A few minutes later, the trucks lights came on, the engine started and the truck rumbled the short distance down the road to where Mike still stood holding Kate. Kate pulled away as the truck pulled up. Ronnie jumped down from the cab; Patty came around and stood next to Kate.
Ronnie and Bob held out two of the carbines with the clips like the ones they had taken from Sin and Death.
“Could have been someone else in that truck,” Ronnie said. “Or else why would they need two of these?”
Bob nodded. “Could have done a quick fade.”
“I guess we better keep a hard watch tonight,“ Mike said. “No telling what they might do.” He bent and whispered in Kate’s ear, “Go inside?”
She nodded “I’ll be back in a little while,” Mike said. The three men nodded.
Kate ~ March 21st
A long, bad day. I almost lost it today. Maybe I did a little. There are men here trading women, children! They are owning people, really; that’s what it comes down to. It made me understand stories my father’s granny used to tell me about the slave days, and it made me feel every day of my life where someone has hated me because of the color of my skin or the shape of my eyes, or because I’m a woman. And this man wants the world to be that way. Jesus, I was so disgusted. And he was with the others, the ones who had Annie and the two little ones. God only knows what that girl has been through, but she refuses to talk about it. I know that too. I’ve been there too. Fear? Shame? Both?
I am so fucking mad about it. I wanted to kill that man. I wanted to do it. And at one point I think he was going to say something else that would have pushed me over the edge, then changed his mind. Lucky. Smart for him. I was right on the edge at that point. I wanted to kill him because I know what would’ve happened to Annie, what may have already happened to Annie. And I was mad, mad after five years because of what happened to me.
Mike held me. I couldn’t tell him. I will though, or maybe I’ll let him read this. He’s smart though. He probably knows, or has a good idea. I pray to God I never see that man again.
March 22nd
Mike awoke with Kate curled into him. He lay quietly for a few minutes listening to the silence in the cave, holding her loosely, listening to her quiet, slow breathing. He closed his arms around her and pulled her closer to him, stroking her hair lightly, feeling the warm press of her body against his own. She mumbled in her sleep, pressed her face more deeply into his chest and quieted back into sleep once more. Mike lay still, content to hold her, feel her body against his own. He was in no hurry to get up and get the day started. It could get started on its own, he told himself.
He glanced at the hanging collection of tarps and blankets. No light seeped around the edges, so it was not sunrise yet. There was no rush.
He had only spent a few short minutes with her the night before when they had come in. She had spent most of that time talking to Annie. He had finally left the two of them alone. It seemed to be what Annie needed. He had gone back outside where Tom, Ronnie, Bob and Patty were keeping watch.
“She okay?” Patty asked. Mike had told her she seemed to be and that she was talking to Annie right then. It was clear to Mike that Patty wished she were inside talking to Kate and Annie, so Mike had told her to go, that he’d be happy to stand watch for awhile.
Awhile turned into a four hour shift with Ronnie, Tom and Tim. Bob had gone back in shortly after Mike had come out. They had talked on and off through the hours, but most of the time they spent looking around themselves at the darkness, even watching the cliffs above them that led up to a large, paved parking area at the back of the public square.
Twice in the distance they had heard a motor running. But it had faded in and out so quickly that they couldn’t place the direction it had come from. Ronnie thought it had come from someplace out State Street. Tim was sure it came from Washington Street which ran out of the opposite side of the square from where they were. Once they had heard voices raised in anger, or distress, it was hard to tell. But nothing came near them during the night.
He had finished the four hour shift, and when he had come back in, Kate had been asleep. She had awakened briefly when he had crawled in beside her, told him she loved him and then fallen back asleep with her head resting against the rise of his chest just as she was now. He had lain awake then for a long time, just holding her, stroking her hair, unwilling to fall asleep. Now he was unwilling to get up and start the day. It was the same thing. The same feeling of the night before, an overwhelming need to hold her, to let the day go wherever it might go on its own.
