was going to happen there?
She wanted him but knew she couldn’t have him—at least not again. She hated him and still had to deal with him. She loved him and couldn’t trust him.
She wasn’t just fighting him, she was fighting herself, and that was one battle she didn’t know how to win.
* * *
Mia found Joe looking for her when she got home.
“I wanted to give you an update on the—” he started as she climbed out of her car, then stopped. “You look like hell. What happened? Did Rafael threaten you?”
Not in the way Joe meant, she thought, trying to find the humor in the situation and failing badly.
“He didn’t see Danny today,” she said instead. “At least not for very long. Danny walked in on me having a melt-down and blamed his father. Basically the kid slammed the door in his face.”
“I like his style,” Joe said.
“It’s a little volatile, but that comes with being four. I’m just a little shaky right now, but I’ll get over it. What did you want to tell me?”
“That I’ve been doing regular equipment checks on the tracking system and it’s fine. The alarm kicks in as soon as Danny leaves Marcelli land and the GPS instantly boots. It doesn’t automatically work on the property, but we can always program it in manually. That wouldn’t take much more than half an hour.”
“In case Rafael kidnaps him and hides out in the vineyards? I can’t see that happening.”
“Me either, but it’s an option.” He stared at her. “Are you really okay?”
“No, but trust me, you don’t want to know details.”
He sucked in a breath as if bracing to have a fingernail or two removed. “I can listen.”
For the first time that day, Mia laughed. “Darcy’s done a very nice job with you. You’re practically domesticated. But as much as I appreciate that very heartfelt offer, I’ll pass. But I do have a question.”
He nearly glowed with relief. “Sure. Ask me anything. I know a lot.”
“And you’re so modest.” She hesitated, then asked, “Can men really change?”
The relief faded and his face took on a trapped expression.
“Dammit, Mia, don’t drag me into this. As far as I’m concerned, your prince is a real bastard. I don’t care if he changes, I just want to beat the crap out of him.”
“Which I really appreciate. But that’s not the point. He’s saying he’s sorry, and while I didn’t believe him, I kind of do now. Or I want to, which isn’t at all the same thing. Can he change?”
“Him specifically? I have no idea. Guys in general? Maybe. If they’re motivated. Do I have to get into this with you?”
“Since you’re the only brother I have, yes.”
“Then it’s possible, but not likely.”
“How do I know for sure? How do I get proof?”
“Hell if I know. Look, you want to believe him because he’s Danny’s father and for a couple of other reasons I don’t have to hear about. But proof, Mia? How do we prove anything in a relationship? It takes time. Is he going to be there when things get hard? Is he willing to make sacrifices? Are you equals?”
“I can’t answer the first,” she admitted. “The answer to the second two are probably no. How does a prince make sacrifices? Sleep on two-hundred-thread-count sheets instead of five? As for us being equals, in some ways we’re not. He’s royal. I’m the girl he knocked up. He certainly wasn’t willing to come after me until he found out about his son. Apparently I’m not princess material.”
Joe stared at her. “Do you want to be?”
“What? No. Of course not. Nothing about that life appeals to me.”
“But you’re pissed he didn’t come claim you.”
“Only in the sense that we’d had a relationship and he ended it by pretending to be dead.”
“You have to give him points for creativity.”
She punched him in the arm, then wished she hadn’t when his muscles hurt her fist.
“I can almost understand that,” she said as she rubbed her knuckles. “I mean, I was some American spy and he’s got to marry Euro-trash, as Kelly would say. But there’s a level of tackiness I just can’t support. Plus there’s the whole pretending to be in love with me so I’d marry him and he could take Danny. That’s annoying.”
When she thought of all the things he’d told her, she got mad all over again.
“Do you know he actually implied that I’m the reason he didn’t get engaged to any of the appropriate women his father brought around. That he didn’t realize it at the time but as soon as he and I were back together, he understood what had been going on.”
“You think he’s lying.”
“As much as I think the sun is going to come up tomorrow.”
Joe shifted. “The guy’s not married.”
“What? You’re taking his side?”
“No way. I’m just pointing out that for whatever reason, the guy’s not married. He’s what, thirty?”
“Thirty-two,” she said, fighting the urge to hit him again. Only, seriously, who would get hurt in that encounter?
“He didn’t know about Danny, so he had to be under some serious pressure to produce an heir. Why isn’t he married?”
“I’m sure there are a thousand reasons.”
“Such as?”
“He’s not willing to give up the babe banquet. Once he gets married, he’ll be in a permanent relationship. Rafael doesn’t like to cheat. I know it sounds strange, but it’s true.”
“He told you and you believed him?” Joe asked.