As he lay holding her, he realized the cave wasn’t silent after all. It was quiet though. Small noises from the other people as they slept: the rustle of blankets, soft breathing, the quiet sounds of someone getting up and moving around, softer sounds, sounds he couldn’t quite identify. They were comforting sounds. He was completely content to stay right where he was and listen to them.
There was a little light from the fire, really only small curls of flame casting just enough light to make out the contours of the walls and the other sleepers.
Sometimes, like this, he could feel the weight of responsibility on his shoulders like some impossibly heavy load, something he could not ever hope to bear, and he felt like an imposter. He was no leader. He had no idea why anyone would want to make him one or listen to anything he had to say. But they did. And not only did they listen, they were prepared to follow too. And he had no more idea than anyone else where they should go, what the future held. None at all.
No idea if there would be other people, a place to live, food, more crazies like they had run into here. He felt as if he knew absolutely nothing at all, yet here he was responsible for fourteen people. Fourteen people! The number alone made him feel panic. And, what if what some of the others thought was true? What if they did pick up others along the way? What then? Could he be responsible for fifteen? Twenty? Thirty? Where would it end? And what would they think if they knew he was not as calm, cool and collected as everyone else thought he was?
Kate moved, one hand tracing along his side. Her body pressing more firmly against him. He felt her lips against his ear as she whispered to him.
“Make love to me.”
Tom and Bob had both made jokes about learning to make love in near silence. He pushed the thoughts out of his head, lowered his mouth on Kate’s own and pulled her closer to him. Kate pulled him over on to her, and he quit worrying and lost himself in the moment.
~
When he awakened again it was much later. Kate was gone, the smell of coffee was on the air and hunger was gnawing at his belly. A dull gray light was seeping around the edges of the tarps and blankets that hung over the entry way.
He lay for a few minutes thinking about how much he loved Kate, wondering how funny it was that he had lost so much yet gained so much, something he had never had and had been in no hurry to go out and find. He wondered how he
had ever managed to live his life without her in it. He wondered over how deep his love was in such a short period of time. It seemed like it was just yesterday when he had first met her. He had remembered how he had never really found tattoos attractive on a woman, but she had this tribal thing that started on her left hand, wrapped around that wrist and then sleeved her arm, disappearing under her shirt sleeve. It was one of the first things he had noticed, and when she had been reaching for something he had seen another piece of the same work that came down across her flat stomach and slipped below the waist band of her jeans. While he had been wondering if it was a second piece or part of the same piece, she had caught him looking. Her eyes had settled on his own and the next thing he knew he was thinking about her in an entirely different way. Thinking about making love to her, about being with her. Thinking that could never happen, Tom was obviously interested. And then she had walked over and changed his entire life.
He couldn’t be without her now. The man he was becoming had a lot to do with her, probably would have n
ever existed without her, and he had never even known she existed, never even known that love could be like that. The entire world was destroyed, but he had found himself. And she loved him too. He could feel it, see it. It was every bit as strong as what he felt for her. Not clingy, just real. Total.
“Hey,” Kate said. His eyes had slipped closed; he opened them to see her standing over him, a cup of coffee in one hand.
“Coffee,” He said.
“Good,” she said. “It’s alive. Were you going to sleep the day away?” She handed him the coffee carefully as he sat up.
“Something wore me out,” He grinned. “You okay?”
“More than okay,” She answered. She leaned over and kissed him.
~
The snow had finally stopped falling sometime after Mike had come off shift. A blanket of wet, slushy snow covered the ground outside the cave. Mike examined the truck that had been left from the night before. It was a new sport utility, but someone had put more than a little work into it: a lift kit, larger tires, brush guards. It had much more ground clearance than any of their trucks.
“This looks as though it could go anywhere,” Mike said.
Bob and Tom were going over it.
“It could, nearly. And whoever did it did a good job. They must have a garage somewhere with a pit. And they had to have done it all with standard stuff too, no air tools,” Bob said. He looked and sounded impressed.
“Changing suspension parts without air tools?” Mike asked.
“Not hard,” Bob said. “Also, it’s a new vehicle. The nuts and bolts aren’t rusted on yet. A couple of years up here and they would be a lot harder to turn. But, now? No big deal. That’s what they make breaker bars and three quarter inch socket sets for,” he finished.
“You know,” Tom said, “If we did this to a couple of our trucks, we wouldn’t have to worry about leaving them if we got stuck, or drove a rock through an oil pan. Those things wouldn’t happen.”
“We could drive around almost anything,” Bob added.
Mike nodded. “Yeah, but how long does something like this take to do?”
Bob was staring at the cave. “You know. Even lifted, these trucks could fit right in there,” he said.
“What?” Mike asked.
“What?” Bob asked. They both laughed.
“I asked how long it would take to do this to our vehicles,” Mike said.
“Oh, well, Tom’s a good mechanic too, so there are two of us, maybe a few other pairs of hands that have some skill attached to them. We could do one a day, easy,” He said.
“So would that set your mind at rest that they wouldn’t bog us down or get stuck on us?” Mike asked.
Bob nodded. “All we need is parts and tools. See?” he squatted, motioned Mike down, and pointed at the rear suspension. “The back lifts are mainly blocks… Re-arched springs… Swap out the shocks for larger, longer travel units… New U bolts…”
“Bob… you lost me, Man," Mike said.
Bob grinned. “The answer is yes. It would set my mind at ease. It would allow us to go virtually anywhere. And, it wouldn’t be tough to do the work at all. We could get all the parts today. Want to do all of them?”
“Probably should, shouldn’t we?” Mike asked.
Bob nodded.
~
They spent the rest of the morning and the afternoon picking up the parts that Bob and Tom needed and working off Jan’s master list at the same time. The strip malls out Washington Street and the auto garages at the dealerships had everything they needed. They left the other pickup trucks behind and took three nearly identical G.M.C. pickups they had found on one of the lots. Bob felt it would be easier to have three identical trucks to work on. Once they worked out what to do on the first truck, the next two would be easy. On top of that, the three Suburban’s were Chevy products, General Motors. G.M.C. was also General Motors and Bob felt that would be the best way to proceed. The same motors, transmissions and nearly all of the other parts too. The trucks could swap a lot of their parts, they would have interchangeable parts. It made good sense. They could carry spare parts that would fit any of the trucks.
They took three trucks wherever they went: One truck with three people in it waited outside while the people from the other two trucks went in to fill the lists. The ones in the first truck kept the clip rifles at the ready. They encountered no problems.
Just before evening they called it a day and headed back to the cave. There were three on guard duty there too with the remaining clip rifle. They spent some time clearing the entire area near the front entrance of the cave so that the following morning Bob and Tom could begin working on the trucks.
Tim was impressed with the size of the tires they were going to fit to the trucks. Bob promised to show him how they would fit the tires to the new rims without a tire machine.
“I grew up on a farm,” Bob had told him. “We did it all the time. In fact, I didn’t realize there was a machine to do that until I was out of my teens and living off the farm,” he’d said.
“No,” Tim had said. “You’re kidding?”
“Nope, I’m not,” Bob had told him.
Jan spent the evening checking off items from her master lists, and making new lists for the next day.
By evening, all but the snow in the corners and cracks that the sun couldn’t reach was gone, melted. The night was clear and the stars shone brightly, diamond chips in the inky blackness.
~
“It bothers me more than a little that they haven’t come back,” Mike said to Kate, Nell and Ronnie. The four of them had the watch up to midnight.
“I can see that. It bothers me also,” Ronnie said.
“Maybe they’re scared,” Nell added.
“I would’ve said no, that they don’t seem like the type that could be frightened off, but if they’re with the other two, then they’ve told them how Sin was shot down. The one that came here got a lesson I’m sure he won’t soon forget. They know we’re not bluffing. And, I’m sure they’re afraid of what Annie might say. She did too. She had a lot to say, if only to Patty and me. So I imagine they’re scared to death. But I don’t think that will hold them forever. Maybe for awhile. Maybe long enough for us to be gone by the time they decide to come at us… retaliate,” Kate finished.