She rolled her eyes. “Yes, and yes. But I have confirmation from other sources. The woman he’d been with before me, plus when I Googled him, all the write-ups indicated he was pretty faithful to his girlfriends. Cheating was never listed as a reason for a breakup. I’m sure part of the reason he’s resisted marriage is that the thought of having sex with the same person for the rest of his life is horrifying.”
“Not so much as you might think,” Joe told her with a grin. “Some of us like it.”
She knew that her good-looking ex-Navy SEAL brother had never lacked for female companionship. Still…“I’m not sure your babe world compares with a royal one.”
“You’re saying he didn’t come after you because he wasn’t willing to give up the possibilities.”
“Maybe,” she said cautiously.
“So it wasn’t personal. He could have been madly in love with you.”
“Or not.”
“Did you ask?”
She glared at him. “Ask him if he loved me? When, exactly, was I supposed to ask that and why would I believe him now?”
“I’m not saying you should, but the answer could be interesting.”
Maybe to him, but to her, not so much. If she didn’t care about Rafael, then the question wouldn’t matter. But s
he did, and she didn’t want to have him flat out tell her he’d never loved her. Thinking it herself was one thing—she could always secretly hope she was wrong. But once he said the words, all her illusions would be shattered forever.
“I need therapy,” she muttered. “Long term. I might have to check myself in to a facility.”
“We’ll miss you, but I’m sure the Grands will visit regularly.”
“Your support is overwhelming.”
“I’m here to please.” He put his arm around her. “Seriously, whatever you want, I’ll do.”
“Can you turn back time?”
“Except that.”
“Then I guess I’m okay for now.”
* * *
Rafael walked into Brenna’s office without knocking. She looked up from her computer and rolled her eyes.
“You again.”
He closed the door and crossed to her desk. “How do I prove myself to her?” he asked by way of greeting.
“The her in question being Mia?” Brenna asked.
He nodded. “She won’t listen to me. She won’t believe anything I say. How do I change her mind?”
She turned away from her computer screen and faced him. “The first thing that comes to mind is maybe you leaving her and Danny alone until the kid is eighteen.”
She toyed with him, he thought impatiently. Didn’t she understand he was serious? That he needed help? “Daniel is my son. I cannot ignore him.”
“Your government will survive—”
“This isn’t about my government. I have a child I did not know about. Now that I have found him, I will not let him go.”
Brenna eyed him, then pointed at a chair. “You can sit down if you want.”
He sat and leaned toward her. “Mia and I have to come to some agreement. I have already spoken to several members of parliament and they are writing a new law that gives Mia equal rights in Daniel’s life. But that will take time. Weeks. Perhaps months. I am willing to wait—I will stay here as long as necessary—but something must change.”
“I believe that something you’re talking about is you.”
He straightened. “What do you mean?”
“Here we go,” she said wearily. “The whole ‘I’m Crown Prince Blah de blah. You are nothing but dust beneath my feet.’” She sipped her coffee. “It gets old.”
He had a feeling she was not referring to her drink.
“I am the crown prince.”
“No one is unclear on your title. So what? I’m married, but I don’t go around referring to myself as the wife of anyone. I’m my own person, separate from that. You’re still Rafael, crown prince or not.”
“I am not a separate person. My future has created the man I am today.”
“See, that’s the problem. If you had a little less prince and a little more man, you’d have a shot.”
“I do not understand.”
“Let’s say you and Mia had just met and dated and you weren’t a prince. You were just a regular guy. You broke up, she went back to America, and you didn’t see each other for five years. Then, suddenly, you discover she had a son, but she had never told you. She didn’t want to, didn’t think you’d be a good father, whatever. What if she had willfully withheld that information from you? When you found out and confronted her, she had a lot of good reasons, but nothing you really bought. Would you ever trust her again?”
He did not want to answer Brenna’s question. He didn’t want to understand the analogy. He wanted to tell her that his circumstances were different. That he hadn’t done it on purpose…only he had. He had let Mia leave Calandria thinking he was dead.
“It was easier that way,” he said quietly. “I adored her. She was lovely—bright, beautiful, fearless. But an American with no important family.”
“You’re rambling, so I won’t take issue with that last bit,” Brenna said, “but don’t push it too far.”
“There are traditions,” he continued. “Expectations.”
“Is one of them for you to wear a condom so there isn’t an unexpected pregnancy?”
“I told you. I had used…”
Protection. That was the next word. He’d always been careful. Always. Except for two times. The last two times with Mia.
She could be pregnant. Even this second, there could be another child growing inside of her.
He was torn, wanting to experience every moment he’d missed with Daniel, and uneasy at the thought of more complications in an already difficult situation.
“Earth to Rafael,” Brenna said. “Where did you go?”