“I hope that’s true, Babe,” Mike said. “I really do.”
“Yeah. That would be good,” Ronnie agreed.
Nell was looking at Kate. She caught her eye. “Bad?” She asked.
“Yeah,” Kate said. “Bad.”
“Fuckers. They better not come back, “Nell said.
Sandy ~ March 22nd
The days are moving. I’ve decided to contribute to this diary-journal idea as well. It does make sense. It’s something to show the children. There is no world without them.
We have Brian and Janelle, and Ann is still a child. Really Tim is also. But Brian and Janelle are our hope right now, and the ones that come when we build a new world for them, a new Nation.
We know we have so much opposition to overcome, but we will gather as we go and build ourselves back up. At one time the tribes of the Nation were spread across this country. They will be again. I believe that.
It hurts me that some people can be so cruel towards us. I mean Kate. Petty. Cruel. Mean. You would think that this world had mocked her, used her, every bit as much as the rest of us. You would think that would make her see this clearly. But, she doesn’t. She doesn’t see it at all that I can see. How can that be? How can anyone who is not white not be affected by this white world? She should be on our side. She should be an asset. She should be with us. I’m confused about why she isn’t, and hurt as well. I can’t do anything about it except stay away from her. I can’t say anything to her. She jumps all over me when I do. Maybe she hates me? Maybe she sees me as the enemy somehow? I don’t know. I just don’t know.
Bob says that somewhere on the other side of the Smokey Mountains we’ll find the land we nee
d, want. There is so much forever wild land there that we should be able to reestablish ourselves easily. The land should not be poisoned. It should be waiting for us.
He says the climate will be warmer there. But not too warm. Easier than life here. He says things have changed. The climate will be different. I believe him.
We’re hoping for more people as we go. Bob says we’ll have thousands eventually. Thousands. It’s hard to picture. He doesn’t know how many we’ll pick up on the way there, but he believes the others, Mike, Ronnie, Tom, Patty and yes, Kate too, will join us. He believes they will come around. I hope so. I’m discouraged by Kate’s attitude though, yet at the same time I’m encouraged by the opportunities that lie ahead.
Nell ~ March 22nd
Another first for me. My first world ending. My first crack at life without a man telling me what to do. And my first journal. I said Journal, Sandy said diary and looked at me like I was crazy. Why should it be diary? Why do we get hung up on things like that? I guess I know that reason.
The other girls say these are for the children. I have no man. I see Kate with Mike or Patty with Ronnie, and I think that is rare. I’ve never known love like that, not for any man anyway. I got married because I was expected to get married.
I remember my mother saying, “You think I don’t know, but I know. You think I don’t see, but I see.” Of course, I denied it. But my mother knew. She told me it was hard enough to be Puerto Rican, everything was against us, but Puerto Rican and a lesbian? No. She wouldn’t stand for it. She knew.
So I married and I hated it. And that was about all that there was to it. Hate. Despair. Depression… All parts of hate. Hate from others. Hate for self. Hate. But now the world has ended and everything is possible. Would I have a child? I would sleep with a man like Mike or Ronnie to have a child. But I won’t ever again take a man to be my lover.
It’s funny, but I feel so free. It’s also funny, but I wonder about Sandy. She looks at me sometimes. I’ve seen her. I haven’t caught her, you know, as in let her know that I know she’s looking. But I may… probably will. The only thing is, she has this dream. She wants to live in the middle of nowhere. I don’t want to live in the middle of nowhere. But, I told myself not long ago that I would wait here for my husband. I told myself that and I intended to do it. Well, that changed. I’m leaving, so, maybe I’ll live where my feet take me. Maybe I’ll just live and let life take care of itself. I wonder who said that? I wonder if it matters? I don’t think so, as long as I believe it. I could have love. Where I live and what I do would become secondary to that.
The Rising of the Dead Page 17