“I must make her understand I am sincere,” he said quietly. “That I understand things now.”
“Do you love her?”
Love? “It is not relevant.”
“That’s where you’re wrong,” she told him. “Love is the biggest relevance there is. It would help a lot, as would humility. Putting her on a stamp would work, too.”
“You’re mocking me.”
“A little. Just for sport.” She shrugged. “I like you, Rafael. I don’t want to, but I do. Still, I would never advise my sister to trust you again. How could I? You blew it so badly, I don’t know how you can recover. It would take a step of faith, and I don’t know if Mia’s that much of a believer. I’m sorry.” She frowned. “Wow—I really am sorry.”
He had been hoping for a miracle and she didn’t have one to offer. “I appreciate how honest you have been.”
“It’s my strong suit. I live to tell other people what’s wrong with them. Come anytime.”
* * *
Rafael helped Daniel from his pony.
“You are doing well,” he told the boy. “I see much improvement.”
“I want to ride more,” Daniel insisted, and stomped his foot. “Take me out more.”
“This would be the imperious child,” Mia said lightly. “He’s closely related to the overtired one. I like the funny one and the loving ones much better.”
“There’s just me,” Daniel told her. “I’m your only little boy.” He frowned. “No more little boys.”
“Wouldn’t you like a little brother or sister?” Rafael asked, keeping a close eye on Mia as he spoke, but she didn’t react.
“No! Just me.”
Daniel stalked off to sit on the bottom step by the back door. Oliver led Gaspare away.
“I believe he gets his ill temper from you,” Rafael said. “I was a most good-natured child.”
She laughed. “Oh, please. You were imperious, too. I’d bet money on it.”
She wore a pale summer dress and had bare feet. The loose fabric made him think of what was underneath. Of what had happened the last time they had been together. He wanted her, yet he sensed that making love with her again wasn’t the answer. In truth, he didn’t know what to do.
Uncertainty was not a familiar or comfortable state of being.
“Mia,” he said, his voice low. “There is something we must discuss. About being together.”
“No,” she said firmly. “It happened, it’s over. There will be no recaps or repeats.”
“There is another issue that concerns me, although the topics are related.”
“What on earth…Oh.” Her mouth curved up in a smile. “I don’t remember you being so carefree before. One could say you were almost fanatical about protection.” She glanced at Daniel, but the boy was busy pouting and grinding his toe into the lawn.
“I agree. It has always been an issue with me, just to avoid certain complications.”
“And yet here we are, filled with complications.”
“Filled?”
“I meant Danny,” she said. “It’s fine.” She moved close and whispered, “I’m on the pill, and it’s not something I ever forget to take.”
He braced himself for the wave of relief, but it never came. Instead there was a small twinge of regret. Why? Because Mia’s being pregnant would have forced them into marriage?
Or would it? Mia was just stubborn enough to
refuse him.
He reached for her hand. “How can I convince you I am truly sorry? What words are there? What actions?”
She jerked her fingers free. “None. I don’t mean to be cruel. I’m only speaking the truth. There is nothing you can ever say or do to convince me that you’re doing anything but playing a game.”
He stiffened but didn’t retreat. “I will not give up.”
“I feel bad, Rafael. I don’t want to be a complete bitch. I know about the law you’re trying to change. I know that’s for me. When it goes through and I’ve had a couple of lawyers read it over, then we can talk. I won’t be unreasonable. In time, Danny has to learn that being your heir is about more than giving orders and getting his way. But not for a while. Not while he’s still this young.”
“I can’t be gone forever.”
“I won’t let you take him.”
“Then come with him. Live with me in Calandria. We can be a family.”
“What will your future princess have to say about that?”
“There is no future princess, Mia. Unless you would like the job. We could be married.”
He braced himself for the explosion, but there wasn’t one. Instead she sighed.
“You’re one for surprises, I’ll give you that,” she said. “Let me guess. It would be a marriage of convenience. We get to share Danny, we have the advantages of…” She glanced at her son, then murmured, “The advantages of chemistry without all those messy emotions.”
As she spoke, he realized she was wrong. He didn’t want to avoid messy emotions. He wanted more. He wanted her temper along with her passion. He wanted her moods, her craziness, her quirks, her beliefs.
Before he could say so, Grandma Tessa opened the back door. “Mia, you have a call from the law school.” She saw Rafael and frowned. “I’ll stay with him if you want to take the call.”
Mia glanced at him and he raised both hands. “I give you my word that I will not attempt to kidnap our son while you’re gone.”
“I didn’t think you would.”
“Now you are the liar.”
“Rafael…”
“Take your call. I will be here when you return.”
She went into the house. Grandma Tessa came out onto the porch and stood with her arms folded across her chest. Rafael smiled at her.
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